Standing at the sink in her finery, hands submerged in the washing up, Annabel giggled. She felt a bit silly being all dressed up with nowhere to go. At the same time, she had to admit Dan’s mother was right. Having not stopped tittering since getting changed, looking good did go some way to making a woman feel good. Breaking into fits of giggles probably wasn’t quite what his mum had in mind though, thought Annabel, laughing at herself regardless. And ignoring the splashes of water landing on her dress, she considered asking Dan whether there were any more tips in the offering.

‘As long as he doesn’t think the glitzy attire is for his benefit,’ she said. Then again, with everything else he had going on at the moment, Annabel doubted he’d even notice.

She thought about their recent exchanges. Apart from a few cursory words about work and the weather, it wasn’t as if they’d had any real conversation since that day in the shop. She always made a point of enquiring after his mum, of course, to which he continuously gave some standard reply. She was doing okay. A response that Annabel deemed strange in light of the emotional honesty he’d previously shown. Maybe he felt embarrassed at breaking down in front of her. Or, he could be burying his head in the sand, telling himself if he didn’t talk about it, his mother’s illness would just go away. Sad really, but whatever the reason, he hadn’t confided in her since.

She stopped what she was doing for a moment, thinking how funny it was that a man could so easily donate his sperm, yet he refused to give his feelings away.

Annabel returned to the dishes and continued to ponder their actual interaction; she decided that it was a procedure more than anything else. A procedure whereby every Wednesday night Dan would arrive and more or less go straight up to the bathroom, then job done, simply leave her, and the turkey baster, to it. It all felt quite formal considering she hoped to carry his baby; Annabel couldn’t help but think she should be getting to know at least a little bit about the man. In time, their child was bound to have questions regarding his or her father; questions that she wanted to be able to answer. As things stood, she didn’t even know Dan’s favourite colour.

On the other hand, she had to admit that their limited dialogue was hardly surprising. Even aside from his mother’s illness; they hadn’t exactly had the best start to their pregnancy journey.

Her stomach lurched as she recalled the first time he came around.

Annabel lead the way upstairs, her legs shook with nerves. Her palms felt sweaty as she sought the security of her wedding ring, sliding it across its chain, first one way and then the other, with each and every step. Finally, coming to a standstill, she indicated to the only open door on the landing, the entrance to the bathroom. Dan just stood there. Her heart raced as she stared at him, wondering what he was waiting for. He stared at her as if wondering what she was playing at. Then it dawned on her. This wasn’t quite the stairway to heaven he’d been anticipating. Suddenly panicked, instinct took over and without thinking, she shoved him inside. The poor man almost toppled into the bath as she slammed the door shut. Left standing on her own, Annabel burned with embarrassment.

It was all her fault, of course. She should have made it clear from the beginning that they wouldn’t actually be sleeping together. From then on, he’d been more than happy to just do the business and go. Although after a mix up like that, Annabel could hardly blame him. She sighed. If she was ever going to learn anything about Dan, it was obvious the effort would have to come from her.

As she placed the last of the washing up on the draining board, Annabel heard the front door open and close. She grabbed a tea towel to dry her hands, and questioned who it could be. It wouldn’t be Dan. He always rang the bell and waited for her to let him in. Besides, he wasn’t due just yet anyway, and unlike hers, his timing was impeccable.

‘It’s only me,’ a voice called out.

‘Of course,’ said Annabel. ‘Rebecca.’

Annabel could have kicked herself. While her sister had, inadvertently, been the one to spur her into action with regards to Dan, her annoyance had since calmed down and unfortunately, she still hadn’t gotten around to mentioning anything.

Having already shown her disapproval on the family planning front, the last thing Annabel wanted was Rebecca causing another scene. Keeping quiet until a pregnancy test proved positive had seemed like the best thing to do. She realised her mistake and, knew she had to get rid of her. Why, oh why, hadn’t she considered the possibility that both Rebecca’s and Dan’s paths might cross?

