CHAPTER FOUR

Margo

My dreams were steamy, occupied by the one man I couldn’t get out of my mind. Well, I could call them dreams—they were more like fevered remembrances. I recalled the way it felt when he entered me, the way he pushed in slowly, knowing how I loved to feel each inch of him going in that way.

I yawned and rolled out of bed when my alarm rang. It was eight o’ clock. Time to get going. My body was still aroused, wet with longing. I recalled Jay touching me, his fingers stroking my folds expertly…I sighed.

I dressed and had breakfast, then headed out for a jog. When I got back, I showered. I went through to the kitchen and made coffee, then sat to drink coffee. I was on autopilot, scrolling through my messages.

No way.

I stared.

Jay wrote back.

My heart thumped in my chest, though I had barely drunk any coffee. I scrolled down and read the words, not quite believing them.

Hi Margo. I’m surprised to hear from you. I’d be pleased to meet for a coffee and catch up. Would tomorrow afternoon work? Let me know. Jay.

I couldn’t believe it. You bet tomorrow afternoon would do. I checked the date he’d sent it, to make sure he meant today. It was.

I felt my hand trembling as I wrote back.

Hi Jay. It was great to hear back from you. How about at four at Crafter’s Café? See you. Margo.

I let out a long sigh. Was I crazy to be doing this?

I felt the urge to talk to someone about it. I had a photo shoot scheduled for this morning until twelve—not an official one, just updating my portfolio—and then between two and three I had an interview slot and at seven I’d agreed to go to an opening event. I could just slide in lunch with Alexandra. Alexandra was my friend from college. A psychology major, she’d done a lot to help me through my crippling sense of inadequacy. It wasn’t just the fact that she “got” that about me, she was just a nice, grounded person. A good friend. I texted her.

Can you meet for lunch today at Greenspace? Hope so. One pm, as usual?

I was on my way out when I heard her reply come through.

Great! See you then. Fun!

I smiled. That was my sanity sorted out for today. I checked my email and felt a little jolt when I found one from Jay.

That sounds good. Jay

I was surprised by how terse it was. He might have managed a bit more enthusiasm. I smiled anyways. I was excited enough for two of us—I didn’t have to have him to take from him that energy I craved.

All the same, I checked my clothes carefully in the mirror at the door. If I didn’t have time to get back home and dress before then, I’d want to know I was looking presentable.

I grinned at myself. A long, oval face grinned back at me, with well-applied makeup and my hair in a knot on my head. I was wearing a black jacket, a casual white shirt, and black slacks. I guess I looked quite formal.

Maybe too formal…

I was about to go and change into something else when I caught myself. Why was I second-guessing myself like this? I always dressed pretty formally—it suited me. If I felt the need to dress down for Jay, that wasn’t a good sign. I should go as myself, no more, no less.

I headed out the door and down to the car.

The photo session went smoothly—I enjoyed my work when I got into it—and it seemed like almost no time had passed before I was heading out to lunch with Alexandra.

“Hey.”

We hugged at the table—Alexandra is very huggy—and sat down. I smiled into her warm brown eyes. With crazy red hair, a heart-shaped face, and those big friendly eyes, I’m not surprised she’s a great therapist. She’s a great friend too. It’s easy to trust her.

“Hey, Margs. How’s life?”

I sighed. “Weird.”

“Mm?”

She had a knack for looking like she was listening raptly, even when she was probably picking her choice of lunch off the chalkboard over the counter. I appreciated it. It’s nice to have someone around who listens intently.

“Well, the thing is…what should I do?”

“What about?” she asked. “And by the way, I’m having the avocado sandwich.”

I laughed. “I’ll have the risotto.”

“Sounds good.”

We indicated our intent to the waiter, who took our orders, brought us water and left.

“Well?” she asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “What’s it?”

I sighed. “I met this guy. A guy I knew from a while ago. He’s the one I told you about?”

“Mm?” She frowned. “Yes. I remember.”

“Well, I bumped into him—almost actually bumped—at the airport the other day. I know. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but…” I paused. “I contacted him. We agreed to meet for coffee. I just wondered…” I trailed off and forgot my worries.

“Well?” she asked.

“Well, I was wondering what’s going on. I mean,” I drank some water, then set it aside, “when I knew him before, he just left. Just like that. No reason. Now he’s back and he’s…changed.” I frowned.

“Changed?”

“Well, he’s injured. There’s something wrong with his leg. I don’t know what.”

“And?”

“And, well…he’s so unfriendly.” I giggled, self-conscious. It sounded silly, saying that. But I meant it.

Alexandra frowned. “Unfriendly?”

“Mm. Oh, thanks.” I smiled up at the waiter, who smiled back as he put down a deliciously scented full plate under my nose.

“Well?” Alexandra asked, cutting a big slice off a toasted avocado sandwich and chewing thoughtfully.

“Oh yes. Unfriendly. Well, he acts like he doesn’t really want to know me. I know he just asked me out for coffee but he’s so distant. And he never said anything about why he left. No explanation or anything.” I frowned and cut into my lunch. The smell of spices, rich and warm, flooded my nostrils headily.

“Well, I guess you can’t say he hasn’t explained until you actually chat with him,” Alexandra suggested. “I mean, he might.”

“True.” A flutter of excitement stirred in my stomach and I hoped, not for the first time, that I looked okay in time. I was soon going to see Jay. Maybe she was right. Maybe he would offer some explanation, after all.

“It’s just…” I sighed. “I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I mean, all those years ago, he walked away without any warning. It was hard, Ally. I didn’t know what to think. I don’t know what to think. It made me feel worthless.”

Alexandra looked sad. “I’m so sorry,” she said sincerely. “But I’m pretty sure that wasn’t his point. No one who knows you, who dated you, would think that.”

“You sure?” I asked.

She chuckled. “I am sure.”

I smiled. “Thanks. But then…then, why did he do it? It wasn’t fair. I want some explanation from him.” I didn’t know how to explain what it would mean for me to hear some reason—any reason—in his words. I had spent years doubting myself, thinking I’d been worthless to him. Wondering if I was good enough. It would mean so much to me to have that cleared up.

She nodded. “I know you deserve answers,” she said slowly. “But…take it slow, huh?”

I nodded. “I’ll try.”

“I’m sure he’ll give them to you. Or why has he invited you?”

I smiled, feeling happier. “True,” I said. I hoped she was right. If there was something I longed for more than anything right now, it was answers.

When I reached the coffee shop, my nerves were strung to breaking point. I stood in the doorway, struggling to compose myself.

I scanned the crowded tables, searching for his familiar presence. There.

From my fortunate placement in the doorway, I could see his blonde hair and blue eyes and those big shoulders. He was seated at a table at the back, eyes focused on the menu. I felt my heart twist with fondness as I studied his familiar posture, the little wrinkle where he drew his brows together, reading.

I walked in. When I was about two paces away, he looked up. I saw his eyes gloss over me then return. They stretched as he stared at me and I felt my heart flutter with pleasure as he focused on my face.

“Margo. Hey.”

I grinned. “Hey. Hi,” I added, as he stood and shook my hand. The touch was like electricity down my arm, tingling all the way up to my shoulder. I shivered. His eyes held mine and something about that stare made my loins ache with longing.

I remembered vividly how it felt to lie beside him, how he had stroked me so expertly, his fingers making my body shiver with their touch. I looked into his eyes, and they held my gaze, their blue depths making me shiver.

I sat down, trying to ignore the fire that was surging through my body.