IT HAD BEEN WEEKS SINCE she’d had sex on the rooftop terrace with Harrison, and while she had gone out with him several times afterward, she still wasn’t sure about how she felt about him. She always found herself wanting to open up around him and tell him things she would never dream of confessing to anyone else, but thus far she’d been able to restrain herself. The longer she was with him, though, the more difficult it became; keeping the truth about her pregnancy was by far the hardest to keep from him.

When he brought her simple little gifts like flowers and chocolates, it became even harder to resist him. More often than not, she always ended up going to his place after their public dates. While she told herself it was because of his comic book collection, she knew in her heart that she was growing attached to him. And that, more than anything else, scared her almost to the point of tears. While she’d kept Melissa’s words in mind about Harrison’s reputation, she was almost beginning to believe that he was different with her.

Riley fiddled with her fingers as she thought about Harrison. There were plenty of magazines and books to read in the gynecologist’s office, but all she could do was stare ahead at the wall and think about her last date with Harrison. It had been at a laid back Irish café, one that he owned, and the food had been unbelievably good.

“Riley? Earth to Riley... hellooooo. Riley... you in there, lady?”

She gave a jerk at the sound of Jessica’s voice and offered her a small cringe. “Sorry... just thinking.”

“Thinking about anyone in particular?” She winked and clicked her teeth.

“Shut up... no...” Despite herself, her cheeks flushed. “Well, okay... maybe a little. I can’t help that he’s growing on me.”

“I think you’re both adorable, but you need to tell him about the baby eventually you know.”

“Miss Byrne?”

Riley hefted a low sigh of relief as the nurse called her name, glad that she was able to avoid the subject of telling Harrison about the baby; she just didn’t know how she was supposed to tell him. It was just better to keep it from him.

“Here.” She held up her hand and got up. Jessica took one of her hands and squeezed it, and together they went into the doctor’s office.

“Nervous?” Jessica sat next to her. When Riley nodded, she pulled her into a quick hug. “Everything will be fine. How could seeing your baby for the first time not be absolutely spectacular, Riley? Come on!”

“Yeah, yeah... I guess so. I just...have no idea what to do.”

“Who does?” The gynecologist let out a laugh as she walked into the room. “Now, how about we have a look at this little one? Sounds like you need a bit of a lift.”

“Yes...” Riley sucked in a breath and held it for several seconds, her toes wiggling with her nerves. When directed, she climbed onto the table and lay on her back. The cool sensation of the ultrasound gel made her breath hitch, and she reached out to take Jessica’s hand. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she felt her gaze turning toward the screen as soon as the ultrasound wand passed over her belly.

The moment she heard the heartbeat, she gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. “Oh my god... is that...?”

“Yes.” The doctor smiled broadly and moved the wand around until she found the perfect angle. “It’s too early to tell what gender it is, but that little heartbeat is strong. Everything else looks perfect, too.” After a pause, she asked, “are you sure you don’t want to inform the father? There’s still time for him to come.”

“No, that’s okay.” Riley gave her a tight smile. “Do you mind if I have some time alone... just to watch?”

“Of course; I’ll be in the next room.”

She watched the woman leave the room, then looked to Jessica. Tears formed in her eyes, and she pulled her hands away from her mouth. They moved to her stomach instead, just above the ultrasound gel, and she picked up the wand to get a closer look at the child growing inside of her. “I can’t believe this is happening.... there’s a little person growing inside of me.” She let out a burst of nervous, disbelieving laughter. “I have a person inside of me... can you even believe that?”

“Yes!” Jessica grinned. “And it’s what you’ve wanted since you were little, I remember. I remember the day you got back from that appointment, too. The one where you were told you would likely never have children. You were so devastated that day, and I wanted so badly to help you. I just had no idea how.”

“There was nothing you could have done, Jess. Nothing. No one could have. It’s a miracle, for real, that I even got pregnant.”

“Yeah, Harrison has like super sperm or something.”

They both burst into giggles, and Jessica reached for the wand. “May I?”

Giggling still, Riley handed her the instrument and looked back to the monitor. There were several moments of silence before she said, “thank you for coming with me. And thank you for keeping this a secret; I know it hasn’t exactly been easy for you. I hate sneaking around like this, too, but I just...”

“I know, hon. And it’s okay. I get it. You want to find the right words, it needs to be the right time. All that stuff that you haven’t figured out yet.”

“Yeah... exactly.” She gave Jessica’s hand a quick squeeze, glad beyond words that she had the support of her best friend; she had no idea what she would have done without her. Going through this alone would have been harder than she even wanted to imagine. “I still have no idea if I’ll tell him, but a big part of me wants to. He and I have dinner tonight at the Rox, so I might drop a few hints. See if he gets it, I don’t know. I really just...have no idea.”

“It’s okay... really, it is. Just breathe and take your time... and don’t make any crazy choices with Harrison tonight, okay?”

“Got it... no crazy choices.”

––––––––

NO CRAZY CHOICES, Riley thought as she sat across from Harrison at the Rox. Jessica’s words were a mantra in her mind, but every time she looked at him, all she could think about was having sex on the rooftop terrace. She blushed just thinking about how up front and bold she had been with him, how completely unafraid. She ducked her head down and smiled, her tresses creating a cascade that fell down her back. Since she had just washed it, she’d decided to leave her hair free tonight, just for something different.

