Megan’s words still rang in my ears when I met up with the others. After a heated conversation, where I had to explain about Avril’s tweet, I felt thoroughly demoralised. Luckily, she didn’t ask how much Conrad’s escapade had cost and I hoped the credit card bill wouldn’t land in the office any time soon.
This morning we were going to the Carlsberg Brewery and then on to the famous Round Tower, with a few hours free and then a much-anticipated trip to Tivoli Gardens, of which we’d had tantalising glimpses of ever since we’d arrived.
I was going to be keeping a close eye on Conrad. Apparently, the brewery had the largest collection of bottled beer in the world which numbered over ten thousand bottles. Yes, I was going to be keeping a very close eye on Conrad indeed.
The brewery was a hit with everyone, even Ben seemed to enjoy it, Fiona, as usual, managed to snap plenty of photos and Avril amazed us all by being somewhat of an expert on beer, it turned out she came from a minor brewing dynasty.
After that we headed to the Round Tower, which I was dreading. I’m not great with heights and certainly didn’t want to let anyone in the group know. Disasters to date withstanding, I felt I’d come through and had garnered a bit of respect from them all. It looked as if I knew what I was doing and the last thing I wanted was to look an idiot in front of them all.
Luckily the Rundetaarn wasn’t what I was expecting at all. I’d seen plenty of pictures of a rather gloomy looking Rapunzel tower, with narrow gothic windows but the real thing was so much more picturesque and much bigger than it looked. It promised spectacular views over the city. All I had to do was focus on looking out over the horizon and not down and I’d be fine. No one would ever know that my insides were already quivering at the thought.
As soon as we stepped inside, I fell in love with the bright and roomy white-washed walls of the tower. Reassuringly it looked more like a contemporary art gallery than an ancient monument. There were no steps at this level, instead a wide gentle path coiled upwards, its cobbled stones bathed in the sunshine pouring through the regular window niches set deep in the walls. Stark and simple, there was no sensation of height at all and I could concentrate on the leisurely walk.
‘It was designed so that a horse and carriage could drive up here,’ explained Mads as we wound our way up. ‘Cars have also been driven up here and every year there is a unicycle race to the top and down again.’
‘They must be crazy,’ said Sophie. ‘And have very sore backsides after bouncing about on these cobbles.’
I managed to avoid looking out of the windows, even though the others stopped regularly to peer out at the view. None of them seemed to have noticed my periodic interest in my phone or my strategic photos looking back down the way we’d come.
We were almost at the top when Mads stopped and gestured to a small opening, almost like an igloo, in the very centre of the tower.
‘Go in. Take a look.’ Mads grinned. ‘If you’re brave enough.’
We bunched together no one wanting to be the first to enter the small space. Everyone but me seemed to be intrigued by the challenging smile on his face.
Ben squeezed past and went into the tiny opening, ducking his head as he went.
‘Step out,’ yelled Mads.
‘Seriously?’ Ben called back.
‘Yes.’ Mads flashed us his usual cheery grin. ‘It’s quite safe.’
I heard him whistle and then he backed out to join us. ‘That’s a scary thing. A leap of faith.’
Of course, everyone wanted to see after that, so one by one they filed in. I hung back like a good host at a dinner table, waiting for all the guests to take their turn. Of course, that was the wrong thing to do because it meant that at the end all eyes focused on me.
‘Go on, Kate, your turn,’ said Sophie. ‘It’s brilliant.’
I dithered, my heart starting to pound a little. ‘No, you’re alright. I’m sure you all want to get to the top of the tower and we need to keep to our schedule. Don’t forget I’m one of the guides. I’m working.’
‘Nonsense,’ said Sophie and Avril backed her up.
‘No honestly. It’s fine.’ I gave them a stiff smile, hoping the sheer terror didn’t show. I did not want to go to pieces in front of them all.
Unfortunately, with a row of enthusiastic faces urging you on, it’s very difficult to listen to your inner voice telling you that this is a crazy, stupid idea because how could anything at the top of a very tall tower, down a very narrow aperture, possibly be brilliant.
