I knew today would go exactly as it did with my parents. I couldn’t even try to make up a stranger’s name. Paxton flew from my father’s lips faster than my heart could skip a beat. All I could do was stare back at him and blink. I wanted to ask him how he knew, but that would’ve been silly. What surprised me even more was the fact that Paxton left. Julie, my sister, mumbled something about him going to get a drink, and the next thing she knew he was walking around the side of the house. When I went to search for him, which by the way wasn’t hard to locate him, I was ready to spill it all. I was afraid that he’d overheard and was upset that he had to hear secondhand. Watching him on the swing, his demeanor was that of a younger Paxton. One whose soul was wild like a horse. But when I looked into his eyes as he lay in the sand, it was of one who’s holding the world on his shoulders. I decided right then that once we got back home, I was telling Paxton that I’m carrying his child. Nothing was going to stop me from doing that.

Okay, so I might have lied to myself. As Paxton opens the bedroom door, I wasn’t prepared for it to be filled with baby furniture. I wasn’t prepared for his bed to not be here. I’m not sure where I thought I was going to put a crib and all the things that a baby would need. The one thing I knew I wanted was for this to forever be Paxton’s space. In reality, that can’t be; it now belongs to the child that I’m carrying. His and mine. The one that I can’t bring myself to tell him is his. Paxton’s the only one who doesn’t know, and here he is acting as if we are one happy family. He tends to my needs; well, other than the one that I really need him to tend to. I want him. I need him to take this itch that I have only for him away. Standing here, I want to leap into his arms and devour his mouth. I want to drop to my knees and take what I want, but I can’t. When he came home, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t give in until I knew he was fully mine. Since that hasn’t happened, I have to walk away. He’s found a new apartment, and it’ll be easier to function around him. His daily presence won’t cloud my mind. It’ll give me time to think. Time to make this right. Time to figure out how to make this work in our world. Not to mention, I can finally come up with a way to tell him and pray that he forgives me for the past months where he’s suspected another man as the father of my child.

Sleep comes easy as my head hits the pillow until a thud from next door wakes me in the middle of the night. Thirsty, I pad out to the kitchen. After downing a whole glass of water, I stop on the way back to the bedroom. Paxton’s fast asleep. His chest exposed as the blanket rests halfway down on his hips and the floor. Swallowing at the way the light from the window casts a glow on the abs that I want my hands to roam over. The arms that I should be snuggled in. His legs hang over the end of the sofa, as he’s longer than the space. He’s sure to have aches and pains in the morning. After everything he’s done, I can’t leave him here.

Gently I tap his shoulder. “Paxton, come to bed,” I say as I watch his eyes open, shining back up at me. They slide back to sleep, and I nudge him again. This time it works. As he stands, I take his hand into mine and lead him to my bed. Not walking around, he climbs in from my side, tucking his legs under the covers as he raises them for me to climb in next to him. My legs hesitate for a brief moment as I catch my breath from the sight of him in my bed again. Giving in, I slide in and turn my back toward his chest. My head rests on the pillow for a few seconds before Paxton’s arm wraps around my chest and pulls me closer to him. It’s when his hand rests against the swell of my stomach that my body becomes stiff, unable to move or breathe.

“Night, Belle,” he whispers against the crook of my neck.

Drifting off to sleep, I can’t help but wonder if this is what it would feel like every night with him next to me. Would we stay like this for hours? Tangled up in each other’s body? A girl can dream, right.

---

With my alarm clock blaring, I slap my hand over it to shut it up. I’m comfortable in the depths of my mattress and comforter. Which should be considered a sin that I have to move and go to work today. I turn toward the other side of the bed, finding it empty. Last night wasn’t a dream unless I started sleepwalking. Lifting up, I listen for any sounds coming from the apartment.

Silence…

How is it that before I could hear a leaking faucet, the rattle of the old pipes in the walls, but now I hear nothing. The sounds of honking from the street don’t even exist these days. Throwing my legs out of the comfort of my bed, I go to search for Paxton only to find the place empty. Well, other than another note from him. I’m getting pretty tired of notes these days.

