Chapter 43
Alyse
“Oh my God, you look amazing!” I squeeze my sister tight, hardly able to believe how fantastic she looks. She’s absolutely glowing. Even in the two short weeks since I last saw her, her belly has rounded out a bit further.
“Soaking in vitamin D for two weeks does wonders for a person.”
“Somehow I don’t think that a few rays have you glowing like that,” I tease.
“You’re right,” Livia giggles.
“I missed you,” I tell her, truly meaning it.
“I missed you, too.”
“Liar.”
“No, I really did. It was great to spend some quality alone time with Gray, but I’m also glad to be home and able to get back into a routine. Sleeping in my own bed. Spending time with my sister.”
Gray and Livia returned from their honeymoon last night, and I’ve been dying to spend some alone time with her. I have so much to tell her.
“Can I get you anything?” I ask.
“No. I’m good. Thanks.”
I pour myself another glass of wine before taking a seat beside her, nerves setting in.
“So are you going to tell me about the blinding rock that’s weighing down your left hand?”
I can’t help but smile as I gaze at my almost three-carat cushion-cut platinum engagement ring that Asher and I picked out last Friday. In fact, I haven’t been able to stop smiling for over a week. He was pissed that the boutique jewelry store he wanted to take me to was closed on January first, so we had to wait until the next day. That was a whole week ago now. “Yeah, about that…”
“About that,” she mimics.
“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I wanted to tell you in person.”
She nods. “You look radiant, Lysee. So happy.”
“God, I am, Libs. Sickeningly happy. You don’t think it’s too soon?” I don’t. I know with every fiber of my being that Asher’s the one for me, but I guess I’m also seeking the approval from the one person outside of Asher who really matters.
My sister.
My friend.
My pseudo mother.
“I think the heart wants what it wants and when you know, you know. There’s no magical timetable for falling in love, Alyse. I fell head over heels for Gray the first time I saw him, even though I tried hard to resist his charms.”
“Sometimes I don’t think it’s real, you know,” I tell her, my voice low.
“Yes, I do know,” she answers just as softly. I sense those secrets I know she’s hiding coming closer to the surface.
Our gazes hold for a minute in solidarity. It’s time to spill my secrets again, but this time it will be easier.
“I have so much to tell you, Libs.”
“Me too,” she replies.
I take a deep breath and start my story from the beginning. I tell her about Beck. I tell her about our mother and how our father kept her away. I tell her about the baby I lost. I even tell her about my summer fling with Asher when I was seventeen, which makes her laugh.
Two more glasses of wine and half a box of tissues later, I get one last confession off my chest, so I can start this year completely free. Free from burdens. Free from secrets. Free from bitterness.
Free to be completely happy.
“I’ve had a lot of resentment toward you, Libs.”
She swallows and her eyes water again. “I know, Alyse. I’m sorry.”
“I’m trying to let it go, but when you left I felt abandoned. Again. I needed you more than I ever had and you were just…gone.” Telling a person you love that they’ve disappointed you is gut-wrenchingly hard. Let’s face it, who really likes confrontation? But it’s far better than letting that resentment fester deep inside until it becomes cancerous, permanently tainting your relationship.
Rising from the couch, Livia walks to the window. It’s snowing, and while I hate the cold and snow, from this height I have to admit the white flakes floating down from the heavens above are peaceful and beautiful. A complete contradiction to how I feel right now.
“I didn’t leave you, Alyse. I…saved you.”
“Saved me? From what? How could leaving me save me?”
Livia finally sits back down, takes my hand, and reveals yet another bizarre chapter in this fucked-up story that’s become my life. She tells me how our father “sold” her to pay his debts, but that the monster really wanted me. She tells me how she was beaten, raped, and lost her baby. She tells me how she almost didn’t make it out alive and how Luke/Grant (confusing) saved her.
When she’s finished, I almost wish for oblivion.
For years I’ve had it all wrong.
For years I’ve believed the worst of every person who’s ever loved me.
For years, I’ve believed I was never good enough.
Every person I thought didn’t fight for me or love me enough to stay, sacrificed everything for me.
Everything.
Except for one. My father.
He didn’t sacrifice enough.