I sat at the bar in the Irish pub in shock.

I mean, I’d watched that pretty boy walk away from the gorgeous blonde, wondering if he was fucking blind or something. I mean, fuck.

I stood back, admiring the view. I saw legs that were long and slim, and meant to be wrapped around my waist. I didn’t know a lot about shoes, but I knew what I liked. Any woman who wore bright red stilettos had one thing on her mind at a bar, and that was who she would be bringing home that night.

I was willing to volunteer as I took in the toned calves and firm roundness of a perfect ass that was evident through the thin material of the skin-tight dress she wore. I felt my cock twitch, enjoying the barely concealed view.

She was a blonde, and I had sworn off blondes a lifetime ago, which meant that she could be no more than the evening’s entertainment. But, as I saw the silken strands of her short haircut sway back and forth, I could all but feel my hands fisted in the short length as I pulled her head backwards to expose the column of her long neck.

As she turned, I was greeted with the vision of a great set of tits, firm and high, nipples hard enough to etch glass. I bet they would bounce and sway beautifully while she was riding me.

My vision blurred a little bit as I started to mentally conjure up all of the places in my apartment where I would take her. I would have to start with the window. I would have to take her from behind while she braced herself on the large picture window overlooking the city. Fortunately, no one was actually able to see in my unit, but I never told the women that. They got a thrill thinking an entire fucking city could see their tits bouncing while they were taking it hard.

I stood up, confidence surging through my veins as I approached the blonde. Based on the outfit and the toned muscles that were evident, I had to imagine she would get off more on the confident approach. I really didn’t put a ton of thought into my method of attack. At this point, it was just second nature. Read the situation, and go in for the kill.

“Looks like that didn’t go quite as planned.”

She whipped around and glared at me, a flash of pure hatred still lingering in her eye. I felt my blood turn to ice for a second. Damn, this chick could throw evil around like confetti. I watched in amusement and then confusion as I saw her facial expression transition from shock, to recognition and into loathing.

“Oh, fuck me very much. As if this day couldn’t get any fucking worse, I of course had to run into God’s gift to the vagina.”

Despite the acidity of her tone, I couldn’t help but feel that smirk growing on my lips. It was something that I’d been told in the past was ‘panty dropping’, or some stupid shit like that. However, it seemed to have the opposite effect on the ice bitch in front of me. For about a half a second, I considered bagging the whole thing, just walk away because no woman on the planet was worth that shit. But, something intrigued me about her, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

“Well, it appears that I’ve left one hell of an impression on you…”

I let my voice trail off, obviously indicating that I didn’t know her name and that I was giving her an opportunity to fill in the blanks.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me. You have no idea who I am, do you? As if I didn’t think little enough of you, you’ve somehow managed to drop even lower in my sight. I may actually think worse of you than a child rapist at this point.”

Fuck.

I mean, that was pretty low.

I squinted at her, trying to figure out who the fuck she was. I obviously had worked this one over really good. I mean, I usually went into my associations with women openly. I made sure they understood I wanted absolutely nothing emotional from them, strictly physical. Maybe this was one of the very few that I had misread going in and it had gotten messy.

Like, restraining order level messy.

No, that wasn’t it.

I stood, staring at her, taking in her eyes, the shape of her face, the curve of her breasts… nothing. Absolutely nothing seemed familiar.

The eyes that held nothing but disdain for me took in this study, and for a half of a second, they softened with an emotion that seemed strangely like… hurt.

As if a switch had been flipped in my head, her features shifted and blurred until a teenager with long, waving blonde hair, loving blue eyes, soft glowing skin and an easy smile stood before me in my mind.

I braced my hand on the stool next to me, unable to believe for a moment what I was seeing.

“Aly?”

I whispered the name reverently, even though it was attached to the female epitome of Satan. Actually, if she was who I thought, she would make the devil her bitch when she descended to her rightful place in the ninth level of hell.

She barked a laugh, sharp and angry.

“No one calls me Aly, asshole. At least, no one who I care about. Fancy finding you in a piece of shit bar like this. Nice to see you really overcame your whole ‘wrong side of the tracks’ childhood.”

She sneered at me, the loathing back in her eyes. I had no idea why she would think for a moment she had the right to look at me with that much hate. I wasn’t the one who blew up the world. I would have given her everything. Anything she wanted would have been hers.

“What the fuck did I ever do to you? I haven’t seen you in forever, and you’re eyeballing that dull knife on the bar top like you’d like to filet me open with it and ensure that my soul is as dark as you think it is.”

She leaned in, her eyes narrowed down to slits that had me take an unexpected step back.

“You aren’t worth the answer, Jamie. Slither back to the trailer park you crawled out of. You disgust me.”

She turned on those impossibly narrow heels and marched out of the bar, and back out of my life where she belonged.

“Damn, you really have a way with women, don’t you, big guy.”

I looked down in surprise, only to see the spitfire from the nursing home standing near my left elbow, looking at the door Aly just walked out of. She had a look of amusement on her face.

