Chapter Nine

 

The snow crunched beneath Otto’s feet as he walked along one of the many paths that wound its way through the Severson estate grounds. The snow had been falling heavily for the last several hours, and it showed no signs of stopping. These paths would be cleared and salted within an hour of daybreak, but for now, the snow continued to pile up in the early morning darkness. That was fine with Otto. He liked the feeling of snow beneath his feet. It felt wilder and freer than a manicured path. And Otto was a fan of anything that helped him feel wild and free. Goodness knew there were too few things like that these days.

Otto had been walking for the better part of two hours. He hadn’t even bothered trying to fall asleep after the resistance meeting. He’d known that lying in bed would be pointless, with all the troubled thoughts running through his mind. And Kate dominated those troubled thoughts.

He closed his eyes for a moment, picturing her sitting at the front of the group of shifters that had been at the meeting tonight. She’d been nervous, he could tell that much. But she’d done a good job. He’d expected her to miss many more details than she did. She had all the makings of a great leader, but she still had a lot to learn about the agony of being held responsible for so many lives. It wasn’t easy to constantly feel that any misstep you made could cost the lives of those you cared about most. Otto considered the shifters of the resistance to be his brothers. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing even one of them.

Still, he shouldn’t have acted like such a jerk at the meeting tonight. He could have been nicer, and given his opinions with a little less venom. But he was finding it hard to act civil around her. How was someone supposed to act around a woman whom you suspected might be your lifemate, but who annoyed the crap out of you at the same time? A woman who irritated you by stomping all over your authority, but whose bravery you admired nonetheless.

Otto kicked at a large clump of snow and let out a growl. He was actually looking forward to training tomorrow. He needed a way to vent his frustration, and spending time working out and practicing his fighting skills sounded like the perfect activity right now.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

He froze at the sound of the familiar voice. Kate? Had she followed him out here? A mixture of euphoria and annoyance filled him, but he did his best to school his features into a disinterested expression before he turned around.

“I could ask you the same thing.” She was wearing a thick fur coat that looked ridiculously gaudy. It was made of wolf fur, but it had been adorned with diamonds all over. It glittered somehow, even though there wasn’t any light out here to speak of. Otto figured the coat must be an old fashion that had once belonged to one of the Gilt Hollow noblewoman. The Seversons occasionally gifted old items like this to the shifters, acting as though they were doing them a great favor. Otto never wanted their gifts, but they forced them on him anyway. Most of the Gilt Hollow fashions were far too over-the-top for him to wear, and he could hardly believe that Kate had donned such an outlandish coat. He did have to admit that it looked warm, though. And tonight’s air felt bitterly cold.

“I could probably sleep if I tried,” she said, drawing his thoughts away from her coat and back to the present moment. “I’m exhausted all the way down to my bones. But I’ve been up copying my notes from tonight’s meeting for everyone. I finally finished and was about to go to bed, but I glanced out my window and saw you pacing around down here. I decided to come down and see if I could catch you.”

Otto felt a rush of fluttering excitement at her words. She had come down purposely to find him! She was interested in seeing him. But his excitement quickly changed to wariness. Why had she wanted to see him? Was she feeling attracted to him still, as he was to her? Or had she only wanted to give him a hard time about the way he’d acted in the meeting. Despite telling himself to calm down and be civil, he found himself putting up a wall and hiding behind sarcasm.

“You know, when people are walking around in the snowy darkness in the middle of the night, it’s usually because they want to be alone.”

The sadness that crossed over her eyes undid him. “I’m sorry,” she said, sounding sincere. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I just wanted to tell you thank you. And not just for my sake, but for the sake of all the shifters who are doing this mission. It shows what a great leader you are, that you helped me out even though I’ve kind of been a jerk and taken over your resistance crew.”

Otto snorted. “Honestly, it’s been a bit of a relief to not be the only one people are looking to for answers. The job’s a lot of pressure.”

He saw Kate’s eyebrows rise. “Why do you keep doing it, if you don’t want the job? Surely, there are other shifters who would be happy to take over.”

