After a restless night’s sleep, Elise awoke to Melanie yelling for the kids to get to the front door to leave. She stumbled out of her room and said good-bye from upstairs. They screamed back to her.

“Bye, Aunt Elise,” said Mason and Faith in unison. “Bye, Elise. Have a good day. I’ll get the kids. I’m making dinner at home. Mom is on her own tonight.”

“Sounds good.” The door shut and the house was quiet once more.

She went downstairs with the thought of no coffee in the forefront of her brain. It wasn’t so difficult knowing the disappointment from the beginning. That was how her life was turning out, so far. She knew the outcome of every relationship, every program she designed, and every day’s weather with the sneak peak of the forecast. Elise didn’t like surprises. Unfortunately, there was no Google search engine to forecast the meeting of her father.

She had no appetite for breakfast, but made herself eat a piece of buttered toast anyway. Clothing was the next thing to decide. She didn’t manage to pack any ‘meet your dad’ clothing. Suppressing her excitement was something else for her to manage. When she got past the questions of why he never located her, the meeting part of him was overwhelming. How could she strike out with both of her parents? He couldn’t be any worse than her mother. Or could he? Maybe it’s a good thing she hadn’t procreated. With the lineage of dysfunction she had to offer, the kid would never get out of therapy.

Elise decided on a pair of jeans and a favorite linen blouse from Anthropology. It was white and flowing, with navy blue embroidery at the bottom. It helped make her jeans look less casual. She wore her hair down, leaving it naturally curly but straightened her bangs. She took in a deep breath before putting on her lip gloss. The time was nine thirty and she decided to leave for Ben’s house. Her mother’s car started without fail.

Ben walked down off the porch as Elise pulled up to his house. He wore light colored jeans, a blue shirt that competed with the color of his eyes, and his white cowboy hat. A recipe that challenged Elise’s strongest determination to keep her jumping hormones calm, for the trip across the state line. She parked her car and got out.

“Wow, you look beautiful.” He stood still, sampling every inch of her with his eyes.

Elise blushed. “Thanks, Benny.” Strike one. It took her exactly five days to transform into ‘Benny talk.’ She scrunched her eyes from the misstep. Maybe he didn’t hear her.

No chance. His warm smile could have melted steel. “I loved it when you called me Benny.”

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” She tried to move from his close proximity.

He took her by both arms. His cologne mingled with the fresh air. “Elise, it’s okay to get close to me. I don’t bite.”

“I know. It’s not who we are anymore. Let’s just go. Please.”

They walked over to Old Blue and he held her door open. Time traveled back twelve years to them dating. The indention of the center seat was less worn now. This time she stayed on her side. Ben jumped in and started it up. The smell of antiquity filled in the missing parts to her memories.

“It’s amazing this still runs and Melanie’s car can’t be trusted to drive you to the mailbox.”

He rubbed the dashboard. “I don’t get a chance that often to take it out. I’m looking forward to the trip. How about you?” He looked over at her before putting the truck in gear.

“Let’s just say that I counted a fair amount of sheep last night and by the nine hundredth, I gave up counting.” Makeup couldn’t disguise the anxiety on her face.

“Elise, it will be fine.” He hesitated, acting as though he wanted to touch her. She held firm to her position on the tenth percent of the long seat that stretched an ocean between them. “He’s your dad. Tell me some of the things that you remember about him.” He reversed out and waited to hear her story.

She hesitated at first, never talking about him before to anyone else. Then she had an instance come to mind. “I remember one morning the electric went out and we all overslept. Mom was pouring juice and stuffing food in my mouth. Dad came into the kitchen tying his tie while drinking from the juice carton. Mom yelled at him and he shot me a look that made me laugh. I believe he crossed his eyes or something. Anyway, he told me to go jump in the car and wait for him. I ran out the door with my backpack and lunchbox and waited for Dad at the end of the walk. Mom had Melanie on her hip and Dad busted through the door, running for the car. We were super late.”

Elise’s anxiety dropped as she recounted the next memory. “Then there was the time he accidentally stepped on the garden hose nozzle and it sprayed all over his head. I remember looking up and his glasses were dripping water. I held my hand over my mouth and waited for the tongue lashing for leaving it in the way from the night before. Instead, my dad just stood there laughing. He picked up the nozzle and gave me a quick spurt and declared that we now matched. My mother had a fit, and we ran to the car and hung out the windows the whole way to school, laughing our butts off.”

Elise looked out the window at the passing trees and horses in the fields. She didn’t realize how much she missed her dad. Every time there was an occasion and her friends’ dads would come around. Parents’ college weekends, graduations, weddings. Each time stung her as hard as the last. She never gave herself a chance to remember any of the good times together with her own dad. Just the fact that he had left her.

“He sounds like he was a fun dad.” Ben laid his hat in between them on the seat.

“Yes, he was. It seems like all the fun stopped when he moved out.”

“Did your parents fight a lot?”

“My mom seemed to always be angry for one reason or another. I don’t remember specifically why she was. But my dad always seemed to be the one to play with me and Melanie. Mom was too busy.”

Elise felt her phone shake and looked at it. ‘Baby, everything is going to be fine. No matter what happens today, know that I’m here for you. Please call me later. I’m only a plane ride away.’

Her stomach rolled as “Cheater, Cheater, Cheater” pounded through her head. Darren didn’t deserve the dark. It seemed that’s where Elise liked to keep all of her men. He wouldn’t have approved of her ex-boyfriend taking her to such an emotional reunion. No normal guy would. How had she made such a wrong turn this week? Was it too late to turn around? To get on a plane and pretend none of this happened?

Her fingers wavered over the keys before she typed. ‘I’m going to be fine. I’ll call you later. Have a good day at work and don’t worry about me.’ Ben watched her and didn’t ask.

“I haven’t talked to Mom since our disagreement.”

“Why did you ask me all those questions last night about Melanie and her?”

“It was stupid. Nothing.”

He merged onto the ramp, taking them down the long highway. Traffic was light that day. Elise cracked her window and leaned down in the seat to rest her head back. With the sun on her face, she tried to relax herself before the meeting of her lifetime.

