Chapter Twenty-Five

NOELY

Noely,

I swiped yes to a second date. Your pretty little ass better say yes also. I didn’t like any of their second date options, so I clicked on other. I have an idea, if you’re up for it.

#1 Rookie of your Heart < - - Was that lame?

 

Hayden,

Oh God, I snorted so hard. #1 Rookie of my heart is very cornball, but I also love it. Sometimes a little cornball in a man is what wins me over. But don’t go overboard. *Points finger at you*

Of course I swiped yes for a second date. And you didn’t like the options? Bowling not your thing? What’s your idea? I’m up for anything.

Noely

 

Noely,

I’ve got plenty of cornball to win you over. Remember toe socks? But I will be sure to even it out so you’re not bombarded.

As for the date, I remember having a little conversation with you about You’ve Got Mail. If the offer still stands, I’d be willing to watch it with you, but I have some conditions.

#1 Cornball

 

Hayden,

Spreading the cornball out is a very good idea. Don’t lay it on too thick, but throw some my way every now and then.

And you want to watch You’ve Got Mail? *Jumps up and down, flails arms* You just made my night. I’m game, but I have to ask, what are your conditions?

Noely

 

Noely,

I kind of wish I got to see your little excited jig. Maybe I can get a replay on our next date?

And my conditions are simple. I demand the following: a good blanket, a quality cuddle, and cheddar/caramel popcorn. Do you think you can deliver?

#1 Cuddler

 

Hayden,

Number one cuddler, huh? That’s kind of bold of you, don’t you think? You better live up to the hype, mister.

Cheddar/caramel popcorn, done. And I’m the queen of comfortable blankets. Your conditions are barely conditions. How about I add one? Tacos from Mehi’s Taco Shop. Pick them up on your way over. Ten should do.

And that jig . . . only if you’re lucky.

Noely

 

Noely,

Ten tacos? Are you insane? Twenty at least for two people, but since I’m supposed to be eating healthily, I’m going to go with fifteen. I’m going to assume you’re not a savage and you’re implying the original taco and that’s it.

#1 Taco Consumer

 

Hayden,

Oh boy, are you in for a show. *Cracks knuckles* I’m going to show you how to eat tacos. Get twenty, I will house you and your popcorn. And of course original. Mehi shouldn’t even have any other options other than that.

I’ll grab the popcorn and supply the venue and blankets. You bring the tacos. Can’t wait.

Noely

***

“I’ve got to go.”

“Why won’t you just tell me? Come on, Noely.”

I let out a long, frustrated breath and count to ten . . . slowly.

The one time my brother catches the morning show, he tunes in just at the time I start talking about my date with The Jock, aka Hayden. It was the first time I told Dylan about the news too, so on air of course, she was drilling me with questions, as if we were in the makeup room together. It was rather uncomfortable, slightly invasive, but luckily I held my own, kept Hayden’s identity a secret, and didn’t divulge too many details, including the night’s whiskey consumption.

When the show was over, oh boy, did I hear it from Dylan. Apparently she doesn’t like to be surprised on air, and hearing about my date while the cameras were on was unacceptable to her. I spent the next two hours, even during our training session, apologizing and catching her up on everything . . . in great detail.

And just when I thought the questioning was done, Alex called.

“I won’t be able to sleep. Is that what you want? For me not to sleep? Don’t think about me. Think about what the lack of sleep in me will do to Lauren and Chloe. You know I’m a beast when it comes to sleep. Don’t make me be a beast to my wife and child, my innocent child.”

“Alex, this is a new low for you, you know that?” I light a few candles around my living room. Nothing extravagant just a few to set the mood.

“You’re being unfair and nasty. So nasty to me. I . . . I”—he starts to stutter, his words sounding heavy—“I just might”—sniff—“cry.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Alex. I know when you’re fake crying.”

“Come onnnnnnnn. Noely, please for the love of God just tell me who the athlete is. Be a pal, a true sibling, do a guy a favor.”

“What have you ever done for me?” I flop myself on my couch, enjoying torturing my brother way too much.

“Uh, it’s called the five-year-old that likes to walk in on me while I’m doing my morning business. That’s what I did for you. I gave you a niece.”

“Nuh-uh, don’t give me that crap. You made your deposit in Lauren and she gave me my niece. You can’t jump on her guilt trip and call it your own.”

He huffs. “Fine. Uh . . .” I hear a snap of his fingers. “Oh, I know.”

