Holt

Turner is a ball of energy shaped like a boy. Thank fuck for Harriet, who was happy to accept a position as nanny. She comes to stay with him during the day while Kinley and I work, and Turner loves every second of it. It’s been three months since he came to live with us, and I’m amazed at how well things have gone.

Going back to work was hard when all I wanted to do was spend time with my boy, but I know that isn’t realistic, and we’ve settled into a routine where everyone is happy. Turner sure isn’t lacking for attention from me or Kinley. Kinley has stepped in as if Turner has always been hers, and I only love her more for it. Seeing how much they adore one another makes one decision clear in my mind.

It’s time to pop the question.

I’m just not sure where or how I want to do it. Dad video calls a few times per week to talk to Turner, but they haven’t met yet. We’re going to remedy that very soon.

It’s April, and the weather has turned warm, at least in the afternoons. Turner loves the woods, and we spend a lot of time hiking. I want to make sure he learns his way around just in case. He’s never supposed to be outside unsupervised, but he’s quick when something interesting catches his eye, so it’s better to be safe. He’s also been taking swimming lessons because we live on the lake.

I had no idea I could feel such fear or anxiety until I had this little person depending on me. I always thought I was born to make music, but I was born to be a father.

It’s a beautiful day so I decide to skip the studio and stay with Turner. I’m sure Harriet will be glad for an extra day off. After Kinley leaves for work, Turner and I head out for a walk.

He chatters away about little things, stopping to admire a random bug or leaf while we walk the perimeter of the property. As we’re approaching the gates, I see Herb, one of the security officers, arguing with someone. Whoever it is, he clearly doesn’t want to let them in.

Turner has found a patch of dirt and is drawing in it with a stick. “Hey buddy, see Herb over there?” I ask, pointing to him.

“Uh-huh.”

“Daddy is going to go talk to him for a minute. I want you to stay right here and play, okay? Don’t go anywhere without me.”

“I won’t.” He keeps playing in the dirt, and I keep one eye on him as I head to the gate. Call it a hunch, but if this is going to turn into a problem, maybe I can spare Kinley from having to come out.

When I get close enough to see who Herb is arguing with, white hot rage shoots through me. Heather stands at the gate, yelling into Herb’s face.

“My daughter lives here! You can’t keep me out! I’ll have you fired, you asshole! I’m her mother!”

Herb sees me approaching and gives me a pleading look. He’s not sure what to do with her. “Kinley said not to let her in. I was going to call, but if I step away, she’ll take off,” he explains, and I realize he is physically blocking her from entering.

“I want to talk to my daughter!” she shouts.

“It’s okay. I’ll handle this,” I tell Herb, then turn to mouth the words, call the police at him. Nodding, he steps away and into the security booth where I see him pick up a cell phone. Now, I just need to keep her here until they come.

“You ain’t handling shit,” she says, trying to step through the gate. She stops when I grab her arm.

“No, Kinley will be out here in a moment. You aren’t allowed inside.”

Her tantrum continues, and I glance to make sure Turner isn’t paying any attention. The last thing I want is for him to see me manhandling a woman. Turner sits where I left him, engrossed in playing in the dirt, thankfully oblivious to the drama taking place.

“She would so let me in! She gave me a job!”

“And you drugged and raped her customers before blackmailing them into silence,” I hiss through gritted teeth.

“Raped,” she scoffs. “They were happy to get a piece of me.”

“Including the man you almost killed?”

“Not my fault he couldn’t handle his alcohol.” She tries to dart past me again, and I grab her and force her to sit on the ground. She’s at the beginning of a full blown tantrum when the two cop cars pull in.

“No!” she shrieks. “I want to see my daughter! Now! Don’t fucking touch me!”

The officers make short work of cuffing her and locking her in the back of a patrol car. I’m torn between trying to protect Kinley from this scene and calling her, but I feel like she’d want to know. I make a quick call as I walk back toward Turner.

“Hey sexy,” she says as she answers.

“Bug, listen, I’m out by the gate. They just arrested your mother. She was trying to get in.”

A few seconds of stunned silence follow before she replies, “She was trying to get into Foxhaven?”

“Yeah, she wanted to see you.”

“Is she out of her fucking mind?”

I glance back to where she’s lying in the back of the cop car, trying to kick out the window. “Looks like it. You don’t need to come down here if you don’t want to. Everything is under control, but I thought you should know.”

“I’m on my way.”

Minutes later, Kinley appears with Clark walking beside her. When Clark sees that the cops are now hog tying Heather, he murmurs, “Why don’t I get Turner out of here?”

