Chase drove me home in silence. The only thing that had kept me from bursting into tears was that he’d held my hand the whole way.

“You have no reason to believe me, Emi,” he said, pulling the car up to the front of the bakery. “But I’m not the same man I was a year ago. Fuck, I’m not even the same man I was a few weeks ago.

I’ve watched my sister go through hell and back with what her husband did to her.” He put his warm hand around the back of my neck, stroking the hollow behind my ear slowly with his thumb. “And I thought it was enough, that I’d taken myself out of the competition.” He shook his head. “But I was wrong… it was nowhere near enough to make things right. You’ve made me see… made me feel things I can’t even put a name to… But for the first time, I know what I have to do. I can see the next step.”

His dark grey eyes looked into mine, the color of a storm at sea. “There’s no defense for who I’ve been or for what I’ve done, but please… know this…

You were never a game to me, Emi.

Not ever.”

* * *

I had climbed the stairs, dragging with every step, to stand under the hot rushing water… The tiny bathroom had filled with steam, but I‘d let it run on anyway. Thank god, Gran had still been sleeping. I didn’t have the strength to face her… or to see the disappointment in her eyes…

I shut the water off only when it started to turn cold. The old pipes groaned in the walls as I wrapped myself in my old pink bathrobe. It had hung on an iron hook behind the door for nearly ten years. I tied the belt around my waist absently, noticing how the hook had gone rusty… how the smooth porcelain ball at the end had darkened and cracked. For a second, I let myself wonder how it would look, another ten years from now…

“Oh, you’re up, dear,” Mrs. Williams said, as I made my way down the hall. “Your friend Reese called me awfully late last night, and said she’d bring you by. What a shame, to come down with a touch of flu while you were at work,” she tutted. “But you don’t look too bad. Why don’t you just try to get a little sleep. You’ll feel better in your own bed.” She smiled kindly and I felt tears burn hot behind my eyes. “Jussie’s still sleeping,” she said, patting my back gently. “Don’t you worry. I’ll get her breakfast when she wakes up.” She looked at me closely, and the tears I’d been holding back finally let go.

“Oh… now… It can’t be as bad as all that,” she said, putting her hand on my elbow. “I’ll bring you some tea, dear.” She smiled at me kindly. “A little sleep and a nice cup of Earl Grey can do wonders for a tummy ache.” She took a tissue out of her sleeve and blotted my cheek. “Or a heartache,” she said softly, understanding in her eyes. “All of us were young once, you know, believe it or not. And though she’s far too stubborn to admit it… even Justine.”

* * *

But there was no sleep. Not for me. I’d paced back and forth in the tiny room, feeling restless and contained. A dozen times, I’d picked up my phone, only to put it down again.

Chase had been right. I had no proof I could believe him. Everything he’d told me could have been nothing more than lies, one last attempt to protect himself from more scandal than he was already facing. He’d seduced me in public. Touched me in public. And last night he’d fucked me… where any of a dozen people could have seen… But I also remembered the way he’d looked at me, with tenderness in his eyes as he’d told me I wasn’t part of his game. I’d felt his pain when he admitted to what he’d done in the past. And I’d heard the sincerity in his voice.

I was still reeling, still unsure. But honesty demanded that I admit, at least to myself, that I’d liked it… all of it. I’d been excited by that chance of getting caught too, the pure excitement of adrenaline arousing me in a way I’d never experienced before. Chase hadn’t been the only one enjoying the danger. I’d felt it for myself. He’d said he was no good for me, for anyone. But I’d seen the love and devotion he had for his sister. She felt the same for him. And surely she knew him better than anyone…

I picked up the phone and punched in her number, unsure what I could possibly say, but knowing we had to talk…

“Emily, I was just about to call…,” Amelia’s voice sounded strained. “Something’s happened, I didn’t know who else to talk to. I think you’re the only person who can help…”