Chapter 1
Malcolm
Calida’s red Mercedes SUV turned the corner. Beads of sweat trickled down my back, and I rolled my shoulders hoping to release some of the tension. I knew in my heart of hearts this was a good plan, but at the same time, things could go horribly wrong. What if she wasn’t ready? What if she didn’t feel the same way? The years of playful jokes and flirtatious banter could have all been meaningless to her.
I let out a breath and pushed the doubt from my mind. “Gentle pushing…but proceed with caution.” Dr. Carr’s words repeated in my head. I could do this. It was time for me to man up, to do what I should have done years ago. If I had, all her pain and suffering could have been avoided.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants. Hell, I’d never been this nervous around any woman, but she wasn’t just any woman. She was the woman. The one that made me want no one else.
Shawn’s happy babbling drew my attention. He played in the front yard with his little toy cars, crashing them into each other. The older he got, the more he looked like that asshole with the black hair and blue eyes. He was a living, breathing reminder of the hell Calida and my sister Macy went through. At one time, I’d worried over my ability to love Shawn, but I did.
When I looked at him, I only saw Calida’s son, and I loved him like my own. I didn’t care who he looked like, nor did I give a fuck about the odd stares I’d get when I had him. His paler skin in contrast to my own darker tone made it obvious he wasn’t my biological child. It didn’t matter, he called me daddy; I was his father in every way that counted. Or at least I wanted to be.
Calida climbed out of her car and I stood from my position on the porch steps. My Ginger. A smile spread across my face thinking about the night of the Halloween party when I’d given her that nickname. It’d been playful teasing on my part, but the name became our thing. Something special between the two of us that had remained through the years.
My pulse raced. Everything was about to change. That seed of doubt returned. She could say no, reject me and everything I hoped for. I reached into my pocket, and my fingers closed around the ring. When I saw it, I knew the infinity design would be the perfect symbol of the promise I planned to make her.
I headed down the walkway to meet her; Ginger smiled as she came toward me. Her gaze went over to her son who sat happily playing, unaware of his mother’s presence.
I took in Ginger’s appearance. She’d never been one to flaunt herself, but now Macy teased her about the “mom” wear. The loose fitting, lime green polo shirt and khaki, knee-length shorts she wore today were a typical representation of her wardrobe. Light, neutral makeup rounded out her look, but she could go without any as far as I was concerned.
She’d cut her red hair, and now wore one of those short pixie styles, but that wasn’t the only change. From the moment she’d woken up in the hospital after the attack by the bastard, there’d been something off about her. At first I’d thought it was because of what she’d gone through, and what she’d had to do, but it had never gone away. Ginger’s outlook on life, her optimistic innocence, had disappeared. As much as she’d become more active in life, she still didn’t seem whole.
I wanted to be that missing piece.
She was here. So close. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her soft body. She smelled sweet, like cherry blossoms. When my lips connected with hers, Ginger stiffened. Dread replaced my nervous excitement. I’d acted too rashly. I almost let her go, but then her lips parted. I took the open invitation and slipped my tongue into her warm mouth. Her arms circled around my back, and mine tightened around her waist. The unease and worry melted away as I got lost in her.
Ginger’s body molded to mine like a perfect fit. She moaned, and her fingers dug in as she pulled herself closer. My mind wandered back to our one and only kiss shared years ago as teenagers. A stupid game of seven minutes in heaven that I’d rigged to keep my friends from taking advantage of her. I’d had no plans to kiss her when I took her into the bedroom, not until she’d asked. That kiss didn’t hold the same importance.
Kissing her now, in this moment, meant more. This kiss held emotion, it held promise, it held hope. This kiss was a new beginning…our beginning.
When I pulled away, her emerald eyes were wide with shock. Her hand went to her lips. I waited for her to say something, but she didn’t. Instead, she walked over, picked up Shawn, and headed toward her car.
I chased behind her. “Where are you going?”
