Chapter 12

Calypso

Coming to Olympus was a little like swimming through a vat of maggots: unpleasant at best.

With a snap of my fingers, I created a ravishing gown of shimmering, crystal-clear water that danced with seahorses and colorful guppies, because their little tails were so feathery and beautiful and honestly, the way they zipped across my body made me look damn good.

My presence was immediately felt. The mountaintop rumbled. Hermes—wearing winged shoes, jeans, and a black muscle shirt—fluttered by.

“Zeus’s little crony.” I glowered at the five-foot-nothing boy of a man, who couldn’t even grow facial hair. I mean, come on, I was supposed to be intimidated by that?

“Thalassa,” he bowed, giving me suspicious eyes. “To what do we owe this honor?”

His eyes were probably the prettiest thing about him. Golden bronze like heated metal, they were positively enchanting. But the face that came along with it was utterly forgettable. He was also quite sweaty, and his hair looked unwashed, as though it’d been a couple days. He was usually a little cleaner than this, which made me wonder where he’d been.

No doubt gathering intel about my sex slave.

I gazed up the dizzying set of steps that led to Zeus’s little slice of the sky. Olympus was as beautiful as every ancient painting had depicted it to be—actually, probably even more so.

The sky was a deep azure and the clouds white and fluffy. Trees bearing fruit of every sort grew from the fertile grounds beneath my feet. Fountains with masterfully crafted images of each god and goddess burbled while birds wheeled through the conifer-scented skies. What a pretentious, pompous, a-hole bunch of poo-poo heads.

Planting fists on my hips, I sighed. “Must I have a reason to come visit you, my little daffodil?”

He seemed completely offended, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’ve never come before.”

Getting bored with his suspicious ways now, I stared at my perfect nails. “I’ve only come to speak with Themis. I’m not here to start a war, Pepe le Pew.”

He sniffed at himself. Oh, he tried to be subtle about it, pretending to lift his arm and scratch at the side of his face with it, but I caught the not-so-subtle sniff test. He did smell.

“And where have you been lately, if you don’t mind my asking?” I smiled sweetly, giving him a face that clearly said, “See, you can trust me.”

But apparently my sweet face hadn’t been as sweet as I’d thought.

When he reached for his back pocket, I knew immediately he was going for his horn. With one mighty blow, he’d call all the ancients to attention. I’d have an angry mob on my hands if I let him blow it.

Flicking a finger, I gathered particles of water from the air itself until they formed into a spear and aimed it squarely at his heart.

“Blow that thing and I’ll stick you like a pig.”

His hand quivered.

“Now, leave me pass, or I’ll—”

“Calypso!” Apollo’s voice thundered through the very heavens, and I groaned.

I’d almost forgotten about the tiny palace-flooding incident. Chariot Boy had not, however.

His golden chariot raced across the sky, dragged by two flaming horses I liked to call Gassy and Gassier, as they were known to pass gas with some regularity. Something to do with the particular brand of fire oats Apollo fed them.

They were within five yards of me when Apollo dropped from his chariot with all the grace of an eagle in flight. He was truly a magnificent man—ideally masculine and yet with a touch of femininity to his face that softened his otherwise harsh features, making him delectable eye candy.

He lifted a fist. “You drowned my fire orchard, you venomous bitch!”

His face twisted into a snarl, and I yawned. “Apollo, are you not my friend? For I don’t think I could bear it if you weren’t.”

Flame haloed his golden head, heating the very air and making my own water sizzle.

The little seahorses and guppies scattered to the back of me.

I grinned. “Oh, is it playtime, pet?”

Lifting my hands, I sucked the moisture from his lungs, and his lips parted as he clutched at his chest. Immediately the temperature lowered as Fire Head’s wrath cooled.

“Would you like to breathe again, Apollo?”

His nostrils flared with fury, but he nodded.

“Then apologize to my babies.” I glanced down at my gown, where my guppies were now quivering with fear.

When I shoved the water back into his body, he took a deep breath, glared murderously back at me, and refused to say anything.

I swear, I was going to pull that idiot over my knees and give him a good spanking, when suddenly a thick black fog rolled between us, immediately obscuring Apollo from sight.

But I sensed rather than saw that the fog had actually enveloped me. Not to hurt me though; it was almost a shield.

How odd.

“Hurt her or hers, Apollo, and so help me, you’ll live to regret it.” Hades’ words were a ghostly echo around me.

