CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
AYA
My foot tapped silently against the carpeted floor of my room, and I stared at the door with anticipation clenching my abdomen. Hours had passed since Luciano left me, and guilt ate at my insides with every round my memories made inside my skull. Silently berating myself, I curled and spread my fingers before they formed loose fists. Shame battered my eyes from behind their sockets, and I pursed my lips together tightly.
How could I have been so naive to believe that woman? For hours my mind barely strayed from that question, and only to tell me how stupid I had been.
Releasing a shaky breath, I glanced at the clock at the head of my bed for the 20th time in half as many second. The time read 5:46P.M., and a groan built up to block my throat.
A lifetime seemed to pass in the span of a moment bore the doorknob finally turned, and I sprung up on tense legs. Smoothing the purple and cream skirt of my dress, my fingers trembled as the violent cocktail of emotions inside me drained to be replaced with giddiness.
I had a plan; I would apologize to Luciano. My plan didn’t go any further, but it didn’t need to.
Only the form that appeared behind the barrier before me wasn’t tall or broad or imposing. Blinking slowly, my eyelids snapped back wide as my pupils blew up. Clad in a casual suit, Sylvi stood straight even as he tilted to lean on the door frame. Shrewd, appraising eyes scanned my body from top to bottom, and a sliver of darkness pierced my heart.
“I bet you’re wondering where Luciano is. He left an hour ago to warm up at the Stadium.” Crossing his ankles, Sylvi locked eyes with me just as a wave of disappointment crashed into me. The devastating blow was enough to send me swaying back, and I stumbled down onto the foot of my bed. Staring into nothing, my eyes swam with the tears of a missed opportunity.
“What did you do to him while you were out today?” Flickering to Sylvi, my eyes couldn’t focus on him while my mind screamed at me. All of this would have been avoided if I had ignored that woman- a stranger, someone I didn’t even know the name of.
But it was so easy to believe her… My heart nearly stopped at the thought. It was easy to believe her because she wasn’t lying.
“Hey.” Snapping to Sylvi as he languidly strode across the room, my vision cleared with a harsh shutter of my lids. Tensing with each foot that disappeared between us, I held my breath as his expression softened. “Do you love him?”
A deep, dark shudder lodged in my spine, jerking my shoulders and forcing my tears to start falling. My mind went blank at Sylvi’s question, shrouded in darkness that lasted seconds. Inside and out the silence stretched, and the lump in my throat bubbled up until a sob burst from between my trembling lips. Choking on air, my throat burned as my lungs quivered around a heart that no longer knew how to beat properly.
Gasping cries wrenched from my body, and snot ran down form my nose to mix with tears. Covering my ruined face, my palms were hot and clammy, smearing the mess that coated my skin. Crying a hoarse shriek, my hysteria reached its peak at a fragment of a thought that managed to form.
I betrayed him. This was my punishment; not a literal death, but a figurative one.
Unfamiliar fingers wrapped around my chin while yet more pried my hands from my face. Through watery, aching eyes Sylvi appeared, his face drawn and lips turned down into a deep frown. Pushing back strands of hair that stuck to my cheeks, his gentle touch made me flinch. Heaving for air, my lungs screamed, and my heart palpated as the dark blotch surrounding it grew.
“I knew he made a mistake by keeping you like some pet… but it’s too late now to kill you. Do you know why I didn’t kill you in Trevor’s apartment even though you witnessed his murder?” Sighing heavily, Sylvi didn’t wait for me to shake my head; I wasn’t sure I could as madness closed in on me. “You remind me of this girl I knew in Italy. She was a slut- the best slut I’d ever had. The things I made her do and did to her horrified her so much she never spoke of it. She never acknowledged those terrible, disgusting things between those endless moments. And you’re so much like her. You wouldn’t have said anything about Trevor to anyone. You would’ve ignored it because he disgusted you. That’s why I offered to let you go.”
“But you stayed, and now you need Luciano… like some sick puppy that latched onto the first semblance of safety you could find. It’s revolting, really. Now, you’re here alone for the first time with me because Luciano decided you’re no longer worth his effort. He’s going to ignore you because you disgust him, just like that slut did- just like you did with Trevor. You need him, but he can’t even bring himself to look at you. You betrayed him, and this is the consequence.”
I betrayed him. Sylvi’s retreating form was lost to me as those three, little words circled in my mind. The abyss reached out, overtaking my field of vision until I was surrounded it. I betrayed him.
‘I don’t trust Sylvi…’ Luciano’s voice burst through the darkness to hit my body like an invisible brick wall. Gasping from the impact, I fell back onto my bed as memories rushed into my mind’s eye. The gym- the first time I met Sarah- I had been trying to block out her incessant talking. When Luciano’s familiar vocal wave reverberated around the gym, and his angry words had given my ears some relief.
“Don’t trust Sylvi…” My mumble was barely even words, but it banished the all consuming black around me. Blinking as inky tendrils were sucked into the corners of the room, I pushed myself up onto my elbows. Luciano wouldn’t ignore me. He would kill me.
The rationalization brought so much comfort it gently coaxed my heart back into rhythm, and I sat up fully. Relief turned my legs into limp noodles, and I managed a deep, steadying breath. Wiping my face, I sniffled hard as the space around me snapped into focus. Standing up slowly, my muscles ached and tingled as they slowly relaxed from their stiffness.
Sylvi and that woman from the shop were the same, and I shook my head roughly at the thought. They were destructive to me- to us, Luciano and I.
But there’s a place neither can get to us.
Stumbling over my half numb feet, I took slow, short steps to reach the door. When the barrier swung open easily, that pin needle sensation had given way to a surge of determination. The house was empty, dark even with golden light streaming through the curtained windows. Peering down the hallway, I rushed towards the stairs even as discomfort mounted in my gut. Over these past weeks I never once left my room without Luciano.
I have to, though. Because Luciano was out there, and Sylvi was whispering in his ear just as that woman from the shop had done to me.