When I woke up the next morning I reached for Sawyer, but the only thing I met was mattress. I sat up in bed and was met with the smell of bacon. I made my way out of the room to the small kitchen in her little house and was taken aback by the buffet that was waiting for me on the counter. Along with the bacon were scrambled eggs, toast, juice, coffee, and hash browns.

My stomach growled.

What surprised me more was Sawyer who still hadn't noticed my presence. I stood there for a few moments. Watching her. Observing. Not only was she cooking up a storm, flitting from one cabinet to the other to get what she needed, she was also humming along to the song on the radio.

This wasn't the same girl from last night. I was confused and felt on edge watching this new Sawyer prance around the kitchen.

"What's all this?" I asked.

She turned around and almost dropped a plate but recovered quickly before setting it down on the counter. "You startled me," she said with a big beaming smile and I knew right away that something was amiss. "I thought I was supposed to be the one who didn't know things. This is breakfast of course."

"I didn't mean to startle you," I said, coming up behind her and wrapping my arms around her. I planted a kiss on her head before releasing her. "And I can see this is breakfast, but I was talking more about the humming and cooking and your overall demeanor, not the food." I grabbed a piece of crispy bacon and took a bite, my eyes almost rolled back in my head with the salty goodness.

"I like this song. The singer's name is Beyoncé. Have you heard of her?" Sawyer asked. She pronounced Beyoncé (Bee-Yon-Chee) and I couldn't help but smile.

"I think I might have heard of her once or twice," I answered, taking a seat at the counter. "But what I meant was, last night, you were pretty upset, and now?" I gestured to the counter and to the radio.

She smiled but it was a forced smile that barely more than a line on her face. "Nothing. I'm going to work," she said with a shrug. And that's when I saw it. The void in her eyes. The vacant space where so much life used to live. It was like she was running on idle.

"Work?" I asked. I shook my head. "Not today. Today you need to go talk to Critter about your mom. Maybe, go see her."

Sawyer averted her eyes shook her head. She set a pan in the sink and turned off the faucet. "No. Not yet. Not today."

"Say, you can't just go about your day as if last night never happened. It's a lot to take in. I think you can take the day off."

She looked at me as if I were the one acting strangely. "Right now, I'd rather focus on this. Breakfast. Being happy." She looked at me. "With you."

I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I love that you want to be happy with me because fuck all knows that's all I want in the world. But I know how it goes when you push that shit down deep inside instead of letting it out and you know what happens?"

"You wind up living with the crazy girl from a religious sect in the middle of the swamp?" she asked, pressing a kiss to my jaw.

"Cute. But seriously, back up, 'cause that shit don't work. Trust me. Go talk to Critter. To your mother," I said, feeling more than just a little uneasy about her playful attitude when just last night she was about to lose her shit. "You can't just ignore this, Say."

"Sure," she said, planting another kiss on my lips. She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. "Just not yet."

"You're infuriating. Hang on, at least let me drive you," I offered, grabbing my t-shirt from the chair and tossing it on over my head.

"That's okay. Stay. Eat. I can walk. Besides, I told Josh I'd stop by her place before my shift."

"Just as a reminder we still don't know if it's safe," I said, pulling on my shirt and grabbing my keys. "Until then you're not walking anywhere alone."

"It's not a big deal," she said, reaching for the door. "You don't have to walk me. I can take care of myself."

“Yes.” I stood in her path. "But you don’t have to. You’re not going anywhere. Not alone. I meant it when I told you that I can't lose you." The fear raging inside of me was so real it was almost tangible. If only she could feel a fraction of what I was feeling she’d understand the reason for my demands.

It’s only because I’m terrified of losing you.

"You're not my mother, Finn," she said with a vacant expression on her beautiful face that made me want to punch a hole through the wall.

"No. I'm not." I leaned against the wall, crossing my legs at the ankles. I shrugged. "Why don't you go talk to her?"

"Cute," she said, throwing my earlier word back at me.

"I'm serious, Say. There are still things you need to know. Things up until this morning I thought you'd always wanted to know. Like why your mother owned land here. Like why..."

"Like why Critter is married to her?"

"Let me guess, because it's not your story to tell?"

"B-I-N-G-O."

Sawyer scrunched up her face in confusion and I took that to mean she didn't understand my reference. "I mean, you're right. It's not my story to tell. And FYI, emotional robot position? It's not for you. Why don't you bring my girl back?"

She sighed. "What if it's all too much?" she asked, her lower lip quivering. As much as I hated to see her upset I was glad to see some emotion from her. "What if I can't handle what I learn. What if they tell me something I can't unhear? Something that will follow me around for the rest of my life? I don't know if I can handle that."

I kissed the top of her head. "She's your mother. You thought she'd abandoned you and she didn't. She's here now. She's alive. Most people don't get second chances like this. People don't come back from the dead but she did. Don't you think you owe it to her to hear her out? To hear Critter out?"

She nodded against my chest but her shoulders remained stiff. She was scared and she had every right to be, but I needed her to know she wasn't going to go through this alone.

"Say," I said, pulling away so I could look in her eyes. "You have me. Don't you know by now that I'd do anything for you? When the world gets heavy on your shoulders I'll carry the weight for you. I'll be there. I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever."

Sawyer's lips turned upward in a smile. It was small but at least it was real. She sniffled. "Take me to her."

I sighed in relief but it wasn't a full breath. While Richard was still out there and Sawyer and her mom were here I'd never be able to fully relax. I pulled her back against me and rested my chin on top of her head. I wasn't lying when I told her I'd carry the weight of the world on my shoulders for her.

What I didn't mention was the possibility it might crush us both.