Chapter Twelve
Flynn had been left completely speechless when Maggie shut the door behind her the day before. Not only had she admitted to her brother that they had lain together, she said it with such conviction, he could not help but be proud of the strong woman she had become.
Not so long ago, Maggie was afraid of the world, men, emotions, aught that could bring her pain. Now she was demanding to travel with the warriors, willing to face danger to save lives. His heart bloomed with more feeling than he had ever known he could experience. He could actually feel an ache in his chest when he thought of her, causing him to catch his breath and stand in awe. Nobody had ever affected him so.
To his utter shock, her brother had not further pummeled him or made any threats to Flynn after Maggie had left. He was much too stunned as his sister walked away after publicly berating him for treating her like a wee lass. Àdhamh’s jaw had physically dropped and his fair skin flushed with what Flynn had been certain was embarrassment. In a way, Flynn felt bad for Àdhamh. He had done all he knew to do to protect Maggie. Instead of trying to teach her self-defense or to face her fears, he had coddled her, as most good elder brothers would. It had taken another man to teach her the ways of the world. He was proud to have been that man, yet he ached now as he quietly packed provisions for their journey and shoved them in his satchel. He would be so close to Maggie, yet not at all alone, and he had so much he wished to say.
Would she even care to hear what he would say? She seemed to have moved on, no longer being affected by him or the time they shared. It hurt to think he may spend the rest of his life as no more than a shadow in her distant past. Yet, he had been the one to tell her repeatedly that he could offer her naught. She had simply taken him at his word, learned from him what she could, and moved on. He should be relieved that a woman, for once, understood what he meant when he said he could not have a relationship, and yet all he felt was pain. She was the one woman who ever made him question his role in life. She made him want more, want to be more. Instead, he would have to settle for finishing this mission and then seeing what his king required of him next.
“The horses are readied. The question is, are you ready?” His brother always knew more than he should. Even when Flynn did his best to show no emotion, his elder brother knew otherwise.
Turning to face Brennain, Flynn crossed his arms. “Aye. I am ready. I am not one to allow my emotions to affect my work.”
Quirking a dark brow, Brennain smirked in triumph. “Emotions? I was simply speaking of your recent injuries, brother. Are there some emotions I should know about?”
Flynn scowled, knowing he had just played into his brother’s wily scheme. “Nay. I am only anxious to be rid of Mal once and for all. I have spent over a year of my life tracking the man. You were the one who infiltrated his camp. ‘Tis time I did my part.”
Brennain looked suspiciously at him through narrowed eyes, as though not at all convinced that there was not more to Flynn’s grim mood, but fortunately he kept his peace. “Arawn awaits you outside. He is saddled, watered, and fed.”
“My thanks,” Flynn murmured, and he tucked a few spare tunics and trousers into his satchel before slinging it over his shoulder. “I am ready.”
As they walked out of their family home and toward the stables, Flynn saw about three score warriors and one wee blonde-haired lass who looked as if she would blow away with the wind when her cloak billowed wildly behind her. She certainly did stand out when surrounded by so many large men, and Flynn noticed a few appreciative glances skim over her body. For the first time in his entire life, he was overcome with a sense of possession. He was not at all certain when he had decided she was his, but he had and if he stood any chance of making it so, he had to find a way to get her alone.
As if some imaginary rope pulled him toward her, his legs took several long strides forward, until he stood behind her. “Maggie.” He saw her shoulders stiffen when he said her name, and his heart plummeted slightly that she should react so to his presence. “I am glad you will be with us.”
She turned slowly and looked up to his height. Her blue eyes settled on his and he could see more emotion in their depths than perhaps she wanted him to see. He could not help but smile. Despite her desire to keep a distance, she still cared for him. He had to make things right. “Maggie, I’ve been wanting to say that—”
“You have naught to say to my sister. You have done enough.” Àdhamh came around his mare and without ceremony, flung Maggie up onto the back of his horse.
She squealed and gripped tightly to the horse, looking at Flynn with shock just before scowling at her brother. “You must cease! I can handle myself.”
Her brother scoffed. “Obviously, you cannot where Flynn is concerned.” Without another word, Àdhamh mounted his brown mare behind his sister. Flynn wanted to curse Àdhamh and shout that he wanted to make things right with Maggie, and if given the chance, he would make things right forever. But those were sentiments he wished to discuss only with Maggie.
