Arthur - 17 Weeks

Email from Dylan Sinclair to Prince Arthur, Princess Tessa

RE: Gender Reveal Extravaganza

Dear Prince Arthur and Princess Tessa,

I understand you will be having the ultrasound this week and would absolutely love to see you use this as an opportunity to generate excitement about the baby. As such, I'm proposing a gender reveal extravaganza in which you announce on live television the gender of the next heir to the throne. We could have a camera crew in the ultrasound room for maximum interest. Should you decide to go that way, it would be best if we could have the ultrasound done during prime time, and I'll need two days to make arrangements with the folks at ABNC. Let me know ASAP so I can pull this all together for you.

Don't say no to this brilliant opportunity. You won’t regret it.

Ciao,

Dylan

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EMAIL FROM PRINCE ARTHUR to Princess Tessa

RE: RE: Gender Reveal Extravaganza

Hard no on this crap, yes? BTW, you look beautiful today.

A

Email from Princess Tessa to Princess Arthur

RE: RE: Gender Reveal Extravaganza

Yes to the hard no. Do you want to find out if it’s a boy or a girl? And how do you know what I look like? You were out the door before I got up this morning.

T

Email from Prince Arthur to Princess Tessa

RE: RE: Gender Reveal Extravaganza

Because you’re absolutely beautiful every day so it stands to reason that today would be no different. And I don’t think I want to know. Call me old-fashioned, but I like the idea of being surprised. You?

I’ll write the coke-head back.

A

Email from Princess Tessa to Princess Arthur

RE:RE: Gender Reveal Extravaganza

Best. Husband. Ever.

T

P.S. Ditto on the surprise thing. Finding out early feels like peeking at your presents two weeks before Christmas—exciting for half a second, followed by regret that you spoiled all your own fun.

Email from Prince Arthur to Dylan Sinclair, cc: Princess Tessa

RE: RE: Gender Reveal Extravaganza

Dear Dylan,

Thank you for your most excellent idea for revealing the gender of the baby on live television. Whilst I can see how useful this would be in generating interest, we’re going to go in a different direction—reveal nothing in an attempt to add to the mystery and anticipation.

Best regards,

Prince Arthur

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EMAIL FROM DYLAN SINCLAIR to Prince Arthur, Princess Tessa

RE: RE: Gender Reveal Extravaganza

Brilliant! LOVE IT! Mystery + Anticipation = Media Frenzy

***

WE’RE SITTING IN THE waiting room at the ultrasound clinic at my wife’s insistence. I could very easily have gotten an ultrasound machine brought into the palace and had a tech on call around the clock, but Tessa said no. Apparently, she’s taking this whole ‘raise a normal child’ thing to the next level now that it appears to be helping her gain some new fans around the kingdom.

When I suggested we opt for a much more convenient option than booking an appointment and waiting for our turn, she said, “Arthur, we must start as we mean to go on. If we take a privileged approach to the pregnancy, we certainly won’t stop after the baby comes, and pretty soon we’ll have a privileged brat on our hands.”

And since this is very likely the only appointment I’ll be able to attend, and my desire to keep her happy is much stronger than my need to save time, I now find myself squished between Tessa and an enormously pregnant woman in a waiting room filled with expectant mothers and their out-of-control toddlers. We’ve been here for almost an hour now, having spent the first twenty minutes being gawked at like zoo animals and asked for photos by women who want the goods on Tessa’s pregnancy.

Luckily, Xavier opted to join us in the waiting room and is not only pleasing to the female eye but is a wealth of pregnancy knowledge (I know, I can’t believe I’m glad he’s here either, but desperate times and all that...). He’s somehow managed to shift their focus away from Tessa and onto the topic of prenatal health and wellness. Not sure how he came by all this knowledge, but at the moment he’s talking about the top five ways to induce labour, and the ladies are absolutely riveted. I’d have never thought it possible that hearing the words ‘nipple’ and ‘massage’ in the same sentence would actually cause Excalibur to go into hiding, but somehow this conversation has managed it.

Some of the more experienced mums are taking turns sharing their birthing horror stories, and good Lord, they could give Margaret Atwood a run for her money when it comes to scaring the shit out of people. For some reason, these ladies seem to delight in terrifying the ‘almost mums’ under the guise of being helpful. But I’m onto them. They love the power trip of having been there, done that, got the baby to prove it. Female humans can be so much crueler than their male counterparts. Well, not really obviously, but in a surprisingly different way.

