Henry did feel a little better. He didn't feel entirely better, but at least the fresh open air was helping him. He really needed to get out there, to get away from technology. Of course, being alone with his thoughts might not have been an easy thing right then when all of his thoughts felt like they went back to Stewart. At least when he was worried with doing practical things, like deciding where to sleep, he wasn’t consumed with the thought of Stewart all the time. It was cool that night, which was better. He didn’t know how he was going to be able to sleep if it was too hot.
It was far away from everyone else. He needed to be away from everyone because he had no idea how to be a functioning person right then. He had no idea how he was supposed to do any of the things he normally did when everything in his life felt weird and empty. Everything he did felt performative outside of how he was with Stewart. It was a fucking horrible realization, because he knew he would never be able to be with Stewart again, and so he felt like he would never be able to feel like himself again.
He had parked his car way out there before the park closed. He knew that there would be no wardens coming down here and checking if there was anyone there. He would just have to get his car out of there at the crack of dawn if he didn’t want to get a penalty or get in trouble with the law. He really couldn’t afford either of those things, so he was definitely going to do that.
He took a deep breath, feeling the cool night air fill his lungs. He could hear animals nearby, but he knew they wouldn’t come near him when he had a bonfire burning. He needed to do that once he was done setting up camp.
He had brought a tent, but he didn’t think it was necessary to pitch it when it was that clear of a night. He wondered what Stewart would think of camping out here, of burning s’mores over a campfire together, of having rough sex on the ground and… fuck. He closed his eyes. He needed to stop thinking about Stewart. He had come out here so he wouldn’t have to do that.
He sighed. He had a little book lamp with him and he was still reading The Count of Monte Cristo. It was clear Dumas had been paid by the word, so Henry was struggling to get through it. He was interested in the story, when there was a story, but it felt like it took ages to get there. Never mind, he thought. Now that he was no longer in a relationship, he was going to have plenty of time to catch up with all his reading.
He needed to do that. He was going to have a lot more time for recreational activities in general. He finished extending his sleeping bag and then brushing it off, making sure it had nothing on it. He took a deep breath when he looked down at his phone—which had no service—in his hand. He was using the flashlight on it to check for any critters or anything else he might have missed.
He took a deep breath and was ready to lay down and read his book, but before he could, he heard steps coming toward him. They were definitely steps. It might have been an animal and there was no way for him to be able to tell exactly what it was.
He tried to crouch. He needed to make sure that the animal didn’t see him if it approached him too quickly. He needed to make sure that he wasn’t calling the animal’s attention because he might be unwittingly putting himself in danger and he needed to make sure an animal didn’t catch him off guard. He couldn’t see that well from where he was, but he could hear the animal getting closer and closer to him, approaching him from the side.
He took another deep breath. If he moved, it was likely that the animal would be able to tell he was moving and might even attack him. He didn’t know what it was and he sure as hell didn’t want to go head to head with one of the scarier animals out here.
He held his breath when the animal got closer. Then he heard a voice, quiet and low. “Henry?”
Henry stood up almost immediately. He couldn’t believe it. He thought his mind might be playing tricks on him. Of course he was trying to get away from Stewart and now his mind was literally manufacturing mirages of him. He stood up and brushed himself off.
“Oh, for goodness sake,” he said, more to himself than to the apparition.
“Henry. It’s me, Stewart.”
Stewart reached out and grabbed him. He held his hand and his fingers were warm and soft. He was definitely here and he was definitely real.
Henry swallowed. His breath caught in his throat and he took a step toward Stewart. He put his hand on Stewart’s face and felt him, how soft he was. There was some stubble there—Stewart was growing his beard out again, Henry thought with a smile—but he could feel his skin, his warmth.
“Hey,” Henry finally said. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m—I’m looking for you,” Stewart said. “Hold on. Angie dropped me off. If you want to talk to me, I can tell her to go home.”
Henry nodded. “Sure,” he said. “Talking to you sounds good.”
He still wasn't sure what Stewart was doing there, how he had found him, or why he wanted to talk to him in the first place. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t pleased that Stewart had sought him out. Of course he was happy that Stewart had found him. He liked that he had to come all the way out there to talk to him. The problem was that the more Henry thought about it, the more he realized that he didn't know what they were going to talk about. Regardless of how romantic it had been for Stewart to come searching for him, everything was the same, nothing had changed for either one of them. Henry was still poor; Stewart was still rich. Henry still needed to do everything he needed to do and Stewart needed to do everything he needed to do.
Henry wasn’t so young that he begrudged Stewart for that. He understood that Stewart had a life and that life meant that he had obligations he needed to fulfill. Henry didn’t get to have an opinion on what Stewart’s obligations were. They weren’t family. They weren’t even dating anymore. He didn’t get to have a say in Stewart’s life.
He sat down on the sleeping bag as he thought about this. He couldn’t see any solution. He couldn’t see a way outside of this.
At the end of the day, they couldn't be together. Maybe they would have another wonderful night, another night where they would get to taste each other, feel each other. But as far as the future for them, there wasn't one. Henry knew that, and he was pretty sure that Stewart knew it as well.
He didn’t know why Stewart had come all the way out here. Stewart seemed to, though. After dismissing Angie, he came back, practically skipping until he sat down next to Henry. Henry looked up at him and smiled.
“I hope I didn’t take too long,” he said.
“No,” Henry said. “You didn’t. In fact, I was surprised you came at all.”
“I know,” Stewart said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just spring this on you.”
“It’s okay,” Henry said. “It’s a nice surprise.”
“Is it?”
“Yes,” Henry replied, looking him up and down and biting his lower lip. “It is a nice surprise. Honestly part of me was sure I’d never see you again.”
