Chapter 2

What the hell am I thinking?

Five hours later, Julian found himself standing outside the outreach center in downtown Santa Monica asking himself that—and not for the first time since he’d decided to go.

But there’d been something about Charlotte Clark, with her long, wavy brown hair and brilliant blue eyes. When he’d first seen her at the coffee line, he had found himself momentarily tongue-tied. And more than a little stunned that he would feel such a strong pull of attraction to anyone right now.

At first, he’d thought there was no way someone would step up and pay for his breakfast without wanting something from him. It wasn’t possible. It had happened too many times before—a beautiful girl wanting to buy him a drink in hopes of endearing herself to him. He thought she had recognized him and hoped by paying for his order he’d be so grateful that he’d do something for her—an autograph, a picture, or who knew what else. He’d heard and been asked for it all before.

But she didn’t ask for a damn thing. If anything, she had seemed so genuinely concerned about him that he couldn’t quite comprehend it. Once he mentally counted to ten and got his initial rage under control, it didn’t take long for him to realize she didn’t have a clue who he was. That did happen from time to time—as the drummer in a band, Julian was sometimes in the background. Honestly, not being front and center in Shaughnessy was a perk for him. Especially while he’d been on the road for the last several months. Very few people recognized him now.

And that’s when he decided that maybe—just maybe—he could let down his guard a little bit.

Before life had gotten so complicated—or maybe he should say before he was forced to accept all the ways his life had gotten so out of control—Julian never had a problem with being suspicious of everything and everyone. Early in his career with the band, it had been fun when people wanted to buy them a drink or dinner. Unfortunately, once they hit it big, things like that were no longer a friendly gesture, they were the means to an end. Riley, Matt, and Dylan never seemed to have a problem with it, but after a while it had started to grate on Julian’s nerves. He didn’t care if someone wanted something from him, he just would prefer they be honest and up front about it.

“Because he’s Julian Grayson and he’s rich—and I want to be rich.”

Yeah. That one statement played on an almost constant loop in his head no matter how hard he tried to stop it. There was honesty for you. It wasn’t honesty to his face, but it had ended up there anyway.

Maybe there’d come a time when he’d get over it—not just Dena’s words and actions, but his near-obsessive distrust of pretty much everyone. Man, he hoped so. The constant tension and negative energy was slowly making him insane. The isolation wasn’t bothering him, but not even being able to relax enough to enjoy it was.

Pacing away from the building, Julian pulled out his phone and decided he needed a minute to get himself under control. He needed to calm down before going inside and doing…he still didn’t know what.

Scrolling through his contacts, he pulled up Riley’s number and hit it.

“Julian!” Riley said excitedly as he answered. “You’re back!”

Unable to help himself, he laughed, because it felt good to know there were people who were genuinely concerned about him and his well-being. He’d been so determined not to feel anything for so long that it was a little weird to feel this good about his friend’s reaction.

“Yeah, man. I’m back,” he said gruffly as he kept walking.

“So, how are you? You doing okay? You back in LA?”

“Actually, I’m staying in Malibu right now.”

“Ah,” Riley said knowingly. “Mick mentioned he had a place on hold for you there.”

There was no point in bringing up his reasons for moving, Riley was fully in the know about all of that. “I was relieved to have the option. I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal to be home, but…”

“It was,” Riley finished for him. “And I can’t blame you. I remember Dylan saying the same thing. Maybe some people can just go back and pick up where they left off and reason how it’s just a house, but it’s not. It’s a place that holds memories—good and bad.”

“Exactly.”

“But seriously, Jules, how are you?”

He shrugged even though his friend couldn’t see him. “I thought I was doing okay,” he admitted honestly, “but…now I’m not so sure.”

“Uh-oh. What happened?”

Julian explained about his meeting with Charlotte this morning. Looking back, he realized it was wrong to be so evasive with her. After all, the last thing he needed was a…what did she call herself…a vocational rehabilitation advisor? He didn’t need a job and he didn’t particularly want one.

So what was he doing here?

And that’s exactly what Riley asked him.

“Maybe I’m just bored.”

Riley laughed.

“What’s so damn funny?”

“Because you’re never bored. In all the years we’ve known each other, you’re the one who is always doing something. There were times I felt exhausted just watching you or listening to all of the things you would do—writing music, playing music, producing music. I swear, for the longest time I thought you couldn’t possibly be human because it seemed like you never slept. So really, I don’t think you’re bored, exactly. If anything, you hate to just sit and relax.”

“I’ve been doing nothing but sitting and relaxing for three months,” Julian reminded him.

