As the Captain, Logan sat in the wheelhouse for up to twenty hours at a time some days. It turned out his new lover wasn’t as impressed with that as his crew. He fought to get back to him, but he couldn’t make the others suspicious, which the wolf on board already did.

Despite the rough seas and eventful season, they were well on their way to making quota. It was a rush to do so and get home as quickly as possible before the weather turned even worse, a race against time.

Will was out of heat and pregnant, they were both certain. Whatever magic the younger wolf had found in life at sea had disappeared, and Logan never heard the end of it these days. The environmental impact of crabbing, the danger involved, the poor working conditions: Will lectured him like he hadn’t been doing the job his whole damn life.

It seemed Will had finally realized he was on a fishing boat, and it turned out Logan’s new mate didn’t really approve of fishing at all. Most of the time Logan couldn’t see Will, and the rest of the time, it was like Will could do nothing but complain about his lifestyle or judge him for his practices.

Logan was drinking more, and starting to go just a tiny bit insane. Everything was happening so quickly. He had avoided his mate long enough that he’d honestly believed he would never meet him. Suddenly, not only did he have an omega, but Will was pregnant.

The whole baby idea terrified him. Oh, he was excited; on some level, the alpha inside of him would always want a child, would always long for a family. But he had been running from family, and from commitment, for decades. He had been quite content to drink himself to an early grave, alone in the wheelhouse of Seawolf, for the rest of his life.

Will had other plans, and told him about them, in great length. How they’d have to get a place somewhere safe for the baby, somewhere shifters were accepted. He kept suggesting other professions for Logan, as if the man could just pick up and start doing something else. The omega was clearly ready for this baby to change his life, but Logan was less certain he’d be able to say goodbye to the seas so easily. Then again, how could a father just disappear for months at a time? His father had died on that terrible night with the rest of his family, but before that he had been a good one. An attentive dad, who listened and loved and was present.

Could Logan be that for their child? Would it mean giving up his love for his ship, his love for the sea?

He stared out at the waves, sipping whiskey, as he contemplated that. He only noticed when Will wandered in and sat next to him in his wolf form, because of the scent. His mate. He glanced down at the wolf, and gave him a small smile.

“Hey. You gonna help me drive the boat?”

Will gave the impression of smiling too, and rested his head on Logan’s thigh. Logan sighed. Of course he would give it all up. Of course he would do anything for Will, and for their child. He just wished he didn’t have to.

“All right, here we are, let’s move,” he called out to his crew on the intercom, and watched as they pulled up a pot.

It had a huge hole in the side, and was nearly empty, less than thirty crabs total, and most of them weren’t going to be at size, he knew that.

“Fuck! Fix that pot,” he ordered, and then watched as they pulled again.

The crabs came in, more in the other pots than the damaged one, but they were short, and it was dragging on. He sighed and took another sip from his flask, his rough fingers moving idly in Will’s short fur.

“At least you can’t lecture me, when you’re like this,” he murmured, and Will growled softly.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Logan said, amused. “I shouldn’t take advantage.” But it was nice to spend time with his mate, just sitting with him, and have it be quiet and peaceful. It seemed like more and more, nothing was quiet or peaceful.

A baby wouldn’t fix that, he realized. A baby would make it worse. They’d get less sleep, he’d be more grumpy, there’d be less quiet, he’d drink more…

God, he was going to be a terrible father. He took another swig.

“Will, I’m not sure about this,” he said honestly, while the wolf was forced to listen instead of talk. “I’m not sure you picked a good mate.”

Will gave him a look, and Logan knew what it meant.

“I know, I know. You didn’t pick me. Fate picked us for each other. But Will. Baby. I’m a fishing captain. I’m not a daddy. I don’t know the first thing about… I mean, I barely keep you fed.”

The wolf gave the impression of shrugging and settled down to listen.

Logan was quiet, thoughtful, for a moment. It felt good to be listened to, but should he keep talking? Could he tell Will the truth, or would he just dig himself into a hole he couldn’t get out of?

“I don’t want to give up crabbing,” he admitted. “I don’t want to give up Seawolf. I know the work is dangerous. I know so many men have died out here, I know the heavy steel and the icy deck and the huge waves aren’t your thing, but Will, they’re mine. They’ve been my only thing for so long. Maybe I will give up everything for our baby, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to.”

He looked down at the quiet wolf. Will seemed sad, but he hadn’t left, yet.

“I know that it’s not fair to leave you one season out of the year, either. I know that the work is too dangerous for a father, that I shouldn’t be risking my life when I have a mate and a kid who depend on me, but what am I, if I don’t risk my life anymore? If I don’t go out to sea? Who will I be, baby, if I’m not a captain?”

Will was quiet and still no longer. He went over to him, and with a soft canine whimper, he nuzzled at his lap, showing some sort of acceptance. They didn’t have a solution, but at least Logan had been honest. At least he knew he could be, that he could share his joys and his sorrows with his mate. He was already used to taking care of Will, being his support, especially with everything Will had gone through. But in that moment, as he wrapped his arms around that furry wolf’s neck and hugged his omega tight, he knew why he needed an omega. He knew why Will was his. That love and support and acceptance meant everything.

