Selena
I wake well before my alarm. Hours early, because sleep seems like something for normal people and I’m not feeling normal at all.
Another day in hell. Can’t wait.
Finn stirs next to me, having slept on top of the covers, even after obviously taking care to put me under them. Such a strange, sweet kindness from a man I’m not sure I’ll ever understand. He was, like, human last night. He asked me about myself, about how I felt. Matt never did.
I’m really confused. Maybe I really do have some weird Stockholm Syndrome thing going on with this guy. Because I … I like him. I like him. And I find him sexy as hell. Ugh.
But I’m also angry that I have to go back to work for a Russian mobster because of him. I have to go back and get demeaned and assaulted and put my baby and myself at risk because of him. And I don’t feel good about that.
I shuffle off to use the bathroom, turning on the shower as I brush my teeth and start gearing myself up for another day.
The more I think about it, the more I feel the panic rising again. I sit on the toilet, trying to breathe through it, but I can’t. I’m shaking and crying and when Finn comes in, he finds me doubled over, having a full-blown panic attack.
He pulls me up and into his arms, giving me a bona fide hug, his strong arms wrapped around me, the best feeling I’ve felt recently.
“We both need this money,” he says softly into my hair. “Let’s just see this through. Another day, dig a little deeper. We’ll get what we need and I’ll pull you out. I promise.”
I just keep sobbing into his broad chest like a big, freaked-out baby.
He turns and slides down the wall, pulling me into his lap, still holding tightly. “Selena,” he says softly. “Calm down. I can’t … I can’t handle these tears.”
“Too human,” I say into his chest. “God forbid you’d be a fucking human for once.”
I feel his jaw tense against the top of my head. He says, “It’s been a long fucking time since I’ve wanted to be.”
I just give him time. Eventually, he says, “My sister … you remind me of her, somewhat. She was just a magnet for fucking assholes. And she had a long-term boyfriend who was an alcoholic. He beat her. I was only in high school, not nearly as big as I am now. I tried to … I tried once, but he nearly put me in the hospital. I couldn’t help her.”
“Did he …” I can’t even ask the question.
“She got in a car accident, though … I think she probably engineered it to look like an accident. I think she didn’t want our Catholic mother to worry about her ever-loving soul in purgatory or whatever. She used to cry all the time. It was brutal.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “About your sister.”
“I haven’t thought about her in a very long time,” he says. “There’s no need to be sorry.”
“Well, I disagree,” I answer. “I think that we always miss people we love after we lose them, no matter how much time passes.”
“Maybe,” he says. “I do, I guess. Miss her sometimes. It was hard on my parents, especially my dad. My mom’s always been … distant. Controlling. Judgmental.”
“Sounds familiar,” I muse. “So you shut off your feelings after that?”
He shakes his head. “No. I should have then, but it wasn’t until later. But that’s not a story I want to tell. It’s in the past. Doesn’t matter anymore.”
He continues to hold me, hug me, until I finally push away, telling him I’d better get ready for work. He looks devastated as I stand and step into the shower. It’s a look I’ve never seen on him before. And it makes me like him even more.
***
Finn
I let her shower in privacy, done with trying to control her. She doesn’t deserve this and I have a special place in hell with my name on it for putting her through this bullshit.
When she comes into the bedroom, still dripping wet and only wearing her towel, I meet her gaze. There’s no fear there. No embarrassment or shame. No worry. No sadness. No anger. All of the emotions I’ve seen on her face are gone, replaced with one. Sympathy.
“Don’t give me that look,” I growl.
“What look?” she asks.
“That sympathetic look,” I say. “I told you I haven’t thought about that shit for a long time. I don’t need your sympathy.”
“It’s not like that,” she says, coming closer to where I sit on the edge of her bed. “I just … I feel like you’re not what I thought you were.”
“No, I’m definitely what you thought I was, and worse. I told you, I’m not your friend. I’m going to get us in and out and then you’ll never see me again.”
I say this with conviction, but I’m starting to doubt myself. And by the look on her face, she’s not buying it either. Honestly, I admire this woman. She’s smart and strong. She deserves to be happy. And even though I don’t want to feel anything at all, she makes me feel. It’s been a long time, but I do remember how.
I stand, ready to make a run for it. I’m ready to tell her this shit is off. I’m out of here. She’s free to leave or disappear or whatever she needs to do to stay safe. But when she drops her towel and gives me big eyes, I’m sunk.
“Will you kiss me, Finn?” she asks.
I know my face must look like I’m in pain, because I am. I want to kiss her, but if I do, it crosses a line that can’t be uncrossed.
Fuck it.
I lean in, pulling her warm, wet, naked body against mine. My lips find hers and, fuck, it’s been so long. My tongue slides along her bottom lip and she nips at it, opening, thrusting her tongue against mine. Well, fuck, she knows what she’s doing because damn if my cock doesn’t just salute that searing kiss.
My hands find her bare ass and I lift her up so she can wrap herself around me, her bare pussy rubbing against my abdomen, her breasts crushed against my chest. Fuck, she feels so good.
I shouldn’t be doing this. My head tells me over and over again, but I can’t stop. Her lips are so perfect. Her body fits mine so well.
I swing us around and lay her on the bed but she flips the script, pushing me onto my back. She pulls at my jeans, licking her lips at the sight of my extremely-erect cock.
“I want to please you,” she says as she begins the slow torture of kissing, biting, and licking my cheeks, nipples, stomach, pelvic bones, and thighs. Finally, she takes my cock in her mouth. She meets my gaze, never breaking it as she opens her throat, taking me balls-deep. She moves up and down, meticulous in her attentions. Her breasts, so full, hit my legs heavily each time she moves down. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
There is no part of me that wants to come in her mouth right now. She’s too good for that, and I’m too close, so I put my hands on either side of her face and beckon her up, kissing her deeply, thoroughly, tasting the salt of precum on her tongue. She straddles me then, her pussy stretching wide as I enter her. She starts to move. Her movements are slow, deliberate. I’m buried so far into her. When she moves, she pushes her body forward, hitting that special G-spot inside.
I use my thumb to work her clit while she rides me, her movement picking up pace as her pussy quickens.
“I’m so close,” she says breathlessly. “You feel so good inside me.”
I sit up, taking a nipple into my mouth, my tongue swirling the sweet bud, my teeth biting just lightly.
“More,” she groans. “Oh, yes, more.”
When I feel the clench, I flip her to her back, still buried deep inside of her juicy slot. I pump into her slowly, hitting that special nerve each time. She grabs my ass, pushing me even deeper, crying out each time. I kiss along the lines of her neck, along her collarbone. Our lips meet again, our tongues dancing in time with each thrust.
She arches as she comes again, her breath hitching in her throat, the smallest sound of pleasure escaping. I follow soon after, burying my cries of pleasure into the pillow beside her.
I roll to the side quickly, but she crawls up, resting her head on my chest, laying one leg over mine. My arm rests around her shoulders.
This intimacy is not something … normal. Not for me.
“I feel better,” she says.
“Everyone feels better after an orgasm,” I answer.
“No, I mean, seeing you accept pleasure, giving you pleasure … it made me feel good. It helped,” she says.
“Well, I’m glad?” It comes out like a question.
She falls asleep like that and I can’t lie—it feels real good. I look at the clock and realize just how early she woke up. I reset her alarm and let her get a few more winks.