I smiled. The darkness was him. What a lovely fool to come to my rescue as he had, though I’d certainly not needed rescuing. I wasn’t quite sure how he’d shown up here, but I knew my sex slave when I heard him.

“Unbind me, Hades,” I commanded.

Immediately the darkness eased up, and I was able to peek out from between thick bands of shadow to witness that not only were Apollo and Hermes here but now too were Aphrodite and Zeus.

I waved at Dite, who waved cheerily back at me. She was dressed in a red leather halter-top-style gown with a vertical slit that ran from her ankle all the way up to her breast line and was held in place by a scrap of fabric at her hipbone.

Hm. I wondered if I could get her to let me borrow that someday.

“What in the hell are you doing here, Hades?” Zeus snapped, his big, beefy body completely nude and on display.

The tip of his comically long penis glistened. Which meant either (A) he’d been getting pleasured by one of his many slaves, as everyone knew he and Hera never screwed anymore, or (B) he’d been pleasuring himself.

I voted for (B). I mean, who wanted to sleep with that goat-faced brute willingly? Well, unless you were a nymph and didn’t much care what stuck its tab into your slot so long as you got tabbed good.

Nymphs were so shallow.

“I’ve broken no rule.” My lover’s deep voice put Zeus’s high-pitched quack to shame.

Okay, so maybe I was being unfair. It wasn’t really high-pitched or ducky sounding, but he was just so disgusting to me that it was hard to think kindly of the louse.

“You were to remain in the waters.”

“And there I am.” Hades’ voice shook with power.

I wagged a hand through the shadow. “He’s right.” I said. “Not physically present means still following the rules.”

I felt rather than saw Hades chuckle.

“You speak when you are spoken to!” Zeus thundered back at me.

I gasped, jaw hanging open. He did not just talk to me like that. I was ready to charge him, but a wall of shadow suddenly hardened in front of me so that I could not move through it.

“Allow me,” Hades intoned, and then, as if a quiver of arrows had just been released, bolts of shadow drilled through Zeus’s middle.

And then there was chaos. Utter, violent, land-roaring, sky-splintering-with-lightning, shrieks-of-grizzly-violence, fire-spewing-from-the-very-depths-of-the-universe chaos.

Two of the most powerful gods going mano a mano with each other, and all over little ol’ me. It was just about enough to make a girl want to titter with delirious excitement. Of course, I wasn’t really a girl, and I didn’t titter. Ever.

But I did let the two beasts play because it was fun to watch.

I was safely cradled from the storm in Hades’ shadow blanket, so I took a seat, called a little bowl of popcorn to me, and watched with a goofy smile on my face.

Aphrodite came and found me a moment later. “Give me some of that,” she said then reached into my bowl and tossed some in her mouth. “Mm. It’s good.”

“I know,” I said. “I’m a great cook now.”

We watched in silence for a moment, and then her grin grew wide.

I have never seen Hades act like this over anyone.

Zeus’s mountaintop crumbled, sending thick piles of rock to the ground, knocking down a couple of trees. The ghostly wails of the dead came shooting out of the ground like a mama giving birth to a babe. Up they came, heeding their master’s command.

I was so turned on right now. He was so hawt.

So why did he trick Persephone if he didn’t want her? I asked.

I hadn’t realized the question had been bothering me until I’d asked it. Hades was an amazing catch. Why had he resorted to such trickery?

She frowned. Hun, don’t you know the truth? I mean, the story is really old now, but still, someone should have set you straight on this eons ago.

“You got this, sex slave,” I rooted my boy toy on when Zeus slapped at his shadow with ten thousand volts of lightning, sparking up the sky with a violence that looked as though a nuclear bomb had just been dropped on the place.

Hades shook the marbles loose from his head, gave me an answering grin, and then they were right back at it.

What story? I shoved a handful of popcorn in.

Persephone fabricated the entire tale. Hades fed her, yes. As he would have to feed any of us who showed up at his door unexpectedly, because that’s who he is. Persephone ate of the fruit, then ran home that night and told her mother that Hades had not only deflowered her but tricked her as well and that she must now spend six months out of the year with him, or her mother’s cherished crops would cease to grow, as Hades would curse them all.

This was not at all the story I’d heard. So why didn’t he just call the chit out as a liar?

At this Dite’s eyes looked sad. Because by then he’d fallen in love with her. That part of the tale was true. Hades fell madly for Spring. She was his opposite in every way, and I think that youthful innocence was the attraction. In many ways, you are just like Persephone. Or rather, what he’d believed her to be at the time. Desirous that others should not see her in an ugly light, he played along with her ploy.

