Ryder
Ryder felt like the sun was shining directly down on his head the next morning as he headed toward the Rainieri compound. He couldn’t keep this stupid smile off his face, even though he knew he looked ridiculous, walking around smiling at absolutely nothing. But he just couldn’t help himself.
His body was so content, so happy, so relaxed for the first time in what felt like years, honestly. Even with previous Subs, he’d never felt this way after sex. It was the most satisfying, invigorating experience of his entire life, and this was all after the first time he’d fucked Adriana. He couldn’t even imagine what things could be like between them if they got to know each other’s bodies more intimately.
He was whistling a little bit as he headed into the office, nodding at people who still looked back at him with flat, mournful faces, allegedly sympathizing with him over the loss of his father. Ryder knew it was terrible, and he was also aware that he was probably going to pay the price for this down the line when the full reality of his father’s death actually hit him, but for the moment, he was practically grateful for the loss.
If it hadn’t happened, he never would have met Adriana or, at least, not for a long time. He felt so free, so full of glorious, healing light. He felt like all of his wounds were closing up, one by one by one by one, just because of Adriana’s wonderful, submissive touch. God, he was so lucky. He’d never felt this happy before.
“What’s the news, kid?” Ryder asked as he stepped into his office. Adriana was waiting at her desk already, her hair tied back into an impossibly tight bun at the top of her head. Ryder couldn’t wait until he saw her that night; when he could let that hair down about her shoulders again, mess it up, get it dirty and wet from sweat. God, he was getting a little hard just thinking about it…
“Um, you have a visitor,” Adriana replied, staring down blankly at her desk. There was a stack of papers in front of her, but Ryder could tell by watching her facial expression that she wasn’t actually reading any of the words on the page.
She’s trying not to look at me, Ryder realized, feeling a small twinge of pain in his chest as a result. But he tried not to let himself feel offended by it. She probably just feels awkward because this is the first time she’s seeing me at the office after we fucked, Ryder reasoned to himself. It’s normal for her to feel weird around me right now. She’s a good girl without a lot of experience in this kind of thing. She’s not used to this situation yet. But it’ll get easier as time goes on.
“Who is it?” Ryder asked, even though he really didn’t care that much. He was disappointed that he couldn’t devote every last minute of his work time to Adriana—to learning more about what she knew while staring at her gorgeous face and body in the process. Anything else felt like a waste of time in comparison.
“It’s your mother,” Adriana said, her tone stiff and strange like she was nervous.
Ryder felt a little bit of worry strike him as he stared down at her for a minute, wondering if anything else was going wrong. It took him a few seconds to realize what Adriana had actually said, but when it hit him, he felt the old familiar crushing sensation of dread return to him. Goddammit. His fucking mother. What did she want?
“How long has she been waiting?” Ryder tried to cover up how disappointed and annoyed he felt, even though he really wished he could whine and stomp his feet and refuse to see his mother. She wasn’t like other Italian moms—she didn’t go around trying to feed everybody or laugh too loud, or drink too much wine. She was a weapon of a woman: sharp, hard and frightening. She’d forged her sons out of the flames of disapproval, and she was continually disappointed that they still hadn’t turned out to be good enough. Ryder really didn’t need to have his good mood brought down by maternal judgment.
“She’s been in there, um, about fifteen minutes,” Adriana answered, still not looking up from her piece of paper to meet Ryder’s eyes. He silently wished that she would look at him, at least once, if only to give him a little spark of strength to prepare for the battle he was about to face. “In your old office, that is. She didn’t want to wait in here with me.”
Ryder couldn’t suppress an eye-roll at that, for numerous reasons. For one thing, it was just like his mom to make him meet with her in his old office, practically telling everybody in the compound that she didn’t accept him as his father’s replacement yet. He didn’t need that kind of disrespect when he was still fighting to get people to recognize him as the leader.
And for another thing, it was obvious that his mother still thought Adriana had slept with Paolo before he died, which Ryder now knew was completely ridiculous. Anybody only had to meet Adriana a few times before they’d be able to realize that she was incapable of sleeping with an old guy just to get at his money. She just wasn’t that type of woman.
In any case, Ryder inhaled deeply and steeled himself, trying to build up an emotional wall so that his mother wouldn’t be able to say anything to damage his ego. “Right,” he said, more to himself than to Adriana now that he realized it was pointless to try to get her to acknowledge him right now. “I’ll try to be quick, and then we can pick up the conversation from yesterday and keep going.”