“You don’t know.”

“Ohhh”—he laughs—“I so fucking know.” Pausing, most likely for suspense—such a tool—he clears his throat. “Your freshman year, first semester, Alpha Nu’s frat party—”

“Fine!” I will not allow him to go into the details of that drunken night and how he had to rescue me from a balcony half-naked . . . not my finest moment.

“Ha, knew I could get you to spill the beans.”

“Yeah, whatever, but that’s the last time you can use that against me. Do you understand?”

“Consider it used, now tell me who it is.” I swear Alex could be a teenage girl right now, pigtails bouncing in the air as he excitedly waits for the details about my date. There are times in his life when he has absolutely no self-respect . . . or no nut sac for that matter.

“You have to PROMISE you won’t tell anyone. I mean it, Alex. You can’t brag to your other accountant friends, or tell the checkout person at the grocery store, and you absolutely can’t tell your neighbors by putting a billboard out in your front yard.”

“I did that as a joke, once, settle down. I won’t make any billboards.”

“And you won’t tell anyone.”

“Promise, I won’t tell anyone.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I take a deep breath and quickly say, “It’s Hayden Holmes.”

There’s silence on the other end of the line right before Alex screams at the top of his lungs. “Lauren, LAUREN!!!” His voice cracks while screaming. “For the love of God, LAUREN! Noely is going out with Hayden Fucking Holmes.”

“What happened to not telling anyone?”

“Lauren doesn’t count.” He takes a deep breath and then . . . “Lauren, did you hear me? Hayden Fucking Holmes. Noely is banging him. LAUREN!”

“I am not,” I say over his yelling. “We had one date.” Soon to be two.

“Jesus Christ, your face is red. What’s happening?” I hear Lauren say off in the distance.

“Noely is dating Hayden Fucking Holmes.”

“It’s actually just Hayden Holmes,” I try to correct over Lauren’s screaming.

“Put it on speaker, put it on speaker.”

“I don’t know how to.”

“Liar.”

There is fumbling of the phone and then Lauren’s very-loud, ear-piercing scream projects into my living room.

“You’re dating Hayden Holmes? Is that the jock you were talking about on the show? I mean, I thought you might be dating someone who was a professional athlete but not the most sought-after hockey player.”

“It’s not a big deal,” I respond, trying to tamp down their excitement. “He’s just a normal guy.”

“No way, nope, not even close,” Alex chimes in. “Hayden Fucking Holmes is not a normal guy. No normal guy can handle a puck like he can. He’s a god, a fucking god on ice.”

Oh Jesus. Can you see why I didn’t want to tell my brother, or Lauren for that matter? Maybe subconsciously that’s why I didn’t tell Dylan right away either.

“Okay, well I’m going to go now.”

“Why?” Lauren questions with curiosity in her voice, excited curiosity. “Is he coming over?”

“Ehh—”

“Oh my GOD! He’s coming over to your house, isn’t he? I can smell it. I can smell the promise of sweaty, hot hockey sex in the air.”

“What’s hockey sex?” Alex asks.

“You know . . . the kind where he rips her clothes off, lifts her above his head, and eats her out while spinning around the room like he’s on the ice.”

“That’s not fucking hockey sex. That’s figure-skating sex. Hockey sex is more like she holds pucks over her nipples while he fucks her on the bench in the locker room,” Alex counters.

“No way, it has to be on the ice. He’s going to take her to the rink tonight, flip on the scoreboard and play porn while he fucks her over the goal. They’re both wearing skates of course, porn everywhere, blaring through the speakers, there’s a hockey stick involved somehow, and he’s all veiny and sweaty and says things like my semen are scoring tonight.”

And that’s my cue . . .

I hang up and toss my phone on the coffee table. That got out of control and quickly. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. They’re going to make this a living hell for me. Their obsession with hockey, let alone Hayden Holmes, is unhealthy and now that they know I’m possibly dating him, I can foresee some unscheduled visits . . .

Oh shit.

I pick up my phone and quickly type out a group text.

 

Noely: I swear on your lives, if you show up here tonight, I will: 1. Never speak to you again, and 2. Make sure you are banned from all LA Quakes games. I have the powers; don’t make me do it.

 

I don’t really have the powers, but they don’t know that.

 

Noely: P.S. We’re not having wild hockey sex, whatever the hell that is. Leave us alone.

 

Their responses come in at rapid fire.