“It wasn’t nothing. Tell me.” His voice broke her meditation.

“I had a stupid theory, that’s all.”

“I love stupid theories. Tell me what it was.” Ben got comfortable for the straight stretch of endless highway in front of them.

Elise aimed the second small window to divert the air from blowing on her face. She wanted to look perfect for her dad. It was crazy how excited she was becoming as the distance became shortened to his house.

“Mom wasn’t the most supportive of our relationship, that’s all. And I wondered how she acted about you and Melanie.”

“What do you mean, not supportive?”

“I don’t know. It’s stupid, but thinking back, she gave me every reason to leave. It’s like she didn’t even pause to think about having me stay here. She even told me that when you left for vacation with your family, it would be the perfect time for me to leave. At the time, I thought she knew what she was saying. I thought she was thinking about my future, trying to make it better. But now it seems she was trying to get rid of me. Pretty stupid, huh? I mean, what mom would want her daughter to fly to a strange city by herself?”

Ben glanced at her. He focused on the road, but his eyes remained strained. “That actually makes a lot of sense. When I got back I went to your house and she refused to tell me where you went. I couldn’t even get information from Melanie. It was like she hid you away. I thought you wanted to go. You didn’t?”

“I didn’t know what I wanted. I was scared. I wanted to go to college to become an engineer, but the thought of spending the rest of my life with you was simply wonderful too. Before I had time to think about it, she had a list of cons prepared to brainwash me. She told me that staying here was a dead end and if I waited to go to college, I’d forfeit the money she had allocated for my education. It was pretty much a split second decision that I had to make and she made staying here look like the coma of all choices. Something about how she wanted a future and ended up marrying my dad, who left and now she had nothing. I thought I was doing the right thing, Ben.”

Ben clicked his turn signal on and sat up straight in his seat. Elise glanced at the large green sign on the side of the road. It wasn’t their turnoff. He turned right at the stop light and pulled into the first convenience store he saw.

“Do you need gas?” Elise asked, squinting her eyes while waiting for his answer. She leaned over, trying to see the gas gauge on the dashboard but couldn’t.

He turned the truck off and situated himself to face her. “Are you telling me that your decision to leave me was your mother’s doing? You didn’t want to go?”

The severity of his stare and thoughtful choice of words made meeting her dad seem like a walk in the park. She thought carefully how to answer his overwrought questions. Leaning a little bit more into the door handle, she quietly spoke. “I’m not saying it was a one-way ticket out of here and she duct taped my mouth and threw me in the baggage department. It was more of a suggestive move on her part. She wanted the best for me. Or so I thought. It hurts my head to think about her motives. Instead of hating her, I try not to dwell on that part of my life and her decisions dealing with me.”

“You found the ring box?”

“Yes.” She hoped the door latch would hold her in, as she pushed harder against it, trying to move away from his interrogation.

“What did you think when you found it?”

“I was excited at first. Over the moon with happiness of being your wife.” Her smile morphed into a heavy sigh. “Then scared shitless. I told Mom and she pretty much guaranteed that staying with you would end in heartbreak, stupidity, and loss of my education. And Ben, you know I had no money saved for college. She convinced me that by marrying you, I’d give up my dream to design software. The picture she painted of us was living with your parents, having babies and never being happy. She was pretty good at over-dramatizing the whole failed life picture. Getting married and staying in Kentucky was never her plan for me. She told me to get my degree, then see what I wanted. By then, I’d know.”

Elise began to hyperventilate a little bit, seeing the disfigurement of Ben’s face, as he tried to wrap his head around this new information. “She said we’d probably be broken up within two months and it would be too late to take her up on going to college. I would be stuck working at the mall. I had to go, Ben. I had every intention to come back.”

He leaned in closer, tossing his hat onto the dashboard. “Elise, I loved you more than anything or anyone. I feel like when you needed me the most, I was gone. If I hadn’t left for vacation and stayed with you and asked you to marry me, would you have said yes? Could you have told me ‘no’ if I was standing in front of you, giving you my heart and pledging that I would never leave you and would do anything it took to make you happy? Hell, if going to college is what you wanted so much, I’d have gone with you.”

The stun gun of truth hit Elise right between the eyes. She was rendered defenseless. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. Just one long seat that had suddenly shrunk down to two inches between them, and a replay of a could’ve been for the taking.

“Ben, that’s not fair. It’s over. I made the ultimate decision to leave.” Her tone dropped an octave. “Albeit, Mother placed the ticket in my hand and waved good-bye, but I am the one who left you the note. I left. It’s over. The pain is behind us. You have the kids and Melanie.”

“I wanted you, Elise. It was always you. Now, tell me. If I had asked you face to face, would you have left?”

“Do you like torture? What difference does it make now?”

“Answer the question.” He held up two fingers pinched together, as though there was an imaginary ring between them. “Elise, would you have married me twelve years ago, if I hadn’t so stupidly gone off on vacation with my family and left you defenseless to your mother’s brainwashing? Don’t imagine your mother. Just imagine me and what we could have been together.”

“Yes.” She closed her eyes regretting the one syllable confession and the rapid speed in which it left her lips. She would have. She had been through it in her mind a thousand times. While she sat in her off-campus apartment during Christmas breaks and Thanksgiving alone. Her mother had always promised to send money for plane fare, but when it came time, she never had enough. She even promised to come out and visit her there. But that never happened either. Elise talked herself out of a million instances before her fingers pressed out Ben’s number on the phone. She would have traded it all to be with him.

He hit his hand against the steering wheel. “I knew you had a good reason to leave me. I never could accept that bullshit you wrote me saying you had to go.” He cocked his head. “I guess that part was true. You had to, all right.” He looked out the driver’s window, catching his breath from all the revelations that were beating him down.

“The truth doesn’t change history. I’m still where I am and you are still where you are.”

He turned to her quickly. “But it changed our future, Elle. I never stopped loving you. I want you in my life now as much as I did back then.”

