Miah

My sleep is peaceful. When my body is curled against Egon’s, it’s like nothing can touch me. He’s my protector, my own personal bodyguard, keeping the world at bay.

I dream about our wedding. It’s a nice distraction. He looks dashing in his black suit. His golden tie matches nicely with his playful, amethyst eyes.

When I awake, he’s already up, cooking us both dinner.

“Morning.”

“Good morning,” I yawn. “How are you so active already? You already caught us breakfast?”

“We have a long trek ahead today. Need to be prepared, and use every hour of sunlight we have. Here, eat up. And tell me about your dreams.”

“My dreams?” I ask, my face growing red. “Have I been talking in my sleep again?”

“Perhaps,” he smirks.

Oh god.

“What did I say?”

Egon shrugs. “Nothing special. Just that I’m your protector, your bodyguard, your god, basically. You know, basic stuff.”

“You wish,” I scoff.

Damn it. Why can’t I keep my mouth shut for once? His ego doesn’t need to get any bigger.

I nibble on the piece of roasted meat, avoiding his purple eyes. He looks mighty pleased with himself.

It’s nice that’s he’s interested in me, but I haven’t forgotten last night. And I’m not talking about the love we made — though that’s hard to forget as well. I can still feel the soreness between my legs to remind me.

No, I mean how he avoids every question I have about him. He deflects and dodges everything, and instead asks me to talk about myself, like I’m too stupid to notice what he’s doing.

He’s not the first emotionally-closed-off man I’ve ever met. However, he is the first one who’s an intergalactically wanted criminal. One who’s name is synonymous with evil. Whose face is plastered all over the news constantly, reminding us who the real enemies of the Federation are.

Zorans.

I glance up. He’s prodding the smoldering fire with a stick, a look of pure concentration on his face. Egon catches me looking at him and smiles.

How can a man this kind, this caring, this loving be a wanted criminal? It doesn’t make sense to me.

I want to understand.

I want to know.

I want to get to know him — the real him. I can’t do that if he keeps shutting me out. If he keeps putting up walls. If he keeps treating me like a stranger.

We spend the day traveling up the mountain. It’s tough, but we’ve both got a spring in our step. Egon’s is an excellent hunter and provider. It seems that our fortunes are finally looking up. I’ve got a good feeling about finding the research probe on the very top of the mountain. The planet is teeming with life, and the air is breathable for humans; two things that the Onyx Corporation likes very much.

If your mining crew doesn’t have to wear spacesuits all the time, that’s one hell of a cost you don’t have to pay.

The thought of finding the research pod makes me happy… but it also fills me with dread.

Because finding that, means getting in touch with the real world.

And in the real world, Egon is a wanted man.

Our union, relationship, or whatever you want to call it, won’t survive that.

Not unless I go into hiding with him… but that would mean abandoning my little sister.

That’s not a choice I can make.

A small part of me wishes the research pod won’t be there, and my choice will be made for me… but that would also mean never seeing Abby again. It seems no matter what happens, I lose.

These thoughts are still running through my mind when we set up camp at the end of the day. I whip up another tent, and Egon hunts us down another boar. At the rate we’re going the top is only a few day’s marches away.

“Tell me something about yourself,” I say after dinner.

Before I’m forced to make the impossible choice between Egon and Abby, between my heart and my family, I want to learn as much about the Zoran as possible.

“Nothing to tell,” he grunts defensively.

“That’s not true and you know it. If anyone lived an interesting life, it’s you.”

“Interesting? Is that what you’d call it?”

“What would you call it?”

He stares into the fire. “Terrifying.”

“Why?”

“None of your business,” he growls, the agitation in his voice rising.

I was afraid this might happen…

“Don’t shut me out like this,” I say. “I want to know you. The real you. Let me in. Please.”

“You do know me. Better than any human knows me. We mated. Is that not enough?”

I shake my head. “As good as it was, and it was mindnumbingly good, believe me, no. To be perfectly honest, it’s not enough. I need more. I’m not looking for a mere physical connection. I want a spiritual one. I want us to be in sync. I want us to a be a team. I can’t do that if I barely know who you are.”

“I am what you see right now.”

“You carry a burden, Egon. I can see it. Share it with me.”

“What do you want, Miah?” he growls, his voice rising. “I don’t blame you for working for Onyx. Why do you want me to chastise myself? Why do you want me to beg for forgiveness?”

“I’m not asking you to do that,” I sigh. It’s like he mishearing me on purpose. “You’re not listening to me. I just want to know what happened. I want to hear your side of the story!”

“No,” he says. “Either you accept me you don’t. It’s that simple.”

“How can I do that?” I ask, growing desperate. “If we get out of here, they’ll be hunting you. You know that, right? If I give myself to you, like you’re asking me, I’ll be damning myself as well. You do realize that, don’t you? How can I do that if you won’t even tell me what you did?”

“You know what I did. I saw the fear in your eyes, back at the shuttle. You know exactly what I did.”

“I know what the news said, yeah. But I don’t believe that. I don’t see how you could commit such atrocities. I want to hear your side.”

He ignores my question, like he’s done time and time again.

“I’m not asking you to give yourself to me,” he says. “I’m not asking you a damn thing.”

His words cut right through me.

“So I’m just a diversion to you? A trophy? A notch on your belt?”

“How can you say that?!” he grows furiously. “I saved you, I provide for you, I open myself up to you, and this is how you repay me? Is this not enough? You want more? Is it ever enough?”

“This is opening up?” I say. I can’t help but laugh, though I try not to. I cross my arms. “You know what? Perhaps it’s never enough, no. We can always be closer.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking,” he says. There’s a threat lingering underneath the surface. “I’m Egon now. You don’t want to know Beast. Trust me.”

“I do,” I say, reaching out for him. “I do want to know.”

He yanks his arm away and stands up. For a second I fear he’s just going to storm off and leave me here, but then he turns to me, his eyes filled with anger.

“You want to know? You really want to know?!”

“I do,” I say defiantly. “I do.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“Try me.”

He paces around the smoldering fire. The flickering lights play with his shadow. The hairs on my arms are standing up, for the look on his face is serious and solemn. The night is quiet, and it seems even the birds have stopped chirping.

“No,” he says definitively. “You’ll never sleep again, knowing what you helped cause. I must protect you from yourself.”

I can’t believe his arrogance.

“I’ll be the judge of that! Who do you think you are?”

“The Butcher of Pazar,” he whispers. He grinds the fire out and returns to the tent.

The rest of the night is spent in silence.