Chapter One
“Are you still not sleeping?”
Jessica Nobles shook her head numbly and lifted her gaze to Dr. Knox. “The dreams keep me up at night. Even with medication, I wake up terrified.”
Her husband Owen reached for her hand, but she pulled away, her attention focused on the doctor. “With every dream I have, Jacob’s face disappears a little more.”
Leonard Knox leaned back in his chair and stared at her through the lenses of his glasses. “Any more suicidal thoughts?”
Jessica swallowed around a throat gone dry. “Sometimes. I haven’t acted on any of them, but the thoughts still cross my mind.”
“It’s been three years since your son’s passing, Mrs. Nobles. I understand your grief, truly, I do. But at this point, your psychiatrist and I both feel that continued sedation could be doing more harm than good.”
“You understand my grief?” Jessica’s anxiety quickly replaced her numbness. “How can you sit there and say that? You’ve never lost a child.”
“Jess…” Owen reached for her hand once again, only to pull back when she yanked free of his hold.
She took a shuddering breath, unable to look away from the doctor’s sympathetic gaze. “When Jacob died…I wanted to die right along with him. You have no idea what it’s like to go on living when everything you’ve ever lived for is gone.”
Owen visibly flinched next to her.
“You’re right, Mrs. Nobles,” the doctor admitted in a soft tone. “I’ve never lost a child. However, I do understand loss. It’s true that everyone processes grief in their own way, but it’s been three years. We should be seeing progression not regression.”
“I’m doing the best I can…”
Propping his elbows on his desktop, the doctor murmured, “You have to stop blaming yourself for your son’s death. There was nothing you could have done to save him.”
“Had I been home to get him off the school bus, he wouldn’t have been hit by that oncoming car.”
Doctor Knox shook his head. “The driver of that car was drunk. There was nothing you could have done to stop him.”
Jessica’s mind processed the doctor’s words, but the guilt she felt at not being there when Jacob had stepped off that bus still remained. “I guess we’ll never know, will we?”
“My goal here is to help you cope with your pain,” the doctor persisted. “The medication previously prescribed by your psychiatrist was meant as a temporary form of relief, not a long-term fix.”
Before Jessica could respond, the doctor shifted his attention to Owen. “How are things at home?”
“About the same.” Owen cleared his throat and continued, “The fighting has lessened a bit, but the intimacy is still nonexistent.”
Jessica stared straight ahead, listening to Owen and the doctor speak about her as if she wasn’t there.
She and her husband had been seeing Doctor Knox, along with a psychiatrist, since their seven-year-old son’s death three years ago.
Though Owen had taken Jacob’s death extremely hard, he’d somehow managed to cope without medications. Not Jessica. Her mind had crawled into a dark place she couldn’t seem to come back from.
“Perhaps you should consider packing up Jacob’s things and storing them somewhere else. It won’t remove the pain you’re feeling from his loss, but it would be a huge step in moving on with your lives.”
Jessica’s heart stuttered, her mind rebelling against the doctor’s words.
Owen spoke up before she could form a response. “I feel that it’s time as well. I’ve been offered a position at another bank, which means I would be transferred. I—”
“Another bank?” Jessica interrupted, cutting off the rest of Owen’s words. “This is the first I’ve heard of it. Transferred to where?”
Shifting on his seat to face her, Owen stated quietly, “Florida.”
Jessica jumped to her feet, enraged that her husband hadn’t mentioned anything to her about a transfer before their appointment with Knox.
She marched toward the door, only to come up short when Owen appeared in front of her.
He gently gripped her by the shoulders. “Please don’t do this, Jess. Just hear me out.”
“When were you planning on telling me?” she shot back, ignoring the fact that Doctor Knox witnessed their squabble.
Owen’s hands fell away. “I only found out myself yesterday.”
“So, you thought it would be best to drop that bomb on me while we were here where I wouldn’t show my temper? Think again.” She stepped around him, jerked the door open, and fled the room.
Owen caught up with her at the elevators. His face appeared pale and moisture gathered in his light blue eyes. “I lost him too, Jess.”
Pain penetrated Jessica’s heart; the horror of losing Jacob sliding through her anew. No matter how much time had passed since his death, she couldn’t seem to get beyond the realization that he was truly gone. “Then how can you even consider moving from Chicago—from the only home our son ever knew?”
“Jacob’s gone, Jess. He’s not coming back. It’s time we get on with our lives before I lose you, too.”
Nausea rolled, nearly doubling Jessica over. She slapped a hand over her mouth and repeatedly pressed the button to the elevator. She needed to get as far away from Owen as she could. He’d betrayed her, plotting a move behind her back—a move that would take her far away from Jacob’s home, his memories…his grave.