Drew woke up, disoriented. The house was dark around him and he was so, so warm under the blankets. A heavy arm fell over his waist and he startled before the night before came crashing back to him.

Oh, shit. He was naked under the covers. And the arm belonged to Sebastian. Sebastian, who he’d given a blowjob.

“I can practically hear you thinking,” Bas mumbled, voice thick and rough. “Go back to sleep.”

“But we need to…”

“Drew? It’s like four o’clock in the morning, and everything is fine for right now.” Bas’s arm tightened, pulling him closer until his back was flush against Bas’s chest. “Just fine. I promise you.”

“We should…”

“Hush, baby. There’ll be time enough for everything. Go back to sleep,” he instructed, and Drew obediently closed his eyes and fell back into a world where Bas would call him baby all the time.

When Drew woke up again, light was streaming in Sebastian’s bedroom window, and despite the indentation Bas’s head had left on his pillow, the bed beside him was cold. Dread pooled in his stomach.

You fucked it all up again. No matter what Bas said, he was just confused and scared last night. You pushed too hard, and now he’s running, and it’s no more than you deserve.

When will you learn?

But when he rolled over, he found Bas sitting in a comfortable red chair next to the bed, dressed in only a pair of black plaid pajama pants, his bare feet propped atop the duvet.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

“Hey,” Drew croaked, then cleared his throat. “Has the apocalypse come? Is that why you’re up earlier than me? Preparing for your New Year’s resolution to start tomorrow?” He pushed himself to sitting, propping his naked back against the headboard.

Bas pursed his lips like he was trying to stop himself from smiling and rubbed a hand over his jaw. “No. Everything’s fine. But I kinda worried you might think it was the apocalypse, once you’d processed what happened last night. So I’ve been sitting here staring at you for the past two hours, trying to figure out all the arguments you’d come up with for why it was all a mistake we should never repeat, so I could counter them.”

Drew blinked, eyes wide. He’d imagined a variety of things Bas might say - Sorry, this experiment got out of hand, or Let’s keep things light and have more blowjobs, or I’m gonna need to think about things for the next three months before we can talk again - but this one, the idea that Bas might feel like Drew still needed to be convinced to continue being physical now that they’d started, was so laughable he would never have come up with it on his own.

“Don’t give me that innocent look,” Bas told him. “You made it pretty clear the other night that you didn’t want to pursue things with me anymore for the sake of our friendship. And then you woke up in the middle of the night, already thinking. You’re nearly as bad as I am when it comes to that shit.”

Drew swallowed the instinctive denial on his lips and thought about it for a moment. “You might have a point,” he conceded.

Bas had said last night that he was sure - had repeated it about a billion times. And yet, this morning Drew had still been preparing for the worst, expecting Bas to run off at some point and ready to mitigate the damage.

“Whoa. Score one for me,” Bas said, licking his finger and making an invisible hatch mark in the air. “I’d expected this to be way harder.”

Drew folded his arms over his chest and contemplated his best friend… his lover, holy shit. He resisted the urge to pinch himself. “Let’s hear what else you’ve come up with,” he challenged.

Bas nodded, taking Drew at his word. He dropped his feet to the floor and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Okay, well… first of all, it was really good. Last night, I mean.”

Drew snorted. Yeah, good would be an understatement. Drew had had good any number of times. Last night was… was….

“Wasn’t it?” Bas frowned, looking at Drew with concern, and Drew blinked, realizing that Bas had misinterpreted his snort. Like maybe he needed reassurance.

“Yeah, Bas. It was so far beyond good that they don’t exist in the same realm,” Drew told him quietly, and Bas smiled, nodding. “But that doesn’t mean…”

“No. No, I know,” Bas said quickly. “That was just my… whajamacallit. My beginning thing. Like at a trial.”

At a trial. Drew pressed his lips together to keep from laughing at the comparison. “Your opening argument?”

“Yes. Exactly.” Bas licked his lips. “Right. So, I know I hurt you in October because I couldn’t wrap my head around shit. I need you to know, that’s not happening again.”

“It’s not?”

“Not again,” Bas repeated, his bright blue eyes as serious as Drew had ever seen them. “I’m going to tell you things from now on. Communicate. And if I need to slow down or process things, I’ll… you know… I’ll do it with you.”