 

Alex: I thought you needed your toilet fixed. I can come fix it right now. I will be right over.

 

Lauren: I made you muffins. Don’t you want my apple cinnamon muffins fresh out of the oven?

 

Alex: All my clothes are dirty, so I’ll be wearing an LA Quakes jersey, hope that isn’t a problem.

 

Lauren: All my clothes are dirty too. I’ll be coming topless, hope that’s okay.

 

Alex: Is it weird that I want to watch the hockey sex?

 

Lauren: Is it weird that I want to watch it and replicate it right there on the spot, move for move?

 

Count to ten, count to freaking ten. I take deep breaths, letting the air slowly release through my nose, eyes shut, yet tension is consuming me. They’re not going to mess this up for me; they’re not . . .

Please, God. Don’t let them mess this up. This is the second date. I am not dating Hayden Holmes yet, but I do want the chance to.

 

Noely: Remember those season tickets I promised? Consider them sold to someone else if you show up here tonight. I will not even feel bad about it. And don’t call me. I swear on Martha, I will sell those tickets so fast. Got it?

 

Martha, Chloe’s doll. She’s the reason Alex and Lauren have been able to lead a somewhat normal life with a five-year-old. Martha is the savior of their lives. Martha is Chloe’s best friend and they will do anything and I mean, ANYTHING, to keep Martha happy. Oh, Martha wants a tea party? Lauren makes three different kinds of scones and lays out an entire spread with her nice china. Martha wants to watch Bubble Guppies? Alex switches the channel. Martha is the boss, and I know this, and to hell if I’m NOT going to use that to my advantage.

 

Alex: Leave Martha out of this, for Christ’s sake!

 

Lauren: Don’t you dare bring Martha into this hockey-sex world.

 

Noely: Don’t force me to do so. I have no qualms with unbraiding Martha’s hair.

 

Alex: You BEAST!

 

Lauren: For the love of all boners, don’t touch her hair. I swear to God, don’t touch her hair. We will stay away. Okay? But promise us one thing . . .

 

Noely: What?

 

Lauren: Tell him we said hi.

 

I huff and roll my eyes, hard, like the most exaggerated eye-roll you’ll ever see.

 

Noely: Fine, I’ll tell him you said hi. I will even send you a message of me doing it.

 

Alex: Oh God, I have a boner.

 

Lauren: Excuse me while I go twiddle my husband and myself.

 

Those two. Way too much information. I toss my phone back on the coffee table and go to my bathroom, wanting to make sure that conversation didn’t make me pull all my hair out subconsciously. I mean . . . Hayden Fucking Holmes is going to be here any minute. I have to make sure everything is in place.

Yes, I said Hayden Fucking Holmes, because guess what, he is a GOD!

***

“Oh shiiiiiit,” Hayden says while covering his mouth. His large frame is taking up a good percentage of my couch, feet up on the coffee table—after he asked of course, such good manners—and one of his long arms is around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side. “Tell me he’s not trying to woo her, not after he put her out of business.”

“He’s wooing,” I say with a big smile, loving how Hayden is so into the movie.

“Damn, Joe Fox has some big balls.” Hayden shakes his head. “I mean, he’s insulted her, stood her up, and took away her last memory of her mom, and he thinks he can turn around and woo her with some flowers and promises of wanting to be friends? Wow, I need some Joe Fox swagger.” Um no. Your swagger works just fine.

“He’s pretty convincing, isn’t he?”

“Hell, after his little speech, I think I would be having the same thoughts as Meg Ryan right now. Look at the wheels turning in her head.” Hayden laughs. “Fuck, this movie is good.”

A laugh trickles up from the depths of my stomach and lights up Hayden’s face. I try desperately not to react when his eyes—seductively—cast a serious glance in my direction.

Take it slow.

Become friends, pull a Joe Fox. Don’t rush into things. That’s what happened with the last two dates. There is time to have wild hockey sex—yes, I thought it—but let’s focus on the bond we’re sharing right now. Just because he’s staring at your lips doesn’t mean you should thrust your tongue in his direction.

But, he’s licking his lips . . .

My phone buzzes next to me for the hundredth time, at least that’s what it feels like.

Whatever thoughts were running through Hayden’s head pause as he clears his throat and nods at my phone. “Uh, is everything okay? Your phone has been buzzing all night.”

I know exactly who it is. Of course they wouldn’t let me get away with not messaging them.

