We ate my mother’s famous roast chicken for dinner. It tasted better than I remembered. The conversation was light and filled with laughter. I found myself reaching over several times to squeeze Sawyer's hand or rub my foot against her calf under the table to reassure her. Although after a while it was clear her nerves had faded and she was just another Hollis sitting around the dinner table.

Just another Hollis.

Something about that made me want to sweep her off to a cave somewhere. I doubted the twin bed in my old bedroom would be as manly, it was going to have to do.

My caveman urges were going to have to wait. After dinner, my father and I sat out on the back deck while my mother insisted that Sawyer stay in to help her with her famous cobbler.

“Since when does Mom need help with desert?” I asked, taking the cigar my father handed to me and biting off the end to light it. Cigars weren’t really my thing but it was almost a tradition that every time I’d visited we’d smoke one and shoot the shit.

“She don’t. That woman can bake with her eyes shut and her hands tied behind her back.” He held up the cigar in his hand. “It’s been too long since we had one of these,” he said, lighting his cigar and puffing on it until the tip turned red then handing it to me to do the same. I took a puff and blew it out.

“Yeah, Dad,” I agreed. “Way too long.”

“You better now, kid? ‘Cause you look better than the last time I saw you when you practically tossed your mama and I out on our asses when we came to check on ya after Jackie passed. I know you told us that you were fine even when you weren’t even close to fine. Broke our hearts when we realized there wasn’t nothing we could do for you but let you work it out on your own. And I know it was hard, but I’m glad you continued taking your mama’s calls. It meant the world to her to know you were still trudging through the mess you made of your life instead of giving up on it.”

I hated being responsible for their pain while I was going through mine. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I really am. Couldn’t see past my own shi…” my mother gave me a glare. I chuckled. “stuff, to understand what I was putting you through.”

My chest tightened at the thought of them suffering because of me.

“Yes, you hurt us. But yes, you are very forgiven. Always,” my mother said, patting the top of my hand.

“Beat around the bush why don’t ya,” I said playfully.

My mom beamed. “Life’s too short to beat around it when you can carve your way through it in half the time and sit back with a beer and a cigar for the other half.”

“There was nothing you guy could’ve done to help me see my way clear of my own bullshit back then. But, yeah. I’m better now. I’m sorry I put you through all that.”

Dad looked down at his cigar, turning it around in his fingers like it somehow held all the answers. “Looks like Sawyer may have played a part in getting you back to us.” He gestured to the window where mom was talking enthusiastically, waving a rolling pin around in her hand while Sawyer laughed at whatever embarrassing story she was probably telling about my childhood. It meant everything to me to have her there. To be part of my family. The three people I cared about most in the world were under one roof and it was a kind of feeling of being complete that I never thought I’d ever have.

He couldn’t have been more right. “She was the first person to come along who made me miss living. I wasn’t expecting her. Or the way she made me feel. Took me by complete surprise.”

“The good ones always do.” Dad nodded like he understood exactly what I was saying although I didn’t quite understand it myself. “I see the way you look at that girl. That’s what I like to call the forever factor. I had it in my eyes when I saw your mother for the first time,” he blew out a breath like he couldn’t believe it himself. He glanced back through the window.

“You still have it when you look at her now,” I said.

“That’s what FOREVER means, son.”

I laughed took another puff of my cigar. Forever was exactly what I wanted with Sawyer. But I’d already taken so much from her. How could I ask her for forever right now when she’s experienced so little out of life?

“Does Sawyer know how you feel? How deep this runs for you?” he asked, like he was reading my mind.

I shrugged. “I think so, but her life’s…complicated. This is all new for her.” I looked up at the sky. “New for me too.”

“I can see that. You never looked at Jackie that way. She was a good kid and all. I miss her like she was my own daughter, but she wasn’t your forever factor.”

“No, she wasn’t.” I waited for the familiar sting of guilt to follow those words, but it never came.

“So, you don’t want to scare Sawyer off with the enormity of your feelings. Then tell me son, how’s your woo?”

“My what?” I asked, choking on the smoke. I reached down to the beer on the deck next to my chair and took a healthy gulp.

My father cocked an eyebrow and gave me a side glare that was so heated it could melt metal. He shifted toward me in his seat. “You’re a Hollis, son. Please tell me that you’ve been wooing the girl and not just practicing marital relations. Tell me you know how to woo.”

“You do have a way with words,” I chuckled. Also, he had a point.

Dad rolled his eyes. “You want to lock her down on forever but you’re not wooing her? Have you even taken her out on a proper date?”

“I…shit,” I said, leaning back and taking another puff on my cigar. “No. No I haven’t.”