“I started this resistance. I feel responsible for it. I feel responsible for the life of every shifter who joins. It’s not something you can just walk away from.” He wanted to add that he felt especially responsible for her life, since she was his lifemate. But he wasn’t sure that now was the best time to have that conversation. She had a lot on her mind without throwing the possibility of his being her lifemate in as well. And she must not have realized herself that the lifemate bond had been formed. Otherwise, she surely would have said something. Or at least acted a little differently around him. But she seemed as reserved and guarded as ever.

“Hmm,” she said. But he could tell there was much more she wanted to say. He wasn’t sure whether he should push her or not. His better sense told him to leave things as they were, and to try to get away from her and back to his room as soon as possible. But his curiosity burned too brightly, and he found himself asking her to elaborate.

“Hmm?”

She sighed. “I was only wondering if you also consider sleeping with a woman something you can just walk away from.”

Her tone was sharp and stinging, cutting him to his core. He had hurt her, he realized in that moment. He’d been trying to protect her by not bringing up their little tryst. He wanted her to focus on the mission ahead of her, and not on what they had done in the bedroom. For a moment, he considered pulling her into his arms and confessing everything—that he suspected she was his lifemate, that he’d never met a woman as beautiful as her, that he would love nothing more than to lay her down in the snow right now and make love to her again, and that he couldn’t stop thinking about her despite the fact that her actions sometimes drove him crazy.

But he stopped himself. She didn’t need all of those thoughts swirling through her head right now. She needed to focus on her mission. When the vault raid was done, hopefully with no casualties, he could bring up all of this other stuff. For now, his best way to protect her was to not tell her that he cared about her and thought she was his lifemate. Opening that can of worms would break her focus, especially, if, as he suspected, she hadn’t realized yet that they had bonded. For the life of him he didn’t know how she could possibly have missed the lifemate bond forming. It had been quite an intense sensation. But she’d said nothing, and he’d never heard of a woman keeping quiet about it once she found her lifemate.

For now, for her sake, he would keep quiet about it. He looked over at her, reaching his hand up to caress her cheek. Her skin was pink and cold, and her nose was starting to run. It didn’t matter. She had never looked more beautiful than she did right then, looking back at him with tired eyes as her stupid coat glittered despite the darkness.

“Look, Kate. I didn’t mean to disrespect or hurt you. I’m not usually the type of guy who romps around in bed just for the fun of it, but I’ll admit I am still a man. You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, and when the opportunity came for me to make love to you, well, I couldn’t resist. And it was great. Really great. I’ve never enjoyed anything in my life so much. But now’s not a good time for either of us to start a relationship. We have a revolution brewing, and you have a very dangerous mission to lead. Why don’t we chalk it up to a night of fun and agree to explore more in the future if things calm down and the opportunity presents itself?”

He saw anger flashing across her eyes, and for a brief moment he thought she might slap him. He would have deserved it if she had. His words were a total copout, and she deserved so much more than a copout. But almost as soon as the anger appeared, it disappeared. She stuck her chin out ever so slightly, in that stubborn way she did. Otto was coming to love her stubborn streak, even though that stubbornness had been what made her insist on launching her own dangerous resistance mission.

“It’s fine,” she said, her voice even. “I agree that now isn’t the best time to start a relationship. And you’re right; it was just a night of fun. We both needed the stress relief, I’m sure. But you shouldn’t sleep with a woman without telling her where you stand afterwards. It’s rude. And confusing.”

Otto almost wished she had fought back. He wished she had slapped him and had called him out on his bullshit. But he knew in his heart that it was better that she didn’t. It was better that she thought for now that there was nothing between them. She had some hard days ahead, days that would require much of her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to confuse you. And while I still think you’re crazy for wanting to go through with this vault raid mission, I’ll help you in any way I can.”

She shrugged, as if to say that she didn’t need any more help. Otto thought she was going to head back inside then, and a wave of sadness washed over him. But Kate didn’t turn to go back in. Instead, she pointed down the path that stretched ahead of them, away from the Seversons’ giant house. “I’m going to walk a bit. Would you like to join me? I think it’s too late for me to hope to get any sleep at this point. I’d rather not sleep at all than sleep just one hour.”

Otto did his best to hide his shock at the invitation. “Sure. I don’t think I’m gonna sleep any tonight either.”

