Belle didn’t know that I planned to go with her today to her parent’s house. I knew the moment she turned around to face me that I just rocked her world. There’s no way I was going to let her drive there and back alone. Not to mention, it would mess up my plan that I’ve been working on for the last few weeks. Everything has a moment in life when it needs to be revealed. Every special thing has to be made just as special as the one you’re doing it for. I have to admit that I was chipper when she postponed her last visit home. It gave me time to do what needed to be done. I’ve been waiting on the sidelines for a month. Four long weeks. Thirty days of cold showers. Thirty days of no games, no snuck-in touches. I’ve kept my distance all while being right there next to her. I’ve tried to show her that I can be more than what I was. That I’m here for good. That the running is long behind me. Belle’s the only thing that I plan to run to for the rest of time. I’m just praying that today doesn’t backfire in either one of our faces. Quickly, I glance over to Belle. She’s lost in her own world as she stares out the car window. My mind drifts back to the day we left home for college.

“If you win, you get to drive. If I win, I drive and control the radio,” I say as we stand in the driveway of her parents’ house.

“Fine, but I get to go first,” she says with a smile before placing her O down on the ripped-up sheet of paper we found from her floorboard in the back seat. I watch her as she focuses on my moves. It’s really unfair at this point to even bet her. I know her moves, even if she hesitates before marking her block. I know where she’ll place it before she does. This is one of the effects she has on me. I know every step she’ll make before she will. It doesn’t hurt because I know where to catch her when she falls. I can’t help but laugh when she tosses the keys at me when she realizes I’ve got the winning move.

“You cheated,” she says, rounding the front of the car to the passenger side.

“I did not, you’ve just become a sore loser.”

“I’m not playing with you anymore, Pax. We can’t do this in college.”

“Why not?”

“Because, people will find it weird. What are we going to do, play tic-tac-toe for the rest of our lives?”

“Yes, that’s the way Belle and Pax do things. And if anyone has a problem with that, we don’t need them in our lives.”

“You’re crazy, you know that?”

“I do,” I say, but I don’t continue my sentence. I want to tell her that I’m crazy about her, but I made a promise to her father that I wouldn’t block her from having the experiences of a lifetime while away at college. I know exactly what he meant when he asked me. Even though I can only see myself with her, Belle needs to experience what life has to offer before settling for anything less. I can’t give her the life she should be given, but I promise to make something of myself. To make my life better where I can give her that life. I’ll still be her best friend, but I’ll always be in the background watching over her.

“Did you look at the map for the dorms yet?” I ask.

“I did. Can you believe we’re going to college?”

“I can for you, but I’m still shocked I got in,” I say as I drift back to my grades. It wasn’t until the last year that I pulled my shit together. It took Belle saying she got in and that’s when the realization hit that we were going to be separated. I’m not ready to let her go, yet. With many long nights studying, getting a tutor and bringing my grades up, I was able to get the scholarship that I needed to follow her. It’s crazy how she has no idea that I would follow her to the South Pole and back if she asked. This had been our dream since we were in middle school. We’d go to college, meet our future husband/wife, and grow old together. Belle just doesn’t realize that I’ve already met mine. She’s my life, and one day I’m going to drop down to one knee and ask her to marry me. I just have to get my shit together before that can happen.

We’re pulling up to her parents’ driveway when I notice she’s still fast asleep. Gently I nudge her. “Belle, we’re here,” I say, getting grumbles in return. Her sister’s the first person to step out on the porch. I let out a breath of air before I get out of the car and go around to open her door.

“Can we just leave?” she asks as I take her hand to help her out.

“No, Belle. It’s time.”

“I don’t wanna,” she pouts, and I can’t help but let out a deep laugh at her antics. She’s adorable when she doesn’t want to do something. We both look up toward the house at the same time, which also means we see the expressions on both her mother’s and father’s faces together.

I lean my head down and whisper in her ear, “You’re strong, Belle, and I’m right here.”

We walk hand in hand, like we’re a couple, toward her family. I’m not sure if our hands are tangled together for support, affection, or just a show that we have each other’s back. Either way, I’m not letting go until she does. With each step up, I can feel the tension, the questions, and confusion between her and her parents. I notice Julie, her sister, stepping to the side as if she’s prepared a big bowl of popcorn just for this occasion. I glare over at Julie, who not only is excited but tickled pink that her do-no-wrong sister has been keeping a major secret from her parents. See, you have to understand that Julie has been labeled the troublemaker when it comes to the two of them. Belle was the straight-A student, the one who walked a straight line. Versus Julie who struggled in school and had so many different boyfriends that we had to keep notecards with names to keep them straight. We had a close call with her almost marriage a few years ago, but the stars aligned and she woke up to call things off a week before the wedding. Ever since that day, Julie’s gotten her life in order, and I can’t say that I’ve been more proud of anyone in my life than I’ve been with her. All she needed to do was find something and not someone she’s passionate about. Just so happens she has an interview with Howard next week thanks to me. Her writing and photography are subpar, and she’s impressed the shit out of me with it.