My dad scoffed. “You best get to it. If you don’t want to dump your load of feelings on your forever girl without scaring the bees out of the hive then you, son, are gonna have to woo her first.” Dad blew out a perfect smoke ring.

I glanced back to this house. My eyes met Sawyer’s briefly met through the window. She blushed and went back to listening to whatever story my mom was telling.

I loved that blush. I loved that her entire body turned pink when she was turned on.

I didn’t love that my dad was right.

“I hate it when you’re right,” I grumbled, not imagining how I’d been so naive. Between rejoining society and all the shit going down with Sawyer’s parents, I’d skipped right over dating her.

I felt a blunt slap on the back of my head. I turned to find my father setting a rolled-up newspaper down on the deck. “What the hell was that for?”

“She’s never been on a date before, right?” he asked. “You’ve taken up with her. Practically living together and you ain’t took her on one single date.” My dad rolled his eyes and whistled through his disappointment. “Not a movie not a dinner. Nothing. You even my son or should I get one of them fancy DNA tests of the internets?”

“Shit,” I muttered, wiping my hand down my face and scratching the stubble on my chin.

“In case you were still wondering,” my dad said. “That slap was for picking the apple before it had time to fall from the tree. Raised you better than that, son.”

“Yeah, you did,” I agreed.

My father turned upward and looked to the stars, reclining in his creaky lawn chair. I did the same.

“Whose side are you on anyway?” I asked after a few moments of silence.

Dad chuckled and I knew exactly what he was going to say because it was how he always answered the question whenever I talked to him in the past about my mother or even Jackie.

“Hers, son. Always Hers.”

Finn

I’d been a selfish prick.

Which was fitting because when it came to Sawyer it seems that it’s also what I’d been thinking with instead of my brain. My father was right. I’d put the apple before the falling tree or whatever garbled mumbo jump he said that broke through to me.

She’s never been on a date.

I’d been inside of her and never taken her on a date. Sure, I’d slept with plenty of women I’d never actually dated before, but Sawyer was unlike anyone I’d ever met, which was why the date I had planned was far from traditional.

With everything that’s been going on I hadn’t realized we’d completely skipped a step. Actually, we’d skipped several steps. We went from the occasional kiss to keep her from freaking out to having her in my bed every night. I was over the moon happy but I hadn’t stopped for one single second to think about all the things she’s never experienced. All the things she’s missed out on.

Sawyer had never so much as experienced high school or prom or a football game and at the first possible moment I’d claimed her as mine and somewhere in all the beautiful chaos of falling for her I’d forgotten to actually date her.

I did deserve that slap my dad had given me.

I needed another one when every impure thought known to man crossed my mind as Sawyer stepped out of the bedroom wearing a white sundress that hugged her every curve.

“Did you get a haircut?” Sawyer asked as she met me on my parent’s front porch. She smelled like lavender and vanilla. My favorite scent since I'd come to know her and one I now uniquely identified with all things Sawyer.

I made a note to thank my mother for taking Sawyer shopping in town today. Her dress was the kind that tied behind her neck and put her fantastic tits on display with just a hint of cleavage. I was already flexing my fingers to keep myself from untying it and letting it fall open. It hugged her small waist and perky ass then flared out just enough to gently swishing against where the material stopped on the middle of her thigh.

I swallowed hard.

Sawyer nervously tucked one side of her auburn hair behind her ear, shuffling under the scrutiny of my gaze as I took in the magnificent creature before me.

“You are stunning,” I finally managed to say. Clearing my throat and trying to get my head back in the game. She blushed under her freckles and I coughed because my heart literally skipped a beat. "The most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on."

"You know. When we first met you used to be kind of…"

"Mean?"

She shook her head. "No, what's the word Josh would use?" she snapped. "And asshole. You were such an asshole."

I bent over with laughter. "Is it wrong that I find you swearing to be hilarious, adorable, and a complete turn on?"

"I think that's acceptable." She looked up at me from under her long black lashes. “Thank you. And…your hair? Did you get it cut?” Sawyer pressed her beautiful pink lips together.

I couldn't believe this girl was mine.

“Finn?” She asked, dragging me to the present.

“Oh. Yeah. My hair. My mom gave me a trim. Said I looked like I crawled out of the swamp, not live beside it.” I patted the top of my head like a dancing monkey in a circus side show. “She was right. It needed it. It had been a while.” I’d always been confident in my looks and I loved the way Sawyer looked at and appreciated my body, but this was the first time in my life I was seeking approval from a girl. It was like I needed her to think I was good enough for her.

I wasn’t. Never would be.

But still, I wanted her to think it.

It was then I realized how nervous I was. Which was stupid because we were practically living together. But this was different. Deeper somehow. More meaningful.

