Henry wasn’t sure what he was supposed to think. All that he knew was how very confused he was. As if just being around Stewart wasn’t difficult enough without Stewart telling him he might want to marry him later on. Maybe he didn’t have to think about that—maybe he shouldn’t think about it. Maybe all he should think about was himself. He tried to move on through the week, tried to concentrate on work, but all that he kept focusing on was Stewart.
By the time Friday rolled around, he knew he was going to have to decide. Inaction was what he would have preferred, but inaction wasn’t necessarily possible when someone like Stewart Miller was involved. When Charlie decided to give him a hard time over the fact that he seemed unable to concentrate, Henry knew he was going to have to give it a chance.
There was a part of him that didn’t want to. There was a huge part of him that thought this entire thing was stupid. He thought this was all ridiculous, every single part of it. Stewart, of course, had to go and make dating weird.
He didn’t know why he had done so. He just knew that he had. After their last coffee date, just like Stewart had said, he hadn’t reached out… not even once. It was good, Henry supposed, because he needed to make sure Stewart didn’t think he was overeager or anything. Not that he wasn’t. He could feel how overeager he was. He had walked out of work, gone to his place, taken a shower and then stared at his phone. He was wearing nothing but his boxers as he decided whether he was going to tell Stewart to meet him that night.
He might as well, he told himself as he grabbed his phone. If the date didn’t go well, if things were bad, there was no reason for him to keep seeing Stewart. There was no reason to bother with Stewart at all after that. If the date went well… he would cross that bridge when he got there, he told himself.
He scrolled until he found Stewart’s contact card. He pressed the button down and waited until Stewart answered. It only took a couple of rings. “Thank God,” he said. “I didn’t think I was going to get a call from you.”
“I considered that,” Henry said, “but then I considered how much I wanted to see you instead.”
Stewart laughed. “So the whole thing is not too weird?”
“Oh, I didn’t say that,” Henry replied. “The whole thing is super weird, but hopefully it’s a weird I can work around.”
Stewart nodded. “Like I said, we can just take things slow,” he said.
“That’s the plan,” Henry said. “I’m not letting you pay me for sex.”
Stewart laughed. “I would never even attempt to,” he said. “I mean, I might attempt to, but only to piss you off.”
“Ah, yes, just the kind of boyfriend I’ve always wanted,” Henry heard himself say.
Stewart didn’t say anything. Henry bit down on his lower lip, wondering if he had made a mistake. He hadn’t meant to say that. He hadn’t meant to push Stewart. Stewart cleared his throat before he spoke. “I aim to please,” he said. “So what do you have in mind for tonight?”
“Tonight?”
“I mean, it could be any other day this weekend, but to be honest, I was hoping it was tonight,” he said. “I’ve been desperately waiting to hear from you.”
“Desperately, huh?” Henry asked.
“Well, not desperately,” Stewart replied. “Don’t feel too good about yourself yet.”
“Don’t worry,” Henry said, leaning forward bringing his shoulders to his knees. “I can still fuck up this date massively. Maybe you’ll never want to see me again after tonight.”
Stewart laughed. “Well, if you fuck up, at least I won’t feel as alone as I did before.”
“Hey, nobody has ever accused me of not being a team player,” Henry said. “At least not since I was a little boy.”
He could hear Stewart’s smile when he spoke again. “Please tell me more about your childhood when we see each other tonight,” he said. “Do you want to text me where we’re meeting?”
Henry closed his eyes. “No,” he said. “Stay put. I’m coming to pick you up from your house.”
“Oh,” Stewart said. “And you’re not even telling me where we’re going?”
“I’m not,” he said. “Wear something warm, though, okay?”
“Something warm? We’re so far south,” he said.
“I know, but we’re going to be out for a while,” he said. “You might want to tell your butler you’re not going to be home tonight.”
“You think I have a butler?” Stewart said.
Henry chuckled. “You don’t?”
“I have a—I’ll tell you when we see each other,” he said. “How formal should I be?”
