CHAPTER 20
The hallway is quiet around me. An attendant walks toward me carrying a tray of food. On the tray is a container of orange Jell-O.
The past is settled. There is no changing it. But moving forward, choices need to be made. None of them will be easy, but I’m no stranger to that. Maybe it wasn’t my fate to put Clementine’s life together. Maybe I survived the plane crash so I could do that for Kieran. It’s time someone helped him for a change.
I take the elevator down to the waiting room, where Clive sits nervously with paper teacups scattered on the chairs beside him.
“How is she?”
“Good. She’s sleeping,” I say. “Have you seen Kieran?”
Clive points to the door. “He said he needed a walk.”
I hug Clive before racing out the door. “Wish me luck!”
The warm air and natural light hit me at once, and my eyes start watering. I shield the sun from my face, searching for Kieran, but he’s nowhere to be seen. A desperate fear of losing him creeps back, but my determination overrides it. If this could all be gone, if life can change in a heartbeat, I need Kieran now.
Large emerald-green lawns surround the hospital. The ground beneath my feet is damp with rain. Clouds scatter in the sky to the east. I circle the building, past doctors, nurses, patients, and visitors strolling casually. Kieran could be anywhere. I keep running.
When my breath tightens, I stop to catch it. Three weeks ago, I could barely move. I was brought back to life, and I’m not about to let it slip away.
Finally, when I’ve almost fully circled the entire building, I find him. Kieran paces the lawn, his hands in his pockets, head bowed. I pick up my speed.
He must hear me coming, because the moment I’m about to call his name, he turns. He moves toward me, clearly perplexed.
“Did you mean what you said?” he asks intently, his body now close to mine. “About not being the girl you were.”
I try to catch my breath and nod at him. “I don’t want to go home, Kieran. I found my life here.” I take a step closer.
Kieran turns from me and begins pacing again. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Bunny. I can’t be responsible for your mistakes, too. You don’t belong here.”
“Yes, I do,” I say. “It might be the only thing I do know. And they’re my mistakes to make. You are not responsible for them.”
Kieran turns back to me, his eyes bright with adrenaline and fatigue. “What about your family, your friends in America? You’re being unreasonable. I can’t let you do that.”
“Well, it’s not up to you. It’s up to me.”
Kieran shakes his head. “No. I won’t let you. You’re going home. That was the plan all along. You said a week, maybe two. I let this go on too long.”
Panic tightens my throat. I need him. He can’t send me away. Not now. Not when we’ve come this far together.
Suddenly, a memory of fire and the smell of burned plastic overrides my senses, making me feel unsteady on my feet. The feeling I had for so many restless nights of reaching for someone, but never being able to grab on, hold them, touch them, sends me into a spin.
“Please,” I say to Kieran, reaching for him, feeling his arm within my grasp, knowing he’s there. “You’re all I have. You’re all I want.”
I’m begging for Kieran to hold me, to meet me halfway—so I can stop reaching, so we can do this together.
“Do you really mean that?” he asks. “You need to be sure.”
Yes. Yes. Yes. I’ve never been surer about anything. Kieran lowers his forehead to mine, like he’s tired of holding himself together.
“You saved me,” I say.
I feel him shake his head. “You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. You don’t need saving, Bunny.”
I am strong—I feel that now down to my core.
“I know what I want,” I say.
“Then ask me, Bunny.” The frustration has melted from Kieran’s eyes. All that’s left is anticipation.
“Will you kiss me?”
He steps close, a fire in his eyes that he hasn’t let me see before. “As long as you remember . . . you asked for this.”
Kieran’s lips press to mine. I want to gasp for air, but the sensation of his mouth erases the need for breath, the need to move, to do anything but feel him.
His mouth slowly pries my lips apart. Bliss runs in tingles down my arms and legs. Kieran’s tongue tangles with mine, and he pulls me closer. His hands grasp at my back, knotting my shirt in his fists, pressing me to him.
I stand on tiptoes, wanting to be closer, needing it. No more backing away. Kieran lifts me off my feet, and I float above the ground. His tongue runs along my bottom lip, and I think there is no better sensation in the world. A small moan escapes my lips, euphoria making me dizzy.
But all too soon, Kieran sets me down, his body pulling back, his hands untangling from me. I lean forward, ready for more, but his mouth separates from mine. He leans in, running his lips along my cheek and settling his mouth on my ear. Shivers spread on my skin.
“People are staring, Bunny.”
I step back from Kieran, embarrassed. He gives me a sly grin, and in an instant, I want to be back in his arms with his lips on mine.
“Don’t give me that look, Bunny. I’m trying to control myself.”
“Who said I want you to control yourself?”
Kieran groans, and for a second I think he might kiss me again, but he steps back. “Not here.”
I take a step closer. “Then where?”
“Where do you want to go?”
Anywhere you’ll kiss me. That’s my answer. But as the ecstasy of kissing him calms to a warm hum, I remember what Siobhan said. Kieran can change his life. But he won’t do it hiding out in Waterville.
“I think it’s time you take me to Dublin.”