Chapter Twenty-Five
“This is the saddest sight I’ve ever seen.”
Gabe lifted his head to see who had spoken, even though he already knew the voice. “Hey,” he said to Jace. Gabe went back to polishing the bar top. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
Jace pulled out a bar stool and sat down. “What? I can’t just stop by and see my best friend?”
Gabe looked up long enough to shoot him a skeptical look.
“Okay, fine,” Jace said. “I talked to Ben,” he added softly. “Why didn’t you tell me about Rachel?”
Gabe cleared his throat. “I only felt like telling the story once.” And wasn’t that the damn truth. Gabe had needed to vent to someone—expel the whole story as if it were poison in his body. But once it was out there, all he’d felt was empty. He hadn’t wanted to speak of it since.
“I’m not trying to get all emo teenager on you, but why’d you tell Ben and not me? He’s not even here to help you out.”
Gabe inhaled deeply and set his rag down before dropping his forearms onto the bar. “I think that’s why I chose him. I wanted to tell someone, but I didn’t want to have to look that person in the face afterward.”
Gabe dipped his head, but Jace lowered his own to catch Gabe’s eyes. “Why?”
Gabe scoffed. “What the fuck do you mean ‘why’?” Why would I? I got played by a reporter. That shit is embarrassing.”
“I’m your boy. You should never be embarrassed to tell me anything.”
“Don’t give me that Dr. Phil bullshit. If I’m embarrassed, I’m embarrassed. There’s no changing how I feel.”
“Come on. You’ve seen both me and Ben fuck up relationships. This is no different.”
“It’s completely different,” Gabe yelled.
“How?”
“Because you fucked those up. You and Ben brought all that shit on yourselves. All I did was love some girl who couldn’t give a fuck less about me. There’s no mistake for me to fix. No apologies to give. I can’t make this right because I didn’t screw it up in the first place.”
Jace sat back, watching Gabe. Whether it was because he didn’t know what to say or figured Gabe had more words in him, Gabe wasn’t sure.
Looking around, Gabe have a humorless laugh. “You know I thought this place was going to make everything better. I was losing baseball whether I wanted to or not. My body just couldn’t hack it anymore. And I kept wondering what I was going to do with myself afterward. I convinced myself that I was ready to leave the game. That it was my choice to be done. But it wasn’t. My body decided it for me.”
Jace sighed. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Tell you what? That I was scared to death?” Gabe shook his head. “You know that’s not me, Jace. I’m the life of the party, not the wimp who’s afraid of life after baseball because he never envisioned a life after baseball.”
“There’s no role you have to fill here. We’re not your fans. You don’t need to portray a character for us. We’re your best friends.”
Gabe knew that. He did. But it didn’t change anything for him. He’d spent most of his life putting on a face to hide his true feelings. While Ben and Jace knew him better than anyone else, there was always something that stopped Gabe from going all in. From opening all the way up so they could see the deepest parts of him. The only person he’d ever been that honest with was Rachel, and look where that had gotten him. But as he looked at Jace, he knew he could tell the man anything. Jace would never think less of him. It was time Gabe trusted him. “I’m fucking lonely, man. I thought this place would fill in the empty cracks, but it didn’t. It only made them worse. And while a part of me loves this place, part of me hates it now too.”
“What do you hate most about it?” Jace asked.
Gabe took his time replying, wanting to give the most honest answer he could. “The drama. It’s like nightmare on top of nightmare sometimes. It’s not even the time I have to dedicate to it, because that kind of ebbs and flows. But, Christ, it’s been one headache after another ever since I took over.”
“What do you love most about it?” Jace asked next as he leaned forward in his seat.
Taking a deep breath, Gabe said, “It gives me roots. My mom sent me from Puerto Rico so I could have a future, and professional baseball traded me all over the league. But this place is my responsibility. It makes me feel tied to a place for the first time in a long time.”
“You wanna know what I think?”
“Not really,” Gabe replied, which set them both off laughing. Which was a relief. Gabe desperately needed to feel a little more like himself.
“I think the drama will fade. It’s growing pains. You’ll get used to operating this place, and it’ll all become second nature to you. The roots, they’re forever. They’re worth hanging in there for.” Jace let his eyes roam around the club for a minute before continuing. “There’s a lot of life in this place, a lot of good times. But there are a lot of secrets too. You’ll need to be prepared for how hard it’ll be to have a personal life and still run this place.”
Gabe smiled, but it was sad. “Guess I don’t have to worry about that now, do I?”
Jace looked at him sympathetically as he rubbed a hand over his head. “What do you think she’ll do?”
“I think she’ll write her story. It’s what she came here to do, and there’s nothing stopping her from it.”
Jace looked doubtful at Gabe’s words.
“What?” Gabe asked.
“I just… I don’t know. I guess I think there’s more stopping her than you think.”
“Is this where we hold hands and you promise me her love was real?”
“Well, I mean, I’d rather not hold your hand,” Jace joked.
Gabe laughed but sobered quickly. “There’s not a whole lot I can do about it either way. Either she writes it and destroys the club, or she doesn’t. But I have to worry that she will for the rest of my life. There’s not exactly a winning situation here.”
“And you and her are…?”
“Done. There’s no way someone who could manipulate me like that has any genuine feelings for me. At least none that I’d ever be able to trust.”
Jace nodded. “I get that.” He was silent a moment longer before he rubbed his hand over the half-polished bar top. “You want help with this bar? At the rate you’re going, it’ll never get cleaned.”
Gabe threw a rag at him. “It would’ve if some asshole hadn’t come to distract me.”
And the two spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up the mess that was Gabe’s bar and his life.