“Wear those clothes you wore for gardening,” Henry said. “Make sure you don’t wear shorts, though. You don’t want burrs to get on your skin.”
“Right,” Stewart said. “I’m afraid of spiky things, so that works.”
Henry smiled. “See you in about two hours?”
“Yeah,” Stewart replied. “See you then.”
***
Henry was feeling giddy with anticipation when he stopped in front of Stewart’s house. He didn’t want to leave his car in case he would get towed and there was every chance that would happen, since the car was certainly out of place in Stewart’s neighborhood. Henry was pretty sure someone might have already called the police on him for simply daring to exist in their area.
Luckily, Stewart came out quickly enough after Henry called him to let him know that he was there. Henry watched him descend the steps from his house onto the sidewalk. He looked gorgeous, Henry thought. He couldn’t see him that well, but his silhouette was visible under the street lights.
He waved at Henry who waved back at him, feeling the goofy smile on his lips. He felt a bit like an idiot, but it didn’t matter. He had no idea what he was doing, but that didn’t matter either.
At least he had no idea what he was doing with Stewart. That was better than having no idea what he was doing by himself. Stewart approached the car and Henry leaned forward to open the passenger door for him.
Stewart sat down on the passenger seat next to him. Henry smiled at him as he put the car in gear. “Sorry I’m early,” he said.
Stewart shrugged. “Please,” he replied. “I thought my days of waiting for a car to arrive were over when I became an adult, but alas, it seems like even middle age can’t stop that.”
Henry chuckled. “You really were waiting for me?”
“I’m seriously not going to tell you where,” he said. “That would be embarrassing.”
Henry licked his lips. He didn’t regret this. He was already having fun with Stewart. The man didn’t even need to say anything to make Henry feel perfectly at ease. The two of them made idle chit chat as Henry drove away from the city. Stewart had a lot of random knowledge and he seemed to be able to move the conversation in whatever way he wanted. Henry felt totally at ease with him right then, which surprised him. Considering how weird the situation was, he was sure it was going to feel more awkward than it did… except it didn’t feel awkward at all. Stewart didn’t say anything when Henry took the exit to go on the freeway. He didn’t say anything as Henry drove away from the cars on the highway, toward the north of the city, far away from it.
He just continued making conversation, as if it was all the most natural thing in the world. Henry didn’t understand why Stewart trusted him. He could have easily taken him out and mugged him. Of course he would never do that, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t understand someone else’s temptation.
When he finally parked in front of the national park he had been taking them to, Stewart stared at him strangely. “What are you doing?”
“Taking you on a date,” Henry replied, smiling at him. He still didn’t want to give his secret away, but Stewart hadn’t pressed him at all and he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able to keep it a secret. “Oh, should I just tell you?”
“You better tell me,” Stewart said. “If you don’t tell me, I’m going to be even more confused than I already am.”
“Well, I thought about taking you somewhere for food,” Henry said, “but you already took me to a fancy ass restaurant. I thought about taking you to the movies, but I don’t know what you like. So then I thought… I thought I would show you something special.”
“What?”
“This,” Henry said.
“This is a beautiful park,” Stewart said, cocking his head. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been here during the day and it’s truly stunning. But…”
“But what?”
“I guess I don’t understand what we’re doing here at night,” Stewart said.
“Well, we’re breaking in,” Henry replied, winking at him. He had made sure to park the car under some trees that obscured it from any cars passing by. He had been too close to being caught by policemen on their patrol runs.
He made sure to look around to see if there was any way people could see his black sedan, but he was pretty sure he was well camouflaged. He turned around to get his supplies out of the backseat. When he had slung his bag over his shoulder, he got out of the car, walked in front of it, and opened the door for Stewart. Stewart grabbed his hand. Steward held his hand as he got out of the car and looked at him, a question in his eyes.
“I’ll tell you more soon,” he said. “I promise.”
Stewart raised his eyebrows. Henry couldn’t see him very well because the lights from the car had gone off and the night was dark. It was perfect for what Henry was planning, but for the first time, he realized that Stewart might not feel very comfortable with what Henry was trying to do.