“Forty-five, Captain!” came over the intercom, and Logan shook his head, wiping at his face as he pulled away from the hug.

“You should get some rest,” he told Will, but Will just settled down there on the small floor of the wheelhouse and lay with him. Logan smiled in relief. He didn’t insist on being alone, and in fact, he was glad not to be.

* * *

While he lay there with his mate in the wheelhouse, watching the captain work, Will was glad that he was stuck in wolf form, that he couldn’t speak. He wouldn’t know what to say. Logan had been honest, open, and vulnerable with him. He thought it was a good sign that his alpha even wanted to be. That didn’t mean he had any sort of solution. This man was much older than him. He knew himself even more than Will knew himself. If his mate told him that he couldn’t leave his dangerous, unethical job because it would leave him without a sense of identity, what could he say? Will couldn’t tell him he was wrong. He probably wasn’t.

All Will could do, for now, was stand by him. His baby was his primary concern, but the baby was only just starting to grow, and would be fine until the season was over. Their relationship might not be if he kept pushing Logan, and he knew he had been pushing.

He was so worried, and there were paternal instincts kicking in that made him focused on their family together at the exclusion of all else. He had to wonder how they could have a healthy family if Logan was miserable.

He felt guilty for giving in to his omega side, letting Logan have him so quickly. Especially so soon after he’d lost Roger and Grey. Logan had tried to comfort him, to remind him that it was the heat, and that grief didn’t mean he could never feel again. But if Will had managed to resist, they would have had more time. He wouldn’t be a pregnant omega on a dangerous steel fishing boat; instead, he’d have some room to make decisions before it was too late.

It was too late. He was pregnant and still in mourning, but he had to keep going for the life growing inside of him. He had a new responsibility. At the same time, he was struggling with his own loss of identity. The data his team had collected had been lost at sea with Roger and Grey, and he hadn’t seen a single orca in his time on the Seawolf. He thought they probably stayed far away from the metal giants with their strings of cages.

Will was an environmentalist, a scientist, a conservationist, a vegetarian. Watching Logan and his crew pull in cages full of live animals, only to throw most of them back, was disturbing. He didn’t see how this reckless fisherman, the man he saw at sea who was hungry for money and little else, could be his husband, his partner, on land. If Logan didn’t either, where did that leave them?

All he knew for certain was that one way or another, Logan was his mate. He loved him, and they were going to have a child. They would have to find a way.

* * *

When it was finally time to hand the boat over to his second in command for a while Logan kissed Will’s head, waking the snoozing wolf.

“C’mon, let’s go to bed,” he murmured, and led him back down to his quarters. Will shifted back into a naked human and stumbled over to the bed, still half asleep, while Logan stripped off all of his clothes.

He was a little drunk as he wrapped his arms around his omega and nuzzled against his neck.

“Mmm. You still smell so good.”

Will snorted softly. “Wish I could say the same for you. You need a shower, Captain.”

Logan smirked. “Yeah, guess I should get on that,” he admitted.

Will turned and kissed him anyway, and that was how Logan knew that the young man really did care about him. He pushed his tongue into his omega’s mouth, sliding big, rough hands down to grip his tight little ass.

“I can’t believe you’re having my baby,” Logan admitted, and Will laughed softly.

“Well, you’d better believe it. I’ve never been seasick before now. And you know, today I got the strangest craving.”

“Oh yeah?” Logan asked. He was always looking for opportunities to take care of Will; he felt like he wasn’t doing such a great job of it.

“Yeah,” Will admitted, and he actually seemed embarrassed. “I wanted a cheeseburger.”

Logan blinked. “A cheeseburger? Like a veggie one?”

“No,” Will said firmly. “With meat. Lots of meat,” he said, a little disgusted with himself. He’d always managed to be vegetarian despite his wolf-form craving meat, but now…well, the baby didn’t seem content to make the same choice.

“You should eat meat, then,” Logan said seriously, looking into Will’s eyes. “I mean it. The baby probably needs the iron or something, you both could get sick.”

Will rolled his eyes. “You know, people don’t actually starve and die without meat. I’ll be fine.”

Logan shook his head. “No. Will. At least until you can get a doctor to confirm you’re not… I dunno, deficient. You should eat some. We have burgers in the freezer, I’ll go make you one.”

He hopped up out of bed, ignoring the look that Will gave him. From the lack of further protest, he could tell that Will really was craving it, that he was truly hungry.

Logan brought back a fat, hot, greasy double cheeseburger for Will, and he could swear his mate was salivating just from the smell.

“I don’t want to eat meat,” he tried to explain, even as he reached for the plate. Logan handed it to him, and watched as his mate grabbed the burger, seemingly unable to stop himself, and took the biggest bite Logan had ever seen a man take. He smiled, pleased with himself. He was feeding Will, and not only Will, but their baby who seemed to take after the alpha.

Just then, a knock came on the stateroom door.

“Captain?” a voice came, and the door began to open. “You makin’ delicious food for just yourself, there? Smells good!”