I nod, and he walks over to my son who is now covered in dirt. “Turner, I found a baby lizard by the boathouse. He looks like a little dinosaur. Want to see?”

“Yes!” He looks at me.

“Go on. I’ll come find you.”

He happily puts his hand in Clark’s, and they head toward the boathouse. That whole “it takes a village” thing is true, and I’m so glad Turner is surrounded by people who care about him. Now, I need to focus on Kinley.

Her face is lined with anger as we make our way over to the gate.

“Kinley!” Heather shouts from the back of the squad car. “Tell them I’m your mother.”

Kinley approaches the car. Her voice is pure venom as she says, “You have never been my mother. You’re a selfish, hateful bitch, and I hope you get everything you deserve. I hope they lock you up for good this time. Stay the fuck away from me and my family.”

Heather goes on a rant that jumps from how it’s all Kinley’s father’s fault for turning Kinley against her, to something about ungrateful children, but Kinley just turns and walks back to talk to the officers.

They let her know what precinct they’ll be taking her to and who to follow up with. It’s unlikely she’d find someone to bail her out, but we still want to know if she manages to get out again. Finally, she thanks them, and we head back toward Foxhaven.

“I can’t fucking believe she thought I’d still help her.”

“She seemed pretty strung out. Maybe she was on something. Junkies don’t think clearly.” I put my arm around her shoulders as we walk.

“Maybe. I don’t care. I’m through with her. She’s not my family.”

“I’m sorry. You deserve better.”

She wraps her arm around my waist. “I have better. I have you and Turner, and my hotel family.”

I kiss the top of her head. “You sure do. I love you, Bug.”

“I love you too.”

“Planes are awesome! I want to be a pilot!” Turner proclaims, after we exit Marcus’s jet and get in the car waiting to take us to Dad’s hotel. The list of things he wants to be grows by the day.

Turner is excited to see his grandpa in person, and I know the feeling is mutual. I’ve been torn on whether or not to let him meet Marcus, and I finally decide we’ll introduce him after he’s released. I’m not taking my kid into a rehab center, no matter how fancy.

Harriet accompanies us, and Dad’s face lights up at the sight of her when she’s the first to step out of the car. She rushes to hug him. They’ve continued a long distance relationship, and Kinley commented the other day that we may lose our nanny if she decides to move to be with him.

Turner clings to my hand as we approach. They’ve talked countless times on video chat, but he’s still a little shy meeting his grandpa in person, until Dad scoops him up for a hug. “Hey, Turner, did you bring those drawings you made me?”

“Yes, and I made another on the plane. It’s a dinosaur eating a car!” Turner giggles.

That’s all it takes, and Dad is his new best friend. We spend the evening together as a group, going out to dinner, then to an indoor playground with inflatables. Watching Dad roll his ass down a slide behind Turner has me laughing until I have to wipe my eyes.

“I got that on video,” Kinley laughs.

I need to make sure these two see more of one another.

Dad wears Turner out, and he’s asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow in our hotel room that night.

“Before we go, we have something to tell you,” Dad says, his arm around Harriet.

Falling onto the couch beside Kinley, I shake my head. “Oh god, you knocked her up, didn’t you?”

“Holt!” Kinley cries, swatting my arm. “Don’t be an ass.”

Dad shakes his head, grinning at me. “Don’t worry about it. He was born that way.” He turns to regard Harriet with a fond look. “After Marcus’s time in rehab is up, Harriet and I are going to move in together. We plan to find a house near Foxhaven, so she can continue to be a nanny, and so I can see more of you two and my grandson.”

Kinley jumps up and rushes to hug them. “That’s great news! I’m so happy for both of you!”

Following her, I hug Harriet and slap Dad on the back. “You’ll love it there. And we can go fishing more often.” It’s all I can think of to say, but actually I’m a little overwhelmed because things are just going too well. Kinley and I are getting along, and I’m more in love with her every day. Turner is happy and settled in with us, and I have the family I always wanted. I’m thrilled that Dad is going to be happy too. After years of worrying over Marcus’s life, he deserves one of his own.

Just before they leave, I pull Dad aside and tell him what I want to do tomorrow, and he says he knows the perfect place. As far as anyone else knows, we’re just going on a hike, but it’s one I’ll never forget, and I hope the same will be true for Kinley.

The sun beams down, battling the still chilly wind as we hike along the trail Dad has brought us to. Turner stays right beside Dad, hanging on his every word while he tells him about the different trees and plants they see.

Kinley and I let Harriet and Dad lead the way, falling back a bit to walk beside each other. “I talked to the producer this morning. Everything is uploaded to the streaming sites, and we’ll be releasing three songs today.”