‘Come on, Kate, we’ve all done it. It’s important you join in,’ Ben’s voice held a note of challenge and I shot him a dirty look, to which he raised one eyebrow and quirked his lip.
Damn him. They’d all stopped waiting patiently. How could I not do it?
Taking a deep breath, I took a few paces forward. Mind over matter. For the sake of my job, I could do this. I was a professional. Of course, I could do this. Mads had said it was quite safe.
The tiny tunnel was quite claustrophobic. Once inside you couldn’t turn around. The tunnel opened into a circular space, with a circle in the centre of the floor. I looked down … whoa! Hastily I stepped back except there was nowhere to step back. Heart pounding, I forced myself to look again. Bloody hell, the hairs on my forearms spiked. Scary. Scary. Scary. It was a very long way down. A very, very long way down. You could see right down through the core of the building.
‘Step on it, Kate. It’s glass,’ urged Mads.
What the … Clever lighting created an illusion and there was a piece of glass over the top, not that it made me feel any better.
Behind me I could tell they were all peering down the narrow opening. I pushed out a tentative toe. Oh thank God, I could feel the glass. It was there.
‘Go on, Kate, step on it.’
I closed my eyes, fingers clenched tight in my palms, took a deep breath and stepped out. My heart leapt in fierce gratitude at the feel of the firm surface of the glass beneath my feet.
Phew, I’d done it. Now I could go back, head held high.
I should have left it at that, but no I had to go and look down.
Big mistake. Huge.
The glass had gone. Completely vanished. I was hanging in mid-air.
Everything inside me melted as if my bones had been removed. I swayed for a second, fighting against dizziness, locking my knees trying to stop the sensation of falling. Any second now. I was going to feel myself falling, falling, falling, going down and down. I braced myself, fearful of the pain of landing, except in another part of my mind, I knew I was stationary despite the rushing in my ears, the blurry vision and the whoosh of my lungs as I expelled every last breath in a panicked gasp.
‘We’ll see you at the top, Kate,’ called Mads and dimly I was aware of the group receding.
Now I was stuck, my feet glued to the surface of the glass and at any second, the glass could give way. Logically there was a tiny part of me knew the glass had been here for a long time – they wouldn’t let tourists do this - an awful lot more of me saying that it was a possibility. The glass could break, the building was old, the bricks holding it in could give way. I was in a state of paralysis where none of my limbs seemed to want to do what I was telling them, mocking me with their greater self-knowledge. Don’t be stupid. Don’t move an inch. If you move now you’re doomed. Doomed. You’ll fall right to the bottom. Moving will displace the glass. One inch and it will collapse.
‘Kate.’ Vaguely I registered Ben’s voice. ‘Kate!’
I didn’t dare move a muscle. Suddenly I was Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, one tiny drop of sweat, one wrong move, a single twitch could tip the balance, send the glass falling and me with it.
‘Kate,’ Ben’s low voice resonating with urgency came from right behind me.
‘Mmm,’ I said, my throat constricted by the tension in my neck from holding my head so still.
‘Are you OK?’
‘Mmm.’ I couldn’t even turn my head towards his voice.
‘Have you got a problem with heights?’ His gentle words were matter of fact.
‘Yup.’
I heard him exhale.
‘Can you move?’
‘Nope.’
All I could see was the yawning hole beneath my feet and then a pair of leather size nines joined mine and Ben put both hands on my rigid arms, urging me to look up at him.
‘You’re OK. Come on. Look at me.’
I took in a gasp of shaky stutter breath, I’d been holding it for so long, scared even to breathe.
The touch of his hands gave me something different to focus on and I lifted my head.
His blue-grey eyes were full of gentle concern and he gave me a coaxing smile, squeezing my arms. ‘A kroner for your thoughts.’
I swallowed, my throat too dry to answer.
‘Haven’t we met some place before? And here was I thinking you were clinging to that brass rail, overcome by my good looks.’
Somehow a stifled sob-cum-laugh escaped me and my feet magically unglued themselves from the glass as he gave me a gentle push towards the exit.
