Chapter One
Adam
Adam tugged on the collar of his dress shirt, hating how the unfamiliar shirt pinched at his neck. He wouldn’t normally dress up and he avoided all functions where it would be required of him, but tonight was different. Finally, he gave in and loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button, breathing a sigh of relief.
Adam glanced around the huge ballroom at the Hyatt Grand in downtown Seattle. This was the first of many charity galas that Jack had to attend for the holiday season. Adam tended to write a check rather than show up to anything formal, but he agreed to this night because it was supposed to be his and Jack’s official coming out as a couple.
And it had gone badly from the start.
They had been dating since the end of March after Jack had asked him to talk at Ronan and Caleb’s where he admitted his feelings for Adam. And because he’d wanted Jack for as long as they had been friends, he reciprocated. Soon after they had started dating, Adam had agreed to move in with Jack. Although they were getting to know each other as more than friends, Jack still held something back from Adam.
Of course, their close friends knew about their relationship. They were hesitant around both of them because of Jack’s reputation as a serial dater, but mostly his inability to make their relationship public. Even Garrett, whom Adam had gotten to know since Caleb and Ronan married, seemed upset that Adam remained behind the scenes in Jack’s life.
But Adam had loved Jack for a long while, and he wasn’t ready to lose an opportunity with him because he wasn’t ready to out himself. He respected Jack wanted to come out in his own way, but it was getting harder to deny himself even a casual touch outside of their home. Adam loved his privacy and didn’t need to flaunt their relationship, but acting as though he’d meant nothing special to Jack, stung.
Adam thought Jack had gotten over his fear when he asked him to attend the function as his partner. But Jack had called him at work earlier that evening, asking to meet Adam at the hotel instead of going together from home. Adam agreed, not truly worried about the significance of the request.
But when he arrived at the lavish ballroom packed with people, he spotted Jack straight away. Not wanting to disturb the conversation, Adam had snagged a drink and settled at a table visible, thinking Jack would come over when he was free. As the hours passed, Jack had done a thorough job of ignoring him as he made his rounds from one group to another.
Jack had also invited all of their friends to the charity function, so they were there to see his humiliation.
Adam swallowed the hard lump that formed in his throat at the concerned look Caleb threw at him every few minutes. Caleb’s worry radiated from him and it alerted Ronan, who was protective of his husband at the best of times, which this wasn’t. Adam’s eyes followed Caleb’s as they landed on Jack, who moved to another conversation without glancing their way.
Adam had come to the realization after close to three hours of being alone, Jack would never be ready for their relationship to become public. And knowing that Jack was completely different at home made it harder for Adam to accept. He was attentive and loving, never missing an opportunity to tell Adam he loved him. But Jack’s image and his company mattered more to him than Adam and he proved that tonight.
Adam loved Jack, but it wasn’t enough for him to stay in this relationship.
For the last few weeks, he had thought over and over about how he could step away from the relationship before he was completely destroyed, and pain warred with guilt leaving Adam quiet and distant. Every time he was hurt by Jack, he thought a clean break would be best, but whenever Jack pulled him into his arms or when they made love, Adam would forget about his thoughts and pain for a short while.
But now, he had to think about his options.
When he’d moved in with Jack, he’d sublet his apartment. The tenant had recently moved out and he hadn’t gotten around to renting it out again. Although he had his solution, it pained him when he realized his dreams with Jack were over.
His heart sank. He remembered every word Jack spoke that March night so long ago. And while he realized he wanted a relationship as open and honest as the one Ronan had with Celeb, tonight had confirmed that his dream wasn’t possible.
Adam spotted movement to his right and glanced over to see Garrett take a seat next to him. Caleb’s quiet, intense friend had made him feel on edge when they’d first met, but slowly, Garrett became a good friend to Adam. Garrett, never talking about himself, gave small bits of wisdom that Adam had grown to appreciate and Adam could count himself in the ranks of the friends he cared about.
“Do you want a drink?”
Adam shook his head. “I was going to head out.”
Adam almost said home but stopped himself in time. He swallowed hard at the thought of giving up on a relationship he’d wanted since he’d met Jack. But tonight had been the final push.
As Adam thought about the past several weeks, he realized Jack had decided to spend more time at the office, even though he delegated out most of his work to those he hired long before their relationship started. When Adam started a conversation that became a little too deep, Jack would play it off or walk away, and as a result, they hadn’t had a serious conversation since the night he admitted his feelings to Adam.
