Chapter Twenty-Nine
Gabe walked back to his condo, closed the door, and went directly into his dining room where he kept his alcohol. He poured himself a generous serving of scotch, and downed it in one gulp. The burn felt so good as it worked down his throat that he poured himself another, though he intended to sip this one.
He went into the living room and plopped down on the couch before setting his drink on the table. He shifted so he could work his cell phone out of his pocket and made a call. When he could tell it connected, he didn’t waste time with pleasantries. “A little bit of a warning would have been nice, you fucker.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d man up and go talk to her if I told you it was her.”
“Are you questioning my manliness?”
“Yes,” Jace replied simply.
“Good call. I may have hidden in my house if you’d told me.”
“See how well I know you?” Jace teased. “So how’d it go?” Jace asked after a beat of silence.
“Fine.”
“Gabriel,” Jace warned.
“What? It was fine. It wasn’t at all painful to see the woman who stomped on my heart.”
“What’d she say?”
“That she was sorry. That she was glad to have known me even though it all went to shit. You know, the usual.”
“You don’t have to do this whole nonchalant thing with me. We can have a real conversation.”
“We’ve had too many of those recently. I’m past my quota.”
“You going to see her again?”
Gabe snorted. “Why the hell would I do that? She came here for closure, and I gave it to her. There’s no reason to keep in touch.”
“No reason other than you’re madly in love with her.”
“I’m in love with who I thought she was. I don’t even know the real Rachel.”
“Do you really believe that?” Jace asked as if he truly wanted to know.
Gabe lowered his head to his hand and groaned. “I don’t know, man. There’s no way to know. I can’t deal with that kind of doubt.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Gabe was surprised by the easy acquiescence of his best friend.
“Yeah. Okay. You’re the only one who knows what you can and can’t handle. It’s not my place to question your limits.”
“Wow. Cool. Thanks.”
“If I were someone who questioned those things, I might say that you’re probably the strongest guy I know, and that there’s nothing I don’t think you can overcome if you want it badly enough. But I’m not that type of person, so I’ll let it go.”
“You’re as subtle as a tire iron to the face,” Gabe muttered.
Jace laughed. “Seriously though, dude. Look into your crystal ball and see which option seems like it’ll suck less: being with her or without her.”
Throwing his free hand up, Gabe exclaimed, “I don’t know which will suck less! Everything is all messed up in my brain.” Gabe took a second to calm down. “She broke my heart, Jace. I don’t know how to get past that.”
“Then I guess without her it is.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“You want me to come over? Hang out for a while?”
Gabe rubbed his hand over his face and stood up. “Nah, I need to be alone and… decompress. Thanks for the offer though.”
“Anytime. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Later.” Gabe ended the call and tossed his phone onto the couch. He wandered around his condo, trying to find something that would keep him occupied, but nothing held any kind of appeal. He wanted to be mad at Rachel. He’d been starting to heal until she’d shown up and reopened the wound.
But he couldn’t be. Not really. He hadn’t been mad for a while. Hurt, sure. But his anger… that had faded almost as quickly as it had come. The loss he’d felt after she’d left was greater than any other emotion he could muster, until eventually they all dwindled down to nothing. All that was left now was the profound sadness that came when you no longer had the thing that was most important to you.
Because even though that thing was close—only three blocks away, in fact—the divide between them seemed insurmountable. Gabe had beaten a lot of odds in his life. But he had no idea how to beat this one.
He walked over to the window and thought. For the first time since it first happened, he allowed himself to think about all of it. To let the memories flood through him and decide if he felt they were real or a trick. Then he tried to do what Jace had asked of him: decide which version of the future would suck less.
***
Rachel had taken her time getting back to her hotel. She briefly entertained the idea of stopping and grabbing dinner at the hotel restaurant, but she wasn’t very hungry. If she wanted something later, she’d order room service.
Once up in her room, she changed into workout clothes, not because she was going to work out, but because she wanted to lounge around in something that didn’t have an inflexible waistband. She threw on a pink tank top, sans bra, and grabbed the remote in hopes of finding something mindless to watch. She was on her second rotation of channels when there was a knock on her door.