He quickly exited the office and crossed the hall, highly aware that his mother was certain to be incredibly annoyed that she’d had to wait on him for several minutes already. She wasn’t going to be soft on him today. That much was for sure.
“Mother,” he said as he entered his old office, shutting and locking the door behind him so that they wouldn’t be disturbed by anybody.
“Hello, son,” Mama Rainieri said. She was sitting behind Ryder’s old desk and gestured for him to take the other seat as if he was the visitor in this situation rather than the new boss of the whole organization. “How have you been?”
Ryder had to bite back a laugh at that. He knew his mother didn’t care about his life, especially since he hadn’t bothered to check in with her at all before Paolo died. He couldn’t help but notice that she’d lost weight since the last time he’d seen her, over a year before. She looked a little ragged, all of the bones and veins in her neck sticking out prominently every time she spoke or breathed.
“I’ve been fine. Of course, except for the obvious. I’m so sorry, Ma. I know Dad was everything to you.”
“It’s all right,” his mother said stiffly, putting down the newspaper she’d been perusing to look him directly in the eyes. There was already something hard and sharp, something accusatory hiding in her eyes. She wasn’t happy. “Have you been adjusting well to the new position?”
Ryder was a little taken aback by that. He’d expected her to launch into a tirade right off the bat, telling him all the ways that he’d already failed as boss. But instead, she was acting genuinely interested, maybe even concerned about him. What was going on? This wasn’t the way his mother usually was. She was all business, no bullshit, no time for any mushy feelings or anything else that might possibly detract from the business, from the bottom line. It was all about profit for Mama Rainieri. Ryder was convinced that she was incapable of understanding anything else.
“It’s been fine,” Ryder replied a little awkwardly. “I’ve only been on the job a couple of days, you know. Still figuring stuff out, going over old documents and things like that.”
His mother narrowed her eyes and lifted her eyebrows in silent question, clearly broiling over with a thousand judgmental things to say, but she held herself back, nodding and forcing a tight, polite smile instead. What was the meaning of all of this? Why wasn’t she being a total bitch, like she usually was?
It didn’t seem like she was particularly sad, even though her husband had just recently died. Maybe grief looked differently on her, but somehow, Ryder figured that wasn’t what was going on. No, everything Mrs. Rainieri did was about money or success or victory over her foes. Even her relationships with her children were about status.
Ah. That’s it, Ryder realized, suppressing a satisfied smile as he realized what his mother was really doing here. The inheritance. It’s not enough. Dad didn’t leave her enough money for the rest of her life, so she’s got to make sure she’s in my good graces. Otherwise, she’s fucked.
For the first time in his life, Ryder felt like he had power over his mother, like he wasn’t a scared little boy subject to her total domination. He almost didn’t know what to do or say, frozen in his seat, overwhelmed with the realization that for once he was in control.
Still, though, his mother was the same woman, even if she was fearful that her eldest son wouldn’t take care of her. She still looked over at him imperiously, sizing him up like she always did, eyes narrowing as she took in every inch of his skin. Ryder fought not to squirm in his seat, reminding himself that he wasn’t a little boy anymore. She’s scared now, he told himself. She’s scared. Not me. I don’t have to be afraid. I have the power. That’s all that matters, no matter what she says.
“So, you’re learning the books and things, I presume?” his mother finally said after a protracted pause.
Despite everything, Ryder still tensed up, aware that his mother’s words could never be taken at face-value. She had a motive here that somehow tied in with her overall goal of securing her financial future.
“Yep,” Ryder replied, smiling politely, trying to reassure his mother that he had everything under control. “Adriana is showing me the ropes.” He almost winced after that sentence left his mouth, realizing his mistake as soon as his mother smirked in ironic satisfaction. That was what she was hunting for. She wanted to bring up Adriana without actually saying her name out loud.
Now Adriana was fair game for his mother to rip apart. How could Ryder convince his mother that nothing sexual happened between Adriana and his father? She’d never believe him, even if he told her how he knew for sure. She’d probably only become angrier if she knew that her son was sleeping with the “whore” that allegedly ripped her husband away from her.
“And that’s going well, then? Using the old secretary?” his mother said, smiling in that sharp, hard way that Giovanni always did whenever he was angry. They were too much alike, Ryder’s mother and his younger brother.
“She’s not a secretary,” Ryder reminded his mother. “She’s an assistant. She does a lot of really essential things for the business.”
