Five
“James, Father’s messenger arrived nay long ago.”
James’ steps slowed as he neared Maddie.
“Is there something amiss?”
She shrugged but there was worry in her eyes.
“I’m nay sure. I didn’t open your message but the messenger said that it was most urgent that you read it.”
It always struck him how his sister had an English accent while he had a strong Scottish burr. Very opposite, in that they were, but they both had the Menzies dark hair and golden eyes.
And though he’d only known her for a short while, he loved her as if he’d known her all of his life.
James took the message from her and cracked the seal. Reading it slowly, he looked up as Connor walked in.
“Father requests my return immediately.”
Katie walked in just as he said those words.
“Then I suppose ye’ll nay be having instruction today with Katie.”
James’ gaze moved from Katie to Connor when he responded.
“Aye, we will. It can wait. Katie and I have an important lesson today.”
Katie hesitated but moved forward anyway.
“Yer father may have an urgent matter, James. Our instruction can wait.”
James shook his head. “Nay, Katie. It canna. Let us go. The sooner we begin, the sooner I may leave to assist Father.”
Maddie stepped forward.
“Has Father taken ill?”
James moved to calm his worried sister. “Nay, lass. He’s well. Clan matters require my presence, ‘tis all.”
Maddie nodded and watched as James motioned for Katie to follow.
A week had passed since the day when Katie’s mood had turned. She was serious now, and at times had a sharp tongue. There were instances when she was difficult and snappy.
He wanted to say that he disliked it, but he didn’t. He had an appreciation for her spirit.
Once they reached their area, James watched her.
“I have to leave, lass. I doona know for how long. Let us make this instruction memorable and fruitful.”
“Doona stay for my part, James. Ye’ve done well in my teachings and I’ve learned much.” Her face softened. “I thank ye for all that ye’ve taught and given to me.”
He shook his head and sighed.
“What is it, Katie? For a week ye’ve been aloof, indifferent even.”
“‘Tis nothing, James. Let us begin the instruction.”
He sighed in frustration. “Verra well. This is our last instruction. Trust.”
She crossed her arms. “It’s all ye’ve been teaching me, James. What else remains?”
“The most important component of all- blind, unencumbered, complete trust.”
Katie threw her hands in the air. “Alright then. Let us get on with it.”
They had not kissed since that day, although the urge had been present in both.
“Kate, I want ye to remain with yer eyes closed. Ye will stand here.”
She looked around wearily but nodded. Straightening and looking forward, she closed her eyes.
He spoke from behind her.
“I want ye to fall backwards.”
Her eyes opened and she turned to where she heard him speaking.
He grinned. “Fall back, lass. I will always be here to catch ye.”
Katie turned back around, her heart beating quickly at his words and the attractive grin on his face.
“When ye’re willing, lass.”
Katie attempted to have faith and fall back, but her body refused to comply.
“I canna. Mayhap another day.”
She turned to him again but could only meet his eyes for a moment.
“Ye’ve nay learned trust then, lass.”
Her gaze quickly returned to his. “I trust ye, James. I do…”
She let her voice trail.
“Then we are finished for now, for if ye doona have faith and trust in me that I will catch ye, ye are nay yet able to master the last skill of our instruction.”
She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.
“James, let us complete this. We doona know how long ye will be gone. Let us attempt your remaining instruction.”
He shook his head before retrieving his sword where he’d tossed it on the ground so as not to injure her during their lesson. He sheathed the sword and looked up at her.
“Nay.”
“Quit approaching me as if I am a scared deer or broken pot. I am neither, James! I would see this through now and know for certain how I’d fair.”
He clenched his jaw and thought about her words. She wasn’t yet where she needed to be to endure the last of the teachings. It may do her more harm than good.
“Nay. ‘Tis for yer own good.”
“I grow so weary of men telling me what I can and canna do, where I can and canna go. This patriarchal structure does nothing for women other than to serve to keep them from being who they are meant to be.”
“And who are ye meant to be, lass?”
“A survivor.” Her voice shook. “A fighter. So that no man will ever do to me again what has already been done.”
He studied her, his jaw working back and forth.
“This could scare ye at best, and make ye feel terror at its worst.”