Kinley squeezes my arm. “That’s so exciting! They’re going to go right to the top of the charts.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” I chuckle. “But no matter how they do, I’m going to continue and make an album.”

“You’re going to get a lot of requests to perform live. I know you said you didn’t want to tour, but you may have to reconsider.” Her reply gives nothing away when it comes to how she feels about that.

“I’m not touring. That’s why I wanted to do it this way. I’m not beholden to anyone. If I want to do an occasional concert, I will, but no long, planned trips. There’s a charity concert toward the end of the year, and I’m considering it. It’s in Orlando. Maybe I’ll do it and we can take Turner to the amusement parks and the beach.”

“That sounds perfect.”

It’s time to broach the subject I wasn’t looking forward to. “The rehab center is giving Marcus short leaves where he can go out to dinner, see a movie, stuff like that. They want him to get comfortable with his new body out in public and see if he goes looking for drugs at the first opportunity.”

“I guess they have to trust him sometime.” How she feels about him is clear whenever his name comes up. She never says anything negative, but the expression on her face and the measured tone of voice says it all.

“Dad thought maybe he could join us for dinner tonight. One of the local Italian restaurants agreed to seat us in a private dining room, and the paparazzi shouldn’t find out. The label put out word he’s recovering in a Swiss hospital. I know he’s not your favorite person, and I understand, but I think Dad would just like to have a family dinner while we’re all together.”

Her smile is soft, and she slides her hand into mine. “You don’t have to justify anything. He’s your brother, and I may never like him, but I can be around him without it being awkward, for your sake and Grayson’s. I thought you didn’t want to introduce him to Turner yet.”

Rubbing my jaw, I nod. “I didn’t want to take my kid into a rehab center to meet his uncle, but I think this would be okay. Between us, Dad, and Harriet, we could get Turner out of the situation if Marc starts any crazy shit, or if the paparazzi happens to get wind of us. I’ll talk to Turner later and tell him a little about Marc.”

“Good idea. Even without the matching haircuts you two look so identical. It might confuse him if you don’t explain first.”

We catch up to the others who have paused at a small clearing alongside a cliff. It’s obviously a popular place since there’s a fence to keep people from falling over. I’m not surprised. The view is spectacular.

It’s spring, and the stretch of forest and fields below us are a gorgeous array of alternating greens and browns. The sun makes the damp treetops shimmer, and it’s so quiet, it feels like we’re in some other world. Even Turner is speechless, his finger in his mouth as he gazes in awe.

Dad gives me a tiny wink, and my stomach instantly knots. This is the spot he was talking about and it’s perfect. Fear that’s close to panic wraps around me because everything that’s been so right could be blown apart in this moment.

She could say no.

I could scare her away.

We’ve barely known each other a year.

I could list reasons all day long not to do this, but I have one bright, flashing reason to go ahead. I want to love her for the rest of our lives.

“Kinley,” I murmur, and she turns to look at me.

Dad scoops up Turner, and all eyes are on us as I drop to one knee and pull the velvet ring box out of my pocket.

Her audible gasp echoes through the forest, and I try not to worry about whether it was surprise or horror as I speak.

“Kinley Matthews, I love you with every ounce of my heart. Every night when I wrap my arms around you in bed, I want to know that you’ll always be there in the morning. That we have years stretched out before us to love each other every day. Will you marry me, Bug?”

Her eyes well up and for one paralyzing moment, I’m sure she’s going to say no, or run. Choking out a sob, she drops to her knees in front of me and says, “Yes.” She repeats the word again, then wraps her arms around me and plants her lips on mine while Dad, Harriet, and Turner clap.

We chuckle at the mud on our knees when we get to our feet, and Turner races over as soon as Dad lets him loose. His pinched face turns up, eyes squinting at the sun, and he asks Kinley, “Does this mean you’re my mommy now?”

She kneels back down and takes both his hands. “Would you like me to be your mommy?”

His little face is stone serious as he nods.

If my proposal choked her up, my son’s nearly makes her break down. “I’d love that, too, you sweet boy,” she says, hugging him tight.

He looks back at me, his eyes wide and whispers, “Daddy, why is she crying?”

Everyone laughs, and I smile at him. “Sometimes people cry when they’re happy. Kinley really wants to be your mommy.”

“Oh.” His face lights up, and he hugs her back. “Me too.”

The hike back is filled with laughter, and the smiles are still planted on our faces as we file into the dining room of the restaurant for dinner that night. Marcus looks better than I’ve seen him look in years. His skin has lost that dry, gray look, and he’s gained an amazing amount of muscle from the physical therapy. His hair has grown back, and he’s arranged it into a messy bed head look to cover the scar.

