WINTER

"Finn's here," Tucker said. His words made my hand jerk and the tattoo gun went skittering across the skin making an ugly jagged black mark.

"Dammit," I cursed, wiping the mark ineffectually.

"I can tell him to leave." Tucker drew his finger over the faery wings I was drawing. This was part of Cecilia's design. Cecilia was a dancer at Riskie’s who’d had her career derailed by scarring. Jimmy had demoted her to waiting tables, and Cecilia claimed that if I could do an art piece on her body to disguise her scars Jimmy would put her back on the stage. She was also the mother of two really adorable toddlers.

I’d decided if Cecilia could strip and be a good mom, so could Ivy. I hadn’t informed Ivy of my conclusion yet. She and I were barely talking. More accurately, she was talking and I was ignoring her.

The design was a fairy garden with creeping vines and hidden winged creatures. On paper, it was gorgeous. How it would translate to her skin, I wasn’t sure. Tucker suggested I try out each small part and then move on to putting the components together. My graduation project would be Cecilia. She was thrilled because the tattoo would be free. Me? I felt ready to puke at the idea of putting the needle to someone's skin.

It was hard enough doing the pigskin.

"I really suck at this," I muttered, turning off the gun and ripping off my gloves.

"You've done it for four weeks," Tucker countered. "You're supposed to suck at this. When you first started drawing, were you any good?"

I laughed. "Yes, I was awesome. I started drawing with a pencil when I was three, and I was so good my mom enrolled me in art classes before I was even potty trained."

"You'll get better," he replied encouragingly. "I'm sure."

"But I don't know if I want to?"

He cocked his head. "What would you want to do?"

I hadn't thought about what I really wanted to do in a long while, not since I’d learned that a bachelor’s degree was out of the question because Ivy'd spent our money on drugs. "I don't know. Maybe be an elementary school art teacher like my mother. Something to do with art. I’d like to take classes to get better at graphic design so that I could take better and higher-paying projects."

"Why don't you do that?"

"Because it's expensive. I can't afford it, and I love it here."

"So get a scholarship or loans and work here doing commissions. Even if you moved on to something else, we'd still want you here."

"You would?" My mouth fell open.

One eyebrow arched high in disbelief as my surprise. "Yes, you'll still be part of the Atra family no matter where you go or what you do. You've been a big part in building this up." He waved his arm. "Hell, I'd probably still be stuck in that strip mall on the south side if not for your artwork."

I felt hot tears prick the back of my eyes, and I blinked to keep them from falling. "I wouldn't have ever made it through Ivy's incarceration if it hadn't been for you guys here."

Tucker crouched down in front of me and swiped his fingers across my eyes. The tears had leaked out despite my efforts. "And we will continue to be here for you. We love you, Winter. You're part of us. You may have lost your parents. And your sister's kind of a shithead, but this is your family now. You of all people should know that it isn't what's in here," he tapped the vein on the top of my hand, "that defines the family, but what's in here." He rubbed his hand over his heart.

I swiped my hand under my nose. The tears were streaming out of me, and my nose was getting snotty. "Do you still have that extra room available in your apartment?"

I could hardly believe I was asking, but every night when I went home, I felt Finn’s loss so keenly that I literally ached. Not just in my heart—my entire body hurt. And Ivy buzzed around like her meltdown hadn’t happened.

I was beginning to hate her. The sound of her voice grated on my ears. The way she rubbed her hand over her belly had me scowling. Every little thing she did bothered me these days.

I’d never felt like this when she was addicted. Mostly I wanted her to get better, but now I needed to get away from her before my well of love for her ran dry. As long as I wasn’t with Finn, she seemed okay with the fact that we were barely talking and spent most of our time avoiding one another.

"Yeah."

"If I went back to school, it would be very expensive, and I’d need a cheap place to live."

"If you cook for me every night in that uniform from Riskie's, you can live there rent free."

I slugged him hard but then threw my arms around his neck. "Thank you."

He gave me a brief hug in return and then set me back down. "What about your sister?"

I gave him a bitter smile. “I don’t know, but I bet as long as I stay away from Finn she’ll be fine.”

“You know she’s manipulating you.”