“Mom, Dad,” Belle says, stepping up on the porch. Neither of them says a word; they can’t stop staring at her with blinking eyes. Belle grips my hand a little tighter before letting go. I take my cue to step to the side, closer to where Julie’s observing from.

“Young lady, I think you have some explaining to do,” her father says, but his eyes are trained in on me. She doesn’t have to tell him, nor do I—he already knows or assumes he knows.

Julie leans down and whispers in my ear, “If I were you, I’d run.” This causes me to chuckle, and I realize that it might have been out of place and louder than I anticipated.

“Something amusing, Paxton?” Mr. Quinn asks, causing me to straighten my shoulders.

“No, sir.”

“Come on, everyone, let’s go inside. No reason to make a scene out here for the neighbors,” Mrs. Quinn says, ushering us all in through the screen door. Mr. Quinn stops me before I can enter.

“I think it’s best you go see your parents and let us deal with this.”

“Sorry, I’m not leaving unless Belle wants me to.”

“I see you’ve not changed much.” He says this under his breath, just loud enough for only me to hear. I cut my eyes past him and into the house where I see Belle pleading with me to play nice. I don’t think that her father truly hates me, he just wants the best for his little girl. In the early years, he was like a second father to me. The older I got, things changed. When my parents split, Mr. Quinn became a different person toward me. I’ve never figured out the reason for this change, and I’ve never asked. I’ve always assumed he thought it wasn’t a good example, and he didn’t want to break his daughter’s heart. Not that I would ever do that on purpose. He’s not aware of our ups and downs. If he is, Belle’s never given me the impression of it. Julie motions at me to come on.

Walking through the living room, I take in how nothing has changed over the years. The walls have been freshly painted though, a fresh coat of the same off-white that they’ve always been. A few new rugs and pictures but everything else is still the same.

“I know now why you requested that crazy menu for dinner today,” Mrs. Quinn says, making me look around the kitchen. I notice the platter that’s lined with lettuce, onion, tomatoes, and the buns resting next to it. Not to mention, the cookies and strawberry cheesecake off to the side. All the things that Belle has been craving.

“Paxton, can you help Julie while we talk to our other daughter,” Mrs. Quinn asks, and in return, I nod. I might push back with Mr. Quinn, but Mrs. Quinn is different. She’s like my own mother. One that I’ve confided in over the years. I follow Julie out the back door to the seating area, but before I’m seated she starts in on me.

“So you knocked my sister up, know that she’s knocked up, but refuse to tell her that you know,” she says this so fast that I spin on my heels to stare at her. “Yes, it’s written all over your face. Not to mention, the way you are with her.”

“Yes, to answer your question,” I say, taking a seat.

“You should run, you know. My father might kill you.” She’s laughing now, and I can’t help but join her.

“I know, but I filled my promise to him years ago. I love her and once she comes around, things will change.”

“I know you do, Paxton, and I also know she loves you. She’s scared.”

“We both are,” I admit for the first time.

Julie and I sit outside for some time talking about her interview with Howard. I can tell she’s excited about it, and I just pray that he sees what I see in her work. She’d be a great asset to the company, but not one that would do well with the amount of travel I did. I stressed this to Howard when I showed him her work. She’s such a free spirit that I could envision her coming home married to some strange guy that she just met in another country. Their father would definitely kill me for sure. Mr. Quinn would bury me so far in the ground that you’d find Jimmy Hoffa before you found me. “Thirsty?” I ask Julie while standing to stretch my legs.

“Yes, but I wouldn’t go in there until we’re asked to come back.”

“They’re probably in the living room. I’ll sneak in and grab two sodas from the fridge,” I state as I head back toward the house.

Before I can step up, I hear the voices coming from the kitchen. It’s Belle’s cracking that winches my chest. “I haven’t told him and neither of you can. I’ll do this on my own if I have to, but I can’t push him away. You have to understand that he means more to me than anyone else. He doesn’t want a child, never has, and if the only way I can keep him is to not tell him; that’s the way this will go down.”

I stagger back as I allow those words to settle. I wave goodbye to Julie and step around the side of the house to the driveway. I don’t know where I’m going, I just know I have to clear my head. I could go by and say hello to my father, but that needs to be left for another day. Since I left home, we haven’t seen eye to eye for some time. I definitely can’t just pop in and tell him this and expect him to understand. But then again, he might be able to shed some light on this problem. Especially since he and my mother married before I was born. If it weren’t for me, they’d probably not have gotten hitched so young. But back in that day, you didn’t have a child out of wedlock. You owned up to your problem and made an honest woman out of the mother who was carrying your child. Yes, I heard this story so many times from my mother that I could write a whole book on what not to do when you’re crazy young and in love.

