chapter twenty
The day of the barbeque
‘Here they come,’ Tiffany called out to Vid in the kitchen as she stood at the front door and watched Dakota walk up the driveway, hand in hand with Clementine’s pink tutu-clad daughters who were skipping by her side. As Tiffany watched, the littler one toppled over in that slow-motion toddler way and Dakota tried to carry her. The child was about half Dakota’s height, so her legs dragged on the ground and Dakota tilted to one side, staggering under the little girl’s weight.
‘Dakota is being such a good sister!’ said Tiffany as Vid appeared at the front door wearing his striped apron, smelling strongly of garlic and lemon from the prawns he was marinating.
‘Don’t even think about it,’ said Vid.
Fifteen years ago, when he proposed, while Tiffany was still admiring her engagement ring (Tiffany for Tiffany, naturally), Vid had said, ‘Before you put it on, we need to talk about children, okay?’ With three volatile, angry teenage daughters, Vid had no desire for more children, but Tiffany was a young woman, so of course she would want children, it was only natural, he understood this, so Vid’s compromise, in order to close the deal, was this: Just one baby. A one-child policy. Like China. He couldn’t take any more than that. His heart and his bank account couldn’t handle it. He said he would understand if one baby was not enough, but for him it was not negotiable. Take it or leave it, and by the way, if she walked away, the ring was still hers and he would always love her.
Tiffany took the deal. Babies were the last thing on her mind back then, and she really did not fancy stretch marks.
She had never regretted it, except sometimes, like right now, she felt a kind of twinge. Dakota would have been a loving, responsible older sister, just like Tiffany’s own older sisters had been. It seemed wrong to deny her that, especially as Dakota never demanded anything except more library books.
‘Maybe we should renegotiate our deal,’ said Tiffany.
‘Don’t even joke about it,’ said Vid. ‘I am not laughing. Look at this face.’ He pulled a mournful face. ‘Serious face. Four weddings will bankrupt me. It will be the death of me. It will be like that movie, you know, Four Weddings and a Funeral. My funeral.’ Vid chuckled, delighted with himself. ‘Four weddings and my funeral. You get it? Four daughters’ weddings and Vid’s funeral.’
‘I get it, Vid,’ said Tiffany, knowing that she’d be hearing this joke for months, possibly years to come.
She watched Erika and Oliver, Clementine and Sam, approach the house behind the children. There was something odd about their formation, there was too much space around them, as if they weren’t two couples who knew each other well but four individual guests who hadn’t met before this day and had happened to arrive at the same time.
‘Hi!’ called out Erika, timing it just a bit wrong; she was too far away. Their driveway was very long.
‘Hi!’ called back Tiffany, walking down the steps to meet them.
As they got closer, she saw they all had identical glazed smiles, like people who have recently got into drugs or religion, or a new pyramid sales scheme. Tiffany felt a hint of trepidation. How was this afternoon going to pan out?
Vid walked straight past her towards the guests, his arms outstretched. Jeez Louise, Vid, you peanut, you would think they were beloved relatives returning from a long trip overseas.
Barney thought the guests were his beloved relatives too, and rushed to ecstatically sniff everyone’s shoes as though it were a race to get them all sniffed in record time.
‘Welcome, welcome!’ cried Vid. ‘And look at these beautiful little girls! Hello! I hope you don’t mind me sending Dakota over to fetch you. I didn’t want the meat to be overcooked. Barney, calm down, you crazy dog.’
He kissed Clementine on both cheeks. ‘Because I remember you’re a foodie, like me, right? We like good food! Last time we met at Erika’s place I remember we talked food, you know.’
‘Did you?’ said Erika suspiciously, as if all conversational topics should have been first cleared with her. ‘I don’t remember that.’ She handed Tiffany a jar of chocolate nuts. ‘I hope you don’t have allergies because these are nuts. Chocolate nuts.’