Stewart smiled. It was dark, but the stars and moon were out, and Henry’s little light was next to him. “Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know,” Henry said. “I thought that was it. I thought that was the last I would ever see of you the other day.”
“So did I,” Stewart said. “But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it would have been so stupid and foolish for me to do that.”
“Why?”
“Because I want you,” he said. He grabbed Henry’s shoulder and squeezed it. “I always wanted you, Henry. Never anything else, never anyone else. You have always been the person for me. I just… fuck, I don’t know. I let things get away from me for a bit there. I decided that the most important thing to do was please my family, who were disrespectful to you. You were right about me not making a place for you in my life, but it was wrong of me to do that. I want there to be a place for you in my life. I want you in my life full stop.”
“But we can’t—”
“But we can,” Stewart said. “Not only can we, we should. The last few days have had me reevaluating everything. I was ready to leave my family because of you.”
“Why?” Henry asked, his eyes wide. “I never asked you to do that.”
“I know that,” Stewart said, “but that was what was necessary.”
“What was necessary for what?”
“For you and me,” Stewart said, “for us to be together. I made a poor decision when I decided that my family was more important than you. You’re the most important thing in the world to me, Henry.”
“Is that true?”
“Yes,” Stewart said. “Fuck, I didn’t realize how much I loved you until I was faced with the possibility of losing you. Then all I could feel was how much I love you and how I never want to be apart from you again.”
“Stewart…”
“And I get it,” Stewart said. “I get why you’re hesitating. I get why you didn’t want to come with me, why you wanted to break up. I wanted to tell you that it’s over. I decided to move away from my family.”
Henry tilted his head. “What does that mean?”
Stewart smiled as he looked away from him. “It means I went to see my sister,” he said. “Beatrice, the investment banker who insulted you.”
Henry nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I remember her.”
“I knew you would,” Stewart said. “I went over to ask her to give me my money. I have some investments and I… fuck, Henry, I really wanted there to be room for you in my life. I needed there to be room for you in my life. You were right, so I wanted to fix it.”
Henry stared at him, his mouth agape. He had certainly never expected or wanted Stewart to give up on a fortune that was rightfully his. Henry would never have asked anything like that from Stewart. He would have never wanted him to do anything that put him at a disadvantage. Henry knew when he had to stop being in someone’s life and he thought he did when it came to Stewart.
Stewart seemed to be able to tell that Henry was too shocked to talk so he slid in closer to him and put his arm around his shoulder. It was the perfect gesture, just enough to make Henry melt.
Henry took a deep breath and put his head on his shoulder.
“I would have given everything up for you,” Stewart said into his ear. “I don’t care about what my family has to say. I don’t care about any of that. I shouldn’t have cared from the beginning. I shouldn’t have caused you any pain and I should have stood behind you all along. For someone who is older than you, I feel like I don’t have a lot of experience.”
Henry laughed. “I don’t want to alienate you from your family,” he said. “I don’t want to be that person.”
“You’re not,” Stewart replied. “They owe you an apology, more than an apology. The moment they do that, they’re welcome in my life again… under strict conditions, of course.”
Henry felt his heart flip in his chest. “That won’t be necessary,” he said. “Seriously, you don’t have to do that.”
“Oh, but you’re wrong,” Stewart said. “See, I talked to my mother about this. She told me that I shouldn’t put you aside and that I shouldn’t put my family aside. She said I could have both, and that’s fine. I like the idea of that, but if trying to have both means not having you, then I don’t want my family.”
“No,” Henry said, turning to look at Stewart. “It doesn’t… it doesn’t mean that.”
Stewart raised his eyebrows. His eyes looked black because the light was behind him. “It doesn’t?”
“Stewart,” Henry said, his voice a whisper. “I love you. You have to understand that I love you. I always felt like you were out of my league, like there was some invisible wall between us. You never acted like I was beneath you, but then I met your family and—”
“They did?”
Henry smiled. “No,” he said. “They just convinced me of what I already knew: that we couldn’t be together, that you were out of my league. I’m in love with you, Stewart, but I have nothing to offer you. I have nothing but a dead-end career and a tiny apartment, one which I can barely afford.”
Stewart laughed quietly. “You think I want your money?”
Henry closed his eyes and shrugged. “No,” he said. “Not exactly. I think what you want is an equal.”
“And you are not an equal?”
“No,” Henry said. “Of course I’m not.”
“Henry,” Stewart said. He squeezed him close and kissed the top of his head. “You’re more than just my equal. You challenge me in ways I couldn’t have even imagined before the two of us met.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means money is money,” Stewart said, “but you’re so much more than that to me. I love you and I want you in my life. I would have given everything up for you. Doesn’t that tell you how important and special you are?”
Henry looked at him and smiled again, his eyes welling up with tears.
“Plus, I mean,” Stewart said. “I did find you all the way out here. Not to toot my own horn but that was pretty darn romantic.”
Henry smiled again and shook his head. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess you’re right. That is pretty darn romantic.”
He looked at Stewart’s mouth. He wanted to approach him and kiss him, but before he could, Stewart spoke again. “I don’t want there to be a contest between you and my family,” Stewart said. “I don’t want there to be a question of who is more important to me. That’s why I want you to be my family.”
Henry blinked. “Wait,” he said. “What… what are you asking me?”
“Exactly what you think I’m asking you,” Stewart replied. “I want you to marry me, Henry. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. You’re already family to me. I just want to make it official.”
Henry practically tumbled Stewart over when he went to kiss him. Stewart was on the ground under him as Henry pinned him down, kissing him passionately on the lips. Stewart kissed him back, his arms firmly around him. When he was breathless, Henry moved away from him. Stewart raised his eyebrows. “So, is that a yes?”
“Hell, yes,” Henry said. “That’s a yes.”