After taking Aunt Addy’s car into town, I spend all day cooking and baking. Aunt Addy offers her help but I send her back to her studio. I’m obsessing over everything I’m doing, trying to make it all perfect. I keep telling myself it’s because I haven’t cooked for anyone in the longest time, but I know that’s not really the truth. I know I’m a good cook; it’s something that comes as naturally to me as breathing. But I’m using this as an excuse so I don’t think about having to spend the evening with him— oh, and his daughter, who I now know is twelve going on sixteen. Aunt Addy helpfully filled me in on some of the basics about Blake and Sinead last night. Blake is single and, as far as she knows, has been since Kayleigh died. She was also quick to add that she thinks he needs a woman in his life. I’m still not sure how I’m supposed to take that comment. Aunt Addy made Sinead out to be a perfect child who not only does well at school but is polite, helpful, and loves to cook and sew. But she’s her grandmother—of course she thinks the sun shines from Sinead’s backside. That’s how it’s meant to be, right?

“Hello?” I hear a deep voice shout from the living room.

My heart rate picks up and I can feel myself starting to sweat. Christ, I haven’t even fucking seen him yet.

“Kitchen,” I hear Aunt Addy sing from her studio before heavy footsteps head this way.

“Dressed up this time I see,” Blake mutters when he steps into the room and looks directly at me. Just like yesterday, his eyes drop and roam over my body slowly. My temperature picks up a few degrees under his stare. When his eyes come back to mine, they are the exact same dark blue that’s been running on repeat in my head. “Good to see you again, Addison. I’m Blake.” The sudden change in his demeanour throws me off course but seconds later, I realise why. Movement behind him catches my attention and I feel like I’ve been pulled back in time and I’m seeing Kayleigh before I left for London. “This is Sinead, my daughter,” he adds, like I need a reminder.

“Of course. It’s so good to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you from Aunt Addy. I love your hair,” I say, nodding to her waist length thick blonde waves hanging loosely around her shoulders.

“Hi,” she says shyly in response, and continues half hiding behind Blake.

“Hi, sweetheart, good day at school?” Aunt Addy asks when she eventually appears, looking exactly like she did when she opened the door to me the other evening with thread hanging from her, only this time it’s accompanied by a tape measure around her neck.

“It was good, thank you.”

“What did you learn?” Aunt Addy asks. It’s that question that every kid hates.

“Nothing.”

Blake ruffs up her hair with his giant hand while Aunt Addy laughs and shakes her head. Meanwhile, Sinead ignores both of them and zeros in on what’s behind me.

“What’s that?” she enquires, getting brave and coming out from behind Blake.

“It’s a birthday cake,” I say, looking back at what I’ve created today, along with our dinner.

“Can I see,” her blue eyes are wide and sparkling, just like Blake’s were after a leisurely tour of my body both yesterday and just now.

“Of course. I have all the offcuts that I’m going to need help eating if you’re interested.” Sinead nods eagerly as she comes to a stop in front of my cake. To say I’m impressed by how it turned out would be an understatement. I found that the kitchen shop was still exactly where I remembered in town earlier, so I bought everything I could possibly need (and then some) to make this handbag cake for Aunt Addy’s friend. It’s a miniature raspberry Burberry satchel with both handles and a shoulder strap. I haven’t baked and iced something this complicated in years, but I found that once I started, it was like riding a bike.

“It’s amazing,” Sinead says after a few seconds of taking it all in “How did you get it so detailed?”

I pull open the box I bought to put all my stuff in and start explaining how I did some of it. Sinead hangs on my every word. It’s a weird feeling, parting knowledge to a kid like this. The only other children I’ve really spent any time with are my niece and nephews, and they don’t stay still long enough to care about this sort of thing. Maybe kids aren’t all that bad—okay, maybe this one isn’t that bad.

Sinead takes one of the tools off me and flips it around in her hand, pretending she’s using it. I look over my shoulder when I feel eyes on me. Aunt Addy is looking at us with a soppy smile on her face, whereas Blake is looking directly at me with anything but. His eyes are darker than I’ve seen so far and he has this little smile that I’m not sure is a grimace or approval. I’m hoping for the latter.