By the time it’s finally our turn, not only is Tessa’s face stuck in a horrified position that I hope isn’t permanent, but I’m pretty sure Excalibur will never recover from what we’ve just heard.

But never mind that, the important thing is that we’ll finally get a look at the baby so we can make sure he or she is healthy and on track. I never thought I’d find any of this so nerve-wracking, but it really and truly is. If I’m honest, I’m a little bit terrified that something’s wrong, even though logically I know there’s no cause for concern.

“It’ll be nice to have this over with, won’t it?” I ask Tessa.

“Very.”

“Then we can stop worrying and just enjoy parenthood,” I say with a firm nod.

The receptionist, who is leading us to the ultrasound room, snorts when I say that, then apologizes. What exactly was funny about that?

We’re led into a tiny, dark room, and Tessa’s told to undo her pants and lay down on the table. I sit on the stool and decide to take a look at the equipment. The screen is turned on. Hmm. Tempting.

Rolling the chair over to the ultrasound machine, I select the long, skinny wand, pick it up, and snicker. “Tessa, doesn’t this look a lot like a vibrator?”

The door swings open, spilling light in from the hallway. A middle-aged woman dressed in bright purple scrubs comes in. “Put that down. That’s an endocavity probe. It gets inserted in things like vaginas and anuses.”

I drop it immediately, causing it to fall to the floor as I go in search of a bottle of hand sanitizer.

The woman sighs and picks it up. “It’s not dirty...well, it wasn’t anyway. We wrap it before each use.”

“Excellent. Of course,” I say. “I’m Arthur.”

She stares at me for a second, and I’m waiting for her to do the whole ‘Oh, my God, it’s you!’ thing, but she doesn’t do it. She just sighs. “I’m Tonya, whose job was so much easier before they started allowing the husbands in the room.”

“Righto. Nice to meet you, Tonya,” I say, giving her my best princely smile. I can win her over, I’m sure.

She takes the stool, leaving me nowhere to sit as she starts to type into the computer and barks out, “Name.”

“Tessa Langdon.”

“Spell the last name.”

Seriously? I could literally throw a stone from the front of this building and hit the river named for my family.

Tessa spells it for her and tries to smile, but Tonya isn’t about to be won over by either of us.

“First day of your last period.”

Why must everyone know that? Isn’t it a bit personal?

I busy myself on my phone for a minute, trying not to think about menstrual cycles. Tonya turns the screen so we can’t see and squirts a lot of a clear liquid on Tessa’s tummy, then chooses a different probe (thank God) to use.

“I suppose you’ll want a video so you can delight your relatives,” she says, her tone full of disgust.

“Yes, please,” I say.

“Okay, I’ll turn the camera on.”

I walk behind her so I can look at the screen, but she levels me with a dirty look.

“Please wait over there,” she says, pointing to the wall.

I slump down a little and go stand beside Tessa’s head. Tessa gives me a sympathetic look, and I wink at her, then rest my hand on her shoulder. We wait silently, both of us staring at Tonya to see if we can read anything on her face about the health of the baby.

When I can’t take it anymore, I say, “So, Tonya, how’s everything look so far?”

“That’s not for me to say. I’m just a tech.”

“But all the right parts appear to be there? Oh, and by that, I don’t mean genitals—well, I hope they’re there, but we don’t want to know about it. I mean which ones—”

“—we prefer to be surprised,” Tessa says.

Tonya snorts a little at the word ‘surprised’ but neither answers nor looks up from the screen. She continues moving the probe and typing into the computer here and there.

Humph. This whole ‘do it like everyone else’ thing is for the birds. She ignores us completely for another fifteen minutes before she puts the probe down and stands. “I’ll be right back.” She scowls at me. “Don’t touch anything.”

When she opens the door, she says, “Oh, you better stock up on stretch mark cream. You’re having twins.”

Then she walks out, leaving us both with our mouths hanging open.

“What the fuck did she just say?” I ask.

“Did she say we’re having twins?”

“I think so. So that would be...”

“Two babies,” Tessa whispers. 

“At the same time.”

“Nope. Nope,” Tessa says, quickly sitting up and swinging her legs off the bed. “I did not sign up for that.”