‘Come on you, time to get out of here.’ Like a shepherd, with a wobbly-legged lamb he herded me out into the bright white light of the corridor and over to one of the window niches, an arm resting in the small of my back, with gentle reassuring pressure.
I sank onto the stone lintel, and dropped my head to my knees. He sat down next to me, his thighs next to mine, his arm around my back and bending forward so his head was level with mine. Now I was safe, I was sucking in air, panicked breaths I’d been too scared to take earlier.
‘It’s OK, Kate.’ Ben’s arm squeezed me, pulling me closer, his words low and soothing. ‘You’re OK now.’
I huddled down a bit more, grateful for my hair obscuring my face. What an idiot, I was. What must he think? I closed my eyes tightly, as if that might stop him seeing me.
‘Kate?’
Gentle fingers slid across my face, as he pulled back the curtain of my hair and carefully tucked it behind my ear.
And I was a complete goner. The tender touch sent my stomach into freefall and I turned to face him, shooting a panicked look into concerned blue eyes.
And what did he do? He cupped my face and stroked my cheekbone with his thumb. Now I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. All I could do was stare. At him. At his lips. No, not at his lips. Not there.
‘OK?’
Slowly I nodded, sucking in a desperate breath, trying to get my equilibrium back. This was Ben. Ben. Mad Fox Ben. The same Ben I’d wanted so desperately to kiss the first time we met.
His thumb stilled and his eyes travelled across my face until they met mine, in a heart-stopping moment of connection. For a second we stared at each other. My ribs seemed too tight around my chest.
‘Sorry,’ I whispered, rubbing at my eyes with my hands to break the connection. We didn’t even like each other. ‘I … I feel like a fool,’ I whispered.
He laid a gentle finger on my mouth. ‘No, you’re not.’ He dropped the softest of kisses on my forehead.
‘You’re no fool, Kate Sinclair.’
I lifted my head and pressed my forehead to his. We stayed there for a few minutes and I felt as if I’d absorbed some of his strength and steadiness, enough to bolster me.
‘Are you sure you want to go up to the top? Or do you want to stay here?’
I hesitated, unable to look him in the eye.
‘You don’t have to be brave.’
‘I do,’ I said trying to pull away from him. I’d so rather be on ground level. ‘This is work,’ I said softly, ‘I’m supposed to look after everyone. I’ll be fine if I don’t look down.’
‘And, I’ll be with you every step of the way.’ His hand slipped into mine as we stood and followed the path upwards.
There were steps up to the very top of the tower which then led into a tiny stone spiral staircase before you emerged out onto the top of the tower. The view was a perfect juxtaposition of Copenhagen, historic green bronze-topped buildings with wedding cake tiered affairs against a back drop of the sea, wind turbines and modern industrial chimneys as long as you stayed well back and didn’t look down.
‘You OK?’ asked Ben as we reached the outside giving my hand one last squeeze.
Forcing the tremulous smile, I nodded. ‘Yes. Thank you.’ I could have wept. ‘I’ll take it steady. Look out and not down.’
‘I’m going to take some pictures.’ He pulled out his phone and took a step towards the railing at the edge. ‘Sure, you’ll be OK?’ he asked again, this time with a teasing smile.
‘I’m just going to stay right here. Become a wall-hugger.’
He raised an eyebrow in amused query. ‘Is there such a thing?’
‘There is now.’
I stayed well back from the railings around the edge and leaned against the wall tilting my face up to the sunshine, as if I was basking in the rays rather than trying to regain my equilibrium. I heard him join the others and Mads’ voice floated my way.
‘That’s St Nicholas Church; it was the third oldest church in Denmark but burnt down in the eighteenth century. It was rebuilt in the early nineteen hundreds, and the dominant ninety metre neo baroque spire was paid for by the brewer Carl Jacobsen.’
‘Over there is Christianbourg Palace, the Danish parliament.’
And then I heard Sophie ask, ‘What happened to Kate? Where is she?’
I closed my eyes tight.
‘Work emergency. She had to take a call but it’s all under control.’
I really wished I’d kissed that man.