“Not really. You’ve been running away from your demons. Not the same thing.”

That was one way of looking at it, he supposed. Still… “Not without good reason. But that’s neither here nor there. Now that I’m back, I’m sort of unsure what I want to do.”

“Why don’t we get together and hang out tomorrow? I’ll call Dylan and he can join us, and I know Matt’s back in North Carolina right now, but maybe he can fly out one day next week and we can all get together and jam. What do you think?”

He thought the way his heart was hammering that he was going to pass out.

Even though Julian had felt fairly certain he was ready to walk away from this part of his life—playing music—telling his bandmates wasn’t going to be easy. And he didn’t even want the temptation of getting behind a set of drums right now. He didn’t want to think about doing it again—playing, opening himself back up to the type of people who had betrayed him—and yet he didn’t want to hurt Riley’s feelings. Or Dylan’s, or Matt’s, or even Mick’s. Although, he was fairly certain their manager suspected it was coming.

He just didn’t want to get into it all right now.

“How about we just deal with tomorrow and we’ll talk about the rest?” he said after a minute.

“I understand.”

And while Riley was probably the most levelheaded guy Julian had ever known and he’d dealt with his own anxiety where music was concerned, there was no way he could fully understand what Julian was dealing with. It was impossible. Mainly because he couldn’t explain it himself.

“So let’s get back to what it is you’re doing right now,” Riley said, interrupting his thoughts. “Why are you there at this homeless shelter? I mean, not that it’s a bad thing—volunteer work is awesome—but somehow I don’t think this is all about you doing your good deed for the day. What made you decide to drive to Santa Monica for this?”

His immediate response—even though he didn’t say it out loud—was Charlotte.

She just… Raking a hand through his hair, he sighed. There was something about her that made it impossible for him to just walk away and never see her again. And besides, it wasn’t like he had anything to do today. What was the harm in volunteering at a homeless shelter? There were worse ways for him to spend his time.

“I don’t know. The chick seemed so passionate about what she was talking about that I was curious.”

It wasn’t a total lie.

“Okay, so this is about doing a good deed,” Riley said casually. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I know,” Julian replied, a little defensively.

Riley chuckled. “You seem a little on edge for a guy just looking to do something nice. You sure that’s all there is to it?”

“What else would there be?”

“Jules, how long have we known each other?”

“Over a decade.”

“Exactly. Granted, for the second half of that decade you were involved with Dena and I spent most of the time scratching my head wondering what you were doing, but overall I think I know you pretty well.”

“Is this going anywhere?” he asked, hoping he sounded bored and not annoyed.

“I think maybe it’s about the girl a little more than it’s about the deed.”

There were so many things on the tip of Julian’s tongue and yet he couldn’t get the words out. Riley was right. This was about Charlotte and it freaked him out more than it should. He knew that, but he didn’t know why.

With a huff of agitation, Julian said, “Look, I should go. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

Luckily Riley didn’t push him and they agreed on a time, and when he hung up, he had to wonder if he’d have any answers by then.

Julian looked up and down the street and realized this wasn’t a particularly great part of town. He’d parked several blocks away at a parking garage because…well, partly because this wasn’t a great part of town and partly because he knew if Charlotte saw his Mercedes SUV she’d have some questions for him.

And he wasn’t prepared to answer them just yet.

Not that he owed her—or anyone—an explanation. He was here to do a good thing and that’s all that mattered.

Slowly he made his way back up the street and stood in front of the center. It was a rundown-looking place—faded brick facade, dirty glass windows and doors. The small green space in front was neatly manicured, but other than that, it didn’t look all that welcoming. Maybe that was intentional—this was a functional space to help people temporarily and they didn’t want it to look so appealing that you’d want to stay for the long-term. Although he couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to stay homeless. Sometimes that was the unfairness of life: you were thrust into circumstances beyond your control and ended up living the life you never imagined.

Fortunately, there were places like this and people like Charlotte to help you. He was taken from his reverie by the door opening and much to his surprise, Charlotte stepped out. Her blue eyes widened, as did her smile when she spotted him.

“Julian,” she said with a hint of surprise. “I’m so glad you decided to come.” She looked up one side of the block and down the other before looking back at him. “Did you have a hard time getting here?”

“Not at all,” he replied. GPS makes getting anywhere easy.

“I’m so glad. We’re just waiting for a few people, but you’re more than welcome to come inside and get something to eat and drink. We’ve got some coffee and doughnuts set up for the meeting, so please help yourself.”

“I’m good,” he said. “But thank you.”

“I was just coming out to see if anyone else had arrived. We’re due to start in five minutes.”