“Oh-kay,” Drew agreed, stunned. Was this really happening?

“I have a bad track record, okay? I know this. What Amy and I had was pretty much a cautionary tale.”

“One you fell into,” Drew couldn’t help but interject.

“Yeah, exactly. Yes. I knew you were gonna say that,” Bas told him excitedly. “That you’d worry maybe I’m just falling into this, with you.”

Drew nodded. The thought had occurred to him more than once.

“But I’m not,” Bas said, pressing his palms together. “I’m not. And you know how I know?”

Drew shook his head wordlessly.

“Because it’s not easy!” Bas was triumphant. “Coming to terms with being something different than I’ve ever been… or maybe just allowing myself to realize it? Whichever it is, it’s fucking hard. It’s making me question every feeling I’ve ever had. Every girl I kissed, every date, every time I’ve had sex. I don’t want to do that, believe me. I don’t want to think that I wasn’t…” He ran his hands through his hair in obvious frustration. “I dunno, smart or self-aware enough to figure this shit out earlier, like you did. Like Cam did.”

“Bas,” Drew interrupted. “It doesn’t go like that.”

“I know! No, I know. I talked to Cort about this yesterday afternoon.”

“To Cort?” Drew repeated. “Are you kidding?”

Bas smiled. “Nope. And he told me the same thing. But knowing that here,” he tapped his temple, “is not the same as believing it here.” He pointed at his chest. “And I think it’s gonna take me longer to wrap my mind around that than it is for me to get used to having a boyfriend.”

Boyfriend. Drew finally did yield to the urge to pinch himself then, and it hurt. A lot. He tried to speak, but the only sounds he was capable of making was a brief puff of air. “A…”

“Boyfriend,” Bas supplied, and his eyes crinkled at the corners as he took in Drew’s shock. “Did you think this was gonna be some casual thing? You’ve been my best friend forever. Best friends who love each other more than anyone else and sleep together are pretty much the definition of boyfriends, aren’t they?”

“I… guess?” Drew looked out the window, taking in the clouds, the cold sunshine on the bare tree limbs. It appeared to be a normal morning. He didn’t think he was still drugged. “Out of curiosity, if I’d been transported into one of those alternate realities you were telling me about the other night, what would be the signs?”

“There!” Bas said, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Right there. That is exactly what I’m talking about. Nobody would sign up to deal with that snark unless they were head over heels for you, Drew. Because you are anything but easy.”

Drew snorted.

“I’m serious! You’re going to make me crazy before we’re forty.” Bas moved to sit on the edge of the bed at Drew’s hip. “And it’s not falling. I’m not just letting this happen. Not ever again.”

“Oh.” Overwhelmed with the words Bas was saying, with his warm and naked chest within touching distance, this was the most intelligent thing Drew could come up with.

Bas’s face broke into a grin. “That’s the level of intelligent argument which sways juries, ladies and gentlemen.” He notched another imaginary point, and Drew rolled his eyes.

“But since you brought up the alternate realities,” Bas said.

“Oh, God. Please tell me your arguments don’t involve alternate realities,” Drew pleaded, massaging his temples with both hands - both shaking hands. “I can barely keep up with you as it is.”

“Two hours, Andrew. I sat here for hours. I have plumbed the depths of my brain,” Bas reminded him. “And you know better than anyone how deep in the weeds I can get in an hour.”

Drew blinked, because he did know.

“But I was thinking, I don’t know if alternate realities are a thing, but there are choices, you know. Choices that dictate the way things work out, the paths we take. I can’t go back and change anything that happened to cause the crash.” He laughed without humor. “Cort kinda showed me that, too.”

Cort was getting a magnum of champagne, if Drew had anything to say about it.

“And even if I could,” Bas paused, took a deep breath, and looked Drew in the eye. “Even if I had the power to change things, I don’t know if I would. That crash brought Cort and Damon into our lives. It brought a lot of truths out into the open. And it’s giving us the chance to maybe make things better for a lot of people by taking SILA down.”

Drew bit his bottom lip and nodded, knowing exactly how much it had cost Bas to say all of that - to give meaning to the senseless deaths of the people they loved.

