Nine
Two days later
They met again at their loch in the secret of night. Staring at the stars above, they shared parts of themselves.
“My mother died when I was a young lad of five summers. Lung fever. My da raised me, which is why I have hard and rough edges about me. I didna have a woman around me to soften me some. Well, only for the brief time Lady Anne was with us.”
“How was she? Maddie’s mother?”
“Kind, despite her circumstances. It was odd, at first, having a woman who was not a servant, at our keep.”
“Yer father allowed her to roam freely?”
James laughed. “Aye. At first, he locked her in a room but she wouldna keep quiet. Made his head ache, he'd said.”
“She wasna scared of him?” Katie looked over at James, eyes lit in surprise.
“Yes, she was. On the way to the keep, she was as quiet and meager as a mouse. My father only speaks in one tone that could only be described as loud. Every time he would say something, she startled and sat straighter on the horse. The look on her face was fearful at first and then slowly reflected her annoyance. We had nearly arrived to the keep when she asked if he yelled everything he said. I remember my da looking at her with curious eyes, and answering yes, while he laughed at her disgruntled look.”
“Reminds me of Maddie. Ye look at her and believe she is the sweetest lady, but deep inside, she’s a clever lass who doesna let a slight go unnoticed.”
James laughed thinking of his sister.
“Aye. Anna caused such a raucous at the keep, she gave da regrets about her kidnapping. Still, throughout their interesting interactions, she was gentle with me. At first, I was reluctant to speak to her for she represented what was absent in my life and I hadna realized I cared until I met her.”
“A mother. That absence of a mother.”
“Aye. But Anne was warm and understood. Slowly, I became used to her. Before my da and I realized, she was nay longer a woman kidnapped, but a guest in our home.”
Katie smiled as she looked at a twinkling star.
“Sounds lovely.”
“It was. Especially for a young boy like me. In a short time, she became a mother figure. The only one I ever had.”
“Ye are so wonderful with me, ‘tis surprising ye didna have the influence of a lady in yer life.”
Their hands were joined again, fingers woven together. He brought her hand to his mouth.
“May I?”
“Yes.”
He kissed her hand and placed their joined hands on the ground between them again.
Katie remained staring up at the stars as her heart beat a wild rhythm in her chest.
“James…I…”
She stayed quiet for a few moments when he came up and leaned sideways on his arm, keeping their hands linked. His eyes found hers looking at him.
“What is it, lass? Ye can tell me anything.”
Her eyes were wide and luminous under the moonlight.
“I…would like to…” she looked away and then turned her gaze back to him. “Kiss ye.”
His eyes dipped to her lips and returned to her eyes.
“I would like to kiss ye, lass. Verra much.”
The smile that spread her lips seemed to release some apprehension.
“Would ye like to come to me, or would he like for me to go to ye?”
Her smile was shy. “I’d like for ye to come to me.”
He nodded and moved slowly towards her. Katie watched him near.
James moved slowly, not wanting to upset a quiet balance of curiosity and courage within her. Well he understood how brave she was to attempt this.
He hovered over her, only his torso over hers, and his bottom half remaining on her side.
“May I?”
She swallowed and nodded, her breath heavy.
James moved slowly down to her and touched her lips with his. Her lips were hesitant before moving with him. They shared a long kiss, and it grew surprisingly passionate. Katie’s unattached hand rose to the nape of his neck and her fingers dove into his hair.
James growled.
He brought her other hand, which had remained joined with his, up and over her head. James deepened the kiss, lost in her.
Her smell.
Her softness.
Her taste.
The little moans that she made.
And then he heard her struggle to breathe.
James moved back and opened his eyes. Tears raced down her cheeks and she began to sob, struggling to get her hand out of his hold.
“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m sorry…”
She kept repeating it to him, struggling to free herself. Horrified at himself, James moved backwards as if burned.
“Katie, lass…”
He was dumbstruck.
“I’m sorry.” She repeated it again and again.
Her sobs broke something within him. It may have been his heart or his soul, or perhaps it was both.
He wanted to touch her, hold her, but he didn’t know if it would make her feel worse.
He opened his arms wide, looking at her. Katie rushed towards him and he tightened his arms around her.
“There isna anything to apologize for, lass.”
He stroked her hair and her back, satisfied that she hadn’t rejected him. He was relieved that he hadn’t completely scared her and that she wasn’t reluctant to touch him.
“I thought I was better, that it would be alright. But when…”
He thought about her words and finished her sentence. He’d noticed a subtle change in her but he’d been lost in their kiss and hadn’t put much thought into the change at that time.
“When I raised our hands above yer head.”
She nodded into his chest. “Those memories. That feeling. They rose in me.”
Her voice broke. Katie’s breath was labored.
“I’m sorry I disappointed ye.”
She moved back and looked up at him.
His palm caressed her face. “Never, mo stòr. Ye could never disappoint me, lass. It is I who should apologize. I became lost in our kiss and I shouldna have been so forward. Every action between us will always be yer choice. Ye will always have a choice in what we do or willna do.”
She touched his lips with her fingers, her tears ceasing.
“Ye did nothing wrong, James. I am the problem. I am the broken one.”
His thumb rubbed her cheek, wiping a few tears that had not ventured further down. “Nay. Ye are nay broken, Katie. Ye are whole.”
He placed his forehead on hers.
“Look at me.”
When she cooperated, he pulled back a few inches.
“Even if ye were broken, lass, I would take yer fallen pieces and put them together. No matter what happens, mo stòr, I will never leave ye so long as ye want me near.”
She let out a moan as her hands flew to both of his cheeks. Her eyes remained looking into his, staring deeply into the man who wasn’t afraid to help her.
To help her mend the broken pieces of her.
“I am so verra fortunate, Sweet James. Ye have gifted me with the blessing of yer presence in my life.”
He took one of her hands and placed it over his heart.
“This organ in me lass, my heart, it beats for ye. I will bide my time no matter what circumstance, no matter for how long. Ye are worth every effort and every moment in waiting.”
She moved closer to him and kissed him. It was light and soft, but it was her initiation without first seeking permission.
Progress. Everything was about that little word.
“It may be too soon to have ye over me. Having my hand held above me was also an action that brought forth terrible feelings and memories.”
James nodded. “Then I shall nay hover over ye or place yer hands above yer head.”
She nodded. “Could we lay together again?”
He kissed her forehead. “Aye.”
James settled back and to his surprise, she rested her head on his chest and sighed. He kissed the top of her head.
“Comfortable lass?”
She nodded.
“Verra comfortable, Sweet James.”
A few moments later, in the silence of the night, she muttered words that caused his soul to rejoice.
“Ye feel like home.”
Taken aback, it took him a few moments to say, “Aye lass, and for me, ye are my home.”