Annabel calculated that she still had about fifteen minutes before Dan got there, she told herself that with a bit of luck, Rebecca wouldn’t be staying long. She never usually did. Her flying visits were more out of habit these days, a habit that stemmed from the time of Tom’s death. Back then, her sister had all but moved in. She would sit for hours listening to Annabel cry, comforting her, making sure she ate, and showered even; acts that Annabel would be forever grateful for. However, despite that period having long since passed, she still popped in regularly to make sure all was well. This was something Annabel continued to appreciate, even if her visits could sometimes be a bit fraught, or, in this case badly timed.

‘Oh,’ said Rebecca. Making her entrance, she looked somewhat surprised. ‘You’re going out.’

Annabel had forgotten about her posh clothes and looking down at her attire, quickly realised they gave her just the excuse she needed. Knowing she always went red when she told a fib, she willed herself not to blush. ‘Erm, yes,’ she replied. ‘I am.’

Annabel threw the tea towel to one side and tried to appear convincing. She hated lying, but at the same time, didn’t think she had a choice. On the one hand, if she admitted she’d taken to dressing up for absolutely no reason, her sister was liable to get her committed. On the other, if she confessed to her weekly appointment with Dan, her sister was liable to commit murder.

She imagined the two different scenarios; one of them involving a strait jacket, the other a pair of hand cuffs. Neither of the pictures was pretty, and to save either of them from being locked up, she made a show of checking the time again. ‘In fact, I should probably be leaving any time now.’

‘Not to worry,’ said Rebecca.

Annabel resisted shovelling her out the door as she waited for her to leave. But instead of moving, her sister just stood there.

‘Was it anything important?’ Annabel asked.

‘Nothing that can’t wait, I suppose,’ she replied. She tried to raise a smile. ‘I just wanted your advice on something, that’s all.’

Annabel, unable to believe what she was hearing, momentarily forgot about Dan. As her sister finally turned to make her exit, she stopped her in her tracks. ‘You want advice?’ she asked. ‘From me?’

Annabel wondered if she should be worried. Rebecca was usually the one giving counsel, not receiving it. She never asked for anyone’s opinion on anything. Rebecca was one of those women who simply got on with things; who coped no matter what life threw at her. Annabel knew she must have swallowed a lot of pride to come here and ask for help like this; especially from her little sister.

‘Really?’ she added.

‘Really,’ said Rebecca.

Annabel looked at the woman and realised she’d never seen her quite so unhappy. Harassed, yes, but not dejected like this. After everything Rebecca had done for her over the years, Annabel couldn’t just let her go. This was her chance to do something in return and she wasn’t about to let the opportunity slide.

She checked the clock again and told herself that, if she was quick, she might be able to prevent Dan’s arrival. ‘Look, let me make a quick call and get changed,’ she said, digging her mobile out of her bag. ‘Then we can have a sit down and a proper chat.’

‘No, don’t worry about it,’ said Rebecca. ‘It can wait. I don’t want to spoil your plans.’

Annabel ignored the protests and began dialling anyway. She didn’t want to let her sister down. ‘Honestly, I can re-arrange.’

‘Annabel,’ said Rebecca, stepping forward to stop her. ‘It’s not a problem. We can talk about it some other time.’

Disappointed, Annabel sighed and clicked her phone off; she could tell her sister meant what she said. Back to her usual controlled self, the moment had passed.

‘But before I get off, you don’t mind if I use your bathroom, do you? I’ve been dying for a wee all the way over here.’

With no choice but to admit defeat, Annabel nodded. ‘Of course you can,’ she said.

She watched Rebecca leave the room before taking a seat at the kitchen table. Her sister may have suggested they re-arrange, but she knew they wouldn’t. That wasn’t Rebecca’s style. Asking for advice would’ve been hard enough in the first place and there was no way she’d allow herself to go through the stress of it again. Annabel felt at a loss. She supposed she’d just have to insist, regardless of any excuses the woman might try and come up with.

Annabel heard footsteps and she listened to Rebecca making her way back down stairs. She steeled herself, ready to assert some authority; Annabel wanted her sister to know that she was around day or night.

‘Care to tell me what this is doing here,’ said her sister, appearing in the doorway.