“I had a choice that summer when we were teenagers.” Bas glanced out the window and his brow furrowed. “I had another one in October. All of those things have brought us to where we are, and I guess I wouldn’t change those either, because they brought us here.” He glanced at Drew and smiled. “But I’m tired of taking the path that leads me away from you. The only right way for me from now on, is the one where you and I are together.”

He swallowed hard and gave a nervous chuckle. “I’m nervous as hell,” he admitted. “I have no idea how to be in a real relationship. I have no idea how to have sex with a guy. I am a total noob at all of this. So, believe me when I tell you, I’m not falling into anything here. I’m choosing. I’m choosing you.”

Whoa. Drew’s eyes filled with tears and he sniffed loudly as he reached for Bas’s hand and wound their fingers together.

Bas blew out a breath. “That’s, uh… that’s it. That’s all I came up with.” He licked his lips. “I want to be with you. I love you. I don’t have the first idea what I’m doing, but I will be all-in when it comes to figuring it out.”

Drew ran his free hand over his mouth. So many things he wanted to say to this man. So fucking many things he’d been storing up since he’d first realized he was in love with his best friend the summer he turned fourteen, and they all toppled over one another in his mind, paralyzing him.

“So… what do you think?” Bas asked, his beautiful face stark with anxiety.

Drew shook his head and said the most important thing. The only one that really mattered.

“I love you,” he whispered, and as Bas blinked, disbelieving, Drew figured out what he needed to say. “Sebastian? At the risk of quoting that old movie, you kinda had me at good morning.”

Bas laughed, a helpless sound that seemed forced from him.

“I’m serious,” Drew said. “Knowing you were still here this morning, I think maybe I started to believe you were serious about everything you said last night. About wanting me. And you’ve gotta know, I’ve wanted you forever.” He swallowed hard, squeezing Bas’s hand and looking up at the ceiling as he admitted, “I’ve been in love with you forever. You’ve been the star of every fantasy I’ve had for the past fifteen years. I’ve never needed to be convinced that we’re perfect for each other, Bas. I just needed to be sure that you were sure.”

“And you are now?” Bas whispered.

Drew looked at him. “I’m getting there.”

Bas nodded, looking down at their joined hands. With the fingers of his free hand, he traced the ridges of Drew’s knuckles tenderly. Then he looked back up wearing a smug grin.

“Get back to the part where you love me. And the fantasies.”

Drew laughed.

Love with this man would never be precious. No sparkling hearts, no dancing fairies. And that was absolutely perfect.

“I love you,” Drew told him, and Bas’s smile was glorious.

“Now that I think about it, there were clues,” he said, and Drew’s brows shot up.

“Besides the kissing? And the frottage the other night?”

“That’s sex,” Bas said. “Not love. But the sand dollar gave you away.”

“Pardon?”

“The sand dollar. The keychain?” Bas explained. “The one I gave you when we were kids at camp.”

“Right. What about it?”

“I saw it on your keychain when you gave your car keys to Cain and Damon a couple of months back. When they went to Tennessee.”

“I remember,” Drew said. And he’d wondered at the time if Bas had understood the importance of it. Apparently so.

“After everything that happened on Halloween, it just cemented to me that you’d had these feelings for me for a while. Messed with my mind that you hadn’t ever said anything.” He played with Drew’s fingers. “When I’d thought we were really honest with each other about everything.”

“We have always been honest…”

“Not about the things that counted, though.” Bas dipped his head and gave him a self-deprecating smile. “I never told you I was questioning things with Amy, and you never told me about your feelings. We’ve both held back.”

Drew nodded quietly. Bas was right.

“Anyway, it was all symbolical to me.” Bas rolled his eyes. “Like this thing you’d been keeping forever, this reminder of me. And uh, I worried, after I saw your keys the night we met Gary at the pub. You didn’t have the sand dollar there.”

“It broke,” Drew told him. “Came back unscathed from Cain and Damon being shot at in Tennessee, and then fell out of my cabinet onto the counter and cracked.”

“You told me it was gone,” Bas reminded him, and Drew rolled his eyes.