There really wasn’t anything he could say to that so he just stood with her and waited. After a minute he asked, “So…how does this all work? Do you unload the truck first or do your class first?”

Tucking her hair behind her ear, she looked at him and seemed pleased that he was initiating the conversation. “We’ll start out with the class. We have a room set up with a conference table and a whiteboard, and computer stations around the perimeter. We’ll spend the first thirty minutes talking about the progress everyone’s made in the last week, and I’ll answer any questions the first-timers may have. Afterward, we’ll spend an hour applying for and setting up as many interviews as possible. Once the hour is up, we’ll head back to the loading dock and help with the truck and whatever else is needed.”

Julian was about to ask her if he could just skip the class and go directly to the labor, but she started talking again.

“I think you’ll find the class very helpful. Part of the problem so many people struggle with is looking for the kind of job they want.” She paused when he looked at her like she was crazy. After all, what was wrong with going after the kind of job you want?

Then she continued. “Sometimes it’s important to start with something you might be overqualified for just to get back into the workforce. And then—in time—build up to a job that is maybe more on your level.”

“Seems to me you’re asking people to sell themselves short,” he commented. “Why not encourage them to apply for a job they’re qualified for that offers training so there’s a chance for advancement?”

“Because right now most of the people I work with are homeless or don’t have a wardrobe or even transportation to get them to and from a job. I don’t want anyone to get discouraged or have any excuses. If they can start at something—anything—and start collecting a paycheck, soon they’ll be able to look into buying the clothes they need to go on interviews with a place that is maybe more on their level of expertise. Not everyone who comes here is ready to go to work in the corporate world.”

“I suppose.”

“Believe it or not, it’s taking the first step that truly is the hardest. We tend to build up these scenarios of self-doubt in our minds and think we can’t possibly overcome the hard circumstances and it paralyzes us.”

“Us?” he asked.

She smiled and laughed softly. “You know what I mean. I’m speaking figuratively, not literally. The fear of failure truly stops so many people from doing what needs to be done. For example, you take a family who are homeless due to the husband losing his job. He’ll struggle with a lot of emotions over that and his family having no place to live. And for some people, they can’t move past that to take the step to find another job.”

“Why?”

“Mainly because they think they have to find a job exactly like the one they had before. Pride has a lot to do with it,” she explained. “But with some counseling and guidance, we have a great success rate. It may not be exactly what they had before, but that’s something they can work toward if they truly want to.”

It made sense when she explained it like that. Julian had never been poor and his family had never struggled with unemployment, so this was all foreign to him. His father had worked as an accountant for thirty years and his mother had been a stay-at-home mom for most of his life and was now enjoying being a photographer. One career for each. And before the band had hit it big, Julian had worked for a landscaping company. He’d never been fired or laid off—he simply left when the band got a recording contract.

“So how do these people live? I mean, let’s say you help them find a job but they’re living here at the shelter. How do they make it work when they have to start over from scratch? I would think that in itself would be overwhelming.”

“Oh, it is! But we’re lucky we have a donation center where people donate everything from clothing and furniture to dishes and all kinds of housewares. It’s available to everyone and by the time most people are ready to sign a lease on an apartment, we have enough here to help them at least begin to furnish their new home.”

“But what if they need more? How can they possibly do it all if they’re working at a fast food restaurant making minimum wage and have a family to support?”

Julian had no idea why he was asking so many questions, except now that this kind of situation was brought to his attention, he was curious. Although, knowing what Charlotte thought about him, he was pretty sure she believed he was asking for his own personal reasons.

Before she could answer, three men turned the corner and he saw by the way Charlotte seemed to relax that these were the ones she was waiting for.

“Carl! Derek! George! I’m so glad you were able to come!”

And with that, they all walked inside for class.

* * *

It wasn’t like her to be so distracted, and yet Charlotte was.

It didn’t matter what she was doing or saying, she could feel Julian’s eyes on her. He didn’t ask any questions and he didn’t offer to answer any of hers, so she just chalked it up to him wanting to observe. That was fine and well, but she couldn’t help sneaking glances his way and every time she did, he caught her doing it.

Focus, Charlotte!

After she had spent the first part of the class talking, she assigned everyone a computer station. She’d offered one to Julian and he’d sat down at it, but she noticed he didn’t search or apply for anything. Maybe he was nervous, because it couldn’t be that he didn’t understand the instructions. It had been her intention to go and sit with him and ask if he needed help, but it seemed like tonight was the night of a million questions from everyone else. And each time she happened to glance in Julian’s direction, he was watching her intently.