“How long’s dinner, Addison?” Aunt Addy says after she looks between the two of us a couple of times.

“This is so cool. Dad, can I make a cake with Addison one day?” Sinead says at the same time, distracting both Blake and myself from each other.

“Ten minutes.”

“You’ll have to ask her, lil’ bit,” he answers, continuing to stare at me.

“Uh…” I stutter as I attempt to tear my eyes away from his. I eventually blink, ending our connection, and turn to Sinead, who is looking at me like I’ve just proved unicorns really do exist. “Of course. Maybe one day after school,” I say, although the thought of spending time with a child one on one scares me somewhat. I mean, what the hell would we talk about besides cake?

Aunt Addy sorts out drinks while I dish up. I’ve made steak and Guinness pie with mash and vegetables. I was craving more homely food and I couldn’t return to Ireland without having Guinness. I dish it all out before placing it down in front of everyone to mutters of approval. I return to the kitchen to put the apple pie in the oven before taking my place at the table.

“You don’t need to wait for me,” I say as I grab my wine. “Tuck in.” That’s all the encouragement Blake and Sinead need, because they grab their knives and forks and get stuck in, much to mine and Aunt Addy’s amusement.

“Don’t you feed my girl, Blake?” she asks just as I watch the first piece of pie pass his lips.

He nods to Aunt Addy but doesn’t answer. Instead, he makes the most erotic moan of appreciation I think I’ve ever heard. His head snaps to me and our eyes connect again, his dark blue to my green. He chews slowly and it makes me look down to his lips. They’re full and pink, more so than any man’s I’ve seen before. My temperature picks up the longer I stare, and the moment his tongue pokes out to lick them I feel like I’ve been electrocuted as a zap of energy heads straight for my clit.

Aunt Addy clears her throat and it distracts me from imagining how good Blake’s lips might feel on me. On my lips, on my neck on my… When I look up, she has an amused smile on her face, whereas Sinead looks totally confused by what’s going on, although not confused enough for her to stop eating.

I look away from all of them and down to my plate. My stomach growls quietly as I grab my knife and fork, ready to try my creation. The pastry almost touches my lips when my phone rings.

Pulling my fork away from my mouth I ask, “Do you mind?”

Everyone shakes their heads so I get up, grab my phone off the counter, and walk into the living room. I feel his eyes on me the entire time and it’s not until there’s a wall between us that I start to relax. I’m expecting to see a London number on my phone but when I look down, I see a local one.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is that Mrs. Chapman-Webb?”

“Speaking.”

“Hi, it’s Luke from Huskins, the estate agent. I’m really sorry but there’s a problem with your credit check. Until it’s resolved, we’re unable to rent you the property.”

“What?” I ask, totally shocked by his words. How can that be? The only thing in my name is my phone and my life insurance. Edward handled everything else. I just gave him the money.

“I’m sorry, Mrs—”

“Addison,” I bark, not wanting to hear my married name again.

“I’m sorry, Addison. I can hold the property for twenty-hour hours for you but after that time, it will have to go back on the market.”

“I understand. Thank you.” I’m as polite as possible, although it’s a far cry from what I really want to be.

I hang up the phone and drop my arm to my side. The anger that was licking at the edges starts to flow through my veins.

“I’m sorry,” I say as I head back into the kitchen and grab my handbag from the side. “Enjoy your dinner. The dessert will need to come out in fifteen minutes.” I look over to the table briefly and see three sets of wide eyes and gawping mouths. I don’t hang around long enough for the questions to come. I march through the living room and pull my boots on as fast as I can before grabbing my jacket on the way out.

The cold air hits me the second I pull the door open but I don’t stop in fear Aunt Addy will come after me. I don’t want to talk right now. I need to be alone.