---

Belle,

Hope you slept well. Thank you for rescuing me from the couch. I had to get to the office early, but I made you breakfast. Look in the microwave.

Have a great day and call me if you need anything.

X

---

“How did I not hear him in here cooking?” I ask myself as I open the microwave to see a ham and cheese omelet waiting for me. My eyes cut over to the toaster where two slices are waiting for me to pop them down.

After eating, I go about my normal morning routine, getting ready for the workday. It takes me a little longer this morning as I can’t figure out what I want to wear. Thankfully, the office isn’t strict on what we wear as long as we look presentable. I settle on jeans, a tee, and another cardigan that won’t button around my massive stomach. Slipping on my Chucks, I grab my stuff and head out.

Since handing over my male clients, my workload has lessened and I find myself bored most days. When I think about this, I honestly feel that David had something to do with this. My hours the past month have been normal—nine to five. I notice it’s close to lunchtime, which by notice I mean my stomach is growling like a wolf looking for its prey in the woods. I dig my phone out and dial Paxton.

“Hello,” he answers.

“Hi. How are you?”

“Busy, and you?”

“Hungry, so I wanted to see if I could treat you to lunch.”

“I’d love to, but I’ve gotta get this article wrapped up before I can leave today.”

“Oh… Okay, well I won’t keep you. Before I forget, thanks for breakfast and maybe we can do dinner?”

“Sorry, I’m meeting Howard and Julie for dinner tonight.”

“Did she get the job? She didn’t text me.”

“She did,” he says as his voice trails off. I can tell he’s focused, but a part of me is a little sad that my sister hasn’t reached out to me. Instead, she’s celebrating with Paxton.

“That’s great news, guess I’ll see you tonight when you get home.”

“Belle, I’m sleeping at Jace’s tonight. That’s where my stuff is.”

I don’t respond. What do you say to that? Nothing, that’s what.

“Alright, see ya soon then,” is the only thing I can muster up to say back. This situation has reached a point where I am fed up. I only have myself to blame, and I plan to change this ASAP.

“Later, Belle.” And just like that, the line is silent.

Aggravated, I text my sister.

Me: Congrats on the new job. Glad you called to tell me.

Julie: Sorry, I haven’t had a moment to call. Been filling out paperwork and doing a tour of the office. Want to do lunch?

Me: YES! I’m starving. Meet me at Norm’s.

Julie: See you in a few.

Guess I finally found my lunch date. I pop my head into David’s office to let him know that I’m headed out for a quick bite to eat. It doesn’t take me long to get to the restaurant as it’s literally three buildings down. I beat Julie there and grab us a table while waiting. It doesn’t take her long before she joins me.

“Hey, sis,” she says, pulling out her seat.

“Hey, you look happy.”

“You have no idea. I can’t believe that Paxton did this for me.”

“What did he do?”

“Well, other than getting me the interview, I have a huge office next to his and we’ll be working hand in hand together. I guess it’s more, he’ll be mentoring me, but still, I’ll be getting a paycheck and living in the city now.”

“Do you have a place to stay?”

“I do, thanks to Paxton.”

“Seems like he’s our hero these days,” I say, letting my voice trail off.

“Why the long face, Annabelle?”

“I don’t know. I’m excited and so happy for you, sis.”

“Thanks, I’m beyond tickled.”

“I can tell. So tell me about your new job and this apartment.”

“Well, Paxton is going to work with me here around the city, and he’s already planned out a few articles that we can work on. There’s a festival coming up that we’ll cover, and I heard him say something about going on location out of town.” I hold my hand up to stop her.

“Wait, he’s leaving again?”

“No, I don’t think he’s going with me. Some guy named Joshua was mentioned,” she says, and I half remember that name as being the guy who replaced him.

“Want to know where I’ll be moving next month?”

“Sure,” I say as I look around for the waitress who hasn’t shown up yet.

“The floor above you! Isn’t that awesome? I’ll be able to see you and the baby whenever I want.”

“Wait, did you say the floor above me?”

“Yes.”

“That’s strange, Paxton said he put his name on that place. That when it comes open he’s moving upstairs and out of Jace’s spare room. I’m so confused,” I say, leaning forward and rubbing the back of my neck.