“Ben, I’m not exactly available. There’s someone else.” There she said it. The ghost of a boyfriend sighting had been confirmed. It was like identifying her illegitimate child.

“Is it serious? Do you love him?” His eyes drooped from her admission.

“I’m not sure.” Why couldn’t she ever just be straight? She knew the answers to those questions.

“Elise, you know if you love him or not.”

“Fine. He all but asked me to marry him last week.” She looked out her window, wishing she were one of the commuting travelers coming and going at the tiny store. What she wouldn’t give to be out of that truck and into another time in her life. Somewhere next week, when she was home and safe from the truth that was single-handedly holding her down and letting Ben have his way with her.

Tiny crinkles etched themselves into Ben’s forehead. He looked out the window at a van full of tourists returning from stretching their legs. Shock must have taken his ability to communicate. Elise didn’t move. What crazy thing would she say next? That she was prepared to marry the guy who kept calling and texting her, at the Little Chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada? In two weeks?

“What did you say when he asked you?” he asked with a clenched jaw, keeping his gaze averted.

“He was smart enough not to actually ask. He did it in a suggestive way. Kind of like what would I say if he did ask.” Ben seemed uneasy with her honesty. Or, maybe it was her replay of another man wanting to marry her. Wanting to spend the rest of his life with her.

“What did you tell him, Elise?”

“I said that I couldn’t give him any more than I had. Which was a couple week nights and some weekends together.” It felt so shallow and lame hearing it come out of her mouth.

“And he’s still calling you?”

“He said he’d do anything to just be with me.” She lowered her head in a cowardly fashion, ashamed of how she treated Darren.

“Whoa, that guy’s hooked. So, tell me what’s holding you back from just marrying him? Do you love him or just love torturing him?”

“I wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t.” The question was preposterous to Elise.

“So, why the space game, then?”

“I don’t like commitment. Let’s give a big thanks to my darling mother for that one. ‘Leave him before he leaves you, Elise.’” She mocked her mother’s southern drawl. “Or maybe I can put that on my dad’s tab. You know the scar that runs twenty years deep of me holding onto his knees begging him not to leave me. And him never coming back. Or maybe all the letters I put in the mailbox, saying how sorry I was for whatever I did to make him leave and then finding that my mother was pulling them out and putting them in the trashcans by the street. I’m seriously messed up from both of them.”

She turned her head so he wouldn’t see her eyes welling with tears. Why couldn’t they just teleport back to the year and moment Ben was holding her on the blanket beside the creek? The sun was going down and the earth was happy to have relief from the humidity of the hot July day. The ground was warm and their bodies were dry from the swim. They had just made love and he rolled on top of her, straddling the sides of her legs. “Elise, run away with me. We’ll get a ranch in Texas and you can work for some computer company and I’ll train horses. Let’s do it.”

Elise pulled him down and kissed away the seriousness that spouted out of him. “Sure, maybe we’ll have little computer geeks running around, too.”

“Bite your tongue. I want cowboys that I can train to take over one day, like my dad has done with me.”

That time of her life was over. The hurt of leaving was behind them and now all she had was a shot at meeting her dad and repairing whatever it was she broke twenty-five years ago. He could hold the key to her understanding why she was who she was. And how maybe one day, she could release the notion that she was going to be left again.

“Ben, can we just go?”

He put the truck in gear and continued down the exit and back onto the freeway. The only sound in the cab was the high pitch whistle from the wind pushing inside the tiny crack of her window. Elise strained her left eye to see Ben’s face, not wanting to turn her head. Miles of thinking hounded them both. It felt like an eternity until their exit to Clarksville. The turn signal was a welcome new sound.

As they approached the green light that led through the main street of the tiny town, Ben sat up straighter in his seat, his mind probably preoccupied with finding his way. Elise’s voice startled his concentration. “Do you remember where it is? What did the house look like?”

“I’ll know it when I see it. It’s a large white house with red shutters. I spent about twenty minutes outside of it when I came last. It has a black pole outside with an antique carriage light that sets on top. The house numbers are painted gold and swings on a sign from it.” He slowed down, looking left and right.

Elise’s palms sweated and her blood pressure spiked. She was minutes from her father. Soon the veil would be lifted from her past and the missing piece would be found.

“I hope he still lives here,” Ben said.

“What? You didn’t check?” Anticipation began leaking from her excitement.

“Well, why would he have moved? He’s an old man.”

“Ben, he could have. I can’t believe you didn’t check. I’m going to be so disappointed if I don’t get to see him.”

“There it is.” He pointed to the house. Elise sat up straight and took a deep breath. Ben pulled in front, across the street and turned off the truck. “Do you want me to come in with you?”

“No, I would like to do this alone, if you don’t mind.” She bit her lip, knowing it was a lot to ask for him to wait in the truck.

“Not at all.” He touched her hand gently. “You’ll be fine, Elise.”

She drew in enough air to sustain a fifteen-foot freefall jump into oblivion, before opening the door. After closing her eyes and saying a small prayer, she crossed the street and walked up the sidewalk to the house that hopefully housed her father.

She turned around, looking at Ben before knocking on the imposing red door. He gave her a look of confidence to sustain her. She turned and knocked four short loud-enough knocks. Her knees shook and her breaths were shallow. The thought of no one being home crossed her mind until she heard the knob turn. Ahhh, this was it!

A woman who looked her mother’s age opened the door. Her graying hairdo was stylish and her outfit seemed to be catalog purchased through J. Crew. A sensible lady, indeed. Nothing came out of Elise’s mouth. A million thoughts clotted the section where her conversation skills were normally found. Who was she to her dad?

“Oh, my Lord,” the woman said, putting her hand over her opened mouth. “Elise?”

Elise stepped back, suddenly feeling as though she had entered the Twilight Zone. “How do you know who I am?”

“Henry kept your picture on our mantel. Of course, it’s you when you were little, but I’d recognize your eyes anywhere. Come in.” She ushered Elise inside.

Their home was beautiful. In the open foyer sat a simple white bench with a spray of wild flowers in a tall container on the floor beside it. The blue-green paint color instantly relaxed Elise, and her hostess made her feel right at home. She took her into a formal living room off the front hallway.