I make it to the end of the street before slowing to put on my tan leather jacket. I pull it tight around me and fold my arms across my chest. I continue walking the streets I once knew so well. A day wouldn’t go by where I wouldn’t be out with either Kayleigh, Cara, or some other school friends, playing on our bikes, scooters, or just sitting somewhere discussing the latest gossip: who kissed who at the school disco, who fancied who but was too scared to admit it…

I continue walking with memories of my childhood invading my head. I walk past the park where we used to hang out. It’s where I got the scar on my elbow after falling off the monkey bars when I was nine. I walk down past a small row of shops that have either shut down or just closed for the night, remembering that one of the now boarded up ones was an old fashioned sweet shop where Mum and Aunt Addy used to take me and Kayleigh if we’d been good.

When I get to the petrol station and see they do takeout coffee, I head inside to grab one to keep me warm.

“Addison! Addy said you were back. It’s so good to see you; you’re looking really well.”

“Thank you. How are you?” I say, mustering up as much enthusiasm as I can.

“I’m good. Cara would love to see you,” Kathy says, referring to her daughter, who I was just reminiscing about.

“That would be great. I’ll give you my number.” I rattle it off and, after paying for my coffee, head back out into the cold March night.

I continue walking aimlessly and it doesn’t come as a surprise when I stop by a little patch of grass overlooking over the sea. This was where Kayleigh and I used to come to hide. If one of us had an argument with our mums or a bad day at school, this was where we would be found. We liked to think our mums didn’t know, but I’m fairly sure they did. The town is pretty quiet, but here sat back in this little cove, it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t exist. I sat here for hours the day Mum told me we were leaving for London. Kayleigh eventually found me, obviously sent by our parents. I remember her giving me a hug and telling me everything was going to be okay; that we’d write and stay friends, and nothing would really change.

Except, everything changed.

And now I’m back all these years later, and although the place looks almost the same and most of the people I remember are here, everything has changed. I’ve changed, and I’m not sure it’s for the better.

I came here with a plan. A plan for a new life for myself, a better life where I focused on me, but that’s been derailed already. Was it all just a pipe dream? Something that seemed so perfect in my head but was always destined to fail? Am I meant to be in London living my old life? Is that who I really am, and is all this just a memory I no longer fit into?

I stare out to sea, watching the waves crash in long after my coffee’s gone cold, my thoughts running around my head at a million miles an hour, wondering if I’ve made a stupid mistake by coming here.

I’m aware of someone approaching long before I see him. I also know exactly who it is before his body becomes clear. I’ve never been so aware of anyone like I am with him. It’s like my body knows his, even though we’ve only just met.

“Hey,” he says, coming to a stop in front of the bench I’m sat on. It never used to be here when we were kids. I can only presume someone died and it’s been put here in remembrance. “Addy said you’d be here. Can I sit?”

“Sure,” I mutter. As much as I want to be alone right now, for some reason I can’t bring myself to send him away.

The silence stretches out for a couple of minutes as we both sit, lost in our thoughts. It’s a comfortable silence, and although he’s at the other end of the bench, my body’s still on alert. I’m aware of every breath he takes, every twitch and movement.

“Are you okay?” he whispers.

I just shrug my shoulders because I truly have no idea. I thought I was, but the bombshell from the estate agent has me questioning everything.

“What happened?”

“There’s a problem with my credit check, apparently, and I can’t rent where I wanted to,” I reply sadly.

“I’m sure there’s a way around it.”

“Maybe.” I feel totally deflated. It’s like all my fight got up and left me with that one phone call.

“You can get your credit report online.” He gives me a look that says I should know this and it pisses me off a little. “And you can stay at Addy’s as long as you want—she won’t kick you out. You don’t need to rush into anything.”

“I didn’t move back here to sponge off Aunt Addy. I moved here to start a new life, but that has already been blown to shit,” I snap.

“Hey, calm down,” Blake says, sliding closer to me. The heat radiating from him makes me realise how cold I am, and I shiver. Without saying anything, he closes the final bit of space between us, puts his arm around my shoulder, and holds me tightly.

That one bit of affection is all I need, and the dam breaks. I stutter in a breath as the tears drop from my chin.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he says, turning me and pulling me into a full bear hug. I don’t think I’ve ever been held like it before. I feel so safe and secure in his arms, and that thought alone has me crying harder.