I sigh and pause the movie. “It’s my brother and sister-in-law. They, uh, saw the show where I talked about dating a jock, and they battered me into telling them who it was. I’m sorry, I know it’s probably—”

“It’s okay,” Hayden says with a smile. “My brothers were hounding me too. I told them I was going out with a hot morning show host.”

Cue a huge blush in my cheeks.

“Oh.” Feeling shy, but also incredible—thank you, Hayden—I say, “Well, they threatened to come over here because they’re huge fans of The Quakes and you. I told them to leave us alone and said I would message them telling you they said hi.”

“Ah.” Hayden knowingly nods. “Let’s FaceTime them.”

“Oh my God, no. I’ll just text them really quick.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Nodding at my phone again, he says, “Hand me your phone.”

“Hayden, you don’t have to do this.”

“I want to. Honestly, I kind of want to see if your brother screams like a girl.” A giant laugh rumbles from the pit of my stomach. Oh my God. He is my people.

Now that he says it, I kind of want to see if Alex screams as well. Alex will legit soil himself. Wanting to see my brother cry on FaceTime, because I know that’s also what will happen, I hand Hayden my phone after I scroll past the fifty texts from him and Lauren and call them on FaceTime.

We both prop each other up but instead of holding the phone so we’re both in the picture, Hayden only has the camera on him. Oh God, Alex is going to lose his mind.

The phone stops chiming and connects so the picture we’re seeing is of the ceiling. Chloe must have Alex’s phone. I giggle . . . hard.

“Uh.” Hayden looks at me.

I whisper, “Chloe, their five-year-old must have the phone. Tell her hi.”

“Hello?”

“Who’s this? Why do you have my aunt’s phone?” She’s still not good at pointing the camera at her face, so all we see is the top of her head.

“I’m your aunt’s friend. Is your, uh, dad there?”

“He’s in the kitchen eating his feelings.”

Both Hayden and I snort. That is so something Alex would say. What an idiot.

“Do you think you could take him the phone?”

“Yeah. Hold on, Martha. We’ll take pictures in a second.”

With a confused pinch in his brow, Hayden mouths, “Martha?”

I giggle some more and whisper, “Her doll. They’re best friends.”

“Daddy!” Chloe shouts, causing Hayden and I to jump from how loud she is. For a little girl, she has some pipes. “Daddy, a man wants to talk to you.”

“What?” You can hear Alex ask in the background.

“I told him you’re eating your feelings but he still wants to talk to you.”

“Don’t . . .” Alex pauses. “Christ, don’t tell people that.”

“I’m not gonna lie, Daddy. Can I have a donut?” The phone that’s been jostled around is now tossed so all we can see is black. She must have put it face down. “Please, Daddy?”

“Yes, but don’t tell your mom.”

Hayden snorts, and I watch in fascination as his neck muscles bounce when he chuckles. So sexy.

“Don’t run with it in your mouth. Christ!” Sighing, Alex picks up his phone and brings it to his ear. “Hello?”

“FaceTime, dude,” Hayden says in a deep voice, deeper than usual. I clamp my hand over my mouth, holding back my laughter.

“What?” Alex pulls the phone away and when his eyes take in the screen, they shoot wide open and he jostles it in his hand until it crashes to the ground. “Fuck. Fucking hell. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Holy Fuck!” Clambering for the phone, he jostles with it some more until he finally brings it to his face. The picture is shaky. He’s a blubbering mess right now. “Oh fuck. Oh FUCK!” His hand goes to his forehead. “Oh shit, it’s . . . it’s . . .” His eyes start to water and I don’t think I’ve ever been more happy in my entire life.

“Hey man.”

Stunned, speechless, jaw wide open, Alex stares at the phone and then before Hayden can say anything else, Alex yells at the top of his lungs and starts running. “Lauren. LAUREN!” His voice cracks.

He pushes through a door and you can hear Lauren say, “What the hell, Alex? Did you—?”

“It’s Hayden Fucking Holmes. Look, he’s on the FaceTime. Look!”

“What?” Lauren twists the phone so she’s looking at the screen and . . . cue the screaming. “Oh my GOD!!! It’s Hayden Fucking Holmes!”

There is nothing to really do but laugh, and laugh hard. Hayden and I sit there, our chests falling up and down, chuckling together as Lauren and Alex freak out.

“I need to show him my boobs,” Lauren says. “Unzip my dress, Alex, undo my bra.”

“On it,” he calls out, as if his wife showing Hayden her boobs is the most natural thing ever.