Sex between them still ran as hot as ever. It was the only time Jack let go of his worries and centered his attention on Adam, but Adam wanted more that scorched sheets and the empty feeling in his chest.
So Adam would take the hint and move out.
Adam took a final swig of his ginger ale and stood.
“Not everyone is suited for a relationship.” Garrett’s words carried enough weight to shatter his heart.
With his throat tight, Adam nodded, understanding what Garrett was telling him. Maybe he’d seen it long before Adam admitted the truth to himself, but it sucked it had been so obvious other people knew.
“Yeah, I know. He won’t have to deal with me much longer.”
If it had been obvious Jack wanted nothing to do with him, Adam would take the hint.
“Night, Garrett.”
Adam stopped for a quick goodbye with the rest of his friends. Ronan and Caleb glanced at him with concern, but Dylan, Hawk, Sam, Ryan, and Max were oblivious to his heart splintering in his chest.
“I’ll see you guys soon.”
First things first, he would head to Jack’s and pack his things. From there, he would fumble through until he found his footing again. He hoped the hurt and disappointment wouldn’t be forever, but Adam didn’t have high expectations on that front.
As he exited into the chilly night, he took a deep inhale of ocean air and blew out a breath as it relaxed the tightness in his chest that had started to become uncomfortable in the stuffy ballroom. He pushed down the overwhelming sadness that had stuck with him for a long while and strode toward his car. Determined to give Jack his space back as soon as possible, he slid behind the wheel and started the ignition.
Adam couldn’t remember the drive back to Jack’s, but soon, he stood in the bedroom they’d shared with his suitcase open and half his clothing already folded and tucked inside. Exhaustion pulled at him and with a glance at the clock, he realized he had time before Jack came back. Adam thought it would be easier to leave without explanation, but they were friends first and it didn’t feel right to leave without a word. He decided he would take a nap and talk to Jack when he arrived.
Shoving down any hopes their conversation might lead to them back together, he closed his eyes and drifted off.
***
When Adam awoke, he heard the front door open and distinct beeps as Jack entered his code to disarm the alarm. Adam noted the sunrise had illuminated the room and a glance at the clock confirmed his suspicions. His heart constricted when the bright blue numbers indicate six in the morning. Adam laid his head back down and listened for Jack’s footsteps on the stairs, but he was met by silence.
Adam rose from the bed and headed toward the bathroom. He stripped and with a numbness suppressing his thoughts, he closed his eyes and surrounded himself with the strong flow of water and the scent of Jack’s scent that lingered in the air.
He dressed with quick movements, ready for the confrontation with Jack. He finished packing the rest of his clothing and essentials, zipping up the suitcase and with one look around the bedroom, he dragged his things downstairs.
Adam placed the case near the door and turned toward the kitchen, where he heard Jack start to grind the beans for morning coffee. But before he was halfway across the living room, Adam paused when someone knocked on the front door.
Adam opened it to find a beautiful brunette woman standing on the front porch with a slinky black dress and a smile. She leaned to the right as if searching for someone. And all those nights where he watched Jack go home with another woman he’d met hours earlier flashed as he truly looked at the woman who was exactly Jack’s type. Adam wanted to doubt that Jack would cheat on him, but when he recognized Jack’s suit jacket draped over her shoulders, the truth was undeniable.
“Can I help you?” Adam was grateful his voice didn’t break.
She giggled. “Is Jack here?”
Before Adam could find his voice, she spoke up again.
“Jack left so abruptly this morning, he forgot his cufflinks and jacket.”
Hoping that he didn’t look as devastated as he felt on the inside, Adam swallowed his hurt and pointed toward the kitchen.
“You’ll find him through that door.”
Adam waited until she stepped through and watched her for a few moments.
He’d wanted to give Jack the benefit of the doubt and hoped Jack would tell him he became scared at the thought of coming out to a room full of business associates, so he ignored him all night until he drummed up the courage. Or Jack had been so busy raising funds for the charity he couldn’t find the time to wander over.
But the truth had knocked on the door at seven on a Saturday morning. With mechanical movements and pain in his chest, Adam pocketed his keys and wallet before he reached for his suitcase and walked out the front door. He left his heart when he closed the door behind him.