He holds me for the longest time while I cry. I cry for the home I’ve missed. I cry because at the same time as feeling like I’ve found a missing part of myself by being here, I also feel lost…more lost than ever.

When my sobs begin to subside, I pull back and look out over the sea, too embarrassed to look at Blake. It’s bad enough he witnessed my meltdown. I blow out a big breath as try to pull myself back together.

“It’s okay,” he whispers as he rubs his giant hand up and down my back. It makes me shiver. “Let’s go and get you warm,” he says, mistaking my reaction for coldness, when in actual fact it’s the effect he has on me.

I nod my head once and go to get up. He steps in front of me, stopping me, and I look away. I know I look a mess with mascara running down my red blotchy face.

“Hey,” he says, placing his palm on my cheek and turning my face towards him. I keep my eyes downcast until he growls my name in warning. If it’s not his deep rumble that makes me look up, it’s the feeling his touch ignites in my body. Why does he affect me so much? “There you are,” he says as he rubs his thumbs across my cheeks, wiping away my tears. He stares into my eyes and I see his mouth drop open like he’s going to say something, but he must change his mind because no noise comes out. Instead, my stomach growls loudly, making him laugh. “Let’s go and get you some food. You seriously missed out earlier; your pie was epic.”

“Epic?” I parrot.

“Epic! Seriously the best pie I think I’ve ever had. Don’t tell my mum that, though.”

“Okay,” I agree with a small smile.

“You’ve got a beautiful smile, Addison,” he announces, making my steps falter.

“I—”

“Just accept the compliment. Come on.” He grabs my hand and tugs me along with him. I feel like I should argue and pull my hand away but I can’t; it feels too right to fight it. His hand is huge and engulfs my tiny one. The rough skin on his fingers slightly scratches against mine, reminding me this is a very different man to the one I was used to, who’d never done a day’s manual labour in his life.

It’s not long before some lights appear in front of us and I realise exactly where we’re going. I smile to myself as all my old memories start to reappear. I look to my left when I feel like I’m being watched to find Blake looking down at me with a smile on his face. His attention makes me blush and I’m grateful we’re still in darkness. Blake must be almost a foot taller than me with my flat boots on. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as petite and feminine as I do right now. I swear he could break me with one of his giant hands alone.

When we get to the source of the light, Blake holds the door open for me. The already strong aroma of fried food and vinegar hits my nose full force and I can’t stop my mouth watering.

“What do you want?”

I look up at the illuminated menu, it’s exactly the same as when I was a child, only the prices have almost doubled from what I remember. I swear Mum used to send me down here with only a fiver for fish and chips for the both of us.

“Umm…battered sausage and chips, please,” I say to the young girl behind the counter, deciding that if I’m going to do this, then I’m going to do it right. She nods and starts hitting the keys of the till.

“Fish and chips, please,” I hear Blake say behind me, “and curry sauce.”

“Yes, curry sauce,” I say, with more excitement than I intended.

“And two cans,” he adds.

“That’s ten pounds eighty, please,” the girl says with a smile. I don’t miss that not once since I’ve been stood here has she looked at me. Her focus has been solely on Blake. I can’t blame her; he’s pretty mesmerising.

I feel the heat from his body suddenly warm my back before his hand reaches forward with a couple of notes between his fingers. I’m just about to step away from him when I feel his hand grab my hip and squeeze. My stomach twists at the contact and my head turns to look at him over my shoulder. He’s paying no attention to the girl he’s currently handing money to.

His focus is solely on me.

I feel his fingers flex on my hip just before he takes his change and steps back.

“What do you want?” he calls over his shoulder on his way to the fridge to get our cans.

“Lemonade, please.”

We sit ourselves at the only table in the small fish and chip shop that looks out over the deserted road that heads to the coastline we were just sat on. We both unwrap our food before making a grab for the vinegar bottle in the middle of the table. He just beats me to it, so instead of my hand wrapping around the bottle, it wraps around his warm fingers. My eyes jump to his to find him once again already watching me, his eyes dark and unreadable—or at least that’s what I tell myself, because what I think I see in them can’t possibly be right.

“You first, princess,” he says, handing it to me.