“Ah. I see.” Ryder’s mother leaned back in her chair as if she owned it. “And what essential things has she been doing for you lately, pray tell?”
Ryder’s spine stiffened uncomfortably. Clearly, his mother was a lot smarter than Ryder had given her credit for. She seemed to sense, right away and with very little information, that he was sleeping with his assistant. Dammit, Ryder thought, feeling some of the precious power he’d gained slip away from him like wind whistling between his fingers.
“Well, like I said,” Ryder replied rigidly, his lack of confidence betrayed by his awkward tone of voice. “She’s helping me get acclimated to the business—showing me stuff about our partnerships down south and stuff like that. Really, Mother, she knows so much. We couldn’t afford to lose her.” He knew that sooner or later in this conversation, his mother was going to tell him to fire Adriana, and he wanted to go ahead and mount a defense against any arguments his mother might try to use against his new assistant and lover.
“Hmm, it does really sound like she knows an awful lot,” his mother said, tapping her fingertips together thoughtfully. “Have you considered that she might know… too much?”
Ryder furrowed his brows together in confusion. “What do you mean?” The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, almost painfully erect, like his body could sense the danger in this conversation before his mind could catch on to what was going on.
His mother shrugged, like she didn’t know what she was talking about, but then she launched into speech again, leaning forward on the desk so that her face was closer to Ryder’s than before. “Well, I just mean, it’s dangerous to have people not in the family know certain things. Like, for instance, personal details about your father. I get the sense that this little secretary knows quite a bit. And… that can be risky. That’s all I’m saying. I just wonder if you’ve accounted for those risks or not.”
Oh, Ryder realized, feeling a cold chill go down his spine, sapping out any and all of the remaining, happy warmth from his body. His mother wanted him to get rid of Adriana. And not just fire her. But permanently remove the “danger” that she represented.
“Mother,” Ryder began slowly, trying to keep his tone calm so that his mother wouldn’t figure out how panicked that suggestion made him feel. He needed to be cool. Confident. He needed to be in control of this, or else the situation could become a lot worse, very quickly. There were still plenty of lieutenants and enforcers around who’d be more than willing to kill somebody off for Mama Rainieri, if only out of respect for Paolo’s memory. “I don’t think it’s as dangerous as you think. Adriana—who isn’t a secretary, by the way, she’s an assistant, like I said before—is very loyal to the business. She cared about Dad. A lot.”
“Oh, I bet she did,” his mother muttered, her real bitterness seeping out into her voice for just a moment before she adjusted, nodding at Ryder to continue speaking.
“It’s not what you think. Nothing happened there. Nothing happened between them, Mom, I promise. I swear it’s true.” But Mama Rainieri just stared at him blankly, clearly entirely unconvinced. “Well, regardless, it’s no reason to kill her. She’s been a huge help to me, getting me adjusted to everything, and it’d be an awful message to send to the rest of the company.”
“And what message would that be?” his mother asked, raising her eyebrows with skepticism.
“That if you work hard and become important to the Rainieri family, you’re only going to be punished for it,” Ryder said, realizing that he believed the words as soon as they left his mouth. “It’s an awful strategy, Ma. We can’t do it.”
Mama Rainieri was silent for a long moment, staring down at her own hands, which were becoming increasingly lined and veiny in her advanced age. She needed to eat more, to focus on her health. Instead, she was here, trying to get Ryder to kill the girl that she believed her late husband loved. It was a tragedy, really, something that would have hurt Ryder’s heart if he had more sympathy for his mother after so many years of emotional abuse.
“So, she’s gotten to you, too, I see,” his mother said slowly a few moments later, crossing and uncrossing her legs but not making any motion to get up. That was odd. Ryder had expected to her storm out as a result of his insolence.
“Ma,” Ryder said in a scolding tone of voice, “nobody gets to me. Come on, you know me better than that. Nobody ever gets to me.” The words felt weird coming out of his mouth, like his tongue didn’t want to say them or something, but he faked the smuggest smirk he could plaster onto his face for his mother’s benefit.
It worked, at least insofar as his mom cracked a little smile, a small flaw in her otherwise flawless veneer of untouchability. She was like a demigoddess rather than a woman, a vengeful angel rather than a person he should have had every reason to love. They just didn’t work that way. Maybe that was why Ryder was so screwed-up, and why he could only manage to feel pleasure in strange, outlandish ways. Either way, it was too late to change anything about it now.