Pillows with various botanical species were tossed on yellow overstuffed sofas. A decorative empty birdcage stood prominently in the corner of the cheery room that smelled like lilacs.

“Have a seat.” The lady showed Elise the two sofas to pick from. She sat on the opposite one of Elise’s choosing. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself. My name is Diane Newton.” She didn’t take her eyes off Elise.

“I take from your last name that you married my father.” Elise sat on the edge of the sofa and kept up her guard.

“Yes, I did. Twenty-four years ago.”

Elise did some quick calculating in her head. “That’s about the time he left me...I mean my family, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” She lowered her gaze.

“Are you the reason he moved away?”

“Has your mother told you anything?” Diane met her eyes with strange alertness, waiting for the answer.

“My mother has never mentioned his name except to tell me how he abandoned us, never sent money to support us, and was your basic dead-beat dad. No pertinent information, if that’s what you meant.”

Diane’s lips pinched together; she was possibly forcing them shut to prevent saying something she’d regret. Or maybe just the word ‘no.’ She shifted on the sofa, lifting up her lower half partially, to untwist her cotton pants. Elise sensed there was a closet full of skeletons not too far away.

“Is he here?” Elise’s heart pounded inside her.

Her new stepmother’s color went gray as her eyes locked into position on Elise. “Oh, my gosh. You came here to find him, didn’t you?”

Elise sensed a problem with that. The invisible connection with her dad panged within her spirit. Something was wrong, and she felt his link fading, despite being so close to all the things that belonged to him. Things she knew he had touched and looked at a million times.

“Yes,” she said, barely audible. Her throbbing heart slowed its pace.

Diane stood up and moved next to Elise, putting her hand on her leg and looking into her eyes.

“Honey, he died two years ago. I’m so sorry.” The floor jerked underneath Elise’s feet. The world stopped rotating for a moment as the universe went black in her mind. Her nose began to burn and her eyes started to sting. The words echoed in her head. She was too late. She looked at the ceiling, trying not to allow the tears to pool inside her lids. She didn’t want them to spill onto her cheeks. She glanced at Diane. One tear had escaped her determination and streamed down her face, and that was all it took. Elise put her face into her hands as Diane squeezed her tight.

“He would have loved seeing you so much, honey. He loved you,” Diane said, wiping away one of her own tears.

Emptiness took hold of Elise as she rocked back and forth. It was like losing him all over again. She remembered him holding tight to her, not wanting to let her go. She would never get a chance to feel him ever again. The taillights of their family car was the last image she had of him, and they came to her mind then.

She used the open palm of her hands and wiped her eyes. Diane pulled a tissue from the sofa table behind them and handed it to Elise. She took one for herself and dabbed her eyes. They sat in silence with their own memories and pain.

“How did he die?” Elise could barely say the words.

“He died of lung cancer.”

Oh, Lord. It was a painful death. He must have had time to reflect on all his regrets and still never tried to find her. She didn’t understand it. “Did he ever want to find me?”

Diane straightened up a bit on the couch. “When your mom and dad first separated, he wanted joint custody. But when he mentioned it to your mother, she threatened him that if he tried to make any contact with you girls, she’d take you and your sister and leave the country.”

Elise looked at her in utter disbelief. Emotions of sadness quickly changed to anger.

“How do you know this? Were you around at that time?” Elise backed away from her to absorb her body language as well as her verbal communications.

“I was mutual friends with both of them. After Henry asked for a divorce, we started dating. I don’t want to say anything bad about your mother.” She looked down at the bleached hardwood floor and became quiet.

“Please, I need to know the truth.”

“Henry just wasn’t happy. He tried to please Lyla, but...” Diane stood up and walked to the window. She stroked her neck and seemed like she was back in the moment it all happened.

“And? I need to know. Please continue.”

“After you were born, Lyla accused Henry of loving you more than her.” She turned to Elise and tried to soften what had just come out of her mouth. “I had heard of men who were jealous after their wives had children, you know, because the mother gives all her attention to the new baby?” She looked at Elise for some kind of agreement. “But Lyla went into depression after you were born.”

Diane went back to the sofa and sat beside Elise again, placing her worn hand on her leg.

“Honey, I don’t want you to think you did anything wrong. Some women have post-partum.” She sat back and continued. “Things went a little better after her mother moved in with them and helped take care of you.”

“Her mother? I didn’t know my grandmother.”

“She died in a bus accident right before Melanie was born. And then it seemed your mother got worse. Henry tried to keep it together, but it was impossible. After two years of what he called the miserable years, she kicked him out of the house. Shortly after, he asked for a divorce. But he wanted you girls. I mean, he wouldn’t have taken you without some kind of agreement. He just wanted to have you for shared time with her.”

“And she would rather make everyone miserable than to let one of us be happy?” Elise was well aware of her mother’s selfishness.

“I’m sure she had her reasons, but it made him sick. I told him she wouldn’t do anything as rash as leaving the country, but your mother was unstable. No one could predict what was going through her mind. But he stayed close enough to keep tabs on you girls, without anyone finding out.”

A thought came to Elise’s mind with the clarity of glass. “Did he ever come to the playground at my school?”

“Yes, every chance he got. But your mother called one day and told him it better not happen again.”

“Yeah, me and my big mouth. I told her I saw him.” Elise shook her head, hating her mother the more she learned.

Diane rubbed Elise’s arm. “Honey, you were a little girl. You didn’t know.”

Tears welled in Elise’s eyes again as she thought about the tall man with the dark-rimmed glasses watching with a smile on his face. She missed out all her life with the one man that loved her more than any other. She never got to be daddy’s little girl.

“Why didn’t he ever come and get me when I turned eighteen? She surely didn’t have anything over him then.”

“He had foolishly talked himself into believing you hated him. He thought you lived a whole life with a mother who probably lied about him each day of it, and if he reached out to you, you would turn him away. In a way, it was easier for him to never know how you felt.”