She narrowed her eyes in confusion before going over to check the peephole. When she looked out, she was only further confused, but she quickly opened the door nonetheless.
The sight that greeted her made her eyes water for the second time that day. She was clearly becoming emotionally unhinged, though she wouldn’t have changed a single thing about it even if she could. “Gabe,” she whispered almost reverently.
He settled his hands on both sides of the doorjamb, his eyes boring into her. “Which would suck less: life with me or without me?”
“Is that really a question? Life without you is unbearable.” The tears streaked down her cheeks. She didn’t even try to wipe them away.
“I thought so, too,” he said.
“I don’t—”
Her thought was cut off by Gabe stepping into her space and burying his hand in the hair at the back of her neck. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, Rach. But I do know that there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without you in it.” He caressed her cheek with his thumb. “I already gave up one thing I wasn’t ready to lose. I don’t want to make the same mistake again.”
With that, he tilted her chin toward him and kissed her. It was a slow, sensual, meaningful kiss that warmed her all the way to her toes. Filled her to the brim with so many good emotions, she was worried she’d float away on the lightness of it all. If she was ever to have a perfect moment, she knew that this was it.
She allowed herself to get lost in this experience that she never thought she’d have again. Clutching at him, she pulled him into the room. She barely registered the door closing behind him as she lost herself in the kiss, the feel of his hands on her, and press of his solid body. It was euphoric.
He steered her backwards, and she broke the kiss to say, “So this is real then? You’re sure? You have to be sure. I couldn’t take it if you changed your mind.”
“I’m sure,” he said as he nibbled her neck. “I want you. This. Us. Forever.”
Her hands found both sides of his face as she pressed her lips back to his. When the backs of her legs hit the bed, she laid back on it. Gabe followed closely behind, pausing only to remove his shirt before he settled between her thighs. She tilted her pelvis up so she could rub against the hard ridge in his jeans.
“Somebody missed me bad,” Gabe said with a laugh.
“You have no idea.”
He let his fingers caress her cheek. “I think I do.” He dipped to kiss her again, pulling away only long enough to take off her tank top. His hands immediately found her breasts and toyed with the nipples. “No bra. It’s like you were expecting me.”
His tone was light. Joking. But she wondered if on some level she hadn’t been hoping this would be the direction this night would go—no matter how unlikely the possibility was to her. “If I’d have known that’s all it took to get you here, I would’ve gone without for the past three months.”
He laughed softly before looking deeply into her eyes. “I missed you,” he said quietly.
“I missed you, too.”
And then the time for words was over. Gabe stood to pull off her pants and panties before pulling a condom out of his wallet and stripping off the rest of his clothes. He didn’t waste time rolling the condom down his hard length and positioning himself on top of her.
He reached down with one hand and caressed her clit, then shifted his fingers back farther and pushed them inside of her. Bringing his fingers up to his mouth, he licked them clean. It was filthy and erotic and the hottest thing she’d ever seen—aside from Gabe himself.
A long, breathy moan escaped her when he pushed inside, stretching her in delicious ways. She felt every groove of him as he slid along her inner walls. He pumped into her with an urgency that demonstrated the frenzy of emotions that were swirling between them.
What existed in that room was both too much and not enough.
She arched her back in ecstasy as his fingers dipped back down to her clit and rubbed soft, steady circles that drove her to the brink of madness but not quite tipping her over the edge.
His thrusts moved faster as his pants became harsher. They were both balancing on a precipice. Together. Hopefully, always together.
He lowered his head to her nipple and sucked. That combined with the ministrations of his fingers and the pounding of his cock caused her to tumble into her orgasm, her entire body seizing as if a lightning bolt had shot down her spine.
Gabe continued to pump into her, his strokes becoming choppy and stilted until he stalled completely, throwing back his head, and pulsed inside of her. Then he made a few more shallow thrusts that caused his body to quake. When he stilled, he lowered his body so that the full expanse of their skin was touching.
“I love you,” he said with a sweet smile.
“Love you back. Always.” The words were more than a declaration.
They were a promise.