Panicked, Will shifted into a wolf, but a chunk of cheeseburger was still in his mouth, and the plate dropped onto the bed.

Aegis looked at them both and smirked.

“Captain, are you feeding your dog a fuckin’ gigantic cheeseburger?” he asked, incredulous. “Really?”

“I…” Logan tried fast to come up with an explanation. “We’re sharing.”

Aegis made a face as Will quickly swallowed his bite of burger. “Gross, man.”

“Yeah,” Logan said, rubbing at his short hair. “Uh. Anyway, if you want some, they’re in the freezer. Make yourself whatever.”

The other man shook his head. “Are you drunk, Captain? I don’t even know what to do with this, man.”

It was weird. Logan couldn’t deny that. Maybe he should get Will some bowls or something, but how humiliating would that be? He didn’t see his mate being into that idea at all.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry. I guess… I just, you know, felt bad for him. It’s just a burger.”

Aegis raised an eyebrow. “It’s a damn good lookin’ burger to be giving your dog, Captain. That’s all I’m gonna say.”

He left obviously still confused, and Logan gave a sigh of relief. He shut and then locked his door.

“Fuck. We have to be more careful,” he said, turning back to Will.

The wolf was chewing down the burger as fast as he possibly could, having pounced back on it the moment Aegis left. Logan couldn’t help but smile. At least Will wouldn’t be hungry.

Licking his lips with a wolfish grin, Will changed back into a human.

“They think you’re in love with your dog,” he pointed out, teasing.

Logan’s eyes widened. He had no memory of those words being exchanged between them. Not yet.

“In love?” he asked.

Will blinked, and then shook his head. “I thought…you don’t…?”

Logan continued to stare, speechless. He did love Will, but even half drunk, the words absolutely terrified him.

“Oh,” said Will, with such sadness and disappointment on his face that Logan sort of wanted to shoot himself right then and there, just for ever hurting his beautiful mate like that.

“It’s not that I don’t, I just…”

Will was quiet and thoughtful, but he seemed to be somewhere else. He looked at Logan with confusion in his eyes, and then turned away from him.

“It’s okay,” the omega said, with the tone of someone trying hard to be okay.

“Will,” Logan said, trying to explain. “Just listen, please?”

Will’s expression hardened.

“Listen? That’s what you want me to do? I have been listening, Logan. I’ve been doing nothing but listening, lying around as your pet all day, driving myself insane trying to act like a damn dog. I hear you. You don’t love me. You don’t want a family with me. You want to stay aboard Seawolf and make your fortune and probably die on this boat someday, is that right?”

Logan was lost for words. “No,” he pleaded, but he’d never seen Will so angry before, and it had disarmed him. Some of those accusations were more accurate than he would have liked, but the sentiment wasn’t true at all. He wanted to be a good father. He wanted to love Will the way he deserved, but he was so afraid. For that reason, he didn’t believe he could ever be good enough at it.

Will stared at him, his deep brown eyes filled with hurt and anger, and Logan knew that he needed something from him, but he wasn’t sure how to give it to him.

“I lost everything out there, Logan,” Will told him. “Everything! My research, my best friend, my father figure… I’m not losing you too. Not to this ocean, I can’t do it.”

Logan shook his head. “You won’t lose me,” he murmured. “You won’t.”

The omega didn’t really seem to believe him. “Yeah, okay. Lie to me. Tell me it isn’t the most deadly job there is, fine. I can sit here, and listen to you moan about your love of the sea, and how much you’ll miss it when you’re gone, but all it sounds like to me is that you’ll miss it more than you’ll miss me. More than you think I’ll miss you. At the end of the day, you’re taking the risk that our child ends up growing up without you. Is it worth it? The money, the excitement, whatever fucked up reason you do all this for, is it worth that? Your son or daughter, without their father.”

Logan’s heart ached as he looked at Will. The man had no idea how close to home he’d just hit, but he’d sure as hell made his point. Could some of Will’s viciousness be a side-effect of his pregnancy? Logan had heard hormones could make an omega irrational - but when he truly thought about it, he knew Will had a point. He understood why the other man was angry.

“I get it,” Logan said softly. But if he stopped running, if he stopped crabbing, if he took the fortune he’d amassed and used it to build a new life for his family, then he was the one at risk of losing everything, and that scared him more than the Bering Sea.

Will shook his head. “You’re hopeless,” he decided. “I give up. I’m going to sleep,” he said, and pulled the covers over him lying down with his back to Logan, refusing to look at him a moment longer.

Logan couldn’t blame him. He fell onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling the sway and rock of the boat. If only he could explain himself. If he had the words, and maybe the bravery, to put aside his pride and tell Will why he was so afraid to start a family with him, why he couldn’t commit, maybe…well, maybe Will would just see him for the coward he really was. That wasn’t exactly a solution, either, was it?

Logan had to make a choice, but it was a choice he’d never been prepared to make.

He rolled and wrapped his arms around Will when he heard the pregnant omega’s breathing slow enough that he was definitely sleeping. Spooning him, he whispered in his sleeping ear.

“I do love you. I do.”

If only he could show him that.