Lacy

My eyes spring open when I hear what sounds like yelling. I’m somewhat disoriented as my eyes scan the room, but are met with only darkness. As my vision adjusts, I realize I’m in my bedroom and decide I must have fallen asleep, and the yelling must have been a dream. But just as I’m about to drop my head back to my pillow, a loud bellow echoes through the room, and the source is lying next to me.

When I look over to Clayton, his eyes are closed, but he belts out another deep howl laced with pain. I’ve heard it one too many times from patients at Magnolia Woods. But this…this is not a patient. This sound of pain is coming from someone I have feelings for. The thought of Clayton in this much pain is overwhelming. Tears spring to my eyes. He must be having a nightmare. I place a hand on his shoulder and push while whispering his name. “Clayton…are you okay?” He doesn’t respond verbally, but his hand moves to his waist and he bends at the middle, turning from side to side. My heart races, and I shake his shoulder harder. “Clayton! You’re dreaming! Wake up…please!”

Shooting up in bed, his glazed eyes dart around, but wherever he’s looking doesn’t seem to register. It’s the same when his eyes meet mine; it’s like I’m invisible. After several moments of staring blankly, he blinks a few times and the haze slowly fades.

Without saying a word, he pulls me in and squeezes me tight, my bare breasts pressing against his sweat-covered chest. He moves his hand to the back of my head, his fingers lacing in my hair, and his lips meet mine. His kiss is rough, full of raw need that comes in the form of strength as he pushes on the back of my head, drawing me closer and bruising my lips with its intensity.

As I imagine what he’s going through, my chest feels tight and my eyes blur with tears. When he pulls me in closer, tighter, it takes my breath away.

Breaking the kiss, we’re both breathing heavily when his forehead drops to mine. He closes his eyes; his voice is thick with regret. “I’m so sorry if I scared you. I’m not sure staying over was a good idea. I’ll grab my clothes and head back to the hotel.”

I take his face in my hands, ignoring the prickle of his stubble poking at my skin. “Clayton, look at me?” When his eyes open, the light hazel I’m familiar with has deepened to a rich shade of brown, and I find myself staring into the very depths of who he is.  “You had a nightmare. Sure, it scared me at first, but I’m more concerned about what you’re going through.” My cheeks are wet with tears and my voice cracks as I continue. “You cried out like you were in pain, and I couldn’t bear to hear you suffering.”

The sound of his pain is still fresh in my mind. When it echoes through my ears, my heart starts to pound. I take in a couple deep breaths and turn my attention back to Clayton. Encasing his neck with my arms, I give him a light kiss on the lips and a final kiss on his cheek, then scoot against the headboard and pat the bed, encouraging him to do the same. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He puts his arm behind me, drops a kiss on my forehead, and I settle in under his arm with my ear against his chest. The rhythm of his heartbeat is fast, but the repetitiveness starts to lull me back to sleep.

“I’m seeing a therapist and have been for some time.” His deep voice vibrates his chest against my ear and it startles me. “I’m sure you remember from your questions in the interview, the incident was quite some time ago, but it doesn’t seem to matter how much time has passed, the nightmares haven’t faded. I can take medication, and it helps, but I don’t like the way it makes me feel.” He pulls me closer to him. “I think you know a lot of the details about what happened that day, but what you probably don’t know is my partner saved my life.

Martin doesn’t wait for the ambulance. He helps me in his car, then rushes me to the hospital. We make our way through the emergency room door. I struggle to stay upright, and he tries his best to support me. Everything is covered in blood—my face, the towel shoved in my wound, Martin’s clothing…

Nurses rush toward me, pulling me onto a gurney. Words are shouted around me, questions, and a light…

“We’re losing him.”

I swallow back the knot in my throat. Had he lost his life, we never would have met, and I wouldn’t be lying here in his strong arms. The realization that we met because of his injury also doesn’t escape me. I would give it all up if I knew it would take away the pain and suffering he’s been through.

 “You’re the first person, since my therapist, I’ve discussed this with.  Even Martin doesn’t know about the nightmares. He always felt guilty for not seeing the guy sooner. It wasn’t his fault. I should have been more careful.”

I shake my head against his chest, but don’t look at him, afraid I’ll break the trance and he’ll stop sharing. “It doesn’t sound like it was anyone’s fault except the guy who did that to you.” I run my hand over his side, needing to feel his warmth—his vitality. “You nor Martin should feel responsible.”

He squeezes me with his arm. “I know I shouldn’t, and I’m trying to get past that. Just easier said than done.” With his other hand he reaches over and pinches one of my nipples. “Since we’re both awake, and naked, we should do something to take our minds off this depressing topic.”