When the timer on her phone went off letting her know classroom time was over, she almost sagged with relief. At least now when they went to help out with the truck, she would be too busy to be so aware of him.

Only…if anything, now she was even more aware of him.

The man had muscles and he wasn’t afraid to use them.

He could have unloaded the truck by himself and there didn’t seem to be anything he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—do. He was mesmerizing to watch and although she had at least a hundred things she could be doing, she found herself stopping to watch Julian lift and carry boxes.

And wishing there was a second truck to unload.

“CeeCee!” Someone called out and Charlotte immediately turned around. “What time do you need the room on Thursday!”

Hank Carter ran the center and she knew he had her schedule—she always gave it to him a month in advance—but he had a tendency to seek her out to confirm and reconfirm. Walking toward him, she gave him a patient smile. “I’m planning to come in at two on Thursday, Hank,” she said. “I believe we already have a dozen people signed up for the workshop but there is plenty of room for more, so if you know of anyone and want to send them my way, please do.”

“You’re such a blessing to the people here, CeeCee,” he said warmly. She wasn’t fond of the nickname, but she never argued over it. “We had three new families arrive last night, and we gave them all of your information so you should be expecting to hear from them, possibly before Thursday.”

For the next fifteen minutes, he gave her a brief overview of each of their situations. The wheels in her mind were already turning as she thought of ways to help them immediately.

“Have them reach out to me first thing tomorrow,” she said, feeling hopeful. “I’ll be in the office at eight and we’ll get right to work on their cases.”

“You’re amazing,” he replied. “I wish everyone was as involved as you.”

“Thanks, Hank.” With a smile and a wave, Charlotte went to go and check on the progress of the truck being unloaded.

Or maybe she was just going to look at Julian.

“Charlotte!” someone else called out as soon as she began walking toward the loading dock. Why did she think she could just go and stare at someone when her time at the center was usually spent talking to the residents and staff and helping put out fires seemingly everywhere?

For the first time in years, she almost resented the intrusion. She had her own work to do just like everyone else, and yet it seemed to her like nothing got done until she was here on-site. It was something she’d been dying to talk to Hank about, but she didn’t know how to do it without it sounding as if she was trying to tell him how to do his job.

Which, let’s face it, she would.

For the next two hours, she spoke with one of the new families, set up appointments for some one-on-one career counseling, and had more than enough to do to keep her from checking on Julian or the progress of the truck. By the time she was finally able to get back to it, the loading bay door was closing and the only one around was Hank.

Darn. Had she missed saying goodbye?

“Hey, CeeCee,” Hank said as he turned and walked toward her. “Great job tonight. We got so much accomplished. The new guy who joined your group—Julian?—he was a tremendous help.”

“Really?” she asked, wanting to be pleased, but she was also curious.

Nodding, Hank explained, “He helped unload the entire truck and when that was done, he helped Gladys and Mark move all the boxes of donations that arrived yesterday. It required quite a bit of rearranging in the back storage room. We just told Julian what we needed, and he did it.”

Brows furrowed, Charlotte had to wonder where the heck everyone else was if Julian was doing all the work. Which is what she asked him.

“Oh, the other guys all helped with sweeping up and breaking down the pallets and boxes from the food delivery. This is the best this place has looked in a while.”

And it made her smile. It was nice to know she could do something to help make a difference, and she instantly felt bad for feeling so put-upon earlier.

“So what’s his situation?” Hank asked. “How long has he been out of a job?”

Charlotte shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea. He hasn’t said. I just met him this morning and mentioned what we were going to be doing here tonight. I was kind of surprised when he showed up.” She paused. “Normally I can get a good read on people, but he’s not an easy case at all.”

“Some people are like that.” Hank studied her for a moment with a patient smile. “You know you can’t work miracles with everyone. And not everyone has so many layers that you need to take it upon yourself to go through.”

“Maybe…”

And while she knew Hank had a point, she didn’t think it applied to Julian. She knew enough about people to know when there was more there than met the eye, and that was exactly what she felt in this situation.

And then there were some blurred lines in her reasons why she wanted to know more about him. It wasn’t solely for professional reasons and it was the first time she’d ever had to deal with that kind of conflict. From the moment Julian had turned around in the coffee shop this morning, she’d felt more than a professional interest in him.

No matter what she tried to tell herself.

Charlotte was about to wish Hank a good night and say goodbye when something occurred to her. “Did Julian happen to mention what kind of job he was looking for?”

Hank shook his head. “It didn’t come up. If anything, I got the impression he doesn’t like to talk about himself. Any time we started talking about job prospects, Julian would ask what else needed to be done.” He chuckled softly. “That was kind of how we ended up getting so much done. You know we never turn down an offer for help.”

