CHAPTER 6
SAM
Then
Abi’s words are soft and quiet, but they seem to echo all around us, bouncing around the cove like an ominous pinball. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”
Clear blue eyes fill with tears and my gut twists into a tight knot. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong and I have a feeling I’m not gonna like what it is.
She looks away, turning to face the water. The dying sun paints her skin a beautiful, rich honey color. I watch as a single tear escapes her lashes to slide down her cheek. It glistens like a diamond. Like the diamond I’ve already been saving for five months to get her.
I had it all worked out—the when, the where, and the how. I was going to wait until after freshman year of college. That was the when. I knew just how I was going to do it, too. We were both planning on going to Clemson, so on our drive home from school for summer break, I was going to detour north and take her to Cleveland. I had the perfect spot in mind, a place I saw once when I went with Steve Rich’s family on vacation in that area. We hiked to a waterfall that his mom wanted to see. At the time, I thought it was cool, but since I started dating Abi, I’ve thought of that waterfall just about every time I look at her. I don’t know why, really, but it’s always there in the back of my mind. Maybe it’s the way I feel like I’m falling for her like water off a cliff. Or maybe it’s the way my blood roars in my ears when I kiss her, just like the crashing sounds the falls make. Or maybe it’s just that she’s the only thing I’ve ever seen more beautiful than that natural wonder.
Yep, I had it all worked out, right down to the hour. Sunset. She looks almost ethereal in the colors of a setting sun. Like she does right now.
But…
We’re leaving.
Do I even need that plan now?
My mouth goes dry with dread.
“Momma told me this morning. She took a job in Ohio. We leave in three days.”
“Three days? She only gave you three days? And she has to go now? Right before your senior year? That’s pretty shitty timing.”
Abi doesn’t look at me; she just continues to stare out at the water. There’s something about the defeated tilt of her head, something about the hopeless set of her chin, something about the desolation that’s rolling off her like ripples in the lake when she jumps off the dock…
Makes me feel desperate all of a sudden. Desperate and terrified.
“Don’t go.”
There’s a long silence before she answers, and even then, it’s so small I have to lean in to hear it. “I have to.”
“No, you don’t. She can go without you. You can stay here with me and finish school, then we’ll go to Clemson like we planned.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“She’s all alone. I can’t…I can’t leave her like that. I’m all she’s got”
“But you’ll leave me. That’s the better choice?”
I can’t keep the anger, or the hurt, out of my voice.
This time she turns my way. There’s agony in her eyes and it makes me even angrier when I see it. “Please don’t do that. If there was any other way…”
“There is. Stay.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t?”
“Both. She’s been a wreck since Dad died. You know that, but…but she already told me I can’t stay. I asked.”
“Did she say why?”
Abi shakes her head.
“Well, screw her! Stay anyway. You can stay with me. My parents won’t—”
“I can’t, Sam.”
“You can. Let me talk to her. I’ll tell her—”
“No! Don’t. Please. She…she’s not doing well, Sam. I’m afraid to leave her.” Abi wraps her arms around her bent legs, letting her forehead drop down to rest on her knees. “She just can’t seem to move on after Daddy. She hasn’t been right in the head. She says she just can’t be here anymore. She’s making herself sick. And I couldn’t… I can’t just leave her. Not yet.”
The bottom drops out of my stomach. Out of my world.
“Jesus!” I breathe, running rigid fingers through my hair.
I can’t hear Abi crying, but I see her back shake with her silent sobs. “If there was any other way, I’d stay, Sam. I’d never leave you. Not ever. But…”
I don’t even know what to say to that. I can’t ask her to abandon her mother. What if something happened and she had a nervous breakdown or tried to kill herself? Abi would never forgive herself. Or me. And neither would I.
“Is this… is this it, then? Are we over?”
At that, Abi raises her head. Her face is ravaged by tears—eyes puffy, lips swollen, cheeks shiny. Even so, she’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.
“No! Don’t say that. Don’t even think it. I can’t… I can’t think that way either. I just can’t.” She starts to cry again, but this time she doesn’t turn away. And watching her… Sweet God Almighty, my heart breaks. “She doesn’t understand that I love you. She thinks we’re just dumb kids in puppy love. She doesn’t realize that I want to make my life with you. But I…I’m stuck. I’m stuck, Sam.”
I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. In seconds, my shirt is warm and wet with her tears. “We’ll figure something out.”
Even as I say the words, I don’t feel them. I don’t believe them. This feels…final somehow. How long until her mother starts feeling better and Abi can leave her? Weeks? Months? Years? Those all feel like a lifetime away. The odds are stacking up against us.
“I’ll wait for you, Abi. Forever if I have to. College, the future…nothing else matters without you. I don’t care about anything else.”
“But I do.” She lifts her head and pins me with her wounded eyes. “I couldn’t live with myself if loving me ruined your life. Look at your dad. He let all of his dreams go because of someone else and he’s just bitter and miserable.”
It pisses me off to think of him. I can’t imagine blaming someone I love for ruining something as stupid as a sport.
“Loving you could never ruin my life. Loving you is my life.”
Abi raises a hand and drags her fingertips from my jaw down to my heart where she flattens her palm against my chest. I’ve always loved it when she does that. It’s like she’s just reassuring herself that my heart’s still beating, and that it’s still beating for her.
And it is.
It always will be.
“We’ll make it through this. Even if it’s a year. We can get through that, no problem.”
The words sound empty even to my own ears. I don’t know why, but I know in my gut that this is the end.
I kiss the tip of her nose then brush my lips over her cheek as I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. I know we could get through it. I know our love is strong enough, but I have a bad feeling telling me that, for some reason, we won’t.
After a while, Abi whispers my name. “Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“Promise me you’ll never bring another girl to the lake. This is our spot. Just ours. Okay?”
My throat gets tight. This is goodbye.
“I promise. There will never be anybody but you. Never.”