“Home.”
My stomach twisted. “What? Why?” I reached for her arm.
“Because, Malcolm, I’ve already told you…don’t do this,” she snapped and yanked her arm free.
“Well, too bad. I am doing this. I’m done waiting, Calida!”
She poked her finger at my chest. “I never asked you to wait. In fact, I’ve told you there was no hope here.”
“Well, I say that’s bullshit. It’s been two years, Calida. That bastard is dead and gone, yet you are still letting him control your life. That ends today!”
Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. She fumbled with her keys and dropped them on the ground. Her hand shook as she bent to pick them up. Shit! I was messing this up. “Gentle pushing…but proceed with caution.” I’d thrown caution out the damn window and jumped without a fucking parachute. And this certainly was not gentle pushing.
I’d thought things through, planned for this moment, and yet when faced with it, I managed to do nothing but stick my foot in my mouth big time. I was supposed to let her know how I felt. Finally express the love I’d kept quiet for years. Instead, I pissed her off and scared her in the process.
She hit the unlock button on her key ring and tugged the backdoor open. She was running from me, from what we could have. My worst fear was coming true. Shawn started crying when she sat him in his seat. His little arms reached out for me. He arched his back, fighting against her attempts to buckle him in, and she pleaded with him to stop crying.
He called me Da-Da again, and she corrected him again. I hated when she did that. I liked that he looked at me as a father figure. She kept one hand on his chest while the thumb and forefinger of her other hand pressed into her eyes. I stepped closer and took Shawn out of his car seat. He wrapped his little arms around my neck and pulled at my dreads while I negotiated his good behavior in return for a treat later.
This whole thing had gone down the drain fast. All the meetings I’d attended, all the books I’d read, all the preparation I’d done for this moment had flown right out the window. I let my frustrations take over. The more I talked, the more I seemed to fuck up. I needed to get things back on course. There’d been a point in my life where I’d thought I’d missed my chance, that I’d never be able to let Calida know my true feelings. But fate, or whatever, gave me another one, and I wasn’t going to let it slip through my fingers.
“Do you like this place?” I asked, changing the topic.
“What?” She closed the car door and gave Shawn a faint smile, brushing a few stray hairs out of his face.
“This house…do you like it?”
“Yes, it’s cute, very homey looking. Craftsman style homes are my favorite. Why? Why are you here anyway?”
I grinned. It was working. “I know they are, so I wanted to get your opinion.”
“On what?”
“The house. Just come inside and tell me what you think.” I held my hand out for her.
She voiced her objections, but after a little back and forth, she conceded and slipped her hand into mine. We’d talked before about me looking for a permanent place instead of continuing to pay rent. Everyone expected me to get a condo or something, but it’d be pointless. Well, it would be if things worked out.
“Dr. Carr said you went to see her,” she said, as we walked hand in hand toward the house.
“I did.”
“Why?”
Once we entered, she gravitated toward the fireplace in the formal living room. I’d viewed at least ten homes, but when my agent brought me here, I knew this was the one. I hadn’t signed the papers to make an offer yet, because I needed to make sure she loved it first.
A smile pulled at Ginger’s lips as she ran her hands over the wood-carved mantle. Her eyes went to the large picture window; it was the perfect location to place the Christmas tree. She had that dreamy, hopeful look on her face, a look I’d not seen much of lately, as it seemed to be reserved only for Shawn. She loved this place, I could feel it.
“I wanted to talk to her,” I replied, sitting Shawn down. “I was very confused on how to go about doing something.”
“What were you confused on that you needed to go see my shrink?” she asked, keeping her back to me.
I walked up behind Ginger and wrapped my arms around her. She tensed up from the contact. I was pushing my luck. I loved this woman, and I wanted her to know how much.
“Let go, Malcolm,” she whispered.
“I don’t want to. Not now, not ever.”