Pushing down those childhood memories, I return my focus to Belle. I knew she was being protective, but the true meaning of it I didn’t completely understand. I thought that the last few weeks I’d shown her how much I wanted to be a part of their lives. Even though I never let on to the fact that I knew. We call her apartment home. Everything we do, we consider the other person in that activity. What else is there that I can do to show her or prove that I am a hundred and fifty percent in this with her? My surprise back in New York won’t be enough, I’ll need a grand gesture.

I’ve found myself in the park down the street from her parents’ house. A place where we often hung out or ran to when things were awkward in life. It’s the same as it was all those years ago before we left. The only difference is the swing sets have a fresh coat of blue paint on them. I fold my body down into the seat, pushing off to see how far I can go. I remember the days when we’d swing as high as we could, only to jump off in mid-flight and land feetfirst in the ground. I fling myself back gaining more speed and thrust myself off, only to not land on my feet. My rusty body lands in the dirt face-first before I roll over to my back. Staring up at the sky I blink a few times, taking in all the broken pieces that have fallen at my feet.

“I think you’re a little rusty and old to be doing that.” Her voice filters through the air, causing me to come up to rest on my elbows.

“What are you doing here?”

“Come to find my driver, I’m ready to go home.” I sit up, checking the time as I didn’t realize I’d been gone so long.

“Okay,” is all I can say as I stand and walk over to her.

“Why’d you leave?”

“Just felt it was the right thing to do.” I shrug as I can’t tell her that her words shattered a little piece of me.

“Oh,” is all she responds with.

The walk back to her parent’s house is quiet. I can’t help but wonder if she knows I overheard the conversation. At the edge of the driveway, I stop near the back of the car. “Go tell everyone bye, and I’ll wait here.”

“Come on, Pax, my family would like to see us both off.”

My feet drag behind her, hesitant on what might be said once she’s out of earshot. To my surprise, Mrs. Quinn hugs me like she’s never done before. When I pull back, I notice her watery eyes. I hold my stare with her, nodding and hoping to God she understands what I’m trying to say. With a shy smile back, she’s letting me know that she does. Mr. Quinn grabs my hand, pulls me to him, and quietly whispers, “Make it right, son,” as he pats me on the back. I nod to him and go over to Julie next. “See you in a few days.”

“Yes, you will.”

“Drive safe,” Mr. Quinn says as I place my hand on Belle’s lower back.

“Will do,” I shoot back as I lead Belle down the stairs and out to the car. Opening her door, I wait until she’s settled before closing. I slow my steps as I round the car and look back up to Mr. Quinn, who’s holding his stare at me. With one curt nod, I know he’s giving me his blessing without me asking for it. If he hadn’t, I’d have to make an extra trip here without Belle knowing. Folding my body down into the driver seat, I start the car before buckling and backing out of the drive.

Before we turn onto the interstate, I reach over and grab Belle’s hand. The whole drive back we don’t speak, but our hands stay connected until I pull up to the sidewalk of our apartment building.

---

Entering the apartment, the air around us seems to soften. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re back on neutral ground or what, but I’ll take it. I know the moment she spots it. I step to the side of her, examining her facial expression as I gesture for her to follow the baby socks on the floor. The tiny pieces of material lead the way to what used to be my room. We reach the closed door, and I step around her to open her surprise. Her breath hitches as her eyes land on the room.

“Come on, let’s check this out,” I say, entering the room and turning the light on.

“Where’s your bed? How’d you do this?”

“My bed’s in the spare room at Jace’s, and he helped me get all this done. I’ve been putting this stuff together after you fell asleep and waiting for the right time to move it all over here.”

I lean back against the wall and watch as Belle’s hands run against the wood furniture. I bought her the whole set that she loved, along with the mattress and some fancy chair and footstool. “If you want to change the wall color, pick it out and I’ll do it. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to keep whatever color this is or change.”

“Pax, this is… I can’t believe you did all this,” she says and that’s when I notice the tears streaming down her face. Rushing over to her, I place both my hands on her shoulders and turn her to me.

“What’s wrong, why are you crying? Is this not what you wanted?”

“No, I’m ecstatic and it’s just a lot to take in, and why is your bed not here?”

“Because this is the baby's room, not mine.”

“Are you moving in with Jace?”

“I’m going to stay there, but I’ll sleep on the sofa here if you need me. The owner said there was an apartment opening up soon one floor above. I put my name on the list.” Right as I finish, Belle turns and leaves me standing in the middle of the nursery. All I can hear is the soft sound of her door closing shut.

“Fuck,” I say, running my hands through my hair, grabbing the strands at the base of my neck. Just when I thought I was doing something to help, here I am screwing things up again. I go out to the sofa and text Jace a thanks for the help and explain that I’m sleeping here tonight. I drag the throw blanket over me and wait for my thoughts to stop racing for a little while before I can fall asleep. I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep or if I’m dreaming her words.

“Come to bed, Pax.”