“It looks really great,” she said, appraising my short-sleeved button-down shirt that hugged my biceps, fitted dark jeans and black boots. “YOU look really great.” That fucking blush, the way the color on her cheeks matched her full lips. It made me ache to touch her, but I told myself I was going to behave. She deserved this night and so much more.

That didn't mean it wasn't going to be a long night.

“You really don’t know how fucking sexy you are,” I said. I’d drastically cut down on the smokes but I light a cigarette mostly so that I wouldn’t throw her down and the deck and make her scream loud enough to wake my parents— who’d fallen asleep in the living room watching Jeopardy over an hour before the sun had even set.

“You sure do have a way with words, Finn Hollis.” Her golden eyes were bright with questions and wonderment. Her pupils wild and wide. “Are you sure you're the same man I met in the clearing?"

"No. I'm not the same,” I admitted. “Not since you."

She stared at me like she was stunned by my words until I took a drag of my cigarette and she blinked rapidly. "So, where exactly are you taking me?”

“It’s…a surprise.” I blew out the smoke and stubbed out my cigarette. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her against me. Inhaling her scent.

Just a little bit of her to hold me over.

“Did you just smell me?” She asked with a nervous laugh.

“I sure fucking did.” There was no point in denying it.

“So, how do I smell?”

“Delicious,” I groaned. "Always delicious."

During the entire ride in my dad's truck, I was trying to casually adjust my hard-on. I felt like a thirteen-year-old who could barely control himself. I'd never been that way before but I found it impossible not to think about what was going on in my pants when everything Sawyer did seemed to send a jolt right between my legs. Like when I noticed her dress had ridden up on her thighs. When she crossed and uncrossed her legs and I caught a glimpse of white cotton between her legs. When she ran the tip of her index finger over the light sheen of gloss on her plump lower lip in the rearview mirror.

Yep. Long fucking. night.

You’d think that once I’d had Sawyer that the desire for her would dwindle, like it had in the past with every other girl I’d been with, but that wasn’t the case at all. It was like every time Sawyer was around me I was more and more infected by this disease of need.

A disease I never wanted to be cured of.

A disease I’d gladly die from while thanking the universe for bestowing it upon me with my last damned breath.

“Are you okay?” Sawyer asked, resting her hand on my thigh and giving me a gentle squeeze.

I stifled a groan. “Never better," I choked out.

“You look like you have something on your mind.”

"Me? Nah. Not a damned thing." I pulled into the empty field beside the mountain and turned the engine to idle.

"Are you sure? We can do this another time if you don't…"

"No," I snapped. "You really want to know what I'm thinking about?" I asked with a laugh.

"Yes. Of course," she asked innocently, having no clue how much she affected me. “Okay the. The entire ride here I was thinking of how much of you I still haven’t explored. About how I’d like to trace my tongue over every single sexy freckled inch of you. About the way you blush before I make you come. About how you pull my hair when I'm kissing you between you…”

“Ooohh,” she squealed, placing a hand over her mouth. There was that blush again. Her nipples peaked behind the fabric of her dress.

"But I'm trying to be a gentleman over here before my father kicks my ass for not taking you on a proper date."

"That’s what this is all about?" she asked, sliding over to kiss me on the cheek.

I closed my eyes to collect myself and when I opened them back up I trained my eyes on hers. “Yes. If you don’t mind, would you please stop being so incredibly sexy so I can do this properly?"

She leaned back in her seat and pressed her lips together. ",” she said. "Where are we going anyway?" she asked, looking around at our dark surroundings.

I rounded the truck and helped her down, grabbing the backpack and picnic basket from the backseat I’d thrown in earlier with a little packing help from Mom.

“We are going right here," I said, laying out the blanket on the ground. "Sit." She sat and waited while I gathered the rest of what I needed. I set up the portable projector on the hood of the truck, pointing it toward the side of the mountain. I grabbed the remote and joined her on the blanket, pulling another one from the bag in case she got cold.

“There isn’t a ton of date options in The Outskirts, same goes for the mountains. I did some research and the nearest movie theater to my parent’s place isn’t all that near. An hour’s drive and it's playing something I think I saw in high school.”

“I like this better,” Sawyer said. "It's more…us."

“You haven’t seen anything yet.” I set out the food and snacks on the blanket and passed her a bag of popcorn. I made sure I was watching her face and not the side of the mountain which lit up when I pressed play on the remote.

"Wow," she exclaimed craning her neck to the twenty-foot movie screen now projected on top of the rock in front of us. "What is this?"

"This is dinner and a movie," I explained, popping a piece of her popcorn in my mouth.

“This is really nice,” she said, shoving a handful of popcorn in her mouth. "And this is sooooo good." She spoke with her mouth full and when popcorn shot from her mouth she laughed around her full chipmunk cheeks.

