Oh, no. Oh, God. What did I do? What did we do? How could I have let this happen?

I have been yelling at myself since I left Kylie at the gym, unable to fathom why I let anything happen between us. It’s not that I don’t have feelings for her, because I definitely do. But she is my agent. She is the person in charge of my career. And if our business relationship is destroyed because anything else comes between us?

My stomach rolls as I knock on Jake and Bree’s front door. It’s quieter than usual, which means all of the kids are asleep, including my own. When Jake answers, he looks tired.

“Congrats, buddy! You made the eleven o’clock news!” Jake says as he lets me into the house. Bree is in the armchair with one of the dogs in her lap, yawning.

“The news huh? That’s big time. We can talk about it tomorrow, but I’m wiped out. Thanks a million for watching Hazel tonight. I’ll just scoop her up and head out.”

Jake nods and stretches. “I’ll go get her. She’s asleep upstairs in the girls’ room.” He disappears up the steps, leaving me alone with Bree. I rock back and forth on my heels, nervous, without knowing why.

“So. Did Hazel drive you crazy about the kitten?”

Bree smiles and shakes her head. “She loves that fuzzball like crazy. I feel terrible that we can’t have him here. You had sex tonight, didn’t you?”

My legs go wobbly and I stumble forward into the sofa. “I… what? What are you… what?”

Bree rolls her eyes and shoos the dog away so she can get up. “Adam Burnham, I’ve known you for a decade. You’re practically my brother. And I can tell when you’re up to something. And you, my dearest, were up to something tonight.”

“Maybe I’m just happy because I won a huge fight,” I mumble, lying.

“Or maybe you’re happy because you had sex with… your new agent?”

“Witch!” I yell, pointing a finger at her. She just laughs and shrugs.

“What can I say? Between being a woman and being a mom, my senses of perception are all heightened. Are you going to tell me what happened?”

I shake my head and pray that Jake shows up soon with Hazel. “No. I’d rather not. Not right now anyway.”

“Fine, play it cagey. But whether or not you believe this, you deserve to be happy, Adam. You have earned that right and you need to stop spending your days living in the past. I miss Mandy too. But she wouldn’t want you to be miserable.”

My heart aches when she says Mandy’s name, but on some level, I know she’s right. I just don’t know if I’m ready to let go.

I hear a yawn from behind me, and Jake is standing there with Hazel asleep in his arms, holding her stuffed animal and snoring lightly. Jakes hands her to me and she nuzzles into my arms. When he seems to be sure that Hazel is deeply asleep again, he whispers,

“So… you got some, man?”

I roll my eyes and turn for the door, maneuvering it open as best I can with one hand without dropping Hazel. “You guys are a frigging laugh riot. I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

When we get outside, I wait for a cab to drive by and can’t help but smile.

Holy shit. I did get some…

* * *

“You beat him, Daddy! I’m so proud of you! But if you won, why do you look like… that?”

Hazel is shoving her face full of fruity cereal and eyeing me suspiciously as I make eggs. She never likes it when I’m hurt, but she seems less bothered by it today given I won.

“I look like this because sometimes even when you win, you have to take a few punches. I’ll be okay though.”

I catch my reflection in the fridge door, and I definitely look worse for wear. My eye is even more swollen, and the cut over my head is angry and red. I’m also pretty sure my broken ribs might be a little more…. broken. I should probably see a real doctor today. Hazel sets her spoon down and shakes her head.

“That’s silly, Dad. Can’t you win without getting hurt?”

I think back on a time when I did the kind of work that didn’t require getting smashed in the face all the time. But I can’t go back to that. I won’t.

“Some daddies have jobs like that. But I’m not one them, unfortunately. Not right now anyway. I have today off, Peanut. What do you want to do?”

Hazel shrugs. “Can we call Kylie and go to the mall again? That was fun.”

Kylie. Shit.

“I don’t know, baby. I’m not sure Kylie gets a day off.”

Hazel throws a pink cereal loop at me. “Call her and find out! Put it on speaker!”

I know my daughter won’t leave me alone until I make the call, so I dial Kylie’s number. It rings for a while, and eventually, she picks up. Her voice is sleepy.

“Hello?” she says with a yawn.

“Kylie!” Hazel yells from the bar in the kitchen. I hear the phone tumble on Kylie’s end, then shuffling as she retrieves it from wherever it went.

“Hazel? How did you”—yawn—“how did you get my number? Is your dad okay?”

“Kylie, I’m right here. Hazel wanted to see if you’d go to the mall with us today but I told her you probably have to work.”

There is a long pause on the other end and for a second, I think Kylie has fallen asleep again. But then she clears her throat.

“I have to go into the office for the morning. But maybe after? I could meet you?”

Everything is phrased as a question, like she’s giving me an opportunity to change my mind. But Hazel is waiting right there, not giving either of us the opportunity to do anything about it.

“Say yes, Kylie! Say yes!” Hazel yells, her words a mumble because her mouth is full of cereal. I can’t help but laugh.