Taken aback, she was silent for a few moments.
“I’d like to try all the same.”
He nodded. “I want ye to think upon all that ye’ve learned, and employ it all against me without hesitance, Kate. D’ye understand? Without fear of hurting me. Trust that I have the ability to keep myself guarded. Have trust in yerself that ye can protect yerself.”
Eyebrows furled, she nodded. “I understand.”
There was hesitance in his nod. He could see that she was a bit scared. Damn this to hell. He didn’t believe she was equipped for this next trial.
“Fine then. Close yer eyes and stand where ye are.”
Her eyes showed her uncertainty, but she nodded.
“Stand with yer eyes closed. Ye need to employ all that I’ve taught ye. Ye understand, Kate?”
She nodded again, mouth dry. Katie stood waiting. When she was tempted to open her eyes, hard bands of muscle locked themselves around her upper body.
One hand covered her mouth.
Panic seized her. Every thought deserted her as her racing heart caused her head to swim.
“Keep quiet.”
The words whispered to her ear returned her to a time she never wanted to revisit.
Katie’s breath was becoming too fast for her lungs and she couldn’t hold onto a thought. She moaned a scream and struggled to free herself but was unable to. She began flailing with her legs and managed to free her mouth by biting his hand.
“Kate…”
“Let me go!”
Fear seized in his chest as he realized that she was not there with him.
Nay.
She was reliving her ordeal.
The rape.
“Let me go… let me go…”
She kept chanting the phrase with her eyes closed.
“My brothers will kill ye all!”
Ye all?
He knew there had been more than one brother there, but he’d been led to believe that only one had raped her.
Had more than one…
He swallowed, finding his tongue immobile and throat dry.
…violated her?
The possibility threw his mind into a whirl.
“Let me go!”
She was fighting, using some of the methods he’d taught her, but her panic made her movements sloppy and uncoordinated.
He let her go from shock but made certain she landed on her feet.
“Nay. I willna allow ye three to do this to me again!”
She growled those words and they culminated into a yell. She made to move but tripped and fell. She quickly rose to her feet again.
James looked everywhere but at her. His senses were overwhelmed. His head was spinning like a child’s toy.
All three?
Why had Connor nay told him?
Did Connor even know?
Eyes that were widened by horror settled on Katie, who stood there with reddened and wet cheeks.
Her shaking hands covered her mouth as she looked at him with rounded, pained eyes.
“Oh God.”
She couldn’t catch her breath and she fell to her knees. Panic seized her mind.
She’d revealed her secret.
Eyes heavy with fear looked up at James.
“Ye mustna tell Connor. None of them.”
She tried to regain her breath through her panting.
He tried to calm his racing heart and catch his pained breath. He, too, panted as if he’d just run a great distance.
It was as if someone had kicked him in his chest and winded him.
“Please, James.”
Her voice was a soft squeak, reflecting the tenuous hold she had over her emotions. Her beautiful voice held none of its melody. It was fearful and halting. She choked on her words as the tears ran down her red cheeks.
“Please, please, James.” Her sobs broke him. “Ye canna tell my family.”
She looked down in defeat. Her whole body shook.
James landed on his knees before her. Her head moved back and her gaze found his.
She looked lost.
“I’ve never said that aloud.”
Her words were a mere whisper.
“Why, lass?”
She closed her eyes and cried a moment before responding.
“My family. They’d suffered enough believing it had only been one. I couldna imagine how they’d be if they knew it had been all three.”
Her voice cracked at the last word. James reached out and brought her into the fold of his arms. He took her hand and placed it over his heart.
“Breathe, lass. There ye are. Feel and listen to my heart.”
Katie clung to him as she cried into his chest.
“Maddie.”
“What about her, lass?”
“I had to consider her. The guilt she felt? I couldna make it thrice as bad.”
He sighed into her hair and inhaled, the delicate scent pleasurably flitting through his nose, providing him with a small measure of calmness.
“And so ye kept this to yerself all this time lass, and bit by bit it has been weighing upon ye?”
He passed his hand gently down her back enjoying the feel of her.
Katie nodded.
“There were three of them. Maddie’s brothers. All three of them… violated me.”