The notion of her dad dying thinking that broke her heart. All she ever wanted, when she was a little girl, was to see those car lights shine in her bedroom. She had kept a secret bag of her own packed under her bed, for the very moment. If he ever came back, she was going to leave with him if she had to hide in his trunk.

Elise wiped away another renegade tear from her cheek. “I wanted nothing more than to know him. I assumed he had left and found another family. At least that’s the lie my mother placed in my head.”

“I tried to find you when Henry became ill, but all that your neighbors knew was that you didn’t live in Kentucky anymore.”

“I moved to California after graduation.”

“So then you went to college?” A small smile appeared on her face.

“Yes, UCLA. I’m a computer programmer for a major medical company.”

Diane crossed her arms over her chest with a look of complete satisfaction. “Henry would be so proud. I don’t mind telling you that he paid for your tuition.”

“What? Mom told me it was her money. In fact, she reminded me every time she could.”

Diane shook her head. “Henry sent money every month to raise you two girls. By the way, what is Melanie doing? I heard she had children.”

“She’s a nurse and yes, she has two children.” The thought of Ben sitting outside suddenly came to her mind. “Oh, no. I’m with someone. I mean, he’s outside waiting for me.” She jumped up and went to the window. He was sitting in the truck, looking toward the house.

“I’m sorry. I have to go.” She looked at Diane and fought away the depression that weighed heavy on her chest.

“I’m so glad you came, Elise.” Diane walked over and hugged her. Elise liked it. It came with no pretentions or force. The woman genuinely liked her, she knew it.

“I wish Dad...” Her face frowned despite her mind’s willpower to stop it from doing so. The frown triggered an outburst that had laid dormant for all her life. She squeezed Diane tightly, not wanting to be released. Short spurts of gasps came from deep inside. Why was she being such a crybaby?

Elise un-gripped the lady’s blouse and straightened her own shirt. After collecting herself, she walked toward the front door. She turned while holding the knob.

“Hey, wait a second. I have something for you.” Diane jogged back to a room down the hall. She came out holding a frame and handed it to Elise.

“It’s your dad when he was younger. I’m sure your mother doesn’t have any to give to you.”

Elise touched his face through the glass. He was just as she remembered all those times in her mind. His soft smile lit up her world every night he would come home from work. He would stop at Melanie’s playpen and kiss her head and then make a direct line to Elise and toss her up in the air until she squealed like a pig. Then he would make an airplane noise and land her on the sofa. He was her hero. Always.

“Thank you, Diane. I’m glad I came and got to meet you. And thanks for taking care of my dad. I’m glad he had someone who loved him.”

“Please come back and visit. I would love to see you again.”

“I’ll try.”

Elise pulled the door open and made the long walk back to Ben’s truck. She tried to think of something that would take away her sadness. Emotions were not something she could handle on the way home with someone who was her second biggest regret in life.

Ben stepped out the truck. His stoic face seemed to be trying to read her. He walked to the passenger side and opened her door. She never looked into his eyes. The shock hadn’t worn off yet and her happy place couldn’t be found. Where was that happy place, anyway?

He walked back to his side and opened the creaky door. She stared straight ahead, hoping he’d start the engine and catapult her back home. Instead, she felt his eyes watching her. She couldn’t look at him. What if she broke down again? Talking about it just might cause such an emotional circus.

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. Just give me a little while and then I’ll try to tell you about it.” She kept her eyes focused on a gray squirrel standing on the sidewalk. Only threads were left of her tight ball of composure. One pull and she was done for.

“That’s fine.” He turned the ignition and pulled out to return back home.

Elise concentrated on the sound of the truck. The vibration under her feet coincided with the low rumble it made while changing gears. The metal corners of the picture frame were leaving indentations on her fingers, due to the fact she was holding it so tightly against her. The steady breeze blowing in the truck smelled like rain. And the traffic was kind enough to allow for a fixed pace back home.

Thirty minutes into their ride, Elise had time to water down the sensation she’d had back at her father’s house. She hoped she could make it through the details without crying. She cleared her throat and searched for the exact words it would take to remove the sting from admitting her father was dead. Something she could say without consciously knowing she was saying it.

“My dad died two years ago.” A compression of air released from her chest. Wasn’t there something else that could have been said that didn’t come out using a double-edged sword?

Ben looked over at her as the truck swerved off the edge of the yellow stripe. He corrected it and mashed his hand to his head.

“Elle, I’m sorry.” He rested his head on his hand. She figured he didn’t know what to say. What could he say? There was nothing left. No more questions of why.

“That’s all right.” She bit her lip, making it hurt a little to distract the tsunami of feelings that tore through her body. Something had to be done to block them from coming out.

“Do you want me to pull off so we can talk about it?”

“Lord, no. I just need to get home. I’m trying my best not to come apart, right now. Focusing on my feelings would not be good. If I show the slightest amount of weakness, they will overcome me and tear me apart.”

“It’s not good to keep your feelings bottled up. Who was that woman at the door?”

“It was his wife. He evidently married her after he divorced Mom.” She looked out the window at the fields whipping by them. The expansive space called to her to come run in them. To get lost in the golden rods of grain. “She’s really nice.”

“Well, that’s good. Did she say why he didn’t look for you?”

“She said Mom threatened him to stay away. It seems she would have taken me and Melanie out of Kentucky if he tried to contact us.”

“What? That’s awful.” Ben tried to make eye contact, but the road demanded his attention.

“Do you mind driving me over there?”

“Over where?”

“Over to her house. I want to confront her.” She gritted her teeth as her chest heaved up and down quickly. Thoughts of mounting her on a target board flashed in her mind.

“Elise, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. I mean, you might say things you would regret, if you had time to think about it.”

“Fine, I’ll drive myself.” Determination sat on her face like a title cup already won.

“I’ll take you. I just think you need to think about what you’re going to say. It’s hard to take things back.”

“I don’t plan to say anything I’d ever take back. I might even forget half the things I want to say to that woman.” Her heart was beating in triplicates.