He fell into step beside her, and they walked in silence for several minutes. He tried to think of something to say—something clever or funny or meaningful—but his mind felt like mush. All he could think about when he looked at her was her beauty, and how much he wanted to kiss her in the middle of the falling snow. The trees grew thicker as they made their way down the path, and if Otto tried hard he could almost pretend that the two of them were back in Bear Hollow. He could almost pretend that he had never been thrust into this awful existence, where everything he did was shadowed by the reality that he was a slave.

And he was a slave. So what if he was technically being paid for his “work” as a Shifter Games competitor? The money meant nothing to him. He had nowhere to spend it, and nothing to spend it on. He didn’t even have a family in Bear Hollow to send money to. In a heartbeat, he would have given all of this up to be a poor shifter living in a mud hut across the river. But the Seversons would never dream of letting their champion shifter go.

Otto couldn’t help thinking that Kate had lost her mind when she volunteered to come to Gilt Hollow. He understood why she had. She had big dreams, and wanted to kick start the revolution. He admired her courage, but he still thought she was foolish to volunteer for this life. As much as Otto wanted to see the resistance succeed, he’d been forced into this. He was proud of the work he’d done to lead the resistance, but he never would have volunteered for it. He never would have willingly given up his home back in Bear Hollow to come live among these bastards.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Kate said.

Otto glanced sideways at her. No way was he going to tell her what he had really been thinking about. Instead, he shrugged and gestured toward the trees surrounding them, giving voice to something he’d thought many, many times before while out walking. “I was just thinking that it’s a bit ridiculous for one family to own so much land. It’s fine for everyone to own a house and a garden. But these nobles here own estates that sprawl for what feels like half a forest. We could keep walking for miles and still be on Severson land. Forests shouldn’t be claimed like that. They should be open for all people to enjoy.”

Kate laughed, the musical sound of it echoing through the trees. “I see that the Gilt Hollow citizens haven’t been able to brainwash you even a tiny bit.”

Otto growled. “No. Nearly two decades here and I still miss home every day. I still dream constantly of being free. I still don’t feel at home in their stupid Arena, or comfortable in their stupid clothes.”

Kate’s laugh died out, and she gave a somber sigh. “It’s hard to fathom how anyone could treat another group of humans so poorly.”

Otto did not reply. There was no need to reply. Every shifter from Bear Hollow had thought this same thing thousands of time before. Otto could have remarked that the Gilt Hollow citizens didn’t consider shifters to be human. But why waste his words? Kate already knew that, as did every Bear Hollow shifter. Otto had heard tales of lands faraway where shifters lived free, and weren’t treated like outcasts. But he had no way of knowing whether those tales were true. Gilt Hollow was hundreds of miles from any other city, and Bear Hollow shifters were forbidden to leave. Any shifter who attempted the treacherous journey through hundreds of miles of unforgiving forest would face not only nature’s wrath, but the wrath of the Gilt Hollow soldiers as well. The soldiers patrolled far and wide, and would shoot any shifter found attempting an escape.

Otto supposed an escape would be possible in theory. But without even knowing what was on the other side of those hundreds of miles of forest, there wasn’t much motivation to try. A shifter might risk dying in the wilderness or at the hands of the Gilt Hollow citizens, only to find that whatever cities lay beyond the great woods treated shifters worse than Gilt Hollow did.

Not that some shifters hadn’t tried. There had been a handful of them over the years. A few had been shot by Gilt Hollow soldiers, and their bodies had been left to rot on the borders of the forest as a warning to other shifters who might attempt the same thing. And a few of the shifters had never been heard from again. No one knew whether that meant they had made it to a better civilization, or that they had died a horrible death in the wilderness. Odds were no one would ever know, unless the revolution happened and was successful. Only then, perhaps, would the shifters have the chance to see what lay beyond this place that held them captive.

“Can I ask you a question?” Kate’s voice cut into Otto’s troubled thoughts, and he merely nodded his head to indicate that she should continue.

“What are the Games really like? The actual Games events? I know the technicalities of how the matches are held and the rules and all of that. But is it true that the stands are filled to standing room only with Gilt Hollow citizens? Is it true that they all cheer whenever a shifter is hurt, and that they like shifter versus shifter matches the best?”