“Did you have a good day today?”

She was in a quiet panic, all of a sudden, when she realized he was going to know something was going on with her eventually, if he didn’t already suspect it. Her belly wasn’t going to remain flat forever, and as busy as he was, he was an observant man. Time was running out for her lies and half-truths; eventually she was going to have to tell him something.

“Yeah, it was pretty good. I spent most of it studying with Jessica to help her with her screen play and working. So...nothing too exciting really. What about you?”

“Honestly... I’ve been thinking a lot about you today. About us, about what we’re becoming. I’ve never told anyone about my past, aside from Owen. It feels good to be able to confide in you, Riley. Really good. And I hope... I really hope that I don’t scare you or make you uncomfortable; that’s the last thing I want to do.”

At first, Harrison’s answer surprised her, and she felt she nearly blushed an even deeper red; but the more he went on, the more her anxiety began to creep up within her chest. She held her breath and searched his face in the hopes that there was some kind of escape from this; she saw none. Out of all the lies she was keeping from the man, this one seemed the least harmful in terms of keeping their fake relationship going.

“”Yes...” The word came out a whisper. “You scare me. But you also excite me. You make me feel like I’m a different person than I’ve ever been before, and I know that sounds corny as hell, but it’s the truth. And I hope that I make you feel like a different person, too. Different from the stories I’ve heard about you.” Riley almost winced when that last sentence tumbled from her lips; more than anything, it sounded like an accusation. That was far from what she had intended. Before she could say another word, though, he cut her off:

“What kind of stories?”

“I...” She braced herself. “People have been telling me that you’re a womanizer. That you are only spending time with me because of how I look. And that when you grow bored of me, you’ll throw me away and never look back. It’s all hearsay, really, which is why I’d like to hear your side, if you’ll tell me.”

He didn’t look terribly surprised at her statements, but he did appear guilty. “I’m afraid, too. Commitment scares me in ways that you cannot even imagine. Getting passed around from one family to another, over and over again, never feeling settled. Never feeling as though I was even halfway worth anything to anyone, it just... I asked myself ‘why bother?’” He glanced away from her briefly, then leveled his gaze on her face.

She looked back at him, but not with challenge, and reached out to take one of his hands. With a small smile, she pulled it closer to her end of the table. “I get it. I mean, I haven’t exactly had great luck with men over the years, and I guess that’s made me a little wary. When those girls told me what you were like, I almost didn’t want to believe them. Even though these dates are fake, sometimes...they don’t really seem like they are.”

Oh god. Had she actually just said that to him? She felt frozen in that chair, her meal forgotten. It was so difficult to hold his gaze, and she inwardly winced; knowing her luck, she had just completely ruined dinner. She had always been a little on the cautious side, but with her hormones raging because of the pregnancy, she felt like she was constantly on the verge of going insane; it would make things so much better if she could just tell him about it, but she couldn’t. The fear of rejection, of the loss of him, was greater than her desire to let him in that much.

“What are they to you? These dates?” The way he looked at her, it almost felt as though he was staring into her very core.

There was a long length of silence, and Riley couldn’t help the soft chuckle of laughter. She shook her head and glanced away, her body heating up despite that it had been cool a few moments ago. “I... don’t know.” He made her feel so flustered! “Just... I don’t know... I almost feel like you enjoy them. Like you want to spend time with me, nothing feels forced. It just feels real sometimes. And it feels as though we’ve been together, just like this, forever.”

He tightened his fingers around her hand and nodded. “I know... I feel that way, too. Riley, this relationship might be a big scam for the sake of business, but I do enjoy being with you. I’ve even asked Owen for advice about what to wear and what to say on more than one occasion.”

She flashed him a relieved grin and shrugged. “Yeah, I’ve done the same a few times with my best friend Jessica. But how about we change the subject and see how our meal tastes?”

Harrison gave her a small frown, but nodded and dug into his steak. Riley felt confused and flushed, and her stomach was in knots. She still couldn’t believe that she had opened up to him like that. It had been years since she’d let a man in as much as Harrison, and he just seemed to have a way of pulling it out of her. As she picked away at her spaghetti, she realized now more than ever that she needed to come up with a cover story of how she had gotten pregnant. Breaking things off with him was now more imperative than ever; she just had to figure out how to do it without hurting her father’s business and investments.

“So how’s your food?” Small talk seemed like the best course of action; it had to be better than silence, right?

“It’s not bad. Yours?”

“It’s not that great. Listen...I think I’m going to head home early. I’m not feeling that great and I have a big work day tomorrow. Lots of catch up from the weekend and everything.”

“Oh... yeah, sure...” He offered her a perplexed stare, but gestured toward the door; he almost seemed angry. “I’ll get the bill. Good night, Riley.”

She cringed inwardly again and got up, unsure of how to fix things now that she’d gone and run her mouth. “Good night, Harrison... see you later.” She gave him a quick smile before she turned and quickly left the Rox. Her heart was in her throat, and her stomach was twisted in ways even she had never felt before. She almost felt as though she was going to throw up, and for once she had no idea if it was the pregnancy or the fact that she had let him in and crushed him in nearly the same breath. More than that, it was the fact that she knew now beyond all doubt that she cared about him. And that, all on its own, was enough to send her running.