As the road stretched before them, so did her heart rate, slowing to every third broken line instead of each one. Her mind jumped aimlessly to different childhood instances that she regretted not knowing her father. Stolen moments, compliments of her dear mother. These moments kept her occupied, keeping their hour left of driving a quiet one. Elise ignored the vibration of her phone in her back pocket. There was no way she could have spoken decently to anyone on the other end.

“Do you mind if we stop and eat lunch?” Ben asked, breaking the silence in the cab of the truck. “I don’t know if I can wait.”

“I don’t care.” Hunger couldn’t rival her instinct to snap her mother in half.

Ben pulled off an exit ramp and drove through a fast food line. Elise requested a small fry and a large Coke, figuring she needed nourishment if she was going to properly seize her mother. Ben placed the order and picked the food up at the next window. He pulled into a parking space and they began to eat.

“Thanks for taking me today, Ben. I know you had a lot to do.” The fries were salty and tasted good.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” His look of complete satisfaction eased her troubled spirit. He had that way about him.

They finished eating in the parking lot, their windows rolled down. The arm she had rested on the window sill felt like it was getting a burn from the sun, although it didn’t concern her. Even the problem of her attraction to Ben seemed to be taking second place to the premeditation of killing her mother.

They made their way back to Bowling Green, Ben cutting through shortcuts to Lyla’s house. He pulled up in front and put the truck in park. A large black cloud had beat them there, ominously hanging over the house. Elise rubbed her legs and turned the picture of her dad over, looking at it before getting out.

Leaning into the open window, she said, “This shouldn’t take long.”

The Toyota of her mother’s boyfriend was sitting in the driveway. Elise felt sorry for that poor sucker, at the moment. Innocent bystanders would receive no sympathy for what she was about to say. What she had to say. Her steps competed with her sharp breaths. The sudden strong wind from an ensuing storm blew hard against her, giving the extra courage she needed to confront her mother.

“Mother,” she shouted after swinging the front door open.

“Elise? We’re in the family room. Come on back.” Her unsuspecting voice carried to the front of the house.

Elise kept her shoes on, stomping to the back area. Frank was holding her mother’s legs and they both scrambled to sit up.

“Don’t bother moving. I won’t take long.” Her mother tried to study Elise’s face. “Elise this is Frank. He’s my...”

“Save it, Mother. I don’t give a shit who he is to you.” Daggers formed in the middle of Elise’s pupils, her tongue moved like a copperhead, waiting to strike. “I’ve met too many people today. People you know and failed to introduce me to.”

“Who are you talking about and why are you acting so hateful, Elise? I didn’t raise you this way.” She had no idea the storm had just walked into her front door.

“Diane Newton, Mother. Do you know her?” She waited for her mother’s reaction. A jerk of realization in the nod of her head.

Lyla’s look said what she was unable to. “Where did you meet her?” The tone moved from fake to direct.

“I went to her house. It was lovely, really. And surprisingly, it is only about an hour and a half away from here. It seems her and Daddy have lived there for the past twenty-some years. Were you aware of this?”

She didn’t wait for her mother’s irking, submissive answer. “Certainly you must have been, seeing that you gladly took the money he addressed to you every month, with his return address on the envelope. Did you hate me that much, Mother, to not allow me to know him? Well congratulations, your mission is over. He’s dead. I will never know him.”

“Frank, could you get me a drink, dear? Give me a minute with my daughter.” She waved her hand, pointing him in the direction of the other room.

The poor man looked like a victim of a drive-by shooting. He sat like an opossum, playing dead until the gunfire was over. It was an exercise in resilience of the family drama known as the Newtons.

“Don’t bother, Frank.” Elise retorted, not moving her stare from Lyla. “Mother, I’ve said all I need to. Except for the request, or rather, invitation not to ever communicate with me again. As far as I’m concerned, when you put me on a plane twelve years ago, that meant for me not to come back. Consider your wish granted.”

Elise stormed out and slammed the door behind her. Her heart rate was in the danger zone of any EKG machine, as she shook from the confrontation. Her legs felt entirely made up of cartilage, bending dangerously off skew with each step she made. She just had to make it to Ben before she collapsed from the trauma her little rant did on her body. The only thing holding her together was her adrenaline and the order of fries to back it up.

Stray debris from the neighbor’s house tumbled over the grass as she ran to Ben’s truck. The storm was blowing in with a vengeance. Dirty-colored gray clouds hung in the sky above the town. Her phone kept buzzing in her pocket. She took it out and held it until she got in the truck and then shoved it in her bag.

“Drive, Ben.” Her arms were still shaking. He rolled the window up as the rain began pelting the windows.

With closed eyes, Elise breathed in the dusty smell the rain brought with it. Soon the earth would be cleansed from the storm. Soon Elise would, too.

Shifting down through the downpour, Ben squinted to see out the front windshield. The wipers were beating back and forth on the fastest setting. The water had begun pooling in the low areas, forcing Ben to tap his brakes.

Water flooded onto the windshield. Curtains of rain poured over her as she sat in the time capsule of Ben’s truck. Her mother, yet again, managing to ruin her day, her life. It was a renewal rain for her troubled past. It drowned out all its lies and problems. After it was over, Elise could leave Kentucky and start fresh. But how could she leave Ben? Like her, he was a victim of Lyla Newton. Their once perfect love was destroyed by the woman who refused to let anyone else be happy.

After driving slowly and hydroplaning once or twice, they finally pulled down the long drive to Ben’s house.

The dark clouds forced an early end to the evening. The pole lights had turned on, and the farm hands had taken in the horses. They parked at the house and waited in the car for a break in the downpour. Without much of a thought, Elise flung open her door and ran toward the field beside his house. In an instant, she was soaked. Her linen blouse adhered to her skin. Drops of rain dripped from her eyelashes. A distant thunder crashed. She kept running. The water and wet ground saturated her slip-on shoes, making it feel like she was running with sponges attached to her feet. Finally, she stopped and looked toward the sky. The rain was pouring too heavily, forcing her to close her eyes like a drunken sailor. Ben ran up behind her.