I reached into my pocket and fished out the ring. I slid the platinum and diamond infinity band on her delicate finger. She began to shake, and it pained me that she was scared. I pulled away and turned her to face me. She looked down to see what I’d placed on her and shook her head.
“It’s not what you think,” I stated quickly. “You have been hurt in unimaginable ways, and I know you think you are damaged goods. You’ve told me that plenty of times, but I’m here to say you’re wrong. When I look at you, I don’t see broken…or damaged. I see a woman who is beautiful and strong. A woman that has suffered, but survived. And most importantly, I see a woman that needs to be cared for and loved unconditionally. You deserve that and so much more.”
I reached for her hand and ran my thumb across the ring. “This ring is a sign, a symbol, of my promise to you, my promise to never let you be hurt again. I’m not asking you to marry me. I’m just asking for a chance. A chance to show you how much you mean to me, a chance to be the man you deserve.”
She tried to pull away from me, but I kept her close. I lifted her face so I could look into her beautiful green eyes. I could see fear in them, and it saddened me. She had to know I would never hurt her.
“Calida, Ginger, my Ginger. I want to love you and cherish you in the manner you deserve. You just have to let me.”
The front door opened, and she turned to see our families; Macy, my brother-n-law Mitch, and my baby niece London. Ginger’s parents, Sandy and Collin, along with mine, who’d driven down from North Carolina to be here for us. She needed to see that she was not alone, that we all loved her. That they all supported her—supported us.
I waited on bated breath for Ginger to respond. The seconds ticked by stretching out her silence and allowing time for my earlier fears to creep back in.
She turned to look at me. She closed her eyes and took a breath. “Okay,” she whispered.
My world stopped and my heart squeezed when I registered what she’d said. That one word made me the happiest man on Earth. My first instinct was to embrace her, but the memory of her trembling in my arms stopped me. As much as I wanted to hold her, and kiss her, I refrained.
“So, let me see,” Macy said to Ginger, handing London to Mitch. “Mal wouldn’t let me see the ring beforehand.” She grabbed her friend’s hand and frowned up at me.
“It’s not an engagement.” Ginger spoke quickly before Macy could go off on me about the lack of bling. The platinum band was topped with one carat worth of diamonds embedded within the symbol. It was simple, yet classic. Perfect for her.
“Welcome to the family, son,” Collin said, giving me a pat on the back.
“Thank you, sweetie, for getting him to settle down,” Mom said, pulling her into a hug.
Ginger nodded then walked over to her mom, took Shawn, and headed farther into the house. I stayed to talk with everyone and to decide where we should go for dinner. After a few minutes, I went to see where she’d gone. I found her standing on the back deck. Mature trees shaded the medium-sized yard, but it was big enough to give Shawn room to run around as he got older.
“Did you see the rest of the house?”
She jumped at the sound of my voice.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s fine. And, no, I haven’t seen the house. I needed some air, so I came out here.”
“Well, do you want a quick tour before we head to dinner?”
“Dinner?”
“Yes. The crew inside are all complaining of being hungry. We’re going to have dinner over at Front Page.”
She nodded, but didn’t respond.
“Unless you want to go somewhere else.”
She kept her eyes on Shawn, who sat playing in the sandbox the previous owners had left behind. “No, that’s fine.” She walked down the steps to pick up Shawn. He fussed, showing his displeasure at being interrupted.
“Okay, what about seeing the house?”
“I don’t need to see the house, Mal,” she said, heading back inside.
I reached out to touch her arm. “You don’t like it?”
She shrugged. “It’s fine.” She moved Shawn from one hip to the other, putting him between us.
“I don’t want it to be fine, Ginger. I want you to love it. It, or some place, will be my home. Our home.”
Her brows scrunched into a V, and she pressed her lips together. I cussed inwardly at myself. I wanted her and Shawn to live with me in the future. That was the whole reason I looked at houses instead of a condo. However, I knew it was too much too soon, and I should have kept my damn mouth shut.