He pulled Stewart close to him. He still had his hand on Henry’s and Henry had moved his fingers so they were laced with Stewart’s. This felt right. Their hands felt like they fit together, just like they had the first time. He could feel Stewart’s breath on his skin. It had quickened slightly. He could have kissed him then—he thought, there was absolutely no way for him to be sure—but he needed to talk to him first, needed to make sure Stewart knew that everything was okay, that everything was going to be okay. “Do you trust me?” he whispered, his heart beating fast in his chest.
Maybe that wasn’t the best question to ask. Henry considered the possibility that it was going to do nothing but freak Stewart out. Stewart leaned in close to him. From the way his breath was moving against Henry’s skin, he could tell Stewart was nodding. “Yes,” he said. “I trust you. Shouldn’t I?”
“You should,” Henry said. His eyes were adjusting to the darkness and he could see Stewart’s face in front of him. He knew he should resist, but he couldn’t help himself. He grabbed Stewart’s chin with his thumb and his forefinger and brought him close to his face. He pressed his lips against Stewart’s for a brief second, their kiss lingering when he pulled away and Stewart’s face followed him. He kissed Henry deeply, his tongue pressing against Henry’s sealed lips. Henry let him in, melting into him, feeling Stewart’s strong arms wrapping around him. He felt enveloped completely. If he hadn’t been there with such purpose, he would have been tempted to let Stewart make out with him forever, in front of the national park entrance. Stewart didn’t even know why they were there.
Henry moved away from him. “Stop,” he said. “There’s something I want to show you.”
Stewart chuckled. “Is it under your clothes?”
“No,” Henry said. He grabbed Stewart’s hand again and started to pull him forward, close to the barricade. “Not yet, anyway.”
“Not yet, huh?” Stewart said. He was following him closely, navigating this entire thing better than Henry had expected him to. The road was dark and even though Henry had it memorized, it was dangerous out there. There were animals, but mostly, there were vines. So many vines. It was hard to get past them. Even though Henry was sure of his footing, he was certain Stewart wasn’t finding it as difficult as Henry had expected him to. He had, at one point, fantasized about Stewart falling into his arms. Henry would have dipped him and kissed him on the mouth and Stewart would have giggled and told him to keep going.
At least that was the way it had been in his head. It was way better than that. Stewart was able to hold his own, didn’t ask any questions, and seemed way more curious than he seemed freaked out. Henry hadn’t brought a date here before. He had considered doing it, but there was no one he liked enough.
He really liked Stewart. If their relationship—or at least if their relationship’s authenticity—had an expiration date, then he was going to make sure their dates were amazing. Every single one of them. So far, he thought he was doing a pretty good job.
“There’s a barrier coming up ahead,” he said after they had been walking for about three minutes. “I’m going to stop, skip it, and then I’m going to help you past it. How does that sound?”
“Sounds like you think I’m old,” Stewart said. Though he couldn’t see it, Henry could feel the glare on his back. He turned around to smile at him.
“I mean,” he said. “You can go ahead without me if you want to guide the way.”
“Hey, I didn’t say I wasn’t old,” Stewart replied, laughter in his voice. Henry laughed with him. They had walked up to the barricade and Henry had stopped for a second simply to assess the situation. The night was still dark but his eyes had adjusted to it. He knew he wouldn’t bump into it, but he wasn’t sure if Stewart was going to be able to. He waited with his hand extended. Stewart put his hand into his and squeezed it. Henry helped him stay steady as the two of them jumped the barricade. It wasn’t too big of a jump, but it was nice to do it together. It felt less wobbly like that.
Stewart almost fell when he landed on the soft ground. Henry slung his arm around him and held him steadily in place. “Hey,” he said. “I got you.”
“This was your plan all along, wasn’t it?” Stewart said softly.
“Hey, now,” he said. “I can make you fall on me whether we’re in the city or in nature.”