“Well, it was,” he said defensively. “Gone from my key ring, anyway.” He sighed, and in the spirit of their newfound communication, he admitted, “And maybe I told you that because I was afraid it would give away too much if I told you I spent a whole night, while we weren’t speaking, supergluing the thing back together.”

“I kinda wish you had.” Bas’s voice was raw. “Maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything. Maybe I wasn’t ready to hear it then. But I wish we’d gotten to this place earlier.”

“The place where we have sex?” Drew joked.

“Honesty,” Bas said, thwacking him on the thigh. “Love.” He moved his hand to Drew’s knee below the blanket. “But yeah, the sex is pretty good too. And you mentioned fantasies?”

Drew leaned back further into the pillows as Bas climbed on top of him, straddling him through the blanket. Despite the seriousness of their conversation, Drew felt a bit like he was suspended in a dream and vaguely hoped he’d never wake up.

“Naturally, you remember that part,” Drew fake-scolded, his voice a little breathless.

“So, what were they?”

“Which one?” Drew demanded. “There were dozens. Hundreds, maybe. Some of them were just lame, teen-romance shit… probably fitting, since I was a teen when I came up with them. Like, in one of them, you met me at my locker in high school and walked me to lunch.”

“Scandalous,” Bas said, nipping at Drew’s collarbone.

“Well, it was. We were holding hands while we walked into the cafeteria. And you were smiling at me. And everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at us.”

Bas lifted his head to look at Drew. “And this is a happy fantasy?”

“Mmm hmmm.” He lifted a hand and dragged it through Bas’s dark hair. “Because I wrapped my arms around you and we kissed right in front of everyone.”

“Of course we did,” Bas said, resuming his kisses with a smile in his voice. “I wanted everyone to know you were mine.”

“I’m pretty sure the motive went the other way around, in my fantasy,” Drew warned him. “Fantasy-Drew was a very possessive boyfriend.”

“And real-Drew isn’t?”

“Real Drew hasn’t had a lover he wanted to possess,” Drew admitted quietly. Until now. “But… there is some scary potential there.

“It’s only scary if the man you’re with doesn’t want to be possessed. You don’t scare me one bit, McMann.” Bas sucked hard at Drew’s neck, and Drew cried out at the sudden flash of pain. That was going to leave a mark. “Tell me another fantasy.”

Drew’s heart was pounding recklessly at the feeling of Bas’s teeth ravaging his skin, and the utter lack of anxiety on Bas’s part. He’d never imagined Bas would be a possessive partner, and the idea lit him up in a way he’d never imagined.

“Uh. Hmmm. The hot tub on the deck at the Shaws’ cabin in Tennessee?” he said, ending in a gasp when Bas moved lower, nipping at a particularly sensitive spot on his neck just below his ear. “Just the two of us, naked, with hardly anyone around for miles. I wanted to trap you in the water and kiss you until you forgot your name.”

“Hardly anyone?”

Figured Sebastian would have noticed that slight tell. “There are no neighbors,” he whispered. “But there’s always the possibility someone else could see us.”

Bas shuddered. “We will make that happen,” he promised hoarsely. “It might not be in that cabin, but I will buy us a cabin where we can do that if I have to.”

Drew snorted, tilting his neck to give Bas better access. “I might let you,” he whispered. “Oh, and when we stayed in St. Brigitte? I imagined you coming to my room at night…”

“Yeah?”

Drew nodded. “You knocked at my door.”

“In a sexy way.”

“Obviously.” Drew snorted. How was it possible to be amused and so fucking turned on at the same time? “And when I opened the door, you grabbed me around the waist.”

“I’m very caveman in your fantasies,” Bas noted, nipping at Drew’s collarbone while Drew ran his hands along the warm, smooth skin of Bas’s back. “I like it.”

“Oh, please.” Drew slapped that sexy back once, lightly. “Like you’re not all caveman in real life. Must protect family. Must kill bad guys. Eliminate threat.” He grunted theatrically, and felt Bas’s shoulders shake with laughter.

Bas’s blue eyes danced as they met his. “I think you’re getting off-track, counselor. Caveman-me knocks at your door in the sexiest possible way, grabs you around the waist like King Kong, and…”

Bas dipped his head and licked at Drew’s Adam’s apple. Drew momentarily forgot what he was saying.

