She completely and utterly captivated me. With every morsel of information she divulged, she left me wanting to know more—even when some of it was difficult to hear. Listening to her talk about her past lovers brought on a sense of jealousy I hadn’t expected. I wasn’t so naïve as to think she hadn’t been with other men. Grace was a beautiful, twenty-eight-year-old woman, but there was a side of me—the dark, hungry, savage side—who imagined being her first. I wanted to be the first to make all her most carnal desires a reality, and I thought that chance was gone until I heard her answer to my question. I thought it was too good to be true, so I had to push for more. “No?”

Her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment as she replied, “No. They did not fulfill my sexual needs. In fact, I’ve never had an orgasm with any of them.”

With that, the professional mind of Dr. Seth Michaels left the room, leaving only the brain between my legs to proceed. I knew in my gut it was wrong, but I could no longer think like a therapist. I couldn’t filter through all the correct processes for analyzing what she just revealed to me.

“Do you masturbate?” I asked without thinking about the consequences.

She quickly looked up as she stammered, “Umm … What?”

“Do you masturbate?”

“Umm … Yes. I have Bob in my bedside drawer.” She blushed and giggled as she explained, “Bob is my battery-operated boyfriend.”

“Are you able to come when you use it?”

Her back stiffened and her jaw became rigid. It was clear that she was becoming uncomfortable. “Yes.”

I was walking on shaky ground and didn’t want her to close up on me altogether, so I decided to try focusing on the positive side of her experiences.

“Remember our discussion on the complexity of men and women?”

“Yes.”

“This is one of the things I was referring to when I mentioned that women can be complicated.”

“Um-hmm,” she mumbled as she crossed her arms, drawing my attention to her perfectly round breasts.

“My point is: It’s not only a physical, but a mental release as well for a woman.”

“Yes. I’ve heard that before. So, what you’re saying is, I’m not broken,” she replied with sarcasm.

“Exactly. There’s nothing wrong with you, Grace. It’s just a matter of finding what works for you. It’s important for you as a sexual partner to know what you like.” She looked to the side as she considered what I’d just said, so I continued, “For instance, what attracts you to a man?”

“I don’t know. Different things, I guess.”

“Think about it for a moment.” I pushed once again. “What’s the draw to the men you date? What about them turns you on?”

“I like a man who is self-assured. I mean, it’s one thing for a guy to be hot, with a great body and nice eyes, but it’s not really all that important to me. It’s more about the way he carries himself … It’s his confidence that draws me to him.”

“What else do you like? Give me some specifics.”

She uncrossed her arms and rested her hands in her lap as she sighed. “Like the things they do?”

“Yes.”

“It’s the little things that get to me most: the protected feeling I get when he puts his hand on the small of my back as we walk across the street, the smell of his cologne, the warmth of his breath when he whispers something in my ear, or the softness in his voice when he’s tired and just about to fall asleep.”

“Now, look who’s the romantic.” I teased.

“I never said I wasn’t.”

She smiled, and I could feel it down to my bones. Not wanting to lose my momentum, I asked, “You mentioned that you liked to be kissed below your ear. What else does a man do that turns you on?”

“These aren’t exactly easy questions to answer.”

“They aren’t meant to be.”

“Honestly, I’m not exactly sure what turns me on, … but there are things that they do out of the bedroom that I really like.”

“Such as?”

She thought for a moment, then answered, “I really like it when a guy does something without an ulterior motive, like emptying the dishwasher or making me a cup of coffee in the morning. Or just calling in the middle of the day to say he’s thinking of me or sending flowers for no reason. I know … cheesy stuff, but it means a lot.”

“I don’t think it’s cheesy at all.”

“Well, those kinds of things don’t happen very often with most guys these days, so when they do, they make a big impression.” In all my life, I’d never been so enamored by a woman. She had me coming apart at the seams, and she hadn’t even touched me. I was about to ask my next question when she surprised me by adding, “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you like your women to be confident?” she boldly asked, once again confirming that she was equally intrigued by our connection.

“Yes, but not just physically. There’s something very appealing about a woman who is secure about her looks and the world around her, like her job and her friends and family. The kind of woman who knows what she wants and goes after it.”

With a curious expression, she sat quietly nibbling on her bottom lip. I could’ve said more, plenty more, but I could see by the look on her face that I’d made my point. “Umm … Yeah, that makes sense.”

I smiled and replied, “I’m glad I made my point.”

“I’m sure I come off as insecure sometimes. I guess I need to learn to just let go a little and stop worrying so much.”

With a nod, I replied, “I couldn’t agree more. Maybe it’s just a matter of focusing on what you really want.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes we tend worry too much about what other people think. We spend so much time thinking about ‘them’ that we forget about what we want. We have to find what makes us happy and go after it. Which means, we have to stop listening to everyone around us.”

“By we, you mean me … and by others, you mean my mother.” She giggled.

“Yes. And your sister, boyfriends, friends, and whoever else is throwing their advice your way. Instead of worrying about them, you should just focus on you.”

“Yeah, I don’t do that very often.”

“What makes you happy?” I leaned forward as I looked her in the eye. “That’s a question you should ask yourself on a daily basis. If something isn’t the way you want it to be, it’s up to you to change it.”

“And there are those infinite words of wisdom I’ve been waiting for.” She smiled, and as much as I didn’t want it to happen, I could feel our session coming to an end. I’d enjoyed my time with Grace and hoped that I would have a chance to see her again, but something in my gut told me that wasn’t going to happen. “I really need to work on that.”

“I think you’ll be much happier if you do.”

“Me, too. I really appreciate you taking the time to see me today.”

“No need to thank me. I really enjoyed our talk. Would you like me to schedule another session? I have a few openings next week?” I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

As she stood up and reached for her purse, she replied, “No, thanks. I think I’m going to pass on any further counseling. My biggest problem is me, and it’s time I focused on setting myself straight.”

“I totally understand.” I extended my hand and said, “It was really nice meeting you, Grace, and if you ever change your mind, all you have to do is call.”

“I really appreciate that, and thank you again. I really enjoyed it.”

And with that, she was gone.