Prologue
Flora
2013
I felt my body heat as I watched Johnny work. It was hard not to stare at him as he hauled the large pieces of lumber into the back of the truck. I wasn’t focused on anyone else, not his brothers Noah and Liam, and certainly not any of the other men working at the lumberyard. No, I was completely enthralled with Johnny Ash, also known as Big Johnny. At least six feet, six inches, with muscles stacked upon each other, he was the biggest man I’d ever seen.
The “strong silent type” described him well. And although I knew that many women in Rockbridge wanted him, Johnny always stayed to himself. I never saw him romantically linked with anyone. And I couldn’t lie and say that didn’t make me feel good. Because the truth was I wanted Johnny for myself, even though he didn’t know that. He had no idea I was madly in love with him.
At eighteen years old I sure as hell knew what love was, and I sure as hell felt the effects Big Johnny had on my body. I didn’t care that he saw me as nothing more than a silly little girl despite me being a full-grown woman.
And I was a woman, one with desires and dreams that would be unfulfilled because I only wanted Johnny.
I had been in love with Johnny since I realized what that emotion was. And although I’d lived in Rockbridge my entire life and the Ash family was close with mine, I never had any real friendship with the three brothers. They were much older than me, and it was for that reason that I never really got to know them, not in the way I’d have liked to. But the few interactions I had with Johnny when our families got together were so memorable they felt ingrained in my very marrow. Although I knew, to him, I was probably just this naive “kid” who tagged along with her family and didn’t know much about life.
“If you stare any harder he’s going to notice and think you have issues.”
I glanced at Patricia, who sat in the driver’s side seat of her Honda Civic, and wrinkled my nose. We’d been friends since grade school. “He doesn’t even know I exist.”
Patricia was the only person I’d ever told about how I felt for Johnny. I’d made her swear she’d take it to her grave.
I exhaled and leaned back against the seat. This time next week I’d be in Boulder, attending college and far away from the only home I’d ever known. I was scared, not sure if I could make it on my own, but I also knew I wanted to try.
I stared at Johnny, wishing I could tell him how I felt.
“I mean, have you thought maybe...” She trailed off and I lifted my brow, feeling curiosity slam into me.
“What?”
She shrugged and glanced at Johnny. “Have you thought maybe he’s not into girls?” She looked at me. “I mean, truth is we’ve never actually seen him in a relationship, right? Or even heard through the rumor mill that he was with anyone?”
I looked at Johnny then. No, she was right. But that didn’t mean anything. “He could just be a very private person.”
“Maybe he’s just not into the opposite sex.” She shrugged again.
I shook my head. I wasn’t even going to touch on that subject, although she was right about being a loner. He kept to himself, just like his brother Noah.
“Why don’t you just tell him?”
I glanced at Patricia. “Are you insane?”
“You’re leaving anyway, so you won’t have to deal with the aftermath.”
“No,” I said and stared at Johnny again. “I’m not opening that can of worms.” I didn’t want to face him, didn’t want to hear him say I was just a silly girl. But my feelings were real. They were so real that I suffocated from them at times. I’d wanted to see him before I left for school, just one more time, but it seemed to make it worse. It made my feelings claw at me like there was a beast inside me just waiting to get out. Maybe I should have told him, or maybe not.
Either way, I was leaving so it wasn’t like baring my heart would have done any good. It was time for me to start my life, even if that meant Johnny wouldn’t be in it.
Johnny
They called me Big Johnny because of my size. At six foot seven I was a beast compared to most men—even my brothers, who were well over six feet themselves. But there was one woman who made me feel even bigger than that.
Flora.
I stared off as the car pulled away from the lumberyard. Flora was in there, and yet I didn’t have the balls to go and speak with her. She was too young for me, too innocent. At only eighteen she had the entire world at her fingertips, her future so damn bright I wasn’t about to muck it up because I had feelings for her. I was twenty-five, seven years older, far too old to want anything romantic with her.
She’d bloomed into a woman. Before this summer I hadn’t paid much attention to her. She was just the daughter of family friends, not someone I’d even thought about. But shit, this past summer when we’d had that big cookout and she had come over with her folks, she was all woman. But I still wasn’t going to touch on that, wasn’t going to go after her. That would have been crossing a whole lot of fucking lines.
I wiped the sweat from my face with a rag I’d gotten out of the front of my truck. I stared off as the car disappeared down the road. I felt someone watching me and glanced at Noah. The look he gave me told me maybe he had a suspicion about what I felt for Flora, or maybe I was reading too much into it. Maybe I was feeling guilt over it all. And I kind of did feel guilty. I couldn’t understand why I felt this way, but the emotions were right there at the surface, wrapping their hands around my neck and refusing to let go.