“I think I need to sit down. My chest feels tight.” I lean on the bed with one elbow, bent at the waist.

“Let’s just get out of here. That woman is bat-shit crazy. There is no fucking way I’m having two babies. She’s...just wrong. Let’s go home, and we’ll hire that private ultrasound tech and get a proper picture of the one baby we’re having.”

I look up and stare at my wife.

She juts her chin out at me. “Get my coat. We’re leaving.”

“Darling, I don’t think we’re supposed to leave yet.” I suddenly feel lightheaded and find myself breathing too quickly.

“Well,” she says with a frustrated chuckle, “We’re certainly not staying here with that crazy woman who doesn’t know how to do her job.”

The door opens again, and in walks Tonya, carrying a paper bag. She thrusts it at me, and I take it, a wave of gratitude coming over me as I cover my mouth and nose and begin to breathe into it.

“I figured you’d be the type to hyperventilate.”

Tessa turns to her. “Yeah, we’re going to go now and get a second opinion since...” she gestures to the machine with both hands making wild circles, “...your equipment is obviously faulty. Like maybe a double exposure thing on a camera. I’m a photographer, so I’m familiar with such things.”

Tessa turns to me and snaps her fingers. “Arthur! Let’s go.”

Tonya shakes her head. “People tend to panic when they find out they’re having multiples. But look at it this way, it could have been triplets, so...”

Tessa holds up her finger. “I’m not having two babies, do you understand? There is no way I’m going to fit two human beings at the same time in here. No way!”

Tonya’s icy exterior seems to crack a bit under our panicking. Her expression softens. “Lay down. I’ll turn the screen so you can have a look at the babies.”

Tessa does as she’s told with a look of pure shock on her face.

Tonya turns the screen and puts more goop on Tessa’s belly, then we watch as the picture of two little tiny alien-like creatures appear before our eyes. Something about seeing them there affects me in a way I never could have anticipated. I find myself tearing up in spite of their incredibly creepy little faces. I drop the bag to my side and reach for Tessa’s hand, giving it a squeeze. Tessa squeezes back and looks up at me, her eyes glistening.

I smile down at her. “This is really happening.”

“I guess so.”

We watch the two babies move around, snuggling into each other in the empty black space. When I finally find my voice, I say, “So, they’re both all right?”

“I’m not supposed to say, but everything looks like it’s on track for both babies,” Tanya says. “The due date based on their size is January seventh. Having multiples puts you into a high-risk pregnancy category, so you’ll need to take some precautions, but if you follow your doctor’s orders, there’s no reason things shouldn’t go smoothly enough.”

Smoothly enough? That’s not exactly comforting.

“I’ll give you a few minutes to pull yourselves together, but we’ll need the room soon.” With that, she gets up and leaves.

***

TO CALL THE RIDE HOME silent would be a gross understatement. No one says a word the entire time. Not Ben, not Ollie, not Xavier, and certainly not my wife. When we got out of the office, Xavier opened his mouth to speak but then quickly closed it when he saw the looks on our faces. Ben and Ollie had the exact same reaction when we got to the limo. I don’t exactly know what my face is doing because quite frankly, it’s numb, but Tessa’s face has an ashen, catatonic look.

When we’re just beginning to cross the bridge to the palace, Tessa bursts into tears, her shoulders shaking. I wrap one arm over her and pull her in for a hug.

“I can’t do this, Arthur! Do you know how enormous Nina got when she had Josh and Geoffrey? Like, huge! Terrifyingly huge.”

“Two babies?” asks Xavier, who’s sitting at the far end of the limo, pretending to read some magazine about smoothies. He puts it down and speaks into the cuff of his jacket. “It’s all right, guys, it’s not a birth defect. It’s twins.”

I watch through the glass as Ben and Ollie, who were clearly very worried, high-five each other. What a strange life we’ve got. And it’s about to get much stranger. The word huge comes floating back to my mind as I listen to Tessa sob. Fuck me. I fight the urge to ask ‘exactly how huge?’ and opt for supportive rather than terrified husband.

“It’ll be okay, Tessa. I don’t care how big you get, I promise I’ll still find you attractive.”

“Oh, thanks!” she spits out, shrugging away from me.

“What? What did I say?”