“Jennifer, right?”

She nodded, a faint look of surprise over the fact that I remembered her name. Hell, I remembered everything about her, but then again, it wasn’t every day that a person got to meet someone that their mother threw her shit at.

“My way with women is hard and fast. It’s a way that usually results in at least three orgasms, and definitely loose limbs afterwards. My way with women will have you not only screaming out my name and God’s name, but also ancestors’ names you never even knew you had. My way with women will have your heart stop for a moment, just because feeling that many nerve endings coming at once will kill you off for about a second before your body begs you to revive. My way with women will have your ass high in the air, begging for more as your juices flow freely.”

Her pupils dilated as I spoke, and I watched the pink tip of her tongue moisten her lips as her breathing became a little more labored. I saw her clench her thighs a little tighter, to help alleviate some of the pressure that she was feeling.

Good.

“That… thing you just saw walk away from me was nothing more than a shell of a regret. Not human, just a conjuring of an evil spirit. Anytime you want to personally experience my way with women, you know how to find me.”

I walked away from her, somewhat in a confused daze after the confrontation with Aly, followed by the sexual reminder of my meeting with Jennifer at the nursing home.

I rode my bike back to my condo, but truthfully, I don’t remember any part of that ride. I just pictured the short blonde bob and hate filled eyes.

I stumbled to my bed and fell on it fully clothed. I was suddenly beyond exhausted. I had become so used to not dealing with emotions, that having a few days of ghosts and feelings was enough to knock me on my ass for at least a week.

Sleep came easy, but the memories attacked me hard, jumping from scene to scene as if in a sadistic flash forward episode of ‘this is your life’.

“Aly, Aly c’mon out.”

I threw a pebble at her window, impressed that I was able to hit it from the ground. She lived in one of those huge houses that I had only seen on TV before I met her.

The window opened, and she leaned over, her wavy blond hair swinging as she looked down on me with a huge smile.

My heart stopped for a half a second, feeling nothing but pride that she was looking at me as if I were the King of England, rather than Jamie from Mattapan.

“I’ll be right down, but quit throwin’ those rocks at my window, my dad will kill me.”

Her head disappeared back into the home and within moments that felt like years, I saw the front door open as she slipped out to run to me, holding her shoes in her hand.

When she got within a foot of me, she leapt and I gladly caught her mid-air. I held her close to me, silently sending up a prayer to whoever it was up there that seemed to like me, because I got to hold one of his angels in my arms. I spun her around, something like they do in movies when the lead is a total pussy and is whipped by his woman. But she loved that shit, and I would do anything to make her happy.

I think I would easily kill someone if it made her happy.

Too bad her old man wasn’t at all impressed with my address. Then again, the Royal Crown Mobile Community wasn’t exactly Park Avenue. Fuck, it was ‘bout as redneck as we got up here in Massachusetts, naming a trailer park after the drink most of the residents spent their paychecks on.

So, we snuck around. The golden angel and the worthless piece of trash. The very things that romances and tragedies had been made of for centuries.

What? I actually paid attention in school. I had goals, dreams that I shared with Aly but with no one else. I was my only ticket out of this hellhole of a life I was living. No use in depending on anyone else, lord knows no one had ever helped me before.

“So, what do you want to do tonight, Aly?”

“Corey Hill?”

I grinned to myself, knowing that I’d created a monster. Corey Hill was a park in Brookline, about fifteen minutes away that had a bit of a steep hill where we could sit and watch both the stars and the lit-up skyline of Boston. I used to go there alone, and dream of when I would be running the damn city, when I shook free of my life. When my mother no longer told me that she should have just aborted me because I’m as useless to her as my son of a bitch father is. A life where my dad hadn’t taken off before I was born because he didn’t want any fucking kids…her words, not mine.

I brought Aly, because it was a place that was almost sacred to me. This was my church, my sanctuary. I didn’t bring her to make out, and she seemed to understand that. We sat there together on the hill, quietly holding hands, checking out the city and wishing on stars till we ran out of dreams.

“Let’s go.”

She grinned at me, the happy, open grin of a girl who had never had a bad day. Who had never felt a fist against any part of her body. One who had never had a knife held to her throat as a child, being told the world would be a better place if her mom just could take her out of it.

My mom really fucking sucked.

She skipped to my car, seemingly ignoring the rust spots and mismatched paint. I had bought it for a hundred bucks off of a guy, and had spent every night and weekend working on it. I was proud as fuck of that piece of shit, because I got it running again. Now I was learning about body work on the side, so I could make her look pretty. She was no sports car, but she was a Honda, so I knew that she would run forever.

And she was mine. I protected what was mine. Just like I would always protect Aly.

I woke up suddenly, an unexpected warm feeling in my chest that felt oddly like emotion. Emotion was something I had no business feeling. It was a waste of time and space. Emotion didn’t get you ahead in life, pad your bank account or pay your mortgage.

Emotion made you weak, and weakness could be exploited and used against you.

Something I knew all too fucking well.