Shit, it was good she was going off to college. She’d meet a nice guy her own age. But the very thought of that pissed me off. I felt rage boil up in me at the very thought of her with another guy, of some asshole touching her, holding her. I wanted to be the one to do that, to make sure she was safe.
Fuck, get a grip.
I finished wiping the sweat off and got back to work. No, her leaving was a good thing, even if it fucking sucked. And if she did meet some guy, had a nice life with him, well, she deserved that and I’d deal with it. I had no choice. Still, the last time we were near each other came flooding back...”
* * *
I brought the beer to my mouth and downed half of it, watching as my family and Flora’s mingled. The bonfire was lit, the grill going with steaks and burgers, and the one woman who held my heart just feet from me.
Flora.
A sweet, gentle eighteen-year-old who could light up the room with just her smile.
Fuck, I was so far gone for her. I saw her as strong, independent, kind, and gorgeous. She was a woman, with curves and a heart that could melt the fucking Antarctic.
And it was because of my feelings that I stayed away. I was too old for her. And although sexual experience wasn’t what I had an abundance of, she was innocent in every single way.
I rested my head back on the chair and closed my eyes. Condensation from the beer bottle slowly dripped along my fingers, and as much as I wanted to relax, the one woman I couldn’t have was on my mind.
Flora.
Maybe it wouldn’t piss anyone off if I got with her, if I made her mine, but the truth was I knew she wanted to go to college out of town, had heard her folks and mine talking about it. She deserved to spread her wings, to experience more than Rockbridge had to offer.
“Hey.”
I snapped my eyes open and stared at her, the one woman I shouldn’t want, but couldn’t help but desire with every part of me. It was like a light switch had been turned on after she turned eighteen, when I saw her for the woman she was.
“Hey,” I said, my voice thick, gravelly. I wondered if she could tell how much she affected me by that one word alone.
“That seat free?” she asked and pointed to the empty lawn chair beside me.
“Yeah.” I straightened and finished off my beer, needing that little jolt of alcohol to get through this. I felt on edge as it was with her only being a foot away from me. Actually having a conversation with her? Shit, I needed to control myself so I didn’t come off as a fucking idiot. As it was the few times we’d conversed had been with groups of people around, and our words together had consisted of “hello” and “how ya doing.” But right now, with everyone so far off on the property that it was like she and I had our own world right now...yeah, I really needed to keep my shit together.
She sat down beside me and for long minutes we didn’t speak, just stared off as our families mingled. Flora cleared her throat and I glanced at her. She twisted her hands together in her lap, a clearly nervous move.
“Hey, what’s up?” Instantly I got concerned. Was she okay? Did someone fuck with her? God, so help them if someone made her feel bad, talked down to her, or hell, fucking touched her. I’d kill them with my bare hands.
I couldn’t help the possessive, protective side that rose up in me where Flora was concerned.
She finally looked at me and I saw the way her throat worked when she swallowed. For long moments she didn’t speak, and we just held each other’s stares. The air got so fucking thick, hot, and all I wanted to do was reach out and push away that stray lock of hair that had fallen along her cheek.
I curled my fingers into my palm instead, not about to make a jackass move that could be crossing the line with her.
“Nothing, I’m just nervous about going to school, about leaving my family and Rockbridge. About leaving—” She didn’t finish her sentence, and a part of me wanted her to say she didn’t want to leave me.
Flora looked off into the distance and I took in her profile. Her nose was small, slightly turned up at the end. Her cheeks were defined, perfectly arched. And her lips, God, I could get lost in the bow-like quality of them. The wind picked up and blew her hair over her shoulder, and the scent of honeysuckle slammed into me. I tried my best to keep my arousal in check, but having her so near, knowing I could reach out and drag my finger along her bare arm, had my cock jerking to attention.
“You’ll do great, and acclimate fast at school.” My throat tightened at the thought of her leaving. “It’ll be good for you, to get out of this small town, explore life, all of that.” I reached over and grabbed another beer from the cooler beside me.
I needed something for my suddenly parched mouth. I popped the cap and downed half of it, then looked over at her and saw she watched me. She had this strange expression on her face, and it clenched at my heart painfully.
Without thinking, I reached over and grabbed a beer for her, popping that cap and handing it over to her. She took it, but looked nervous.
“I’m only eighteen.”
I smirked. “I don’t think one beer will matter. Think of it as a celebration that you’re doing something great with your life.” Even though I want to tell you you’re mine, that I want you to stay.
She smiled and I swore it lit up the whole fucking property. She drank a sip and made a disgusted face. I couldn’t help but chuckle. We hadn’t talked much throughout the years, what with me being older, helping my brothers with the family business, and everything in between, but right now, right here with her, yeah, this was perfection.
Even though it’ll be over before it can start.