Her breath was uneven.
So was his.
It took every bit of discipline within him to keep from leaving at that moment to seek revenge.
For her.
For Maddie.
But James knew that Katie needed more at that moment. She’d harbored this terrible secret all this time and dealt with the emotional turmoil alone.
“I will protect ye lass. Now and always.”
“Ye canna always be with me, James.”
The hell he couldn’t.
“Which is why I wanted to instruct ye on defense, lass.”
She exhaled and closed her eyes. He held her tightly.
“Let yer emotion go, lass. I’m here. Set yer heartache free.”
She growled into him, anger, fear, and resentment building within her. Her hands fisted the plaid surrounding her face that smelled like him.
Face into James’ chest, she released the most guttural, wounding scream that pierced the stilled air despite it being muffled by his chest.
“Release it, Katie.”
He held her tight as her body seized.
She screamed again into his chest.
And again.
And again.
Until her voice was hoarse.
Until her eyes were swollen and dry.
Until she only heard James’ calming heartbeat instead of the memories that had overwhelmed her ears and mind moments before.
As the memories receded into the dark corners of her mind, he stroked her back. Her grip on him was tight.
And he liked it.
The feel of her soft body against his.
Her warmth.
The feel of her soft breath at his neck.
He wouldn’t think of how attractive she was. He felt it was inappropriate given the cause of her emotional state. It was more than attraction- she felt good in his arms because he knew that was where she belonged.
And truth be told, he wanted this woman- more than anything he’d ever wanted before.
“I’m sorry.”
Her voice was soft, wavering like a delicate flower petal in a windstorm.
“For what, lass?”
She sighed. “I’ve kept ye from leaving and retuning to yer father.”
He continued to pass his hand along her back, careful to remain well within the boundaries of propriety.
As it was, this was highly inappropriate. He was never one to care what others thought of him, but of Katie?
He would fight until death anyone who defiled her name and honor.
If he would kill for that, he’d maim and torture any who caused her harm, such as Maddie’s brothers- who would soon feel the wrath of his fury. He and his father had informed Connor that they’d be seeking revenge upon the Wyntons, but with the desire to know his sister, and his father’s want to know his daughter, they hadn’t yet sought them out.
Truly, how could such vile, repugnant men be related to his angelic, innocent sister?
James remembered having asked Connor a question shortly after their first visit to the Ramsay holding. For the first time in his life, James had been afraid of an answer.
“When ye found Katie, how was she?”
Connor had turned away from him at that moment. “We barely recognized her. She’d been badly used. Her skin was darkened, bruises marring it. Her lips were cracked, swollen, and bleeding. Dark circles surrounded her eyes from their fists.”
Connor had paused and looked at James.
“She had no broken bones, thankfully, but a more important part of her was- her soul.”
Connor’s words echoed in his head as he returned to the present with Katie.
He would make them suffer before he killed Maddie’s remaining brothers.
“I am where I want to be,” he finally replied.
She lifted her head from his chest and her luminous eyes were lighter in hue due to her tears.
“But ’tis important and yer father requested you urgently.”
“He’s been laird for more decades than ye’ve been alive, lass. Themancan oversee issues himself until I arrive.”
Katie rested her head back on his muscled chest and sighed.
“Promise me, James.”
He continued to stroke her back and it felt wondrous to her.
“Anything, mo stòr.”
“Ye would promise me something without first knowing what it is?”
“For ye, lass? I’d promise the moon and find a manner in which to deliver it to ye with stars.”
Her breath caught and she looked up at him.
“Why?”
Her eyebrows moved together in curiosity. He brought his hand to the side of her face and caressed her cheek.
“How can ye nay know? I know that I am a man of few words and none of them flowery and deserving of a lass such as yerself, but I would’ve thought my intentions obvious.”
Katie looked away and he brought her face and gaze back to him.
“Ye know, doona ye? Doona ye know how I feel about ye?”
Her breathing became uneven as her eyes glistened.
“What is it, lass?”
She remained silent and he began to worry he’d been wrong about their affinity towards one another.
