Chapter Fourteen
Marie was a wreck the entire day. She had Jimmy’s cell phone number, and Digger’s, but she didn’t dare call or even text. Jimmy had asked her not to, for the sake of safely. He assured her he would let her know when it was done, and they were on their way back to Creek Ridge.
But he hadn’t been able to give her a time frame. It could be one day. It could be two weeks. They needed to wait for the perfect moment. While she understood that, this was killing her. Why the hell hadn’t she told him how she felt? That she’d fallen in love with him? At least then he’d know, in case something went wrong.
No! Her mind wouldn’t stop going there, no matter how many times she reminded herself that neither Jimmy nor Digger both were new to this. But falling in love hadn’t been in the plans. Not even with Jimmy. She didn’t do love very well, and Vince was proof of that. What if she let her feelings take flight, and told him, and then fucked it up, the way she had with Vince?
You’re not being fair. That much was true. This wasn’t the same thing. Not even close. And while Jimmy had said things now and then that seemed to indicate he wanted this to be more than just sex, she knew the score. She had watched the other guys in the MC. The ones that didn’t have old ladies. This place was a free-for-all, and the people who lived here liked it that way. Why would she assume Jimmy felt differently?
He never talked about having an old lady, or having kids one day. When she’d asked him if he knew that Kayla and Rai were pregnant, he’d chuckled and said something about Mastema’s and Tannin’s lives never being the same again. That sounded pretty definitive to Marie that he never wanted to find himself in the same situation.
There was literally nothing for her to do here besides nails. Rai and Chloe both let her help cook once in a while, but she felt like she was in their way. They had this down to a science, and it was difficult enough to cook by yourself if your rhythm was thrown off, so she understood when they declined her help.
The club wasn’t open that night, and no one was booked for their nails. She’d done everyone in the building, and some more than once, this past week. They were probably burned out on it for a while.
She wandered into the dining room where they had a wall of books that Liz had told her no one ever read these days, but that they kept because no one wanted to take responsibility for throwing them away.
None of the titles caught Marie’s interest. She’d actually read some of them, but hadn’t liked them enough to read them a second time. As she was about to leave the room, she turned at the sound of footsteps. It was Liz. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself. You okay? You look upset.”
“Just bored.”
Liz walked closer and gave her a sympathetic look. She wasn’t only bored, and Liz noticed that. “They’ll be okay.” Everyone in the club now knew where Jimmy and Digger had gone, and why. The other thing she’d quickly learned about this place was that secrets didn’t stay secrets for very long.
“I wish I believed that.”
Liz took a seat at the massive table. “Want to talk?”
“Are you sure you have time?”
“Of course I have time.”
Marie sat across from her. “Can I ask you a question? You keep talking about wanting to go to law school. How is that going to fit in here with … with this lifestyle?”
Liz smiled. “I can’t tell you how much time I spent asking myself that very question before I finally gave in and admitted my feelings for Rahab.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. And he was thinking the same thing about me. That I’d never want to stay here and be his old lady, because I’d worked so hard to get my job and was determined to go through with my goals.”
“How did you two finally get it together?”
“He was at Donny’s house the day the assassin showed up. With Vassago, in fact.”
“What?” Marie hadn’t heard that detail.
“Oops. I thought you knew.”
“I knew there was an attempt on Donny’s life but not that any of these guys were there at the time.”
“Well, they weren’t in danger. They were inside the house, and Donny’s bodyguards squirreled them both into some sort of bunker. He has so many of them. Bodyguards, I mean. They got the guy, so it’s not like Rahab or Vassago would have been hurt. The guy was there for Donny, no one else.”
“But still.” It wouldn’t have changed anything, but she wished she’d known that Jimmy had been there that day.
“So anyway, after that, we both realized how stupid we were being and how short life really is. We confessed our feelings, and here we are.”
“So you’re saying I should tell him how I feel because I might not have a chance to otherwise?”
“Well, that’s true whether he’s in Brooklyn or not, isn’t it? I mean, anything can happen to someone at any time.”
“Yes. That’s true. Problem is, I don’t know if he feels the same way I do.”
Liz laughed. “Um, everyone else in this building is quite sure of that.”
Marie couldn’t speak. Her heart hammered in her ears, and her palms grew damp.
“You can’t see it, can you?” Liz asked.
She shook her head.
“Well, can you at least believe me when I tell you that he’s crazy about you, and it shows in everything he says and does?”
“Why hasn’t he told me?”
This time instead of laughing, Liz snorted. “Because they’re all big, strong, inked men with muscles and motorcycles. God forbid they admit they’ve fallen in love.”
“All men are like that, whether they’re in an MC or not.”
“This is true. Marie, Vassago is nuts about you. I’m one hundred percent sure of it. So if you feel the same way about him, you need to tell him.”
Marie rose and walked over to where Liz sat, leaned down and gave her a big hug. “Thank you.”
Liz hugged her back. “You’re welcome. If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”
“I will. Thank you.”
Once Marie was back in her room, she looked on Google Maps and calculated they were no more than halfway to Brooklyn by now, so she risked a text message to Jimmy.
Thinking of you both. Missing YOU like crazy Just wanted you to know that.
Then she debated for a good ten minutes on whether to reword it, and if she should send it at all. She finally left it as it was and sent it. Almost immediately, the floating dots below it indicated he was texting her back. Marie squealed like a schoolgirl while she waited for the reply.
I miss you, too. Digger is driving like a fucking maniac. We’re more than halfway through PA already.
She laughed. Digger always drove like a maniac, but he could be counted on to get someone where they needed to be on time.
Talk to you soon, Jimmy. Take care of yourself.
I will. You too.
This time, she debated only a moment before replying with a smiling emoji, where the eyes were shaped liked hearts. Her palms grew damp while she waited to see if he would respond, but he did not.
That didn’t mean anything. In her experience, guys used emoji far less than women did, when they used them at all. She’d had to show Vince how to access them on his phone one time. He hadn’t even known they were there.
Marie spent the rest of Sunday torturing herself over whether sending the emoji had been a good idea. This was insane. She felt like she was eleven years old again, crushing on a guy twelve years older than she was, and whose only show of affection had been to ruffle her hair like he’d do to any other kid. A man who had looked at her as nothing more than an underage pre-teen, which had been totally appropriate at the time.
But she wasn’t a kid now. She was a grown woman. And they’d had sex. Lots of sex. Crazy-assed, mind-blowing sex. And you knew when you came here that was all it was meant to be. True. Completely true. Except that now, she wanted more. So much more. She’d fallen head-over-heels in love with the man of her fantasies, and she didn’t have one fucking clue what to do about it.