“You are different from your father that way,” Mama Rainieri said, her eyes becoming a little softer as she thought of her husband. “That’s good. Keep it that way. Hold on to whatever it is that lets you be alone, and don’t let go of it. Let it carry you through the years until nobody can touch you anymore.” She smiled and shook her head. “I’m sorry—just an old lady rambling to her son. That’s what I am now.”
“Ma, stop it,” Ryder said, getting up from his chair to walk around the desk and squatting down in front of her so that they were eye-level. “You’re a beautiful woman, still. And you’re not alone. You got us, me and Giovanni. We’ll always watch out for you.”
“I can’t ask you to do that,” Ryder’s mother said, protesting weakly and waving her hand forward as if it to push him away.
“Of course, you can,” Ryder argued. “We’re always going to be there for you. Just say the word, and we’ll help you out. Always.”
Mrs. Rainieri’s eyes flicked back over to Ryder’s, some shadow passing behind them that Ryder couldn’t quite identify. “Always?”
Ryder felt a tiny little chill go down his spine, his skin prickling uncomfortably as he heard the edge of impatience in his mother’s voice. “What? What do you need?”
Ryder’s mother shrugged and looked away again, her face falling back to blankness, the mask of emotion she’d worn just a few moments before nowhere in sight. “Oh, it’s nothing, dear. Nothing at all.”
Ryder sighed deeply, getting to his feet to stand over his mom. “What is it? Come on, just tell me.”
Mama Rainieri tapped the tips of her fingers together a few times, licking her teeth before answering. “The girl.”
“Adriana?” Ryder asked, even though he already knew the answer.
“The secretary,” his mother replied, stubbornly sticking to the inaccurate description. “She has to go. Otherwise… how will I really know that I can depend on you, Rydey?”
Ryder fought as hard as he could to suppress a groan, but he couldn’t keep himself from shutting his eyes and sighing in annoyance. “Mother… I just explained to you why I can’t do that…”
“You can’t?” his mother asked sharply, getting to her feet and walking around Ryder and the desk to pour herself a drink at the minibar against the wall. “Or won’t?”
“Either.” Ryder shook his head as his mother poured herself a large shot of whiskey. “Listen, I know you’re going through a tough time right now, but really, this isn’t the way. I promise you that you will regret it if you start to interfere with the business.”
Mama Rainieri put the glass of whiskey back down on the minibar, smiling brightly at her son like a light had just been switched on inside her head. “Oh? Is that a threat, darling?”
Ryder hadn’t meant it that way, but he couldn’t back down now or else he’d look weak. He tightened the muscles in his jaw and stared his mother down, refusing to blink or flinch or budge an inch. He had to show that he was resolute in this. He wasn’t firing Adriana. There was just no way he was going to let this happen under his leadership.
“I see,” his mother said, picking up her drink again and downing the rest of it in a single gulp, wincing a little at the bitter taste and wiping her mouth a moment later with the back of her perfectly manicured hand. “So, there is nothing further for you and me to discuss.” She turned on her heel and headed for the door, but Ryder caught up with her in time, stopping her with a gentle yet firm hand on her shoulder.
“Wait, Ma, stop. Don’t do this. Don’t walk away from me. Not now. Not after losing Dad the way we did,” Ryder said earnestly, feeling totally exposed and vulnerable in front of his mother’s sharp, pointed gaze.
“That’s just the thing, Ryder. If you can’t defend me now, after everything I’ve lost, how can I depend on you ever? What’s the point in even calling you my son?”
Her words stung like a bullet to the chest, the pain spreading outward as her accusation echoed around his head. She was threatening to disown him, all because of Adriana, who he barely even knew. The smart thing here would be to nod at his mother, tell her that she was right, and carry out her will—if only to make sure that there wasn’t unnecessary strife in the business so soon after his father’s death.
But he couldn’t force himself to move into action, nor even to say a word to his mom. Instead, he just stared at her sadly, while in the back of his mind he thought about Adriana, about how much this job meant to her. He couldn’t take it away from her, especially not after he realized how perfect she was for him. Even if it meant losing his mother forever… he couldn’t act against the will of his own heart.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, rubbing his mother’s shoulder gently. “I can’t do that, Ma.”
“Well, then, I suppose our meeting for today is concluded,” Ryder’s mother said in a stilted, stiff tone of voice, a forced polite smile appearing on her face as she unlocked the door in front of her. “So long, Ryder. I expect to see you at the funeral.”
