I stared at my reflection in the full-length mirror the previous tenant had screwed into the wall behind the closet door and felt a familiar sense of panic starting to bubble in my stomach.

I knew the half bowl of Ramen noodles I’d had for dinner the night before would soon be bubbling back up. I always puked my guts out when I was nervous, which was why I barely ate anything last night and nothing at all this morning. I was gonna hurl, no doubt about it, because I couldn’t remember ever being more nervous than I was at that moment.

“You look great, Abs,” Tiffany said, sitting cross-legged on my bed as she stuffed her mouth with Frosted Flakes and a sliced banana. She was still in her panties and bra, her dark skin in sharp contrast to the white undies, seemingly unworried that she had to be dressed and out the door in less than an hour. Tiff had been my best friend forever, my roommate in college, and now my roommate again in The Big Apple. And as of today, she was my fellow associate at the prestigious New York law firm of Collins Bangham & Goode.

I slipped my feet into a pair of sensible black shoes with low heels and turned from side to side, grimacing at my reflection. I had chosen a pair of dark gray slacks and matching jacket with a black top underneath for my first day as at CBG. My long, red hair was pulled back into a tight bun and I’d kept the makeup modest. If I’d had a pair of thick glasses, I’d look like a librarian. Or some macho TV cop’s lesbian sidekick.

“Are you sure this doesn’t make me look… I don’t know…frumpy?” I asked, turning my back to the mirror and glancing over my shoulder to check out my ass in the mirror, which looked okay I guess. “I mean, I feel… frumpy.”

“So, wear the jacket without the shirt,” Tiff said, grinning as she chewed. “Put on a pushup bra and show off those great tits of yours, girl. Trust me, the male partners will fucking love it. No better way to make junior partner at Collin Bangs ‘em Good than on your back.”

I blinked at her. “I’m sorry, what did you call it?”

Tiff grinned and wiggled her eyebrows playfully. Collins Bangs ‘em Good,” she said, giggling. “It’s the firm’s new nickname.”

I turned away from the mirror and leaned against the dresser with my hand over my stomach. My stomach gurgled and churned beneath my hand. This volcano was about to blow.

I asked, “Why is it called that?”

Tiff brought the bowl to her lips and tilted it to drink the milk left from the cereal. She smacked her lips and smiled. “Well, the founding partners’ names are Sam Collins, Barry Bangham, and Phyllis Goode. And Mr. Collins, who is a total hunk, by the way, has a hard time keeping his reportedly-large cock in his pants and his name out of the papers. He was seen coming out of a sex club over the weekend and the Page Six reporter came up with ‘Collins Bangs ‘em Good’. It’s all over social media this morning. Classic, huh?”

“That’s awful,” I said with a frown. “Jesus, Tiff, what have I gotten myself into?”

She rolled off the bed and put a hand on my arm. “Relax, Abs,” she said with a wink. “That’s one benefit of having a bestie who graduated a year ahead of you. I’ve been at CBG for a year now. I know which partners to avoid and which partners to cozy up to. You’ll be fine. Just follow my lead.”

I huffed at her. “Follow your lead? Christ, Tiff, you messaged me all the time when I was at school about the various partners you were screwing. If I follow your lead, there’s no telling what kind of trouble I’ll get into.”

“Abbie, you have got to grow up,” she said, poking a stiff finger to my forehead. “This is the real world. People fuck all the time. Maybe if you tried it once in a while you’d find that you like it as much as I do.”

“I have tried it,” I said defensively. “So far, I’m unimpressed.”

“That just means you aren’t fucking the right men,” she said, giggling again. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you out of trouble. You’re gonna do great.”

“I hope so,” I said. A vomit-flavored burp bubbled into my throat. I pressed my fingers to my lips and tried to force it back down.

“Okay, I’m going to get dressed,” she said, going to the door. “We have to leave in thirty minutes.”

“Okay, I’ll be ready,” I said. The burp came back up, this time followed by enough actual vomit to make me wince.

Tiff smiled and waved a hand at me. “Go puke now so I can have the bathroom. I’ll need to do my makeup after I get dressed.”

I gave her a weak nod as she bounced out of the room, then covered my mouth with a shaking hand and ran toward the bathroom. My first day as a lawyer was not starting out anything like I had planned.

* * *

Tiffany and I left our little apartment with no time to spare. We had to run to catch the subway downtown. By the time we stepped off the subway train and climbed the steps to the street above, I was a nervous wreck. Tiffany was totally calm and cool. She’d been doing this for a year and assured me that soon it would all be routine to me, as well. I seriously doubted that. I was a shy, small-town girl who had somehow managed to graduate with honors from Harvard Law School. I was in the top two percent of my class and had multiple offers to join firms in New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, and a dozen other cities. I chose Collins Bangham & Goode because they were one of the top firms in the country, but mainly because my friend Tiffany had joined the firm the year before. Tiff and I were inseparable all through high school, college, and law school. We planned to one day open our own firm, but that was still light years away.

To be perfectly honest, I was terrified of moving to and living in New York, but Tiff promised me we would have the time of our lives living and working together. Now that I was here I wondered if I had made a mistake. I had never ridden the subway or had a food cart hot dog or watched a bum pee in the street or seen so many people in my life. I was afraid to talk to anybody and avoided looking anyone in the eye. I was a little like Alice in Wonderland. I had been dropped in a magical place that would either make me blossom and grow or eat me alive.

I realized that I was clutching Tiff’s sleeve as we walked from the subway station to the high rise where CBG occupied the top five floors.

Tiff stopped outside the building and turned to put her hands on my shoulders. She pressed her forehead to mine and stared into my eyes. She gave me a comforting smile, as if I were a nervous child on the first day of school. She asked, “You okay now? Get all that nice vomit out of your system?”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Yes, mommy, I think I’m completely empty now, thank you.” My hollow stomach growled as if to drive the point home. I glanced up at the massive building before us. “God, Tiff, what if I fuck this up?”

“How could you fuck this up?” she asked, digging through her purse. She came out with a roll of Lifesavers and handed them to me. “Jesus, Abs, you graduated with honors in the top two percent of your class. You know the law as well as anyone in that building. You’re going to be fine. Stop worrying.”

“I’m more worried about the drama and politics than the job,” I said, sucking on the Lifesaver. “I mean, you’ve told me a dozen times that the place is a meat market. You said you get ahead by having sex with the partners. I’m not really cut out for that sort of thing.”

“Oh my god, Abbie, are you back on that?” She put her hands back on my shoulders and gave them a firm shake. “Abs, nobody is going to force you to do anything you don’t want to. And CBG is no different from every other firm in the city. The place breeds drama because it’s full of lawyers. Just be yourself and you’ll be fine.”

“I hope you’re right. Are you sure this outfit doesn’t make me look frumpy?”

“Oh my god, you look great, now come on,” she said, taking my hand to lead me toward the door. “And remember, when you meet Sam Collins try not to cream your panties.”

I tried to ask what she was talking about, but could barely catch my breath as she dragged me through the door.