“He did, it’s a two bedroom, Annabelle.”

Before I can respond, our waitress finally shows up, and we order. I zone out as Julie goes on and on about life, decorating, dating, and all things Julie. I nod like a good sister and respond with the occasional “that sounds great.”

I’m pushing around the lettuce left on my plate from my salad as Julie tosses over a sugar packet at me.

“Annabelle, you haven’t been listening.”

“Yes, I have,” I rebut.

“No, because I just told you I was running away to marry a clown. You said that sounds great.”

“I did, didn’t I. I’m sorry, Julie. I’m just all over the place.”

“No shit, and it’s time for some sisterly love.”

“Honestly, I’m fine—just tired.”

“Tired of lying and hiding.”

“I’m not hiding; I couldn’t hide if I wanted to. Have you not seen this,” I say, pointing to my stomach.

“Yes, I have and as cute as you look. You’re hiding. I’m giving you forty-eight hours to tell Paxton or I will.”

“I was going to tell him tonight, but he has plans with you and Howard.”

“Then come join us. I’m staying at Howard’s until the apartment opens up.”

“Why aren’t you staying with me?”

“Pretty sure you have a room full of baby furniture, and your sofa isn’t ideal for me to live on.”

“True,” I say and look back up at her before asking, “How’d you know about the furniture?”

“Paxton told me yesterday.” She shrugs, and I have a feeling something else is going on.

“What are you up to, Julie?”

“Nothing. So you joining us tonight?”

“I guess; I’ll text you later to confirm.”

We go our separate ways after lunch. Me back to work, and her off to go shopping. Julie is four years younger than I am and outgoing. Some days I wish I could be more like her, but then we’d end up killing each other. Growing up, we found our happy medium. While I was studying, she was trying to figure out how to get all the boys wrapped around her slim fingers. She mastered that pretty well over the years. I’m not surprised she’s staying with Howard, not that anything would transpire between them. Howard will end up being another father figure for her, just as he is for Paxton.

Back at the office I fiddle with paperwork, check emails, and glare at my appointment calendar. With an hour open before my next meeting, I open my email and focus on the words that I want to write to Paxton.

---

SUBJECT: Tonight

Pax,

I had lunch with Julie this afternoon, and she invited me to dinner. I hope this is okay, if not let me know. Thank you again for what you did yesterday. Not just driving me to my parents’, but for the room. You didn’t have to do that, but that’s the way you are. You never do for yourself, always helping others around you first. Paxton West, you are one of a kind, and I’m lucky to have you in my life. Tonight after dinner, we need to talk. I have something important to tell you. We can put this down in the history books for how important it is. Also, don’t let me blow it off as nothing and change my mind. Because you and I both know that’s what I do. It’ll be my turn to run away from what needs to be said.

Okay, guess this is enough blabbering for now.

Love always,

O

---

For just those few words, it took me fifty minutes to get them out. I’d write, delete, write, delete, and finally, I got it all out before hitting send. I close the program and prepare for my client to arrive. Somehow I’ll try to focus on finding her love when all I want to do is race uptown and claim the one that my heart belongs to.

My life has turned into one of those Hallmark shows or a Lifetime Movie. One person longing for the other. Pregnant but keeping it a secret as it could ruin everything. It’s crazy when you hide behind closed doors, not letting the outside world view your life. Keeping people at arm’s length when you really need to have them close to your heart. Protecting the ones that you love because the fear of losing them outweighs everything else around you. I can’t help but wonder what life would be like right now if we’d not have slept together all those months ago. Would Paxton still be off chasing the next shot around the world? Would I be sitting here scared to death that I’ll lose him for good when the truth reveals itself? Life seems to be filled with a million what-ifs, scary moments, and masks being worn to hide the truth. I no longer want to hide. I want the full package that life should be filled with. The one thing that I have to own is that things will change after tonight. They might be for the good or the bad. Either way, I’ll face it with everything that I have in me.

Right as my four o’clock enters, I finish the text message to Brooke and Miranda.

Me: I’m telling Paxton tonight. No chickening out.