“You orchestrated all this, didn’t you?”
“Just to get you to fall in my arms?” Henry asked quietly. “Yes, definitely. I’m an evil schemer.”
“I believe that,” Stewart said. “Just like I believe you did some sort of voodoo to make yourself irresistible.”
“Oh, I’m the one who did that?” Henry replied. “I’m pretty sure that was you.”
Henry kissed Stewart on the mouth again, softly once more. Stewart smiled. “We could have done this at my house.”
“We could have,” Henry said. “But then I wouldn’t be showing you what I came here to show you.”
Stewart laughed. “Maybe it would be best to do this somewhere I could turn the lights on.”
“No,” Henry said. “I mean, it’s not like we’re never going to do that, but that’s not what I mean. Keep walking with me. It’s only a little further.”
Stewart didn’t say anything. Henry grabbed his hand again and continued to pull him forward until they were in front of the hiking trail, near the entrance. Henry knew that animals roamed there at night and it was probably best to steer clear of it. He just needed to make sure they were on the footpath so they could get to the end, sit down, and watch the show. The night was cloudy and the clouds appeared to have covered up the moon. The footpath was tricky on clear days and it was going to be even harder like this.
“Wait a second,” he said to Stewart.
Stewart did as he was told while Henry stuck his hand into his bag. He felt around until he found the flashlight. He waited until he took it out before he turned it on. The light was bright and he almost shined it on Stewart accidentally, which made Stewart laugh.
“Here,” he said. “This should make it easier.”
“Did you bring one for me too?”
“No,” Henry replied. “This one should be enough.”
“Enough for what?”
“Enough to light our way,” he said. “Until we get where we need to go.”
“Where do we need to go?” Stewart said.
“To the end of the path,” Henry replied.
Stewart grabbed his waist, digging his fingers into his skin. “We could just stay here and make out.”
“As hot as that sounds,” Henry said, “there’s a reason I drove you all the way up here.”
“And it’s not to make out?” Stewart said.
Henry chuckled. “That’s part of the plan,” he said. “But not until after the end of the show.”
“The end of what show?”
“Patience,” Henry said. “Aren’t you supposed to be old and wise?”
Stewart snickered. “Old, maybe. Not sure about the wise.”
“Just chill,” Henry said. “Come on. Follow me to the end of the path. I promise all your questions will be answered very soon.”
“They better be,” Stewart said.
Henry smiled. The two of them continued walking down the path, neither one of them saying anything. Stewart followed Henry a few paces behind, saying very little to him. The fact that they weren’t talking didn’t matter. Their silence was perfect. Stewart didn’t have to say anything to him and Henry felt perfectly comfortable. He had never had that experience before. Every time he had gone on dates with people, he always felt like he had to fill in the silences, to make everything not awkward.
Things weren’t awkward with Stewart. They were perfect. He had never felt so at ease like this with anyone else he had dated, and this was only their second date. Technically it was their first date if he took into account the new rules of the game, the ones Stewart had set up specifically. It was a little weird, he surmised, but the footsteps coming up behind him were doing a lot of work toward making him feel more relaxed.
They finally got to the end of the footpath, where there was a little campsite set up with picnic tables, chairs, and a little grill. This was exactly what Henry had been walking toward. It looked like nothing when the flashlight was shining upon it, just lots and lots of vast field.
“Come here,” he said as he sat down. He set the flashlight next to him, pointing at the field.
Stewart sat down next to him, doing as he was told. He was close enough to Henry that Henry could feel the warmth emanating off him. He put his head on Stewart’s shoulder and smiled.
“Okay,” he said. “We’re here.”
“So we are,” Stewart said.
“Close your eyes,” Henry said.
“Odd, but okay,” Stewart replied. He did as he was told, Henry could tell because he was looking at his face. He could feel the corners of his lips tugging up at him. He held Stewart’s hand and took a deep breath.
“Okay,” Henry said. “Now listen.”
“What am I listening to?”
“Exactly,” Henry replied. He reached over to where the flashlight was and clicked it off. “Can you hear that?”