“Elise, are you crazy? You’re getting soaked. Come into the house.” Water dripped off his lips and rolled off the brim of his hat.

Elise’s trance from the storm was broken and she turned to him, her eyes falling to his wet lips. She heard nothing he said, only the chant from the devil inside her head, calling her attention to the eligible man that stood before her. The one who had never left her mind...or her heart.

Ben was crouching down and holding his arm around her, trying to urge her inside. She grabbed him by the neck and pressed him with a kiss that took their breath away. His hat fell to the ground as he pulled her closer. Pent-up years of passion was released as she aggressively kissed down his neck. His hands navigated down her back and the coating rain forced them to explore each other without seeing. Thunder grumbled angrily in the distance.

She pulled at his shirt and moved back to his parted lips, where he waited for her to continue exploring. He touched her breast and she purred inside. As he pulled her by the hand, they ran toward the house. They kicked their shoes off in the living room, never breaking their hold on one another. The obstacle of the stairs proved no match for their ability to float on top of them, making their way to Ben’s bedroom.

They stood in front of his bed, stopping for a brief moment from the frantic ravishing of one another. Ben’s gaze held her hypnotized as he pulled off her sticky wet blouse, sliding it over her head. Her hair hung in thick wet ropes, dangling dripping water over his floor. He took his time to look at her body. She reached behind her, unclasping her bra. His breath caught. His look and the cold temperature of the room made chill-bumps on her skin.

Ben unzipped his pants and kicked them off while she unbuttoned his shirt. He laid her down on the bed and undid her pants. The stubborn denim made it hard for her to shimmy them off. She kicked relentlessly, pushing them down with her feet, before they fell on the floor with a thud.

For the next two hours, they made love. Ben explored every inch of her. Elise recalled how perfect he was as a lover. She smiled as he kissed the small of her back before rolling over to her back to enjoy him all over again.

After they had exhausted themselves, they listened to the quietness of the after storm. The rage of the thunder, like their lovemaking, was now settled into perfect stillness. Lightning bugs pressed against the windows, illuminating only tiny fractions of the room. Otherwise, it was pitch black. The moon stayed hidden behind the thick, dark clouds. The worn, damp sheet draped across Elise, and Ben had laid his head on her stomach.

“God, I’ve missed you.”

Elise closed her eyes tightly, absorbing all that the moment brought her. Only she knew how lonely she had been for him for all those stolen years. He took her hand and played with her fingers, kissing each of them.

“Elise, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just thinking.”

“What are you thinking about?” He turned over to his stomach and stared at her silhouette.

“How crazy today was. How I had no idea when I woke up this morning this is where I’d be at the end of it.”

“I’m not crazy about what happened to you today, but I’m sure glad this is where it ended.”

He kissed her arm and she closed her eyes again. “Are you hungry?” he asked.

“I’m starving. What do you have?” She stacked a couple pillows and pulled herself up on them.

“I have anything you want.” He got out of bed and felt for the wall.

Ben turned the hall light on and Elise shielded her eyes. “Just bring me anything. Crackers and cheese would even be fine. Oh, and can you bring my bag. I’d better call Melanie and tell her I’ll be home in a little bit.”

Ben’s posture lost conformity. “You’re not leaving, are you? Can’t you stay with me?”

She would stay the rest of her life if she could. One night with him could fix anything that was wrong with her.

It wasn’t right, though. Not now. There were too many unsettled things and people in her life. On the other hand, what were a few more hours? What could she do in the night at Melanie’s, except stay awake longing to be with Ben?

“Just bring me my bag. I’ll see what she’s doing. She’s probably wondering where I’m at. And if she’s talked to Mom, she should at least hear my side of the story.” She pulled the sheet up under her arms.

He stood in the hall, naked. Looking at him was something she would never tire of. He stepped inside and pulled a pair of boxer shorts from the drawer. He snapped them on his waist and went downstairs.

The sound of the crickets chirped through the walls of the house. Steam settled on the windows from the temperature change outside. His room felt like home to her. He came back, holding her pocketbook and a bag of chips with two drinks.

“I was out of crackers. I’m sorry, but I can go back and find something else. Would you like some popcorn or maybe cereal? I’ve got your favorite, with marshmallows.” He smiled.

“I can get dressed and go down. I think I’m actually hungrier than I thought. Maybe something like a fried egg or something more filling.” She opened the sheet to get out of bed and looked at him. “Do you have something dry I can wear?”

“Do you have to get dressed? You’re already wearing my favorite thing on you.” He smiled with pleasure.

“Ben, hurry, I’m hungry.”

His closet was full of button down shirts of every color and design. All the latest fashions for the cowboy of Kentucky. He pulled a brown striped one off the hanger and tossed it to Elise. She buttoned it up and pulled her underwear from the floor and slipped into them. The phone in her bag was still buzzing. She pulled it out and looked at the number with a concentrative look.

“Who is it?” Ben asked.

“It’s my secretary, Janine. What time is it, anyway?” The digital clock on his bed stand read six thirty. What did Janine want? She never called when Elise was out of town. It was three thirty back in California. Curiosity forced her to answer.

“Hello.”

“Miss Newton, thank goodness you finally answered. I’ve been calling for hours.” Her voice was rushed and exhausted.

“Janine, calm down. What’s the matter?” Elise put her hand to her mouth, waiting to hear what seemed to be rattling the very calm secretary she had left a few days ago. Maybe the printer was out of paper.

“Miss Newton, I’m so sorry to call. It’s just that when the hospital called this morning and couldn’t get a hold of you, I didn’t know what to do.”

“Janine, what are you talking about? Why is the hospital calling me?” The image of Darren slammed into her thoughts. Oh, Lord. What happened?

“It was a woman. She was trying to get a hold of you to tell you there was an accident with Dr. Masterson. He was in surgery. I didn’t know your mother’s phone number. It’s not in your personnel file. I’ve been a nervous wreck all day, Miss Newton.” Her words stumbled into each other as they fell through the telephone connection.

Ben stared at Elise who was now trembling with shock. Emptiness echoed in her stomach. God was punishing Darren for her sin of cheating. The horrible day that ended better than it started was now gone. She had to get to Darren. He had no one else.