Which meant the topic of job prospects must have come up a lot.

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.” This time she did say goodbye and walked to the office to get her purse. On her way out, she glanced around and noted how the place did look a lot better than it had in a while—cleaner, less cluttered. She wished she could have thanked Julian, but he was nowhere in sight.

She stepped outside, foolishly hoping she’d find him outside just as she had earlier, but he wasn’t there. The sun was going down and as she wondered where he might be, her stomach growled loudly. It was only then that she realized she hadn’t had anything to eat since her coffee and muffin this morning with Julian.

Julian…

With a sigh, she walked toward her car and wondered again what it was about him that had him so firmly planted in her mind. Did she want to help him? Yes. Did she need to know he was going to be okay? Absolutely.

Did she also want to run her hands up his muscular arms and touch him and then have those same arms wrapped around her?

She hung her head and shook it.

Yes.

It was right then when she knew if she did happen to hear from Julian again, she was going to have to ask one of her colleagues to help him.

She was already too emotionally invested in him, and not in a strictly professional way.

As Charlotte drove home, she forced herself to think about something else. Anything else. And surprisingly, it wasn’t hard to do. By nature, she was a list-maker and once she pushed all thoughts of Julian aside, she realized how much she had to do in the coming week.

Going out with friends had become a bit of a challenge in the last six months because the last of them had gotten married and now everything was suddenly a couples’ event.

Every. Blasted. Thing.

Even their once-a-month brunch had all the husbands horning in. It was impossible to have any serious girl-talk with five men sitting there!

As much as she’d like to blame it on the guys for ruining their time out, it was also the way everyone was looking at her, wondering out loud why she wasn’t dating, asking when she was going to settle down and why it was that she didn’t want a family.

She did! More than anything Charlotte wanted to get married and have kids and a dog and a house with a white picket fence, but it wasn’t so easy to find! Listening to her friends, however, you’d think it was. Each of them had met their Mr. Right and when they told the story, it was as if they’d just opened their doors one day and said “Oh! There you are!” and that was that.

Um, yeah. That had never happened for her. If anything, she’d opened her door and found Mr. I-Have-Issues. She’d invest months in helping him, only to have him walk away and be someone else’s Mr. Right.

“Ugh…maybe I need to get a fish,” she said as she made her way to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of water.

Most people would contemplate getting a dog or cat, but not her. The ever-practical side of her knew she should start small and work her way up. Sure, a fish couldn’t snuggle with her, but she was a firm believer in not overwhelming herself when she tried something new. Fish would be easy to care for, and it wasn’t like she was going to invest in a big aquarium. Maybe just a goldfish for starters.

And how pathetic was it that she was actually starting to feel a little excited at the prospect of getting a goldfish?

* * *

“And nobody recognized you?”

Julian shook his head. “Nope. No one. I’d say it was weird, but I was just on the road without it happening so…maybe I’m used to it now.” He was sitting poolside at Riley’s house along with Dylan and telling them about his night working at the homeless shelter.

“So, here’s my question,” Dylan began. “Why? I mean, why go? You talked to this woman and she just assumed you needed help—which we’ll get to later—and that was the end of it. You never had to see her again so why bother going?”

With a shrug, Julian reached for the bottle of water in front of him. “What else have I got to do?”

Riley and Dylan looked at each other and then back at him. “I would imagine after three months away you’d have a lot to do,” Riley said. “You’ve been away from everything and everyone, I would have thought you’d want to reconnect with your friends and your family, Jules. Your first night home and you’re out unpacking a truck in Santa Monica. It just seems a little…odd, that’s all.”

“It was my second night,” he corrected. “I talked to Mick, I’d been in contact with my folks the whole time I was gone, and now I’m here with the two of you. I’m meeting with a Realtor later today about the house, and I’m going to put most of my stuff in storage until I find a place of my own.”

“You may find someplace pretty quick,” Dylan said. “Paige and I did. It was the first house we went to and we just fell in love with it.”

Riley nodded. “That’s how I felt when I saw this house. Savannah and I talk about moving, since this was my place from before we met and it’s getting a little crowded with two kids, but we just love it.”

Julian couldn’t help but smile. If ever there was a family man, it was Riley Shaughnessy. It wasn’t just the fact that Riley came from a big family, he really seemed to have hit his stride since becoming a father.

“How’s the baby doing?” Julian asked. “I noticed it was pretty quiet in the house when we arrived.”

Riley’s grin spoke volumes. “He’s doing great. Savannah’s parents are flying in today and she took the kids to meet them at the airport. Her mother would be devastated to have to wait even an extra minute to see them.”