As if in dismissal, the brown mare snorted and pranced a few steps to the right, giving Flynn her backside. He would have almost suspected Àdhamh of teaching his mare such a trick.
“Never mind him,” Elwynna came toward Flynn with Aislin by her side. “He is still in shock over the fact that his wee sister is a woman grown. Though he never wanted her to live in fear of all men, having her face her fears without his help has been a bit of a blow to his pride. Discovering that she is no longer innocent in such a public way has not helped.”
His fierce cousin Aislin snorted as her red waves blew in the wind. “He needs to get over it. Maggie is a beautiful woman and from what I hear, many men on this journey have their sights set on her. Now that she is no longer so afraid of men, she may soon be faced with more suitors than she knows what to do with.”
Flynn was not at all certain if Aislin was intentionally pushing his patience, as she often did, or if she truly had no idea how he felt about Maggie. He supposed that just because he laid with the lass, that was no true indication to others that he wanted more. Yet, to make his intentions known, he needed to speak with her… and her elder brother was making that impossible. Then there was the matter of his king. Flynn could not simply decide to be done with his service. He would need to speak to his king about an assignment that would allow Flynn to be of use, yet maintain a family. And was there truly any sense in speaking with Maggie about his true desires for her until he was free to do so?
He knew the answer. He needed to keep his feelings and needs to himself until he could discuss this with Tuathal, and that could not happen until this mission was over. How he was supposed to be so close to Maggie without allowing his emotions to show, he had no idea. If other lads began to press their suit on her, would he be able to stand by and watch it happen? He also knew the answer to that. There was no way he would do so.
With no way to share his true feelings just yet, and no way to control his emotions for the lass, he found himself in a very unstable position, where love and duty battled for first place in his life. Walking over to Arawn, he tied his satchel to the saddle and swung his leg over his back.
Looking down and snapping out of his daze, he saw Aislin standing before him with her hands on her hips. “You had better figure yourself out before you lose her forever.”
“Are you traveling with us, Lin? We can use your archery skills,” he responded, to change the subject.
“Nay. Alastar is amongst your party, but I must stay to care for wee Conor. He needs his mama more than this army does.”
“You sure have changed, cousin,” Flynn said with a smile. “I never thought I would see the day when you are willing to stay behind to care for a child.”
Her knowing green eyes, the same shade as his own, penetrated him, as if seeing into his deepest desires. “You have changed, as well, Flynn. I only hope you are not as stubborn as I was. Do not let another claim her heart.”
With a sigh, Flynn allowed his shoulders to sag slightly. “I am not certain her heart is mine to claim.”
Aislin smacked Arawn on the rump, making Flynn grip the reins to stay steady. “You shall never know if you never try.”
* * * *
The snow had relented for the past few days, making travel a lot easier than it had been when they left the hut she had stayed in with Flynn. Snow still covered much of the earth and the chill in the air had a painful bite, but it had been easier to navigate the land without the cold fluffy flakes falling all around. By mid-day, they had stopped to make camp about a mile from where Brennain said Mal had last been located. After his desertion from Mal’s camp, it was likely they knew he was a spy and relocated swiftly. With so many trained trackers and hounds, he would not be hard to find on the morrow, and Maggie could not help the anxiety she felt when she thought of all the injuries she would need to tend once they did.
It had only been two days since she had left the hut, but her ache for Flynn already felt like the deepest void, gnawing at her gut and tearing at her chest. She had known living without him would ache, but seeing him in camp and not being able to speak with him was torture. She saw him look for her a few times and she knew he had something he wished to say, but if it was only words of consolation over the abrupt end to… whatever it was they had briefly shared, he could keep his words. They could not soothe the pain of loss she felt, and hearing him rationalize the reasons they cannot be together was a waste of words. If he had wanted her enough, he would have tried to speak with his king. With Àdhamh always hovering over her like a pesky fly, she would most certainly have no time to herself.
Now, as the warriors set up their heavy linen tents and chopped wood to build the fires, she looked up at the sky to gauge the time. ‘Twas already growing dark and the days seemed to constantly grow shorter. With the little time she had left of the waning sunlight, she decided to seek what little solace she could and practice with her dagger. It was the one skill she could work on as she wished, and it also helped to clear her mind and pass the time. Being the only woman in the camp, aside from one warrior-woman named Oriana, whom all the men seemed to both respect and fear equally, she was surprised to not feel the all-consuming fear she had once felt in the presence of men. She had Flynn to thank for that.