Hayden looks at me and mouths, “He’s okay if she shows me her boobs?” I snort and roll my eyes. There really are no words to explain the insanity that is my brother and sister-in-law.

I snag the phone from Hayden and sternly say, “All articles of clothing are to stay on. Now, calm down, take deep breaths, and try to act like normal adults or else I will hang up and turn my phone off for the night.”

“Don’t hang up,” they say at the same time in a panic.

“Okay, then get yourselves together. I’m going to hand the phone back to Hayden and you’re going to act like adults, right?”

“Yes.”

“All clothes are on.”

“I’m going to piss myself,” Alex whispers to Lauren, but we both hear it . . . clear as day.

Shaking my head at my family, I hand Hayden the phone and say, “You asked for this.”

Relaxing into the couch, casual as ever, Hayden brings the phone in front of him. “Hey, you guys. Noely has spoken very highly of the both of you.”

Gobsmacked, mouths hanging open, they just stare at the phone.

“Uh, so I heard you were big fans of the LA Quakes.”

“Fans,” Alex mutters. Is that . . . drool coming out of his mouth?

“Okay, uh, so I was wondering, we have a little exhibition coming up on Thursday. Thought maybe you guys might want to attend with Noely. I can get you some good seats and some of my jerseys. How does that sound?”

“I like hockey,” Lauren says, her hand falling to the cleavage of her dress, her finger starting to tug on the fabric. Oh Jesus.

Nodding, and feeling a little awkward, Hayden says, “Okay. Well, I’ll set everything up with Noely. Nice meeting you two.” He hands the phone back to me and chuckles.

When I come back into view, Alex and Lauren lose their minds, speaking at rapid pace over each other, to the point that I can’t understand a damn word they’re saying. All I hear is fucking god, nip slip, hockey sex, and something about being hit in the head by a puck.

Not wanting to put up with this, I hang up and tuck the phone under my leg. Turning toward one another, Hayden and I lose it completely, buckling over in laughter. “You realize what you just did, right? You invited two crazies to your game.”

He shrugs. “Nothing I haven’t seen before. It’s funny and looks like I made their day.”

“Year, Hayden. You made their year.”

“All the better.” Slipping his arm back around my shoulder, he says, “Let’s get back to this movie. I want to learn more about this Joe Fox swagger.” And so we do. What a night.

***

“Keep the bags. If I take them home, I will eat them in one day. Can’t afford all the sugar.”

“But you brought over five bags of popcorn. We ate one. What am I supposed to do with all of this? Especially since I provided a bag myself, like we talked about.”

Hayden shrugs unapologetically. “Take it to work, be the girl that everyone likes because she brings in the best popcorn ever.”

“Hmm.” I tap my chin. “Being that girl does sound like fun.”

“Everyone likes that girl.”

“They do. And if I say it’s from my jock, they will like me even more.”

He taps my nose, almost brotherly. “Now there’s an idea.”

The last few hours have been fun and very . . . platonic. I mean, yeah, we snuggled, but there was no inappropriate touching, there was no making out, and there sure as hell wasn’t any hands in pants.

I know, I know, take it slow, build a relationship, blah, blah, blah. But would it hurt him to make a teensy tiny move? Like an accidental nipple graze? Maybe an oops, is my hand down your pants? Didn’t mean to do that? Hell, at this point, I would settle for an accidental linking of our pinky fingers. But nothing.

Just a bop to the nose, an arm around my shoulder, and a possible heated look here and there. And to be honest, I’m not sure if it was a heated look, or if it was my horny self wearing sex-ified goggles making me believe there is something going on when in fact, there is nothing.

Feeling slightly frustrated, I step forward and put very little space between Hayden and me. “So, is there going to be a third date?”

He smiles sweetly and pulls me into a hug, his arms overlapping over my shoulders. It’s comforting, sweet, gentle . . . friendly.

“Of course. How about Thursday, after the game. We can go out for a drink with Alex and Lauren.”

Uhh, not the kind of third date I was thinking about. I’m about to protest when he unleashes me from his hold and steps back, putting both his hands in his pockets. Hands. In. His. Pockets. Is it me? Or would anyone else think he seems . . . put off right now?

I take a second to study him. His posture seems stiff, his eyes almost look guilty, and there is an air about him that seems like he’s on the verge of running, like a skittish cat waiting to flee.