“Speaking of kids,” Dylan said and Julian noted the slight goofy grin on his face, “we just found out Paige is pregnant!” There was a flurry of congratulations, and if anything, Dylan’s smile grew. “Can you believe it? Me! I’m going to be a dad!”

“That is amazing news, Dylan,” Riley said. “How is Paige feeling?”

“She’s great. I mean seriously great. I was going to wait until Matt got here next week to tell you guys, but…I couldn’t,” he said with a laugh. “We knew as soon as we bought the house that we couldn’t wait to have kids and I’m so freaking excited it’s happening.”

“Good for you, man,” Julian said and he meant it. Dylan had gone through so many years of battling his demons that it was good not to only see him clean and sober, but also so happy. Then he glanced over at Riley and realized how his friend hadn’t gone through anything even remotely as dark as the rest of the band, but he’d overcome a great deal after his mother’s death so long ago, and here he was loving life too. And no doubt when he saw Matt he’d notice the same thing. So it was possible to find happiness after the lowest points in your life.

At least for other people.

Somehow, Julian didn’t think it was going to happen for him. He doubted he would ever be willing to open himself up to the possibility ever again.

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

“I’d say let’s make a toast,” Riley said with a small laugh, “but it feels weird to be doing it with bottled water.”

But that didn’t deter Julian. “Doesn’t matter what we’re drinking, the sentiment is there.” He raised his bottle of water and looked at Dylan. “Here’s to you and Paige and baby Anders. We can’t wait to see what kind of hell he puts you through!”

They all laughed and drank, and for a few minutes, the conversation was all about babies. Julian sat back and pretended to listen. It certainly wasn’t in the cards for him and no matter how happy he was for his friends, he was surprised at the pang of sadness that hit him at that realization. He was happy for Dylan—and Riley and Matt—and the last thing he wanted to be was the downer of the group. Especially on a day like today with Dylan’s big news.

“So, where do we want to play next week when Matt gets in?” Riley asked. “Normally I’d suggest here, but with Savannah’s parents I think it would be too distracting.” He looked over at Dylan. “Is your space ready to use or should we book space someplace else?”

“I’ve been waiting for a chance to christen my studio,” Dylan said excitedly. “I’ve played in it alone a couple of times, but I’ve been dying to get you guys all together and jam. This is gonna be awesome!”

Julian’s heart pounded like the drums he usually played. Now. He had to tell them now and pretty much kill the mood. If he didn’t, it would just be that much harder next week.

“Listen…” he began hesitantly, “I’m not sure.”

“No,” Dylan said firmly. “No way. Uh-uh. This is in no way a professional commitment. This is just four friends getting together to jam. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Then Riley chimed in. “We’re not rushing you, Jules. When you’re ready to get back in the studio with us, you just say the word and we’re all there. But you just got home and you’ve got to work things out in your head. We get it.”

“Just know,” Dylan added, “if you said getting back in the studio would help you, we’d all be there in an instant. But this is your call.”

He wanted to relax—he seriously did—but no matter how supportive they were being, it wasn’t going to help. There was no way he was returning to Shaughnessy and the whole rock star lifestyle. That chapter was closed for good.

Riley’s phone rang and he held it up to show them Mick’s name. He put the phone on speaker as he answered. “Hey, Mick. What’s up?”

“Is everyone there with you?”

“Everyone except Matt,” Riley said. “What’s up?”

“Just got off the phone with Robert Hayward—the president of Encore Records. They’re going to be celebrating their twenty-fifth anniversary on January fourth, and all of their clients are performing. So I wanted to give you a heads up and say that this will be the perfect way to get Shaughnessy back in the spotlight and maybe announce a tour. We’ll meet next week to talk about it when Matt’s here.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dylan said. “That’s like three months away. Why the last-minute hoopla?”

On the line, they could hear Mick sigh. “It’s not last-minute. It was just that we—meaning Shaughnessy—were in crisis mode when word was released and I didn’t think we needed to add this into the mix. Now that Julian’s home, we can get back to business.”

Riley and Dylan looked at Julian. If he ground his teeth any harder they’d disintegrate . All the tension he’d been tamping down was back at the surface. As if sensing it, Riley looked at the phone. “Sounds good, Mick. Let me call you later, okay?”

Without missing a beat, Mick said, “Talk to you then.”

Riley put the phone down and looked at Julian. “I swear I think he’s watching us all the damn time. It’s like he knows exactly when to call and what we’re talking about.”

“He’s freaky like that,” Dylan agreed and then nervously looked at Julian.