For reasons none of us understood, Ginger refused to leave the house she’d shared with that bastard. I thought getting away from all those bad memories would be something she’d want. A fresh start. But she’d shut down anytime the topic was brought up.
“You’re right. Sorry. It’s been a busy day. Can you schedule a tour tomorrow or something? We don’t want to keep everyone waiting.”
Her answer surprised me. She was open to the possibility. I reached for Shawn, and then I took her hand and brought it to my lips.
“Yes, I’ll call my agent and set something up.”
She nodded before pulling her hand free.
During dinner, our moms talked excitedly about the house, our possible wedding, and how life was finally moving in the right direction. Collin joked about needing to have “the talk” with me. The mood was festive, but when I’d look at Ginger, she seemed to be elsewhere.
Sandy turned to her daughter. “Shawn can stay with us tonight, dear.”
Ginger’s brows furrowed together for a moment. Her face turned red when she picked up on what her mom meant. She signaled for the waiter to refill her Chardonnay. Was that the third or fourth?
“That won’t be necessary, but thanks,” she replied before excusing herself and heading off in the direction of the restrooms.
Sandra moved over, taking Ginger’s recently vacated seat. “We’ll take him home with us, just in case.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”
She patted my arm and smiled. “We look for any and all excuses to have him over.”
Being their only grandchild, Sandra and Collin had a nursery set up for Shawn at their house, so he always had a second place to call home.
After dinner was finished and the bill was paid, Sandra and Collin gave Ginger and me hugs, said their goodbyes, and left with Shawn. Ginger frowned in my direction.
I put my hands up in defense. “I told them no.”
Everyone parted ways, leaving only us. I wanted to hold her hand as we walked, but I kept mine firmly placed inside my pockets.
The air was still a bit stifling, even with the onset of nightfall. Boisterous laughter wafted down at us as we passed South City Kitchen on the way to the parking garage. Ginger didn’t say anything as we walked. Instead, she actively looked at the passersby, focusing her attention anywhere but on me. The nightlife in Atlanta was always active, even on weekdays, although some saw Thursday as the official start to the weekend.
The moment we got to her car, Ginger dug through her purse to retrieve her keys.
“Let me take you home.”
She stopped rummaging and hesitated a moment before she looked up at me. Her eyes were wide, and color had drained from her face. “Malcolm, I—”
“It’s not what you think.”
Her parents had hinted to it earlier, so I already knew the first thought that popped into her head. I looked forward to the day I could make love to her, but I knew today was not that day. It was too soon, for both of us. Simply falling asleep holding her in my arms, that would be a dream, but she wasn’t ready for that either. She barely wanted me to hug her.
“You’ve had a little too much to drink, and I’d feel better driving you home. I’ll crash on the couch.”
“Oh. I’ll be fine. I mean, I am fine.”
I started to object, but she put her hand up to silence me. “Malcolm, today…all of this. I need time…to process.”
I’d gotten more than I’d expected, so I dropped it. I stepped toward her, and she took a step back. I remembered the look of fear she had on her face at the house. And the panicked looked she’d just given me at the suggestion.
I moved back to give her more space. “I understand.”
Her shoulders relaxed, and she breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
Relieved. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t personal. I tried to tell myself it was because of what he’d done to her, but it still stung.
She unlocked her car and started to climb in, but stopped. She hesitated for a moment before she walked over, stretched up on her tiptoes to put her arms around my neck, and hugged me. My eyes closed. I let my arms wrap around her slender waist, and I held her tight, reveling in the moment of Ginger initiating contact with me. Something she hadn’t done in two years.
“I love you, Ginger,” I whispered.
She tensed then pulled away. “Goodnight, Mal.”
I stood in the parking lot until she drove off. The day hadn’t gone exactly as I’d hoped, but it could’ve been worse. She could have turned me down, but she didn’t. Somehow I’d managed to save what could’ve been a colossal fuck-up on my part.