Pulling her new dagger from inside her winter boots, she stepped to the edge of the camp. Still within view of her brother, who insisted she stay close, she found a large pine towering above her with a thick trunk perfect for practice. Mayhap she should imagine the tree was Flynn’s face. Nay, that was unfair. He had helped her become a woman in more ways than one, and she had to admit he had been honest from the start. Aside from the few moments they shared, he had naught to give. Her resentment toward him may be unfounded, but she felt it regardless.
Narrowing her eyes and focusing on the center of the tree trunk that stood several yards away, she took a deep breath and held her dagger’s finely engraved bone handle loosely in her grip. Her blue fur-lined cloak suddenly blew to the side with a wild gush of wind, and her green wool skirts tugged at her legs. She ignored the whistle of the wind and the bite of the frost nipping at her nose. Licking her lips, she released her breath and flung the dagger. It spun in rhythmic arcs toward the tree, finally sticking into its bark with a satisfying thwack. Smiling broadly to herself, she squared her shoulders and breathed deeply.
A loud clapping caught her attention from behind and she looked over her shoulder to find the source, hoping to see a braw warrior with raven hair and emerald-green eyes. She would relish even a moment in Flynn’s company, even if their parting would destroy her later.
Instead, a tall red-haired lad with bright blue eyes smiled at her and continued to clap. He was almost as large as Flynn with broad shoulders and an alarmingly handsome smile. She had never seen this man, and yet there were so many warriors arriving constantly at Ráth Mór, ‘twas impossible to know them all. “Well done, lass. Quite impressive.”
He stepped closer and she instinctively stepped back. Her fear of men may have abated, but she had to always use caution. Flynn may have been kind and gentle, making her aware that many men probably were the same… but, not all. She knew well enough that many men would use force to get what they wanted.
“Nay need to fear me, lass. I am a friend of your brother’s. Do you not remember me from Alba? My name is Eoghann. We played together when we were wee.” Tilting her head and truly taking in the measure of him, she did recall a scraggily wee lad with long stringy hair they used to play with as children. He was four years older than her and often-times played with Àdhamh, but she had a few good times with that lad as well, before he mysteriously left Caledonii, their small village.
“Eoghann? Aye, I do remember you now.” His large chest was covered in a thick leather vest and his blue tunic sleeves were rolled up, displaying tribal markings all down his forearms. She recognized the boar’s head symbol of their old village and smiled. “’Tis truly you. You disappeared one day. Àdhamh was never quite sure what became of you.”
He smiled and stepped forward, carefully this time, and put his hand out to her. Slowly, she allowed him to take her hand. His lips gently grazed the flesh of her hand and then he squeezed his large fingers tightly around hers once, before dropping them. “I am glad you remember me. Aye, my family left Alba abruptly. My father is from Ériu originally, and with the wars raging and Elim Mac Conrach terrorizing his people, my father came over here to fight for Tuathal.”
“Did you fight in the battle that secured the High Thone for Tuathal?” she asked, and stepped aside to retrieve her dagger from the tree’s trunk.
“Aye. That I did. Once his victory was won, we went back to our small tuath on the coast of Ériu. I was planning on going back to Alba, but once I heard Tuathal was building one large, secured hillfort for his followers, I knew I would prefer to be here.”
“Did you only just arrive? We came over from Alba in the spring.”
“Aye, just less than a moon ago. My father had been wounded during the battle, by one of our own men, no less. ‘Twas chaos out there and many fought against their own, unknowingly. We thought he would recover, though he was weak for several moons. Eventually, he passed.”
“I am so sorry, Eoghann. It sounds like an infection of the blood. If the wound is not cleaned properly, it may heal, but an infection takes root in the body, slowly weakening its victim. Seldom will one survive. I am terribly sorry for your loss.” And, she truly was. War disgusted her. Too many good men died. She wanted to heal them all and knowing one had died when she could have prevented it, made her stomach go sour.
“Och, your brother did tell me that you have become quite the healer. I thank you for your sympathies. We kept Father as comfortable as we could. Once he passed, I sought my destiny elsewhere and came to Ráth Mór. As soon as I heard your brother was here, I sought him out immediately. I asked about you upon my arrival, but your brother told me you were a timid lass and it was best to keep my distance from you. He also told me you were Ráth Mór’s finest healer.”