Annabel froze. Momentarily lost for words, Rebecca’s problems suddenly vanished. Fuck! If ever she wanted the ground to swallow her whole, it was now. With its corner pinched between her finger and thumb, there was no escaping her sister’s disgust as she held up one of the porn magazines. The poor woman would be washing her hands for weeks.

‘Well?’ said Rebecca.

Having completely forgotten about the candles, the glass jar and the magazines, Annabel cringed like never before. She felt her cheeks flushing red. ‘I can explain.’

Annabel’s blushing intensified as Rebecca slowly stepped forward and carefully placed the offending item on the table right in front of her. ‘No need,’ she said, gathering up her belongings. ‘I should go.’

Annabel’s embarrassment turned to confusion. The sister she knew would be ranting and raving by now, asking her what the hell she thought she was playing at. She certainly wouldn’t just walk away.

She jumped up from her seat and hastily shoved the magazine into a drawer, before following Rebecca out into the hall. ‘Please don’t go,’ she said. ‘At least not like this.’ She felt powerless. Marching straight for the front door, Rebecca was clearly having none of it. ‘Rebecca,’ she continued to plead.

While ignoring Annabel’s plight, her sister simply grabbed the handle and pulled the front door wide open.

Annabel’s eyes widened in horror as she saw Dan standing there, his finger poised over the doorbell, ready to signal his arrival.

Dan appeared as equally as surprised, he smiled. ‘Oh, hello,’ he said, friendly as anything.

As if things couldn’t get any worse.

Annabel squirmed as her sister glared from him, to her, and back again; and without a single word simply continued on her way.

‘Was it something I said?’ asked Dan, clearly wondering what that was all about.

Annabel slumped against the hallway wall; she knew that she’d be lucky if her sister ever spoke to her again. ‘Well that’s really gone and done it,’ she said. She took a moment before straightening herself up. ‘You’d better come in.’

With nothing else for it, she headed straight to the kitchen leaving Dan no choice but to follow her down the hall. ‘Cuppa?’ she asked. Offering him a drink was the least he deserved after that little scene.

He seemed to hesitate, then think better of it. ‘Why not,’ he replied.

She set about making some tea.

‘Call it a silly question,’ said Dan. ‘But is everything okay?’

Annabel stopped what she was doing and turned to face him. After the way Rebecca had just behaved, she supposed she should explain. She pictured her sister holding up the offending material and suddenly realised it wasn’t just any porn magazine on display, but his porn magazine. Again, she found herself lost for words. After deciding an explanation was no longer necessary, Annabel simply smiled. ‘Everything’s fine,’ she said.

He furrowed his brow as if waiting for her to tell the truth.

She continued smiling, determined to maintain her silence. It was all to no avail.

‘Okay, okay,’ she said, holding her hands up in defeat. ‘That was my sister, if you must know.’

‘Ah,’ said Dan. ‘And?’

As far as Annabel was concerned, it was one thing sharing their favourite colours for the baby’s sake, but quite another revealing family squabbles. ‘And nothing.’

Dan clearly didn’t believe her, which was hardly surprising.

‘She just doesn’t agree with what I’m doing, that’s all. Or should I say, with what we’re doing.’

‘I can understand that,’ Dan replied.

‘You can?’

Dan laughed. ‘Well it’s not exactly the norm, is it?’

Annabel had to admit he had a point. She got back to making the tea.

‘So how are things with you?’ she asked. ‘How are you bearing up?’

‘As well as can be expected, I suppose,’ he replied.

As he left it at that, Annabel turned to face him again. Fixing him with a knowing stare, Rebecca might have refused a listening ear, but she wasn’t going to let him get away with it too. In any case, he started this sharing is caring malarky.

Her unwaveringness paid off and he seemed to relax.

‘I’m fine,’ he said. ‘Thank- you for asking.’

‘Mum’s still being Mum, of course,’ he added. ‘Trying to pretend she isn’t sick. Although, I have just left her writing out her Bucket List, like she hasn’t packed enough in already.’

‘A Bucket List? That’s a great idea.’