“Uh. You walked me backwards into the suite and pushed me up against the bed. And then we… you know.” Drew could feel his cheeks burning.

“Do I know?” Bas teased. He bit his lip and pretended to think. “Oh! Did we play Xbox?”

“Exactly, yes.” Drew sank his hands deeper into Bas’s hair. “Naked Xbox.”

Bas chuckled. “Sounds hot.” He bent his head and licked at Drew’s nipple, then rubbed his face over the hair that covered Drew’s chest. “Did I win?”

Drew laughed. “We both won,” he said.

“Mmm.” Bas nuzzled Drew’s pec again. “Have I ever mentioned how much I love your chest hair?”

“Uh, you know very well you haven’t ever mentioned it.”

“Well, I do.” Bas looked at him again. “I really, really do.”

Drew flushed further, feeling a lingering piece of anxiety fall away at this proof that Bas was turned on by something so… well… masculine. “I’m really, really glad.”

Bas smiled hugely, satisfied and teasing all at once. “So tell me the specifics of Naked-Xbox,” he demanded.

“Huh?”

“What happened after I backed you to the bed?”

Drew opened his mouth and closed it, a fish out of water in every sense. He’d never had to talk about his fantasies with a lover before, because all of his fantasies had always been Bas-specific. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to do it now, either. What if Bas freaked out? What if it was all just a little too gay for him?

“We had sex,” Drew hedged.

“Yes, and I’m guessing there was no actual Xbox involved,” Bas said blandly. He stacked his palms on Drew’s chest and propped his chin on them, like he was settling in and waiting for Drew to talk. “Be specific.”

Oh, damn.

“You, uh… kissed me. You kicked off your shorts, and pushed me onto the bed.”

“Were you naked?” Bas asked, his eyes alight.

“I… I don’t know. I think I was already naked? Believe me, I wasn’t concerned about how I got naked,” Drew said wryly. “That was the least compelling part of the fantasy to me.”

“Alright,” Bas allowed. “I’m gonna fill in the blanks for you, then.”

“You’re co-opting my fantasy?” Drew couldn’t help but laugh. That was so Bas.

“I’m assisting you in working out the details,” Bas corrected. “Because the hows and whys of you getting naked are extremely interesting to me. So… I kicked off my shorts, like you said, and then I stripped off your t-shirt.”

Drew swallowed. “You did?”

“Slowly,” Bas confirmed. “So I could slide my hands up your skin. Like this.”

He demonstrated, pushing up onto his knees so he could run his hands up both sides of Drew’s torso.

Drew sucked in a stuttering breath.

“And then I ran my hands over your chest, like this, because it’s fucking fascinating. The hair, the muscles. Different,” Bas told him. “Familiar, because it’s you, and I know every single piece of you. But different because I’d never touched you that way before. Like I wanted to make you want me. Like I couldn’t keep my hands off you because you were the hottest thing I’d ever seen.” The light in Bas’s eyes was searing. “Then I pushed you down on the bed,” he whispered. “What happened next?”

“I…” Drew licked his dry lips. “Then you, uh… Kissed me.”

“Did I?” A breath against Drew’s chin. “How did I kiss you? Like this?”

He pecked at Drew’s lips. Licked gently at the seam of them.

“N-no. Harder.”

“Like this?”

Bas levered forward, braced on one arm, and leaned in, pressing their mouths more firmly together, sucking on Drew’s tongue. Then he sat back.

“That… that’s closer,” Drew told him.

Bas smiled. “Tell me, Drew. Tell me exactly what you wanted in this fantasy.”

“You held me down,” Drew blurted. “You climbed on top of me and pinned me down, because you’re heavier than me. You held my wrists down because you’re stronger than me.”

“Oh, fuck,” Bas said. “Fuck yeah, I did.”

He gripped Drew’s hands, forcing them down into the pillow beneath Drew’s head, and slid his knees down, bringing his weight flush against Drew’s. Both of them moaned.

Their lips met again, and Bas didn’t hold back this time, thrusting into Drew’s mouth with bruising intensity until they were both panting and writhing.

“Then. What?” Bas demanded, breathless.