‘No allergies,’ said Tiffany. ‘Actually I love these.’ She wasn’t just being polite. They made her feel nostalgic. Her grandfather used to buy them every Christmas.
‘Really?’ said Erika doubtfully. ‘Well, that’s good.’
She was a real odd bod, that girl, as Tiffany’s sister Karen would say.
Clementine had lost her glazed expression and she was looking at Vid as if he were the answer to all her problems.
‘Mum, this one is Ruby and this one is Holly. Can I take them up to my room?’ said Dakota to Tiffany. Her eyes shone as she presented the tangle-haired little pixie girls, who wore fairy wings and appeared to have recently up-ended bottles of glitter all over themselves.
‘If it’s okay with their mum and dad,’ said Tiffany.
‘Dakota is very responsible, you know,’ said Vid. ‘She’ll look after them.’
‘Of course it’s okay with us,’ said Sam as he kissed Tiffany on the cheek, with a well-brought-up Aussie boy flick of his eyes at her body: up, down and quick, away!
‘It’s great to see you again, Tiffany,’ he said with a slight exhalation, as if he were relieved to be here too. He and Clementine were like people arriving at a wake after a funeral, ready to unloosen ties and let the tension drain from their shoulders, desperate to eat and drink and remind themselves that they were alive. He hunkered down at the knees and fondled Barney’s ears, and Barney reacted with no dignity whatsoever, throwing himself on the ground and offering up his stomach for a rub, as if no one had ever paid him any attention before.
‘We appreciate your hospitality.’ Oliver shook Vid’s hand and then awkwardly kissed Tiffany too, as if he’d been issued a challenge not to let any part of his body touch hers.
‘Come in, come in!’ Vid shepherded the group inside. ‘Let’s have a drink before we go out to the barbeque.’
‘I’m sorry the little girls are dropping glitter everywhere,’ said Erika, watching Dakota lead the girls upstairs, followed by Barney who was now in a state of manic excitement.
Tiffany saw an irritated spasm cross Clementine’s face, presumably because another woman was apologising for her children.
‘Oh, it’s fine,’ she said.
‘I set up a craft table for them,’ said Erika. ‘We thought they were doing crafts, but they were really just …’
‘Making a terrible mess,’ finished Clementine, but she and Erika were both smiling now, as if it were funny.
Tiffany considered herself a pretty good judge of character and situations – her instincts were normally spot-on – but right now these four had her bamboozled. Were they friends or enemies?
‘We brought champagne.’ Clementine held a bottle of Moët aloft, with the sparkly pride of someone who doesn’t buy Moët very often. (Vid had three cases in the cellar.)
‘Thank you! You didn’t need to do that!’ Vid grabbed the champagne bottle in one meaty hand like it was a petrol pump. ‘But the important question is, Clementine, did you bring your cello?’
‘Of course,’ said Clementine. She patted her handbag. ‘I never go anywhere without it. It’s right here. I’ve got a fancy new collapsible one.’
Vid stared blankly at her handbag for a fraction of a second and then he roared with delighted laughter. It wasn’t that funny, thought Tiffany. Vid pointed the bottle of champagne at Clementine like a gun. ‘You got me! You got me!’
Yes, she’s got you all right, thought Tiffany as she went quick-smart to the cupboard for champagne glasses, because Vid was about to open that bottle in his normal jubilant fashion.
It was fine that Vid had the hots for Clementine. Tiffany understood that, she kind of liked it, and judging by the way Clementine was touching her hair right now, she kind of liked it too. That was just sex. Sex was easy. What Tiffany didn’t understand was the other three people in the room, because as Vid uncorked the bottle with predictable ‘Whoa!’ results, and Clementine grabbed two glasses from Tiffany and danced about, laughing, trying to catch the spilling, frothing champagne, Oliver, Erika and Sam all watched Clementine, and Tiffany couldn’t tell, with any of them, if it was with deep affection or utter contempt.