“Okay, yes, I will meet you. Block 37 at the movie theater?” Kylie asks, slowly waking up.

“Sounds good,” I say. “One o’clock.”

Kylie whispers a goodbye then hangs up, which leads me to believe she is going back to sleep. Despite Hazel’s nosiness, I am grateful she was here, because she prevented any advanced awkwardness that could have resulted from our first conversation after… last night.

I grab my eggs off the stove and shoo Hazel out of the kitchen. “Go get dressed and feed Ringo. We need to go talk to Lou before we meet Kylie.”

Hazel rolls her eyes but nods. “Fine! But I thought I wasn’t allowed to go to the stinky gym?”

“You are now, kid,” I answer with a laugh. “You are now.”

* * *

It’s Saturday morning, so the gym is a mix of hungover boxers and weekend warriors who only show up on their days off to act tough. Lou is in the corner, shooting the shit with the other trainers, which means we have to walk through a bunch of tough guys to get to him. Hazel is staring at all of the men with wide-eyed fascination, especially the full-time boxers who look more beat up than I do. One of them, a pretty decent dude named Manny Esteves, walks up and squats down in front of Hazel.

“Well, I’ll be damned! I had no idea a future MMA fighter was coming in today! You look like you could whip every man in this place, little one!” Manny says with a wink. At first, I’m not sure how Hazel will react, but she flips her long hair behind her proudly and puts a hand on her hip.

“I bet I could. I’m pretty tough,” Hazel says with a little growl that makes Manny smile. He holds out a meaty fist and shakes Hazel’s hand.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Burnham, you never mentioned… I mean, you didn’t tell anyone you were bringing your daughter by today.”

I give him a grateful nod for censoring the fact I hadn’t told anyone at the gym about Hazel. “I hadn’t planned to, but I needed to catch up with Lou about something. Hey, man. Good luck on that fight with Stanley.”

Manny scruffs Hazel on the head. “Congrats on your win. And good luck to you, little lady, on your next fight.”

Hazel waves a hand at him. “I don’t want to be a fighter. I think I want to be a veterinarian.” She doesn’t even pause; she just runs off in the direction of the gym owner Bradley’s dog.

“Well, that will be a good distraction while I talk to Lou,” I say with a laugh. “You’re a good dude, Manny.”

Manny waves me off. “Meh. I just like kids. Can’t wait to have ten of my own.” He gives me a punch, then heads over to the bags to practice, while I head over to drag Lou from his victory lap. When he sees me, he throws his arms in the air happily.

“There is my prize fighter! And only looking a little worse for wear! What can I do for you, my boy?”

I force a smile as the other trainers all glower, annoyed that they aren’t training pro boxers. “Lou, have you heard anything about the next fight? I think we need to keep the momentum going and I don’t want to mess around.”

Lou waves a dismissive hand at me. “Already talked to Kylie before you got here. She’s going to go over everything with you this afternoon. But… Can I talk to you in private for a second, kid?”

I raise an eyebrow and nod apprehensively. “Okay, I guess…”

I follow Lou into Bradley’s office, which is surprisingly empty given his dog is running around. “Where is Bradley?”

Lou shrugs. “Beats me. Listen, kid. I did some digging when I found out you were hiding your daughter from me. Not okay, by the way. And I found out… other things.”

I drop down into the chair across from Bradley’s desk. “Oh? What exactly did you find out?”

“Not a lot, Special Forces Intelligence Sergeant Adam Burnham. Most of your information is confidential or redacted. I understand you aren’t allowed to tell me much. But I would mostly like to know why you kept any of it from me. I’m your trainer. You’re supposed to tell me the truth. It’s my job to help you succeed and I can’t do that if you’re lying to me.”

I groan and run my hands through my hair. “I feel like I just had this conversation with Kylie.”

“So, you’re lying to her too?”

That one makes me flinch. “I’m not lying. I just don’t feel like I have to reveal the minutiae of my life to everyone I meet.”

Lou shakes his head sadly. “I’m not some stranger on the L, Adam. Neither is Kylie. We’re trying to help you. And I think we both want to understand why you’re letting people beat the hell out of you instead of working at what you trained most of your life to do.”

Everything washes over me in an instant. Those last days at home before I left for Libya. The terrible things I said to Mandy before I left. The fact I never got to say I was sorry for…

And suddenly I am overcome with the desire to punch the shit out of a bag. I have to get away from Lou. I have to get away from the gym. I have to get away.

I just turn on my heel and walk out of the office without another word.

“Hazel! Let’s go!” I yell. She looks over at me with a pout.

“But Daddy! I’m playing with the…”

“NOW, Hazel.” Her eyes go wide, but she doesn’t argue. She just runs in my direction, and we walk out of the gym and outside into an unexpected snowfall.

Hazel doesn’t say anything, and neither do I, despite the fact I feel like a shit for yelling at her. We get on the train in complete silence, and when I look over at her, she is squinting angrily ahead, looking exactly like her mother… which only makes me feel worse.

God, I am such an ass, I think as the train rumbles in the direction of Block 37. I am such an ass…