Chapter6
Hazel
When Hazel got home from her meet up with Damien her head was full of confusion. She’d felt so good being around him again, which only made her feel even worse about everything. She wanted to hate him but it was so hard. He made her feel so good. She hadn’t been entirely honest when she had said that she hadn’t met anyone. The truth was that only a few days prior to Damien coming home she’d been asked on a date. And she’d said yes. It was the father of a child that came to her school. He fetched the child every day and often the two of them would get talking. It was always about the child and nothing else but over the past few weeks they had started letting other information start to seep into their conversations.
What he did, what she liked, and so on. Then, out of the blue he had asked her on a date. She’d been so taken aback that she had said yes without even realizing it. She’d almost phoned him to cancel that same night but after speaking to Rachel, she knew that it was time that she moved on. And Travis seemed like such a nice man. Such a normal man. No scars or jail time.
Now, she wondered if she could cancel. Her mind was just all over the place after seeing Damien again. She quickly phoned Rachel.
“I saw him,” she told Rachel.
“How was it? Did you tell him about Ben?”
“You won’t believe this Rach… he knew.” Hazel then launched into the tale that Damien had told her about how he had found out about her being pregnant and how he had used that information to keep his head down while he was in jail.
“Oh wow. Well, at least that made your job of telling him easier.”
“That’s true. But Rachel, I have that date tonight. With Travis. I don’t know what to do. Should I cancel?”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. My head is all over the place and my heart is even worse. I just don’t know what to do.”
“Do you want to go back to Damien?”
“NO! I could never do that. Not after what he did to me.”
“Then you have your answer, Haze. Go on the date. Get your mind off Damien. I know it must’ve been hard seeing him again. I know you were in love with him. But if you don’t want to be with him again then you need to move on. You deserve to.”
Hazel sighed. Rachel was right. “Thanks, Rach.”
“You’ve got this, Hazel! Don’t be too hard on yourself either. You knew that it was never going to be easy when Damien came back. You’re dealing with this as best as you can.”
“I know.”
Later that evening, after dropping Ben off with her mother, she got ready for her date. She hadn’t told her mother again about Damien being back nor about her date. She’d just said that she was going out and her mother had accepted it without pushing for details. Hazel never went out anymore and she was sure that her mother was glad that she was at least doing something for herself for a change. She probably assumed that she was going out with Rachel.
She had a long shower and then pulled on some tight jeans and a white vest with lace details in the front. She looked in the mirror and sighed. It had been a long time since she’d gone for a date and she didn’t even know what to do. She put on some heels and then changed her mind at the last minute and pulled on some pumps instead. She was nervous enough as it was and she wanted to at least feel comfortable in herself for the evening. When the doorbell rang she took a deep breath and opened up.
“Hazel, you look beautiful.”
“What, you mean clean? No dirt marks or crayons all over my body?”
“Ah, don’t blame the kids. They love drawing on you.”
She laughed and thought to herself, it’s going to be okay. The day that he had asked her out he had told her that she had crayon on her face and she had told him that one of the kids had begged to draw on her. He’d found it hilarious and said that she was like a walking piece of art.
“It’s the only reason I’m wearing white today. I don’t dare wear white when I’m with the kids. So this is a big deal for me.”
They got into the car and he grinned at her. “So you aren’t nervous that I might spill tomato sauce down your shirt? You know I’m just a big kid in a man’s body, right? In fact, I may or may not have a pack of crayons in the car too and I’m always looking for a fresh white canvas.”
“Don’t you dare!” She tried not to notice that he had looked at her top when he had said that and that it had made her feel uncomfortable. The shirt was slightly sheer.
“Oh look – I’m wearing white, too. We are brave today. Thankfully, I’m not taking you for Italian. I’m taking you for sushi!” he exclaimed.
“Sushi! Now that’s brave – how do you know I even like sushi? That’s not something everyone likes.” Hazel was surprised at this. Most of the people she knew hated sushi so he was either taking a big chance or else he knew that it was one of favorite meals.