“If it was only Ivy I had to worry about, then maybe I would say fuck it, but she’s pregnant. Even if she’s really bluffing, what if I’m wrong and set her off on a bender that damages her baby? I’d never be able to live with myself.” I stood and emptied out the ink from the gun. "I need to go home and pack. Can I meet you at your place in an hour?"

"Sure. So what should I say to Finn?"

"I don't care what you say to him." I hardened my heart. One of these days I'd be able to hear his name and not feel like I was going to break apart. One of these days I'd be able to look at him and not remember what it was like for him to touch me, kiss me, love me. One of these days I'd think of him as a good memory. But not today.

If I saw him, I’d cave. I’d run into his arms, and then what would I do with Ivy?

Tucker told Finn to leave, and I hid in the back until I was given the all clear. Then I left too, driving to the bank, making arrangements for a new account, and then driving home.

Once home I made one phone call. After I finished with that, I packed my suitcase, stuffing the remaining belongings in a laundry basket and two boxes I'd borrowed from work. I stuffed it all in the Honda and waited.

Finn dropped her off at five thirty. I watched from the window as he parked, illegally, in front of the entrance to the complex. He got out and opened the door for her. He didn't reach in and pull her out like he did with me. Instead he held on to the door, watching as she slid out of the seat. Once she was safely on the ground, he looked upward and waved—a short, choppy gesture that said he was watching.

He had probably called and tried to text, but I’d blocked his number. Not because I didn't want to hear from him, but because I knew I was perilously weak where he was concerned.

Ivy was out of breath when she opened the door to the apartment. She'd have to find a place with either an elevator or an apartment on the ground floor. But that would be her mess to take care of. Or Finn's if he was willing to help her.

"Hey, you’re home already. How come you didn't come and pick me up?"

"I had things to do." I rose from the sofa and walked over to the hook where my purse hung. I pulled out the bank book and handed it to Ivy.

She turned it over. "What's this?"

"It's your checking account."

"I don't handle the money in this family. You do." She shoved it toward me.

"Not for you, not any more. I'm moving out."

"What?" she cried. She pushed by me and ran to my room. I heard drawers opened and slammed shut. The closet door creaked as she opened it. She ran back. "What’s going on?"

"I'm moving into Tucker's extra room."

"What about me?" She threw her arms open wide. “What about your niece or nephew?”

"Margo says there's a church family she knows who will take you in if you don't want to live by yourself or if you don't feel you can." I drew in a shaky breath and then another. This was really hard. Margo had said it would be hard. She’d offered to come by and hold my hand, but I had said no. The Donovans, both of us, were going to have to learn to stand on our own two feet.

"A church family? Wait, you were talking to my sponsor?" Bewilderment colored her tone, and she stumbled back, her hands falling to her side.

"Yes, I talked to your sponsor. I told her that I couldn't stay here with you, and she said there were a few options for you including this family."

"Why are you acting like this?" Her hands reached for me, but I stepped aside.

Margo had told me to be honest.

"Because I love both of you, and you both hurt me very badly. I need time away from you so I can remember how much I do love you. You are killing my love for you. I have tried so hard to be strong for you, Ivy, because you’ve been there for me. But I can't do it any longer. My whole life has been sacrifices so that you could get well. But I cannot be the staff you lean on every time you feel weak. Because you don't feel weak occasionally. You feel weak all the time."

"I can't believe you’re abandoning me. You’re leaving me like trash on the corner."

I wiped the tears from my eyes. "You need to learn not to say things like that to me. I closed our joint account. You have enough in savings to pay your rent until you have your baby. That's about five months. It's all the money we have left from Mom and Dad. I'm taking the car. It's an even trade."

"Winter, don't do this to me."

If she had said one word about me, I might have stayed, but she was stuck in her own world and her own bubble. Margo had been thrilled when I’d called her, saying it was the thing that Ivy needed to move on. "I'm doing this for both of us," I said. I could barely get the words out. My throat was clogged with so much emotion, so much love and fear, that it threatened to choke me.

"You’re being a selfish bitch," she raged. She stepped forward, and her four inches on me felt looming and intimidating.

"Yes, I am. I love you, Ivy. But yes, for once I'm being selfish." I picked up my purse and walked out.

When I got to Tucker's, everyone was there—Omar, Gig, and Rachel. Rachel held me while I cried, and the guys made homemade pizza.