The fury of the fight was dying down. This hadn’t been a true war, not in the sense that they actually meant to exterminate life. More just boys blowing off steam.

Then he’s an idiot.

And I said that kindly, because even though what he’d done had been foolish in the extreme, it only proved what I’d suspected of the brute all along. He was an honest-to-god gentleman. Would wonders never cease?

Go easy on him, Calypso. He was young then, relatively speaking. He thought with time she’d grow out of her wild ways. She never did.

Turning to Aphrodite, I looked her in the eye. And I saw truth shining back at me. How is it, then, that you know this and no one else does?

Her smile was soft. I am the Goddess of Love. I know all things concerning matters of the heart.

Then why didn’t you tell others the truth? I wasn’t angry with her, but it seemed unfair the reputation Hades had developed, especially in light of the fact that it’d been entirely undeserving.

He is a proud man and would not have wanted me to.

You know what’s happened to Persephone, don’t you?

There I do not. He fell out of love with Spring millennia ago. I’ve not been able to read Hades for quite some time.

And now?

She said nothing for a while. But she grabbed my hand and squeezed. And now I can. Tell me, Sea, why are you in Olympus?

To discover some truths.

I’d learned far more today than I’d expected, but I wasn’t done yet. Standing, I nodded at both Hades and Zeus, who were now panting and thoroughly spent; it seemed even shadow could tire out.

“Go home and await me, Master,” I said to Hades. “I am perfectly fine now.”

His smile was broad. Even in shadow form, he still managed to steal my breath.

“You truly are the worst slave in the history of ever.” His deep, wicked voice had my thighs tingling.

Blowing him an air kiss, I banished him. Then, turning to Zeus, I lifted a brow. “You look like you tried to rut a bull and the bull won.”

“Calypso, I should roast you and make furniture of your bones.”

“Whatever, dipstick. I’m off to speak with her royal blindness, and then I promise I’ll be out of your hair.”

With a curtsy that was far more impudent than humble, I took my leave of them.

Oddly enough, no one bothered me after that affair. It could be a handy thing to have Death be my pet, it seemed.

I came to Themis’s cave home not even an hour later. Loud music emanated from the very walls of the cave itself. For a cave, the place was far from dank and honestly quite cozy. The rock was a splendid color of dusky rose, gems of all sorts veined all through it. It was dark—no doubt because Themis had no need of light—but walking down the entrance, I soon found myself in a large cave with throw rugs on the floor, comfy couches shoved up against the wall, and natural trees that’d grown up from the dirt.

Themis was dressed in blue jean shorts and a colorful crop top and was currently dancing her booty off, shaking her groove thang from one spot to the next.

Immediately she stopped and clapped her hands, and the music died. Then she took a quick sniff.

“Calypso? What are you doing here?” she asked still without turning.

Themis suddenly twirled on me and I finally got my first good look at the blind goddess. Whenever I’d seen her before, she’d always looked standoffish and aloof, dressed in a white toga with her perpetual white ribbon around her eyes.

But today her long brown hair spilled in soft waves down her back, and the opalescent whites of her eyes practically gleamed in a not-so-unattractive face.

Shoulders straightening, she shook her head. “I know why you’re here.”

I shrugged, tossing up my hands. I hadn’t actually woken up this morning with the intention of coming up here, but after my afternoon delights, the idea had hit me like a flash.

“I have discovered where Persephone is.”

I frowned. Then why hadn’t she announced her verdict already?

She sighed. “Because the matter is rather more complicated than I’d anticipated.”

Complicated? My mind was buzzy with possibilities.

“You really should ask him. I’m sure he’ll tell you if he wants you to know.”

Now it was my turn to sigh. So much for my intentions of not allowing matters to become complicated. But after his confession last night and now this, did I really have any other options?

“I’m not quite sure how to pass judgment on this one, to be honest. So I’m dancing. I find music to be very soothing when my mind is ill at ease.”

This sounded more serious than I’d imagined.

“This is very serious and must be handled delicately. Truth is, I plan to leave Hades with you through the entirety of the allotted time. Calypso, I may have need of your services in the future. Would you mind?”

Did that mean there was a possibility of saving Hades?

“Quite possibly.”

Then I was certainly willing to help.

Themis’s smile grew wide. “You are welcome to visit me whenever you’d like. Most excellent talk, goddess fair.”

“Yes, I thought so too.” With a finger wave, I took my leave of her.