Stewart thought for a second. “I don’t know,” he said. “I can’t hear much. Animals chirping, but no cars.”
Henry waited. He could tell that Stewart was smiling when he spoke again. “Actually,” he said. “This is kind of weird.”
“What?” Henry asked.
“I guess I just thought it would be quieter out here,” Stewart said. “It’s not quiet at all. Nature is loud.”
“It is,” Henry said. “Sometimes, when things are rough, I come out here to think.”
Stewart turned to look at him, but Henry was already shaking his head.
“Don’t open your eyes yet,” he said. “When you do, I don’t want you to be looking at me.”
“What am I supposed to be looking at?”
“Out there,” Henry said. “Look at the field.”
“There’s nothing in the—”
“Hey,” Henry said quietly. “You said you trusted me.”
“I do trust you,” Stewart said.
“Good,” Henry replied. “Now put your money where your mouth is. Open your eyes.”
Stewart did as he was told. He opened his eyes slowly. Henry was watching him rather than watching the field, because he wanted to see what he would think when he did open his eyes, when he realized what he was seeing. His breath caught in his throat as he watched the field. It was dark, which was perfect, because there were hundreds, maybe thousands, of fireflies dancing on the field in front of them. They looked like minuscule falling stars, all about to land on the ground below them. Henry had seen this about half a dozen times, but he never got sick of it.
It was always beautiful. Stewart seemed to think the same thing, because he didn’t say anything. He didn’t do anything except squeeze Henry’s hand. After a few minutes of entranced watching, Stewart turned to Henry. “Thank you,” he muttered.
“It’s okay,” Henry said. “It’s nice, isn’t it?”
“It’s more than nice,” Stewart replied. “It’s perfect.”
“It is perfect now,” Henry said, looking him up and down. He didn’t have to lean in for a kiss, because before he knew it, Stewart’s lips were on his. His mouth was hot and perfect, his beard tickling his skin. Henry moved away from him after kissing him back. Stewart made him breathless. Not just his kisses; Stewart himself made him breathless. Everything about him made him feel like he was about to run out of breath, like he was struggling to catch up to him.
Stewart put his hand on Henry’s cheek and Henry leaned into his touch. He smelled like leather and sandalwood. “Hey,” Stewart said. “I mean it. Thank you. This is amazing.”
Henry smiled. “I wasn’t sure whether you’d like it,” he said. “I couldn’t take you anywhere fancy and—”
“I don’t need anywhere fancy,” Stewart said. “All I need is you.”
He kissed him again after that, which made Henry forget everything he was about to say. His hand was secure on Henry’s cheek and Henry opened his mouth to let Stewart’s expert tongue in. Their tongues warred against each other as Henry felt his heart starting to beat faster to match his breathing.
Stewart leaned forward which made Henry lean back on the bench. Stewart made sure to move the flashlight so it wouldn’t dig into Henry’s back as he leaned on the bench while the two of them continued kissing. Stewart didn’t press him for anything else. His hands remained on Henry’s face, with one arm around his neck to make sure that making out like this was comfortable for him.
As if he making out with Henry wasn’t enough to completely turn him on. Henry kissed him back more passionately, not letting go of him with his mouth. Their kisses turned from closed-mouthed and French kissing making out to sloppy kisses where neither one of them really paid attention to what they were doing. They were so lost in the passion of it.
Stewart moved away from him. He was looking down at Henry, his eyes wide. “Are you okay?”
Henry nodded and smiled at him. When he spoke, he was breathless. “Yes,” he said putting an arm around Stewart’s waist. He thrust his hips up against Stewart slightly, simply to make him aware of his erection. “More than okay.”
Stewart laughed, but his laughter caught in his throat and it ended up being a sort of strangled moan instead. “Don’t do that,” he said.
“Don’t do what?” Henry replied, his smile widening into a grin.
“Do that,” Stewart said, kissing the tip of his nose. “You know exactly what you’re doing. You know exactly how to drive a man crazy.”