“Ah, you think too little of me, Miss Rose. I asked.”
“Who?”
“Uh… Maddie,” he said sheepishly.
“Hold up. You asked your daughter what kind of food I like?”
“I did. And she told me sushi. Hey, it may not have been the smoothest way for me to get that information – but I got it.”
That made Hazel laugh. “Well, I most certainly am impressed by your investigation skills.”
He took her to Simply Sushi, one of her favorite restaurants and the two of them settled into a little corner table. It wasn’t the most romantic place but she was actually quite glad for that. It made the whole process seem easier. She wasn’t sure what was going on or how she felt about everything but she knew that had the place been too romantic, she would’ve been freaked out. She ordered a wide variety and saw Travis staring at her.
“What? Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh no. I’m just impressed. You’ve got a mighty big appetite for a girl so small.”
“Ah, there are few things in life that I refuse to eat small quantities. And, just so you know, I refuse to share. Sushi is one of those things. Nobody gets in the way of me and my sushi. And I will eat every single piece. You’ll see.”
“Duly noted. Ooh, what else don’t you like to share? You know, for future reference.”
She assumed he meant because there would be more dates and she tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that was building up inside of her.
“Well, let’s see. Chocolate. And popcorn. Yes, definitely popcorn. I’ve been to movies before and had people say to me ‘why don’t we just share a box?’ and I start to look at them differently. I am just not sure I can be friends with someone who shares popcorn.”
“Well, you’re in luck then – I never share my popcorn. I’ve been known to slap a few hands away.”
After that they settled into a nice evening and Hazel found herself relaxing easily with Travis. He was a welcome distraction after everything that she had gone through lately. And he didn’t seem to push anything with her, which made her relax. Also, he was a good looking guy and every so often she would notice that.
“So, how’s Maddie? Where is she tonight?”
“You probably know more about Maddie then me. That girl is crazy for her teacher. She comes home and tells me all about you every day. So, I’m sorry to say, I probably know a lot more about you then you think. Including, your food preferences of course.”
“The funny thing is that I have no idea when I told the class that I ate sushi. What a weird thing to tell them. It must’ve just been in passing so she has a very good memory.”
“Like I said, she really likes you. She probably hangs on to your every word. It’s sweet. And as for tonight – she’s with the wicked witch of the east – her mother.”
That made Hazel laugh. “So I take it the two of you aren’t exactly friends.”
“Not quite. Definitely not friends. But we’re civil to one another because it’s important when you have a child. And she loves Maddie so that’s really all that counts. I don’t actually care how she is around me – as long as she’s good to her daughter.”
“She’s hard not to love. She’s very cute.”
“Ah… yes… she shows you cute Maddie. She shows that to me, too, sometimes – you know, when she wants something. But sometimes I get monster Maddie.”
“Ooh, tell me about monster Maddie.” Hazel was enjoying chatting to Travis. He was funny and she hadn’t laughed in a while.
“Monster Maddie has a voice of only one pitch – high. Monster Maddie refuses to eat what is given to her and refuses to go to bed when she is told. Monster Maddie says ugly words that little girls should never say.”
“You know what I think?” Hazel said and pointed a piece of sushi at him.
“What?” he asked.
“I think Monster Maddie takes after her mother.”
Travis burst out laughing. “I knew I asked you on a date for a reason.”
“So it had nothing to do with my charming good looks and irresistible eyes?” She batted her eyelashes at him and realized that she was flirting.
“Nah. It has everything to do with the way you know how to slate the wicked witch.”
“It’s a talent I have.”
“Well, let’s cheers to that.” He held up his glass.
“To witches. And to the fact that without them – we wouldn’t have our little monsters.”
“So, what about you? Is Ben’s father still in the picture?”
She gulped. It was the last thing that she wanted to speak to him about. The last thing that she wanted to think about. And why did thinking about Damien all of a sudden make her feel so guilty. As if she was doing something wrong just by being on this date.
“Uh… it’s a long story.”
“I’ve got time.”
“To be honest, I’d actually rather not talk about it. I’m perfectly happy drinking this wine and eating this sushi.”