Before Ryder could come up with anything else to say or do to stop his mother from leaving on such bad terms, she pushed the door open and strode out imperiously into the compound, ignoring various servants who called out to her to say hello.
Ryder blew out his breath, watching as his mother’s slim figure receded from his line of sight. He shut the door after her instead of watching her disappear completely from view. He didn’t want anyone at the Rainieri compound to think that she’d run out on him and cut their meeting short. It was better if everyone thought that they were on good terms, especially since many of the servants were still loyal to her.
A few minutes later, he finally decided he’d had enough time to reflect on the encounter and exited his old office, stepping out into the main hallway where a large group of people had gathered, turning to look at him expectantly as he appeared. His mother must have paused in the main room to talk to somebody, as he could still hear the click-clack of her heels disappearing towards the main exit. Ryder decided to just smile reassuringly at the crowd of various employees who looked to him, obviously detecting the tension between Ryder and his departing mother.
“Everything’s fine,” he announced to the room. “Business as usual.” As soon as he said the words, he realized that he believed them. He’d directly disobeyed his mother, and the world hadn’t ended. In fact, everything was perfectly normal. Everything was totally fine. Nothing bad was going to happen to him just because, for once in his life, he didn’t do what his controlling mother wanted. He had the power here.
There was practically a spring in his step by the time he crossed the hall back to his new office where Adriana was waiting for him. He felt weirdly excited to get to work today, to spend the day torturing himself with close proximity to Adriana, letting himself smell here but never actually touch her. He’d make up for it tonight in the playroom. Ryder already knew what he was going to do—kick the domination up a notch by binding her hands and feet at the same time. God, it was going to be so fucking hot.
“All right,” he said, shutting the door behind him and putting a lock in place for good measure. He didn’t want to be interrupted, even if he couldn’t allow himself to touch Adriana while at work. “Now let’s go ahead and handle—”
Adriana jumped up from her desk, arranging piles of papers in place before stepping away from her workstation, going to meet Ryder in the center of the room.
What was this all about? Was she trying to change the rules on him or something?
“Mr. Rainieri, I’m afraid—” she started to say, cutting herself off to swallow visibly and shaking her head. “I quit.”
Ryder wasn’t sure he’d heard her right, even though she looked up at him with wide, fearful eyes, like she was awaiting her death. “Adriana… I don’t… What?” he stuttered out, totally confused as to what was going on.
“I’m sorry,” Adriana said, ducking her eyes so that they weren’t looking directly at each other anymore. She leaned over and grabbed her purse from off the floor, then reached into the bag and pulled out a badge. “Here. This is what I use to get into the building. You should take it back. I won’t be using it anymore.”
“Adriana, what’s going on?” Ryder asked, dropping the boss act as panic started to set in, making him feel like his bones were being licked away by flames. “What’s wrong? You can tell me.”
“No, no, I can’t.” Adriana shook her head, but then sighed and added, “I mean, nothing’s wrong. I just need a change of pace, that’s all. I realize that I can’t work here now that Paolo is gone, and well… I just need to be somewhere else. Okay? That’s what I have to do. Goodbye.” She moved to walk around Ryder to the door, but Ryder stepped in front of her, refusing to let her pass that easily.
“No. I deserve an explanation. What did I do to make you do this? Is it the pay? Do you need more money? I can help you if you have financial problems—”
Adriana raised one hand in the air, shaking her head furiously. “No. Let me out. I have to leave now, okay? I have to go.”
“I’m not going to let you just cut and run on me without even telling me why,” Ryder said, once again trying to step in front of Adriana when she tried to walk around him. But this time, she evaded him more successfully, walking rapidly across the room towards the door.
“I just need to go. That’s all you have to know, okay?” There was an edge of urgency in her voice as she unsuccessfully pushed the doorknob.
Ryder walked behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, mostly to keep her in place but also just to feel her, one last time. “Can I still… see you at other times?” Ryder asked, his fingers tingling where they brushed up against Adriana’s shoulder.
There was a long moment of silence. Adriana’s head fell forward between her shoulders, sagging like she had no longer had the energy to hold it up. She slowly lifted her hand to unlatch the lock on the door, and then she whispered, “I’m sorry. Really. But no.”
Then she opened the door and marched out, gripping her bag in a tight fist, leaving Ryder to stare after her helplessly.
Thirty seconds later, Adriana was no longer visible, the sound of her footsteps fading until Ryder could no longer make them out.
Just like that, she was gone. And Ryder had no idea why.