The last thing I want to do is go on a third date with Hayden with my brother and his wife tagging along, but at this point, I don’t think there is much hope for anything else.

Swallowing hard, mimicking his stance, I nod. “Thursday sounds great. You really didn’t have to give us tickets. That was really sweet of you.”

“Ah, it’s nothing. It will be nice to have someone cheering me on.”

A bubble of humor pops out of me. “Hayden, you do realize that probably more than half of the arena will be cheering you on, right?”

He chuckles, his shoulders flexing as he shyly looks up at me. “I know that, but I mean, you know, someone I actually know. My family and friends tried to make it to as many games as possible, so I almost always had someone I knew watching me. Being traded out here, it’s been one of my worries, not having someone in my seats, cheering me on.”

It wouldn’t surprise me if he toed the ground and said, “Aw shucks,” at this point, that’s how adorably sweet he looks. Just like a little kid. How old is he again?

“I kind of want to put you in my pocket right now, you’re so cute.”

“Ah hell.” Hayden runs his hands over his face. “Just what every guy likes to hear.”

“It’s cute though. I don’t know, but for some reason, I have this preconceived notion about athletes being assholes, hot assholes, but assholes nonetheless. You’re throwing me for a loop.”

“Where did you get that notion from?”

I lean against the wall of my entryway and cross my arms over my chest. “I’ve interviewed a few athletes, and they were boring, full of themselves, and after the cameras were turned off, they had no problem making a pass at me and my co-host. It was just . . . icky. I feel like that’s a good way to describe it.”

“Those guys don’t make up the majority of professional athletes. I promise, there are a lot of good guys out there.”

“I’m starting to understand that.” My lips turn up, and for some reason, I feel shy. Hayden is a genuinely nice guy. He doesn’t put on a front; he doesn’t act like someone he’s not. He’s honest and true, which in my eyes is very alluring.

“Well, I should get going. Thanks for having me over, Noely. I had an awesome time, and I might have a new favorite movie.”

I point my finger at him, growing serious. “Don’t you dare tease me.”

He holds his hands up in defense. “I would never. You’ve Got Mail is a good movie. Talk about the perfect way to get a girl. I mean, that dude was romantic as hell.”

“Something you would emulate?”

Hayden shrugs, hands back in his pockets. “Who knows? Maybe. Wooing a girl anonymously, winning her over by just learning about her through her mind. That’s sexy. There’s something beautiful about learning about a person through their brain rather than their looks.”

“Yeah?” I bite my bottom lip. “Is that why you’re standing over there, avoiding any kind of physical connection with me?”

He chuckles, bending his head slightly only to look up at me through his impossibly long eyelashes. “I’m standing over here because a heated relationship, well, if that’s what you want to call it, consumed me.”

“Is this the relationship you’ve brought up a few times?”

He nods, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, it was like we didn’t take a damn second to enjoy each other. From the beginning it was zero to sixty, but I feel like we also had an alarm clock counting down our days until I left for California. Doomed from the beginning.”

I study him. There’s something in his eyes telling me there’s more to this story than he’s saying. I start connecting the dots in my head. He wants a relationship like the one he used to have. He wants to hold hands, he wants to develop a friendship, but he doesn’t want to take things too fast. With me.

Is he still reeling from his last relationship? Did this girl actually mean something to him?

“Did you really like her? Like . . . like her, like her?”

His strong hand grips the back of his neck, his palm and fingers really pulling on his skin. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over, and I’m starting a new chapter in my life.”

That’s a solid answer full of avoidance. I think I might have just struck a nerve and come to a conclusion as to why he’s been a little standoffish and friendly, rather than passionate. He’s scarred, and a little bent from his previous relationship. But is he actually over her or still trying to find his way?

If I didn’t know Hayden’s intention behind joining the program, I would throw in the towel right now. But he needs time and maybe someone new, someone refreshing.

I don’t want to be feeling hurt by this, because Hayden hasn’t been deliberately playing with my feelings, but part of me wonders whether Lynne vetted the men as much as she did me. I had to prove to her that I was looking for long-term, not just a show gimmick. And yet, the three men I’ve spent time with haven’t actually been ready to move toward a long-term relationship.

And with Hayden? I haven’t had the same warm fuzzies and butterflies, but there have been moments of spine tingles. I’m thoroughly enjoying getting to know him and can see an awesome friendship developing.

But, and sadly, I think it is a big but. Does he want someone else to own his heart yet? Is he ready for someone like me?