He wasn’t ready for this. Any of it. He thought he was. Thought that the time away would be enough time to get his head together.

But it wasn’t.

Standing up, he said, “I need to go and meet the Realtor. Call me when Matt’s here.” And without anything more than a slight wave, he walked back into Riley’s house and straight out the front door as if the hounds of hell were chasing him.

In his car, he sped out of Riley’s neighborhood and onto the freeway. He actually had several hours before he had to meet with the Realtor about the house, so there was no place pressing he had to be. So he drove.

Straight to Santa Monica and the homeless shelter.

It was doubtful Charlotte would be there. But he knew how much help the shelter needed and…it had actually felt pretty damn good just to lend a hand.

Driving around the block and over a few more, he parked in the lot he had last night and then walked over to the shelter. Inside he spotted Hank and strode over to him.

“Need a hand today?”

* * *

For the next several days, that had been Julian’s pattern—get up, pretend he was just going to stay home, and eventually end up back at the shelter. He hadn’t talked to anyone about donating money, for now this was simply about giving his time and doing what he could in a hands-on way.

By Thursday afternoon, he had helped unload trucks, sort through donations, move furniture, and even paint several rooms. It had been a long time since he’d done anything quite so physical and he found he enjoyed it.

It also meant he was thankful to be able to go home and stand under a hot shower or soak in the hot tub to ease his sore muscles.

“Julian!” Hank called out. Julian looked over and saw him motioning to come over to his office. Once they were inside, Hank closed the door and studied him for a moment. “How’s everything going today?”

With a shrug, Julian sat down. “Good. The paint is done in the rec room and I secured the wire shelves back in the pantry.”

Nodding, Hank walked around and sat at his desk. “We really appreciate all you’re doing, Julian.”

There was something in his tone that had Julian stiffening a little—like he was about to say something to him that wouldn’t be particularly well received.

And he was right.

“You’re Julian Grayson.”

Shit.

Unsure of what he was supposed to do or say, Julian waited him out. The unspoken question was out there and sure enough, Hank answered it by sliding a newspaper across the desk toward him. It was open to the entertainment news and a picture of the band.

SHAUGHNESSY SLATED TO PLAY AT ENCORE’S 25TH ANNIVERSARY BASH!

He was going to strangle Mick when he saw him.

Hank leaned forward a little and rested his arms on the desktop. “It’s not my place to ask what you’re doing here. Personally, I’m just thankful for the help and the fact that you were willing to do it.”

“But?” Julian prompted.

“But…I take it no one else knows who you are or that you’re here?”

Nodding, Julian replied, “It really isn’t anyone’s business what I do in my free time. I came here and saw you could use some help and I wanted to do it. End of story.”

There was a long, awkward silence while Julian waited for Hank to comment. “Charlotte doesn’t know who you are,” he began, his tone suddenly way more serious and solemn than it had been a moment ago. “She is under the impression you’re in need of our help and her services.”

“I never told her that,” Julian argued mildly.

“Maybe not, but that’s what she thinks.”

This wasn’t news. But now that he was here, he knew he was going to have to clear up the misunderstanding.

“I can appreciate your concern, Hank. But I can’t control what conclusions Charlotte drew.”

And for the first time, this mild-mannered man seemed to get pissed. He straightened a little in his chair as if he was going to try to intimidate Julian. “Do you know that by now she’s probably already started a file on you? Even if you didn’t give her any information, the fact that you came here and sat in her class, she’s probably already making calls on your behalf just in case she sees you again?”

Julian didn’t respond.

“Charlotte is the kind of person who wants to help everyone. It doesn’t matter if they want her help or not, she goes above and beyond, and there are tens of dozens of families who are thankful for her and for the help she gave them. And you know what she gets in return?”

“A paycheck?” Julian responded snidely.

Hank ignored the comment and glared at him for a moment. “She gets to maybe take a breath and then starts all over again with the next group of people who need her. She gets verbally abused by people who are belligerent and angry about their circumstances. She cries with them, she encourages them, she feels for them. And you can be sure she’s already feeling for you, because that’s the kind of woman she is. So if you’re going to sit here with that kind of attitude, I’ll say thank you for your help and ask you to leave.”

For a moment, Julian could only sit and stare. Seriously? They were going to ask him to leave even though he had been busting his ass to help all because he didn’t want to have an awkward conversation with Charlotte?

Slowly, he came to his feet and held out a hand. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Hank,” he said evenly. Hank stood and shook his hand, and Julian turned and walked out the door.