He looked at Hazel strangely then and she quickly looked away. “Okay, no problem at all. So, how’s the sushi? Up to your standards?”
“Oh absolutely. And yes, I see you eying my salmon rose. I did tell you to order more.”
“Well… it looks like you’re not going to have that one. I can help you out, you know. It’s really no problem for me. I can see I’ll be doing you a favor.”
“I’ll have you know that the reason there is one lonely salmon rose left on my plate is because I’m saving it for last. Have you already forgotten that I don’t share my sushi? Excuse me,” Hazel said, calling the waiter over, “can you please bring another portion of salmon roses for this man? Thank you.”
He giggled. “Ah, but you’ll see what’s going to happen – you’re going to finish yours and then look sadly at me when I still have a piece left.”
“Ooh. Well played, sir. Well played.”
And while they were talking and laughing and messing about, Hazel couldn’t stop thinking about Damien. She wished that Travis hadn’t asked about him and she hoped that he couldn’t see how lost in thought she was. She hoped that her smiles and her laughter didn’t come across as too fake. She really was having a good time. But there were moments when it was hard to concentrate. She hated that the mere mention of Damien had set her off like that. Now it was all she could think about and she even felt guilty for going out tonight with another man.
Afterwards he dropped her off at home and walked her to her door. He was sweet and chivalrous and everything she needed in a man. And yet she couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of unease. She wondered how differently this night would’ve gone had Damien not come back into her life. Just a week ago, she’d been so ready to move on and forget about him. She had truly believed that it was something she was capable of doing. She wasn’t so sure now.
“I had a lovely time, Hazel.”
She realized that they were now standing awkwardly on her doorstep and that this was the moment that they kissed or decided on another date. And in that moment, with Travis standing so close to her she could think of only one thing – one name that kept screaming into her mind over and over again. Damien.
“I’m so sorry, Travis. I just can’t.”
Of course, these were not the words he was expecting her to say. He gave her a strange look. “What do you mean? Why are you sorry?”
Hazel sighed. “I had a lovely time, Travis.”
“But? It sounds like there’s going to be a big ‘but’ at the end of that sentence.”
“But my head is just not in the right place. Ben’s father – Damien – well, he just came back into the picture. I’m not with him and I certainly don’t plan to be. But it’s messed me up just a little bit. And I know that I’m not ready for this. I had no idea it was going to mess with me this much. But it has. And it’s not fair to you or me if I pursue things here. I’m just way too confused right now. And it’s a pity, because I really did have a lovely time.”
“Ah,” Travis looked defeated and then gave her a small smile, “These exes really do mess with our heads. It’s okay, Hazel. I understand. I’m certainly not going to push you into something that you are not ready for. I would never do that. I’m obviously very sad to hear this – because I think you’re just great, Hazel. In fact, I had one of the best nights I had in a long time and it’s going to be hard to just ignore that. But… I won’t push you. Promise me something though…”
“Sure.”
“Promise me that you’ll contact me if your head clears?”
Hazel smiled sadly at him. He was so nice. She hoped that this was something that she wouldn’t regret. “Of course I will, Travis.”
“And be good to yourself.”
“I will.”
“Well then, goodnight, lovely Hazel.”
“Goodnight, Travis.”
She closed the door and got out her phone before she changed her mind.
“Hello?”
“Hey Damien, it’s me. Uh… Hazel.”
It was the first time that she had phoned him and she knew that he was probably just as confused at hearing her voice than she was of hearing his. But if she didn’t phone him now, despite the strange hour of the night, she knew she would lose her nerve.
“Hazel?” He sounded surprised.
“I… uh… I just wanted to say that I’d like you to meet Ben.”
“Really?”
“Well, if you want to, of course.”
“Oh course I want to, Hazel. Of course!”
“Okay then, well why don’t we go to the park tomorrow? He loves the park.”
“The one by you?”
“Yeah, 11am?”
“I’ll be there.”
She put the phone down and closed her eyes. What am I doing?