“Lass, tell me if yer interests lay elsewhere or if ye even have interest at all. No one will force upon ye a union, and if any attempts are made, ye seek me out for I shall protect ye now and always. Ye have a choice, lass, ye remember that, because choice ye have, and I shall always defend that even if ‘tis nay me.”
Katie looked at him as if she saw him for the first time. How could such a wonderful man not already be married with bairns? That he should show interest in her after her ordeal, was a miracle.
“How could ye say such things to me, James? Doona ye know that I am nay fit to be of any relation to ye?”
“Wife, Katie. Let us speak frankly for I’ve never been one to mince words.”
She looked away as color seeped into her cheeks again.
“I want ye as my wife, lass. That has always been my intent.”
“Doona ye see that ye deserve better?”
His palms framed her face.
“No such woman exists or ever will. Ye were meant to be mine, mo stòr. Ye doona tell me what I need or deserve, Katie. I am able to determine that for myself.”
“‘Tis too much, this.”
She looked away again and he saw her swallowing several times.
“I’m nay a patient mon, lass, but for ye, I’d wait until the end of days.”
Her gaze swept up to his again and she leaned forward. Her lips gently touched his in the softest kiss.
“For nay being well versed in flowery words and the like, James Menzies, ye sure know how to make a woman’s heart beat with enchantment.”
He snickered. “I’m ever at yer mercy, lass.”
Her lighthearted expression changed. “Thank ye for all that ye’ve taught me.”
“I doona pretend to know the least bit about recovery from an ordeal of which ye experienced, but I would imagine that regaining confidence and a sense of dominion over yer own person helps some. I wanted ye to regain that confidence in yerself.”
“Ye’ve given me the greatest of gifts, James. I will forever be grateful to ye.”
They shared a chaste kiss before gathering their belongings. Once at the keep, Katie hurried to prepare a package for him. Once she’d gathered what she’d wanted, she ran out but saw Connor alone.
“James?”
His eyes crinkled and there was a smirk to his lips. Katie began rolling her eyes as he said, “Sweet James just left.”
She heard him laugh as she ran further outside to catch him.
“James!!”
She was certain he hadn’t heard her but then he turned around with the small contingency of men who’d stayed here with him.
“Wait!”
She ran to him as he dismounted. He nodded to the men to proceed without him.
“What is it, lass? Is aught wrong?”
The look of concern on his face made her feel something indescribable.
“I packed this for ye.”
He looked down at the satchel and recalled the first time she’d done that for him.
A feeling of warmth touched the center of his chest and spread through his body.
He realized in that moment something he’d never truly bothered to acknowledge before then. His life had lacked tenderness and nurturing. It wasn’t that his father had been cruel or mean, but his father was a warrior and leader charged with raising a warrior and leader. James' mother had died when he was but a young child. James truly had no experience with relations with the fairer sex. For him, they’d only alleviated his needs, as he never envisioned himself married with bairns.
Rather, he hadn’t wanted to envision himself married with bairns for many reasons.
Until Katie.
She’d been the first woman who’d thought to pack anything for any of his journeys.
The first who’d shown such kindness to him.
Their fingers touched when he reached to take it from her. She didn’t remove her hand. It amazed him how much progress she’d made with him in a few months’ time. He recalled how her hand used to snap away at the slightest touch, yet here hers was lingering on his.
“Thank ye, mo stòr.”
Her eyes would not move from his eyes just as her hand remained touching his.
She swallowed.
“Will ye return?”
Her eyes flew downwards to see his quick smile.
“Lass, a pack of wolves and the devil himself couldna keep me from returning to ye.”
She smiled at him, rose on her toes, and settled a tender kiss on his lips. Stirred, James brought his hand up and thumbed her cheek softly.
“Goodbye, James.”
He slowly moved away from her, and he had to admit to himself, that it was more difficult than he thought it would be.
“Until we see each other again, mo stor.”
He mounted his horse and began his trek to catch up to his men. Before he was out of her sight, he turned around and held two fingers to his chest over his heart while he looked at her.
She did the same and then brought her fingers to her lips. James nodded, turned, and galloped away.
In life, forgotten pledges caused difficulties.
It would not take a pack of wolves or the devil to keep James away.
It would be forgotten pacts and alliances that would stir the Highland peace into tumultuous times.