Otto sighed. “It’s true. The whole city shows up for the Games. And they cheer for everything. Whether a shifter is winning or losing against the wild animal that shifter is being forced to fight, the crowd cheers. It’s as though they get off on seeing us in animal form. I suppose it makes them feel better about treating us so horribly. It’s easy to justify it when you can view us as nothing more than animals.”

He glanced over at Kate to see her frowning. Her nose had turned completely red by this point, and Otto turned around to head back toward the Severson house without even asking whether she wanted to or not. She needed to get inside before she stared to get frostbite on her face. And even though he wasn’t confessing to her yet that she was his lifemate, he was still determined to take care of her.

She didn’t comment on their change in direction at all. She only furrowed her brow and asked, “And the shifter versus shifter matches?”

“Those are rare,” Otto said. “The shifters hate them, and often protest when they’re asked to do one, even though everyone knows that there will be severe penalties for disobedience. But the nobles don’t care so much about the shifters’ protests. They care about telling everyone that the shifters are treated humanely, and that the Gilt Hollow citizens are not barbaric. It’s hard to claim that you’re treating shifters fairly when you’re forcing them to fight against each other. The wild animals are an easier sell.”

“Huh.” Kate didn’t say anything else, and they walked in silence a few more minutes. Otto was tempted to reach out and grab her hand, but he forced himself to hold back. If he showed any affection for her at all, he would only confuse her. But the more time he spent with her, the more he felt his heart throbbing in his chest. The more he felt the lifemate bond burning within him, telling him that he had to keep Kate safe. When the back entrance of the Seversons’ house had finally come into view, he stopped, and put Kate’s face in his hands. Her face felt as cold as ice, even though his own hands were so cold that he thought he must be losing circulation. She had to get inside soon, but he wanted to talk to her before they were within earshot of the guard who stood at the back door.

“Kate, please don’t go through with this plan to raid the vaults. I heard you in the meeting, assigning yourself to the most dangerous role of being one of the shifters who actually goes to raid the Seversons’ vault. You’re going to get yourself killed!”

Kate looked back at him with stormy blue eyes, then pulled away and kept walking. “This mission was my idea, and I’m leading it. I can’t ask the other shifters to put themselves in a type of danger that I’m not willing to face myself.”

Otto walked after her. “That’s really gracious of you, but you aren’t the best-suited shifter for the job. You’ve only been at the Severson estate for a few days, and you don’t know the layout that well. There are other shifters who have been around for years, and they know the estate like the back of their hands. If they need to make a quick escape and go down unexpected hallways, they’ll know what they’re doing. You’ll be hopelessly lost in seconds.”

Kate shrugged. “I’ve been studying the layout of the estate, and I’ve all but memorized it. And I’ll have some shifters with me who know the layout well.”

“But you might get separated from them.”

“I might. But it’s a chance I’m going to take. If I have to go it on my own, I’ll just have to trust that studying the estate floor plans has been enough. I’m not going to ask the other shifters to do something I wouldn’t do.”

Otto let out a deep sigh. They were almost within hearing distance of the back door guard by now, so Otto couldn’t say much more. He looked over at Kate and tried to give her the most serious look he possibly could.

“Just be careful, please,” he pleaded. “I know I sometimes act like a jerk, but believe it or not I do care about you. I care what happens to you.”

She gave him a small smile, and just that tiny bit of upturned lip was enough to set his heart wildly beating in his chest. She drove him crazy in so many ways. Not only in her beauty, but in her refusal to listen to reason and give up this crazy mission she’d been assigned to. She was a mix of good crazy and bad crazy, but he couldn’t help but love all of it. He desperately wanted to kiss her, but now was not the time. He needed to keep his distance, to let her keep her focus.

So he stepped back and turned to walk into the house without another word. He couldn’t stop her from attempting this mission. That much was clear. She was far too stubborn to change her mind now. But what he could do was make sure she was safe.

And that’s exactly what he would do. He wouldn’t tell her he was doing it, but he would be watching in the wings the whole time she was attempting to break into the vault. And if anything went wrong, he would swoop in and rescue her. Even if it cost him his own life.

He was her lifemate after all. His life was a small price to pay for hers.