Henry cocked his head. He traced the outline of Stewart’s jaw with his finger and kept on smiling at him. “Is that what you think?”
“You can touch it,” he said.
Henry snickered. “Touch what?”
Stewart shook his head. “You know exactly what,” he said. “You know I’m putty in your hands.”
Henry kissed him again, this time softly. “I know,” he said, “just like I am in yours.”
Stewart kissed him softly and then started to move away from him. “Look,” he said. “You know I really like you, right? Like, a lot.”
“Like like, huh?”
Stewart shoved him with his elbow. “Seriously though, I need to take a break,” he said. “You’re a lot and I…”
“You what?” Henry asked.
“I don’t intend to make a fool out of myself,” Stewart said quietly. “Not tonight. Not after all the nice things you’ve done for me already.”
Henry laughed as he sat up too. “What have I done for you exactly?”
“You know,” Stewart said. “Bringing me out here to see this with you and giving me another chance after I fucked things up so thoroughly last time.”
Henry shrugged. “Not really,” he said. “It wasn’t like that. You just told me what you really wanted. I appreciated the honesty.”
“Seriously?”
Henry nodded. “Seriously,” he said. “Though I have to say, I was very glad you called to tell me you’d changed your mind.”
“You were?”
“Yeah,” Henry said. “I’d been thinking about you.”
“That surprises me,” Stewart said. “Why?”
“I don't know,” Henry said, shrugging his shoulders.
“I knew I was thinking about you, but I didn't realize that you would be thinking about me too. I guess I didn’t see any reason why you would, except to think I was a weirdo.”
Henry laughed. “I mean, a little,” he said. “That wasn’t the only reason I was thinking about you though.”
Stewart laughed with him, but to Henry, it sounded a little forced. Then he sighed and the relief in his voice was palpable. “It's stupid, and it doesn't matter. I'm just glad you were thinking about me. I’m glad you wanted to go out with me again. Sometimes, I forget myself. It’s so easy with the way that my life is to forget that I have my own desires, my own feelings.”
Henry stared at him with a furrowed brow. “That sounds hard.”
“It’s… fine,” Stewart said, leaning back. “It’s a balancing act. In my family, I’m the weird one.”
Henry smiled. “I can’t imagine why.”
Stewart shook his head and laughed softly. “I know it might all seem like a joke to you,” he said. “I know my entire life might seem like some sort of weird joke.”
It was Henry’s turn to shake his head. “No,” he said. “Not at all.”
“Are you sure? Because I would totally understand if you thought it was some sort of big joke,” he said. “I mean, God knows I do sometimes.”
Henry smiled. “Well, no,” he said. “I don’t think you’re a big joke, and you know what’s funny? I do, in fact, think about you a lot.”
“You do?”
Henry nodded. “That’s one of the weird parts,” he said. He leaned back and extended his arm so that it was right behind Stewart as he leaned back. “I didn't want to think about you.”
“Ah, yes,” Stewart said. “I know that feeling all too well. I didn’t want to be thinking about you, either. No offense, but it would have made my life a hell of a lot easier.”
“Full offense taken,” Henry said with a chuckle. “No, I get it. I completely do. My life would have been easier if I could have stopped thinking about you too.”
Stewart turned to look at him. “Why didn’t you?”
Henry shrugged. “Well, first of all, I felt like I couldn’t,” he said. “Second, I didn't necessarily want to go out with you again. I thought about it a lot before I called you. I kind of didn’t want to.”
“Can’t blame you for that either,” Stewart said quietly.
“Then I thought, what's the worst that could happen? I get married to a millionaire because his family pressures him,” Henry said. He hoped the tongue-in-cheek nature of his comment was coming across, but there was no way for him to be sure. He grabbed Stewart’s hand and squeezed it before he kept talking. “That sounds horrible.”
Stewart laughed. “I don’t know,” he said. “You might be surprised at how horrible it actually is.”
“Yeah, well,” Henry replied. “I can’t wait to find out.”