He was sprawled against Drew, with only the sheet trapped between their cocks. Drew could feel Bas’s rigid length pushing against his, and he could barely think.

“Then… Then I wrapped my legs around yours and flipped you over,” Drew said, honestly. “Because I wanted to show you that you’re not always in charge.”

Bas’s eyes widened, a combination of arousal and apprehension. Arousal won. “Yeah? Do it.”

Drew kicked the sheet down, and Bas lifted himself slightly, then brought his weight back down. Drew whimpered at the glorious sensation of them skin-to-skin. He could barely string his thoughts together.

“Flip us,” Bas breathed, bringing his hands up to cradle Drew’s jaw. “If you can.”

The challenge in his tone, in his eyes, ratcheted Drew’s arousal even higher - and he truly hadn’t known that was possible. He locked his leg over Bas’s, braced the other, and pulled.

Bas wouldn’t move.

“Maybe,” he drawled. “We need to amend this part of the fantasy. Maybe there’s a reason why I should be in charge. Maybe you want me to be in control. Maybe you like it better this way.”

Drew blinked, then lifted his head so he could bite Bas’s lip - part tease, part distraction.

It worked. This time when Drew pushed, Bas was caught off-guard and rolled. Drew landed on top of him, pinning his hands this time, so they were sideways on Bas’s bed.

“In my fantasy, you weren’t this cocky,” Drew complained, leaning down to nip at Bas’s jaw this time.

Bas snorted. “Then it wasn’t me you were fantasizing about.”

The very idea made Drew laugh. “It was definitely you. But I do like your version better.”

Bas laughed, his dark hair falling on his forehead and blue eyes wild. “Uh huh. So, once you got me where you wanted me, what happened?”

Drew opened his mouth to answer, then hesitated. “It doesn’t really matter from that point. We can do whatever we…”

Bas thrust his pelvis up into Drew’s, a reminder that, unlike fantasy-Bas, the real thing was infinitely bossy and determined. “Fuck that. You have the whole fantasy laid out. I can see it in your eyes.”

“Fine!” Drew swallowed. “Fine. I… I turned you over and fucked you. Hard.”

Bas’s eyes widened.

Cue the freakout in 5, 4, 3…

But Bas didn’t freak out.

“Oh,” he said. “Okay, yeah, we can… we can do that.” But his eyes had gone unfocused just slightly, and his voice carried an audible thread of hesitation.

“Sebastian?” Drew released Bas’s hands and squirmed until he was sitting on Bas’s thighs. He wanted to rid Sebastian of his uncertainty, but he still had to take a second to marvel at the position in which he found himself.

I’m sitting on Bas’s lap. Talking to him about sex. And he’s not freaking out. Bas’s naked cock was inches from his own.

For the first time ever, Drew was absolutely fine with his reality. All the alternative realities could fuck off.

“Bas.” He stroked a hand over Bas’s cheek. “Do you want us to do that? Or do you think you should do that?”

Bas thought about it. “How about… I want to want that? I want everything with you, I just…”

“It’s scary?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, it is!” Drew agreed. “It’s a lot. And honestly? Many guys aren’t into anal at all. Ever. It’s not like some requirement in order to be with a guy. It’s all about what you like.”

Bas nodded, then looked away for a second before meeting Drew’s eyes again. “But, uh… do you like it?”

“Yeah,” Drew told him. “I like it. Not in the sense that I have to have it, though, Bas,” he hurried to add. “Like I told you last night, just having you - in my bed, in my arms - it’s better than any fantasy. So, you know…”

“Giving or receiving?” Bas interrupted.

It took Drew a second to make the connection. “Both,” he told Bas. And then, because Bas was being one hundred percent honest, Drew couldn’t help but add, “Receiving hasn’t been my favorite in the past. But I would be open to that. With you.” In fact, Drew had almost always preferred to top, since it meant he could control the situation. But the very idea of having Bas with him - inside him - that way made his cock throb happily.

“Yeah?” Bas’s eyes lit up. “I want that. I mean… if you want to.”

Drew leaned in and kissed Bas, slow and gentle. Then he rolled back to his original position and flopped to the mattress, spread-eagle.

“You’re gonna have to help me embellish this part,” he told Sebastian with a wink. “So, what’s your fantasy?”