Maggie balked at Eoghann’s words. Aye, she had, indeed, been a timid lass, but it was not her brother’s place to warn all men away from her. Had he sought to keep her under his wing forever? Could he not have introduced her, at the very least, to their old friend whom they knew to be safe? It may have given her one more person to trust in this world. “Àdhamh has a way of being over-protective at times. I am sorry he kept you away from me. ‘Tis the truth that I am… or was… or mayhap still may be, slightly timid, but I am working on it,” she smiled.
Eoghann was a nice lad. Though he was quite attractive, he did not give her the same breathless feeling she had when she so much as thought of Flynn. And when he touched her hand and raised it to his lips, she felt amicable toward the man, even nostalgic for their past, but nothing more. Still, ‘twas nice to be reunited and have one more friend in her isolated world.
“Do not blame your brother so, Maggie. He has always looked out for you. Your sire was…” he paused, uncertain of how to proceed with his observations.
“A beast. ‘Tis all right. I am aware of how vile my sire was.”
“Aye, that he was. Your brother was only a lad then and not aware of how much you had suffered. Now, he makes up for it by protecting you fiercely. You left to save one of our dying warriors only a fortnight after my arrival. I have spent much time in the company of your brother and his wife, Elwynna since you left. They have been very hospitable, allowing me to share meals with them and introducing me to many of the other fine people. I quite like Ráth Mór, and now that you are back, I think I shall enjoy it much more.”
She blushed under his intense scrutiny and suggestive words. Until that moment, she had not thought him to have any interest in her. She was but a wee lass from his past. Though she would never have any interest in him beyond companionship, she was flattered that a handsome man such as he would be attracted to her. Until Flynn, no man paid her any interest.
“Well, I am glad to have you here with us. ‘Tis good to have another familiar face. I admit that I know very few people at this camp.”
Just then her brother came up to them with a wide smile on his face. “Ah, I see you both have been reunited, at last.”
“At last? I hear he arrived a fortnight before my departure. You were not so eager to reunite us then?” Maggie cocked a dark blonde brow at him and he simply shrugged.
“I am sorry, Maggie. You were not the person you are today. I was trying to protect you.” Before Maggie could berate him, he held up his hands to placate her. “I know. I protect you too much. I am working on it, Maggie. Give me some time. I allowed you to travel here with me, did I not?”
Her ire piqued again. Why did he still believe her every move was under his control. “Allowed? Brother, I was coming whether you allowed me to or not. Did I not make that quite clear?”
Eoghann laughed and shook his head. “Some things never change. You two have always argued.”
Àdhamh breathed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. “Maggie. I love you. You know that, right?”
“Aye, I know Àdhamh. I love you, too.” She truly did. He was the very best elder brother and all she really had left in this world.
“I will attempt to allow you to make your own decisions, but I reserve the right to speak my mind when needed.”
“My thanks, Àdhamh.” Maggie appreciated that her brother was attempting to step back, so she decided she would allow him to believe he still held some control over her. From now on, she would make her own decisions, but she would listen to his advice if she requested it.
Eoghann stepped forward. “Maggie, may I escort you on a walk?”
“Nay!” Àdhamh shouted reflexively. “The sun is nearly down. Soon ‘twill be pitch dark and danger may lurk. I want my sister to stay in my sight.”
That was it. Maggie knew he meant well, but he was already controlling her again. Sending him a warning glare first, she then looked over to Eoghann and put out a hand. “I will gladly go with you on a walk, so long as we do stay close to camp. I agree, we never know where danger may lie.”
“Agreed,” Eoghann put out his arm and she willingly gripped it, feeling a bit lighter now having gained a new companion, another person to feel comfortable around.
As they walked off, Eoghann smiled down at her. “I wish to know all that has transpired between then and now.”
She smiled warmly at him, but the hairs on the back of her neck prickled, the instinct that she was being watched suddenly on high alert. It was likely her brother scowling at her, but the need to look over her shoulder took hold. What she saw made her breath catch in her throat.
Green eyes scowled at her and Eoghann from across the camp, sending chills up her spine. Flynn was staring them down as if he wished to charge over and rip her from Eoghann’s arms. Part of her wished him to do just that, to stake his claim in front of all and confess his love for her. Of course, she knew this to be her own female folly, hoping for things that did not exist. She was certain he cared for her, just not enough to do aught about it. He was the king’s man through and through.
Deciding to focus on the company at hand, she turned away and focused once more on Eoghann, anticipating a night filled with stories and sharing with an old friend.