“Okay, Janine. You did well. I know about it now and I’m coming home. Did she tell you anything else? Why is he in surgery?”

“All she said was that you needed to be found and he was being operated on.” Her words blew around like snow flurries in Elise’s mind, putting a white haze on all her rational thoughts.

“Thank you, Janine. I’ve got to go, but I’ll be in contact with you tomorrow.”

Ben stood in the doorway, waiting for Elise to finish. She clicked the phone off and grabbed her wet clothes from the floor, stuffing them into the crux of her arm and shaking her head left and right.

“What’s wrong, Elise?” He rushed over, touching her busied arm.

“Darren’s been in an accident. Why in the hell didn’t I check my phone earlier? I’ve got to get back home.”

Ben watched her as she talked cursively to herself. There were no words he could have said. Nothing that could ease her guilt or expel her worry for Darren. Their reunion was overturned by fate.

The phone wasn’t cooperating with her commands as she banged on the number pad. “All I want is the freaking number for Tennessee International,” she screamed at the device.

“I’ll take you, if you want.”

“I have to take Mom’s car back to Melanie. She can take me, I hope. Maybe, if you don’t mind, you could stay with the kids while she drives me.”

“Why won’t you let me take you?” He bent over and picked up the wad of clothes that was slipping from her grasp.

“All I’ve done is ask things of you today. I can’t ask you anymore. Especially for this.” She began walking down the stairs punching out more numbers on her phone.

“I want to take you, Elise. If you need me, I can even go back with you.”

The words hung like a bad odor in the air. She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. “Ben, you can’t go back with me.”

“You’re obviously upset. And after everything else that’s happened today, I think you need someone to be with you.”

“I’m going to the hospital to see Darren. I’m sure as hell not ready to answer the question of who you are.” The words slipped past the sugar coating room in her brain. The truth stung both of them.

“Who am I, Elise?” He stood three steps up from where she was.

“I can’t do this now, Ben. I can’t.” Her wet clothes were seeping through the dry shirt of Ben’s she was wearing.

She shoved the phone in her bag and pounded her feet into her wet shoes. One had flung all the way over by the sofa. The memory for the reason of its trajectory humbled her curtness. Ben slowly moved down the stairs.

“I’m just a little shaken, I guess. Don’t bother watching the kids. I’ll work it out. I’ve just got to go now.” She was wise not to look directly into his eyes. She had gotten stuck there once before.

The evening of complete passion had turned into a sea of insecurity in a matter of a three-minute phone call. How did she leave things with him? There was no need to promise what she didn’t know or was unsure of. It wasn’t her style, anyway. But just a few minutes ago, she would have slipped a ring on her left hand for him. What now?

“I’ll call you when I get back. I’m sorry for everything.” He nodded, but hadn’t moved an inch in her direction. She’d re-opened the wounds, probably leaving him with the image of her running. Again. Running from, running to. Google Elise Newton, there was probably an icon of winged feet in the block for her picture. When would she ever stop?

She opened the creaky door and disappeared into the fresh evening. Crisp air brushed her thighs, reminding her she was half dressed in only Ben’s shirt. The car lights bumped off the fence posts as she sped down the road. The airline reservation’s desk finally answered and she managed to book the flight back home. It departed in an hour and a half. There was no time to waste getting her bags packed and leaving. She hoped Melanie was ready for a road trip. Thoughts of Ben’s empty eyes would have to wait till later.

“Hello, Melanie?”

“Elise, what is going on? Mom said you went to her house and you had a fight.”

The car hydroplaned as anger welled up inside her. “I don’t have time to talk about Mom and her sad life right now, Melanie. Darren’s been in an accident and I have to get back home. Can you drive me to the airport?”

“I’ll have to take the kids, but we can manage. Is he all right?” Thankfully, she diverted from her inquisition of their mother and focused on the help Elise needed at the moment.

“I don’t know. I haven’t called the hospital yet. I’m just trying to make the flight. I’ll be there in about five minutes. Can you pack my bag? Just throw everything in the suitcase. I’ve got to make the eight fifteen flight.”

“I’ll start right now. Be careful, the roads are really wet.”

Elise got to Melanie’s house and dragged her bags out the front door. She pulled a pair of jeans out of one of the cases and put them on. There was no time to dig for a bra. The shirt she had on was baggy and she had her wet one wadded up and tucked in her pocketbook. It might get some looks at baggage claims, but she didn’t care.

They hurried the kids to the car and quickly sped out of the town of Bowling Green. She scribbled a note and tucked it in the glove box of Ben’s truck. Melanie was still driving it until hers got fixed. She hoped he’d find it after Melanie switched cars with him.

The hour trip seemed to take five hours to get there. Finding Nemo was playing for the kids in the back seat, and Melanie didn’t ask Elise any more questions. She must have sensed how nervous her sister seemed. Elise rested her head on the cold window, her forehead leaving a skin mark on the glass. Thoughts of both Ben and Darren plagued her stress levels, soaring them to new heights.

When they finally made it to the front of the airport, Elise jumped out and put her bags on the sidewalk. Feeling conscious of being braless, she closed another button and reached in the back to give the kids a quick kiss goodbye. Melanie got an extra hug.

“Thank you so much, Melanie. I’m sorry to leave you like this.”

“Don’t worry about it. I hope he’s all right. Please call and let me know.” She hesitated, seeming to want to say more. “Elise?”

“Yeah?”

“How’s Ben?”

“He’s fine. Why are you asking me that?” She stopped pulling at her rolling cart handles and stared at her sister. She imagined her look carried all the guilt of a mug shot.

“I just remember how he was the last time you caught a plane out of here, and I’m pretty sure that’s the shirt the kids bought him on Father’s Day.”

“He’s fine, Melanie. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She brushed the assumption under the surface and ran away waving good-bye.

When the flight attendant finished her instructions for seatbelts, Elise rested her head back and closed her eyes. What was she leaving behind and what was awaiting her? She wasn’t ready for any more surprises.