I narrow my eyes at him but take it and squirt a generous amount over my chips before handing it back and watching as he does the same.

“Didn’t you eat all your dinner?” I ask as he digs into his giant portion of chips.

“Yes, it was delicious. Why?”

“Just wondering where you’re going to put all that?”

“A machine like this needs constant fuel, princess,” he says, patting his flat—and in my imagination, toned—stomach.

I can’t help but burst out laughing with a chip partway to my mouth. “You did not just say that,” I splutter.

His response is to throw two chips into his mouth and chew. I can’t take my eyes away from him. I swear he’s even sexy when he’s eating. I continue to watch as his tongue comes out to lick a few grains of salt from his lips. My eyes wander from his mouth over his week-old stubble and up to his nose, that looks like it’s been broken at some point, before coming to rest on his eyes.

He clears his throat before asking, “See something you like?”

“Yeah,” I admit. “I haven’t had sausage in ages.”

Blake’s eyes crinkle at the sides before he smiles and laughs. “Is that right?” he manages, and it makes me realise what I said.

“Oh my God,” I squeal. “That is not what I meant,” I say as I throw a chip at him.

“Sure it wasn’t.”

“Not one this big, anyway,” I say quietly, partly hoping he won’t hear and partly hoping he will. I pick it up and take a bite.

When I look up, Blake’s eyes are hooded and zeroed in on my lips, which are currently wrapped around a battered sausage.

“What?” I ask innocently when I pull it away.

“Oh, nothing, princess. Nothing at all.” He shakes his head before looking down at his own food and continuing to eat. I’m pretty sure it’s not in my imagination that I see him shifting uncomfortably in his seat, and I can’t but smile as I wonder if I affect him the same way he does me.

* * *

“Where are Aunt Addy and Sinead?” I ask seeing the place in darkness.

“At my house. Addy took Sinead home when I came looking for you.”

“Won’t she wonder where you’ve gone?”

“She knows I went to find you.”

“Won’t she think that’s weird?”

“Why would she? You’re practically family, Addison. Addy talks about you all the time. It wouldn’t be weird for me to find you after you’ve run off.”

“We’ve never met before, Blake,” I say, pointing out the obvious.

“It doesn’t feel that way,” he admits, coming to a stop at Aunt Addy’s front door.

‘No, it doesn’t,” I agree, turning back towards him. “Thank you for tonight.”

“You’re welcome. Just give it time. Don’t rush into things. You’ve upheaved your entire life; it will take a while for this place to feel like home again.”

“It is home. It’s just what I do with it that I’m not sure about.”

“Just give it time, princess,” he repeats. “You never know what’s waiting for you around the corner.”

“Like finding your husband deep inside your PA,” I say, not meaning for it to come out aloud. “Shit.”

I look to Blake to find his eyes wide. “I was going to say earlier that your husband’s a wanker for letting you out of his sight, but I think that might be putting it mildly.” Blake takes a step towards me and I instinctively move back. The only problem is that I bump into the front door, unable to go any farther.

“I can’t blame him,” I whisper. “Things weren’t good.”

“There’s never a good enough excuse for a man to even be looking at another woman. Especially when his wife’s as beautiful as you.”

I have no idea how to respond to that so I just bite down on my bottom lip and continue to look up at Blake, who is now inches away from me.

He leans towards me and I hold my breath. “I’m coming back to do the fuse board tomorrow. I got called away yesterday. Say you’ll be here,” he whispers in my ear. His breath warms my cold skin, sending goosebumps down my neck.

“Uh huh,” is all I can get out with him so close and his manly woodsy scent filling my nose.

“Goodnight, princess. Sleep well.” He drops a kiss on my cheek but doesn’t pull back as quickly as would be appropriate. When he does, he turns and walks away before getting in his van and driving off.

I lift my hand to my cheek, still feeling his lips. I stand there for a few seconds, looking to where he just disappeared and feeling my heart beat a little too fast in my chest.

This isn’t right, is it? He said it himself a few minutes ago.

We’re practically family.

Not forgetting the fact I’ve just come out of a disastrous marriage. I should be hung up on that, surely? Not getting these feelings for someone else already.