I could not remember the last time I’d been nervous around a woman. I mean, it had to be in ninth or tenth grade, about the time I lost my virginity to my older sister’s best friend. Sure, I was nervous the first time and probably the second, but I was a fast learner and pretty fucking confident in my abilities, no pun intended. In fact, Miss Edmunds, my twelfth-grade science teacher who first instructed me in the art of cunnilingus, said I was a natural.

However, as I sat in the back of the limo waiting for Abbie to come down from her sixth-floor apartment, I felt a little case of the jitters coming on. I could feel my pulse pounding in my ears and my breath grew heavy in my chest. I poured myself a shot of bourbon from the bar built into the back of the front seat and shot it down quickly to settle my nerves.

My cellphone buzzed inside my jacket as the dark liquid burned its way down my throat. I tugged it out of my pocket and looked at the screen. It was Barry, the fat fuck. I had been covering for him all fucking week, defending him to Phyllis, saying that he was taking a little vacation and not on another of his psychotic benders. The truth was, I had no idea where Barry was, and I was worried sick about him. I slid to answer the video call as quickly as I could.

“Where the fuck are you, man?” I asked as his round head filled the tiny screen.

“Well hello to you too, asshole,” he shot back, chuckling.

“Jesus, Barry, I’ve been worried fucking sick about you,” I said. “Seriously, where are you.”

“Hang on.” He took the phone away from his face and directed the camera in a slow circle around him. He was on a beach. The sun was sinking low in the sky. A stretch of white sand separated him from crystal blue water and the dark ocean beyond.

His face came back on screen. “I’m in Fiji, motherfucker,” he said with a big smile. “Wish you were here.”

“What the hell are you doing in Fiji?” I asked, blowing out a long breath, relieved that he was alive.

“I needed to get away,” he said, his tone turning serious. “Truth is, partner, I can’t take the grind anymore. I’m just calling to let you know that I quit.”

My mouth literally dropped open. “What do you mean you quit?”

“I mean I quit. I’m done. I’m toast. Capiche. Kaput. Fini. Finito. Sayonara. Over and out. I have packed my bags and bugged out, my friend. And if you’re smart, you’ll do the same.”

“Barry cut the shit,” I said, disbelieving what I was hearing. Barry was married to his job. There was no way in hell that he could just walk away from it. “You can’t just leave the firm.”

“Of course, I can. It’s not the fucking mafia, Sam.” He held the phone’s camera so close to his face I couldn’t see anything but his eyes, nose, and mouth. “I just sent an email to you, Phyllis, and Eben with my resignation, and the recommendation that Eben be made the permanent head of corporate law. I want you guys to buy me out and wish me good luck. I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it or give me shit.”

I fell back in the leather seat and blew out a long sigh that seemed to drain the tension from my body. “I don’t understand, Barry. Why quit? Why now?”

I watched his face on the small screen. He looked tanned and happy, with a week’s growth of stubble on his chubby cheeks. He took a deep breath and stared into my eyes through the screen.

“You remember when I took off all my clothes and crawled out on that ledge?”

“Yes.”

“I told everybody I was just drunk and stupid. The truth was, I went out there to jump, Sammy. And if I hadn’t lost my nerve, that’s what I would have done.”

“Jesus, Barry, I had no idea. Why?”

“Pressure. Life. Depression. The job and all the bullshit that comes along with it.” He rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “I almost did it again last week. I went home, drank a bottle of bourbon and put my gun in my mouth. I swear, Sammy, I was gonna pull the trigger, but then, the TV was on. There was a commercial for some travel agency. They were selling trips to Fiji. The chick on the commercial said, ‘Come to Fiji and leave all your troubles behind’. So, that’s what I did. I packed a bag and left all my troubles behind in New York.”

“Fuck, Barry, I had no idea things were so bad,” I said, feeling guilty as hell for not seeing that my best friend was freakin’ suicidal. Shit. Fuck. Damn. “What can I do?”

“You can come join me,” he said. He looked off camera for a moment and came back holding a tall glass of red liquor with a tiny umbrella floating to one side. “The fucking Mai Tai’s are to die for here, man. And that wasn’t a suicide joke.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay,” I said, relieved to know he was safe, but sad to know that he was gone.

“I’m better than okay,” he said. “Listen, I want you guys to buy me out of the firm. Come up with a number you think is fair and send me the paperwork. I don’t trust Phyllis the cunt as far as I can throw her, but I trust you to get me a fair deal, Sammy.”

“Okay, I’ll get with the partners first thing Monday morning,” I said. “Anything else?”

“Can you have my assistant get everything at my apartment packed up and in storage, then get the place on the market?”

“Barry, are you sure you don’t want to take a few months to think things over? I mean, what if Fiji isn’t the solution and you want to come back to New York?”

“Sam, if I come back to New York I’ll probably die there,” he said. “This is my home now. Sand, surf, tanned tits and dark pussy. It’s amazing.”

“I understand,” I said. “I’ll take care of everything on this end for you. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks, buddy,” he said. “And Sam, do yourself a favor.”

“What’s that?”

“Forget about Phyllis and move on. It’s never gonna happen.”

I frowned at him. “What are you talking about?”

“Put out the torch, Sammy. Find yourself a nice girl and settle down. You’re not getting any younger you know, and trust me, the view from that ledge will scare you to death, especially if you’re sitting next to that cunt, Phyllis.”

Before I could ask what the fuck he was talking about, the phone went dark and the limo door opened. I looked up to see the most beautiful girl in the world smiling back at me as Barry’s advice echoed in my ears.