‘Yes, well, you don’t know my mother. I dread to think what she’s coming up with.’

Annabel laughed. She may not have met the woman, but she couldn’t help but like her.

‘It’s not funny,’ said Dan. ‘You know, I actually thought she’d died the other day. I walked into the living room and there she was, flat out on the sofa with her arms crossed over her chest. I honestly froze. I didn’t know what to do. Of course, I jumped out of my skin when she opened her eyes and smiled at me. Turns out she was practicing for when the time really comes.’

‘Oh, Dan.’ Annabel pictured the scenario and wondered if it was wrong of her to find it amusing. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

‘Yes, well, a few choice words came out of my mouth, I can tell you. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear she’s trying to take me with her.’ He fell silent for a moment. ‘So tell me, what would you put on your Bucket List?’ he asked. ‘If you were to write one.’

Annabel noted how smoothly he moved the conversation away from himself and put the onus on her. Still, at least he was talking and she supposed any exchange was better than none.

She thought for a moment. His question would’ve been easier to answer if he’d asked her what her list wouldn’t include. She assumed most people would want to do a bungee jump or leap out of an aeroplane, things she most definitely wouldn’t consider. ‘Oh I don’t know,’ she said, trying to come up with something even remotely exciting. ‘Maybe learning to skate board, something like that. There’s a group of kids down the road who make it look so easy. And I suppose, like everyone else, I’d like to travel; although given the chance I haven’t a clue where I’d go.’

Annabel listened to herself; she knew how dull she sounded. For someone who knew how short life can be, she certainly hadn’t been making the most of her own. ‘She’s a smart lady, your mum,’ said Annabel. ‘Life is for living, no matter how much time we have left.’ She couldn’t help but laugh at the hypocrisy of her own words. For the last three years it had just been her and her memories; three years of existing, nothing more nothing less. ‘Listen to me,’ she said. ‘Anyone would think I know what I’m talking about.’

‘Oh come on,’ said Dan. ‘Things can’t be that bad.’

‘Let’s just say I’m taking a leaf out of your mother’s book.’

Dan smiled, taking in her attire. ‘I noticed,’ he said.

As she returned his gaze, butterflies suddenly fluttered in Annabel’s tummy. It had been a long time since a man had looked at her like that and she wasn’t sure if she liked it. She looked down at her dress. ‘What this old thing,’ she said.

He continued to stare and, desperate to break the spell, Annabel turned to the fridge to get the milk. She looked at the carton and wondered what was wrong with her. Most people liked an admiring compliment when they got one, they didn’t flinch. Most people her age cracked open the alcohol when they had guests, yet here she was offering hers a cup of tea. She thought it no wonder people didn’t see her as a suitable confidante, she was a fraudster. Too screwed up to help herself, yet she’d spent the last half an hour insisting she could help everyone else. ‘Sod it,’ she said, taking out a bottle of wine instead. ‘Shall we?’

Annabel wondered what had gotten into her, she decided to go with it anyway; she grabbed a corkscrew from the cutlery drawer and set about trying to open the wine. No doubt, thanks to her sudden abandon, she seemed to be all fingers and thumbs and couldn’t seem to manage.

‘Here let me,’ said Dan, getting up from his seat.

Annabel tried to relax. But his close proximity seemed to have the opposite effect.

They stood in silence as he reached out to take the bottle and, feeling his touch, her whole body tingled as his palms rested against hers. Looking at them, she’d never noticed his hands before. Used to hard work, they were strong and solid.

Without thinking, she let her gaze follow the line of his muscular arms, her heart was suddenly beating so fast she felt sure Dan could hear it. Pausing to take in his well-built chest, she breathed in the aroma of his aftershave. He smelt fresh and clean. A rush of heat seemed to course through her veins, a sensation that both scared and excited her. Finally, looking up into his eyes, Annabel could see from the intent way Dan now looked at her, he was experiencing it too. She took in the softness of his lips as they began slowly moving towards her own.

What are you doing? a voice in her head screamed.

Annabel relinquished the bottle and took a quick step back.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I can’t do this.’