“You’re supposed to say I won’t get huge, not that you’ll love me anyway.” She folds her arms and makes a tsking sound.

“Well, how am I supposed to know how big you’ll get? I’ve never been through this before.”

“That’s not the point.”

“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.” I sigh heavily. “I had no idea I was so virile. I mean, had I known, we could have taken some precautions. I’m not sure what type, but something at least, so less of my swimmers would have gotten through.”

Xavier cuts in, “Actually, Your Highness, that’s not how it works with multiples. The princess would have most likely dropped two eggs during her last cycle, which will result in fraternal twins. A less likely scenario is that the one egg was fertilized, then split, resulting in identical twins. Either way, it’s got nothing to do with you.”

I’m not sure what look I’m giving him right now, but I know it’s conveying my irritation because his smile falters, then he says, “Not that you’re not highly potent, sir.”

The limo stops at the back of the palace, and Tessa opens the door before Ben can get to it. She slides out and starts up the steps slowly. I take a deep breath and follow her, hoping like hell I’ll figure out the perfect thing to say. We walk down the hall to the private residence, and I wave off Vincent, who tries to flag me down because I’m late for a meeting. I open the door to our apartment and step aside to allow Tessa to go in ahead of me.

She turns to me and sighs, “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I think I just need a bit of time to let this sink in.”

“That’s okay. If I found out I was growing two human beings at the same time, I think I’d be in a bit of a crusty mood as well.” I wrap my arms around her and draw her in for a hug. “We’ll get through this together, you know. Well, not really together because you have to do all of the pregnancy and birthing, but I’ll be right by your side, trying very hard not to piss you off the entire time, okay?”

Tessa nods into my shoulder. “Thanks. You should go to your meeting.”

“I’ll cancel it if you want me to stay.”

She pulls back a bit and shakes her head. “I think I’m going to just lie down for a bit.”

“Okay. Promise you’ll text me if you need anything.”

“I will.”

I give her a long kiss on the forehead, then say, “I know it’s a big shock, but I’m actually pretty excited. Two little Langdon babies to love. We won’t even have to take turns holding them.”

Tessa smiles for a second, then her eyebrows knit back together in fear.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll have as much help as we need.”

“I know. I just have to wrap my head around it. I’ll be fine.” She takes a deep breath and gives me a firm nod. “Get going. You have people waiting.”

“None as important as you.”

She grins up at me, then pretends to be mad. “Stop being romantic. That’s what got me into this mess in the first place.”

“Sorry for being so virile.”

“Seriously, stop with that.”

“Sorry. It’s just that it’s the perfect ego boost.” 

***

“NEWS FROM VALCOURT Women’s Health Clinic as Royal BabyWatch continues today. Giles Bigley is here with the scoop,” Veronica Platt says, smiling into the camera.

Giles appears on screen standing in front of the clinic, microphone in hand. “Yes, Veronica, according to witnesses, Princess Tessa and Prince Arthur were seen earlier today leaving the Women’s Health Clinic, where it’s rumoured they had been in the ultrasound office for a couple of hours.”

“Really? Isn’t it customary for members of the royal family to have these types of exams at the palace?”

“Yes, Veronica, it is. It would seem the young couple is foregoing the extra expense as they prepare for their child’s arrival.”

“Interesting. Could this be a sign of money trouble for the Langdons?”

“Possibly, but doubtful. You’ll remember the statement they released announcing the pregnancy itself, in which they said they were planning to use Avonia’s excellent public health care system and not expect special treatment while they’re expecting.”

“Right. Based on the footage of them leaving the clinic today, it would seem that they may be about to change their minds about that.”

“Quite right. The footage, sent in by a viewer, shows the royal couple looking most displeased.”

The camera cuts away, and the video starts to roll. Giles provides commentary. “You can see that both of them look rather angry.”

“Or it is possible they’re in shock, Giles?” Veronica asks.

“Yes, I’d say that could be the case. The question is, could this be a sign of health troubles for Princess Tessa or the baby?”

“Let’s hope not.”

The video stops, and a split screen of the two reporters is revealed. Veronica nods gravely. “After this break, we’ll be joined by ABNC’s body language expert, Frieda Goodman, and she’ll help us try to make sense of what we’re seeing. Stay tuned for this and a look at this summer’s hottest cocktails after these messages from our sponsors.”