* * *

The moment Charlotte walked into the center that afternoon, she noticed the changes. Her first thought was how the help Julian gave on Sunday must have motivated the staff. And it was pretty hard to hide her disappointment that she’d missed seeing him.

Fortunately, she didn’t have much time to think about him because there were several new families who needed her attention. So for three hours, she talked and coached and advised and set up appointments to help these families get back on their feet. By the time she was done and ready to go, all she wanted was to go home, have a glass of wine, and not think. In cases like she dealt with today where there were small children who just looked sad and scared, it took a lot out of her.

“You calling it a day, CeeCee?” Hank asked as she stepped out of the meeting room.

“I am,” she said with a weak smile. Their routine was to talk and compare notes when Charlotte was done meeting with people. Tonight she just wasn’t in the mood for it.

“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

She hated to disappoint Hank, but Charlotte knew her head just wasn’t in it right now. “Actually, Hank, I have a bit of a headache and really want to head home. We’ll catch up next week, okay?”

“Of course, of course,” he said. “Feel better.”

“Thanks.” Making her way to the door, she was riddled with guilt. It wasn’t like her to lie. For all she knew, there was something important he had to share with her. And just as she was about to change her mind and turn around, someone called out for Hank.

Thank God.

Stepping outside, she let out a small sigh. Tired and a little hungry, Charlotte began to plan how she was going to spend the rest of her day. Should she stop for takeout on the way home? Stop at the grocery store for something to cook? And once she got home, would she read or watch something on Netflix? So many questions…

She’d only gone a few steps when she spotted him.

Julian was leaning against the front of the building looking as if he was waiting for her.

Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

“Hey,” she said casually, surprised to find him there, since from everything she’d heard earlier, he had left hours ago. “I hear you were a real hero in there this week.”

Pushing away from the brick wall, Julian moved toward her with a careless shrug. “Just doing what needed to be done.”

She liked that he was a little bit humble. “Yes, but it’s been needing to be done for a long time. So thank you.”

He nodded.

“How has your week been?” she asked.

“Good.”

“Anything new and exciting happen? You know, other than all the work here on the center?”

“Nope.”

His lack of conversation skills was really starting to annoy her. It was on the tip of her tongue to mention how important communication skills were in the job market when he surprised her.

“Would you like to go and grab something to eat?”

Her soft gasp was her only response before Julian started to chuckle.

“I figured I could pay you back for that breakfast.”

Her shoulders sagged and all Charlotte wanted to do was stomp her foot with annoyance, but she didn’t. “Julian, I told you it wasn’t necessary.”

“You said to pay it forward.”

“With someone else.” She didn’t hide her exasperation very well.

His gaze held hers for a long moment—almost in defiance. “I was going to suggest grabbing some burgers or something and just sitting and talking. It’s not a big deal. I’ll still pay it forward for the coffee and muffins, if it makes you feel better.”

Now she was in quite the predicament. She wanted to go out with him and get to know his story a little more, but there was no way she could feel comfortable about him spending money he probably shouldn’t.

“I’ll go, but under one condition.”

Julian arched a dark brow at her—something he’d done before and Charlotte found it was a rather sexy gesture.

“I pay for myself,” she said firmly, forcing herself to stop thinking of him in terms of sexiness and instead remember he needed her help.

“Charlotte—”

But she held up a hand to stop him. “It’s not negotiable. Either I pay for myself or I don’t go.” Then she wanted to kick herself because maybe he was only inviting her so he could pay her back and, now that she was taking that off the table, he would simply tell her good night and walk away.

It was a possibility.

But she really hoped he wouldn’t.

Swallowing hard, she did her best not to look away from his intense gaze. He was quiet for so long that she started to squirm—it was like a staring contest and she was afraid to be the one to look away first. Why? She didn’t know. But it seemed important not to back down.

“Fine,” he said finally, through clenched teeth.

Charlotte let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding and smiled. “My car is parked right across the street. There’s a great burger place around the corner we can go to.”

“Why don’t we head back toward Malibu? There’s a great burger place right down the block from the coffee house.”

She knew exactly the one he was referring to. “That sounds great. Do you need a ride? Did you take the bus here?”

Shaking his head, Julian replied, “I’m parked around the corner. You go ahead and I’ll meet you there.”

“Sounds good.”

Charlotte noticed that he stood where he was until she was safely in her car and driving away. It was a very gentlemanly gesture, she thought. And she wondered how on earth she was going to get him to share a little more about himself so she’d know how to advise him.

Now that she thought about it, however, she realized he actually had yet to ask her for help.

Odd.

So, what did it mean? And how long was she supposed to sit around and wait him out?

“As long as it takes,” she answered out loud.