I was just about to press play when Sawyer said something that made me pause. “I loved meeting your parents. Thank you so much for bringing me here. It was everything I thought it was supposed to be.”

“Everything you thought what could be?”

She sighed as if she were content. “Family.”

I always knew my parents were pretty great. They’d put up with a lot of shit in my earlier years and even more shit as I got older. But suddenly I was seeing them from Sawyer's eyes. “You know, I didn’t even think about how this could possibly upset you. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “No. It was wonderful. They were so kind and gracious. They laughed and smiled and laughed some more when I spilled the water all over the table,” she chuckled as I kissed her head. “They were amazing.”

“They are pretty great. And they loved you.”

“Because you love me,” she said, like she was finally getting it.

I shook my head. “No, because YOU are amazing.”

I pressed play on the remote before I completely forgot about everything except stripping Sawyer naked and fucking her in the middle of the damn field. Music started playing from the speaker attached to the projector. Sawyer’s eyes lit up as she followed the stream of light over our heads to the wide tree in front of us where the opening credits of the movie were rolling.

“What movie is this?" she asked bouncing on her butt and clapping her hands together. “What’s it about?”

“There were only a handful of movies that worked with this projector in my parent’s basement. One was about sharks, another about war, a documentary made in the seventies about porn."

"What's porn?"

"Uh…well." I felt my own face growing hot.

Sawyer remained expressionless while I stumbled around an explanation until she broke out into a fit of laughter. "Just kidding. I know what it is. But I loved that you're the one blushing now."

I reached in and tossed some popcorn at her hair which she expertly dodged.

"Anyway, to answer your earlier question. This one is called Juno. It’s supposed to be a comedy. Other than that, I don’t know much about it.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it,” she said, her wide smile beaming in the dark almost as bright as the light on the projector.

“Come here,” I said, pulling Sawyer into the crook of my arm. She snuggled against me while we snacked and watched the movie which wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be considering it turned out to be about teen pregnancy and giving a baby up for adoption. Spoiler alert: it ended with both the teenage mother and father crying in a hospital room over the loss of their baby.

As the closing credits rolled I looked over to Sawyer who had a confused look on her face. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

She lifted her head to look at me. “Nothing, this was just…this was everything, Finn. I'm happy. YOU make me happy. Thank you.” She placed her head back on my chest and I could feel her breath against my skin through the slit between the button of my shirt. She kissed my chest through the fabric.

“Can you…” she started, but then stopped. “I mean, can we…”

“Sawyer, all you need to do is ask and it’s yours. I've told you that." I said, feeling the heat of her skin through our clothes.

She fiddled with the buttons of my shirt. I reached down between her fingers and slipped the button out of the hole. “Is that what you wanted?” I asked on a rasp.

She nodded.

“Tell me,” I whispered. "Tell me what you want."

She looked up at me. Her golden eyes dark. Her pupils large and glistening. “I want you."

“Thank, Christ,” I swore, pushing her over onto her back and removing my shirt in record time. I pressed my lips to hers. She opened immediately so our tongues could meet and dance together. We groaned and moaned into one another as she reached for my belt buckle. When she had it through the loops, I popped the button and reached under her dress, pulling those white teasing panties down her legs. She used her feet to push down my jeans past my hips. My hard cock sprang free and I moaned when the tip pressed against the heat from her core. I stroked myself up and down against her pussy, coating my cock in her wetness. Teasing us both.

“Inside me, please,” she rasped, rocking against me, lifting her hips to feel more of me.

"Finally," I ground out, thrusting my hips forward and pushing into her in one long hard thrust. Her head shot back and her eyes closed. Her core clenched around me and I was squeezed from all sides, surrounded by the softest, wettest, warmest place I never wanted to leave.

We stayed out there on that blanket in that field for hours. We switched between fucking and making love. Sometimes we just stared at one another while I was still hard inside of her body and we caught our breaths. Sometimes we talked about everything and sometimes about nothing at all.

We came, we laughed, and we'd start all over again.

It wasn't until after midnight when I checked my phone and realized I had several missed calls from Critter. I clicked my text icon and froze. The world around me stopped. It was just me. Sawyer. And the text that glared at me hatefully from the screen in my hand.

"What is it?" Sawyer asked, turning me by the shoulder to face her.

"That was Critter." There was nothing I wanted to do less in the world than deliver the words I had to say next. I glanced up from my phone. "It's your mother. She's missing."

Sawyer gasped. "Where is…" I didn't need her to finish the sentence.

I shook my head slowly.

I wanted to save her from what I was about to tell her but couldn’t. My heart broke for her before I’d even uttered the words. "We don’t know."