More surprising than all that, he grabs me in a hug and greets everyone with a genuine smile as we take our seats around the table.

“I want to sit by Mommy!” Turner insists, and Kinley helps him into a booster seat on her left side while I sit on her right.

Marcus’s eyebrows jump up, and he notices the ring on her finger. “Whoa brother, did you pop the question?”

“Earlier today,” I reply, grinning at Kinley.

She holds her hand out, so he can see the ring.

“Congratulations, bro. You too, Kinley.”

“Thank you.” Her response is short, but polite.

Dad speaks up. “This would probably be a good time to tell you Harriet and I also plan to move in together after you’re released this summer. We’ll be moving near Foxhaven.”

I swear I see a shadow of regret flash across his face as he looks around the table. He’s my twin, and he’s in his right mind, which means I can pretty much tell what he’s thinking. He’s missed out on so much. In the last year, his father and brother have found love. Our lives have moved on while he’s been stuck in daily therapy sessions and addiction counseling.

“Congratulations all around then.”

Turner stares at Marcus. “Are you an evil clone?”

Kinley chokes on her drink, and Harriet bursts into laughter.

“Something like that,” Marcus laughs.

Turner shrugs with a smile. “Better than a zombie, I guess.”

“What in the world have you been letting him watch on TV?” Harriet asks.

Shrugging, I grin at my son. “Clones versus zombies. It’s a cartoon.”

“Yeah, these zombies take over the world and the evil clones have to stop them cause they’re not all evil, just a little and they’re learning to be good,” Turner explains. “Have you seen it, Uncle Marcus?”

The moniker seems to hit him like a slap in the face, and he jerks his head back with a blink. “No, what else happens?”

He goes on excitedly telling Marcus all about his favorite cartoon, and Kinley reaches to squeeze my hand. She sees it. She sees what I’ve gained here, what we’ve gained.

My family melded with hers, a chance at happiness I never would’ve foreseen a year ago. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high when it comes to Marcus and his addiction recovery, but there is hope for the first time in years.

Kinley’s prediction of climbing the charts wasn’t far off, and I’m stunned by how well received my songs have been. Selling an album should be no problem at this rate. Harriet has just picked up Turner to take him to meet her grandkids. She has a grandson near his age and an older granddaughter, and Turner needs to make some friends.

Kinley joins me on the porch, curling up beside me on the bench with a cup of coffee.

“You know, we haven’t talked about when we want to have the wedding. Do you want a long engagement?”

Chewing her lip, she regards me. “Do you?”

“I’d drive our asses to the courthouse right now. So, that decision is yours.”

Her face lights up. “How about this summer? End of August? We may have to wait for a honeymoon until late September though. Foxhaven will be busy.”

“Sounds good to me. Any idea where you’d like to hold it? Do you want a big, lavish ceremony? Because I can pretty much get us any venue in the U.S. with Marcus’s connections.”

“God, no. A huge wedding sounds like nightmare material. Something small, just family and a few friends would be a lot less stressful and more intimate.”

I was hoping she’d say that.

“What?” she asks when a smile creeps across my face.

“We could hold the ceremony in our gazebo.”

She loops her arms around my neck and her lips land on mine. “You’re such a romantic.”

“Don’t tell anyone,” I whisper, kissing the spot on her neck that makes her shiver.

“I’m pretty sure the firefly song gave that away. The gazebo is perfect. What would you think of having it after dark? We could string white lights and lanterns around. The lake at night is beautiful.”

“Perfect.” Although, I have a better idea for lighting, but I’ll save it for the ceremony.

“Now, I have something to ask you,” she says.

“Are you ready to get pregnant? Because we can start right now.”

Giggles spill out of her. “I’m going to need a couple of years for that. I like our lives right now.”

“Me too, Bug.”

“You know the children’s hospital that sends us their patients’ families sometimes? They’re holding a big charity concert in a few weeks.”

“I heard about that. Some really big names have agreed to play.”

“One of the openers backed out, and they’re looking for a replacement. They wanted me to see if you’d be interested. It’d be a three song opener for Massiv Panik. I know you aren’t that thrilled about playing live, but I said I’d pass on the request.”

I’m actually itching to play live again. I don’t want to bring the paparazzi down on us, but this is a local thing and I can’t imagine that the crowd will be too big.

“Have the organizer call me, and we’ll work it out.”

Her jaw drops. “Really? You want to perform?”

“Do you want to bring Turner and watch from the side of the stage?”

“Are you kidding?” she exclaims. “I’d love to. Oh, Turner is going to be so excited.”

Chuckling, I sit back, holding her close. “Yeah, you may not want to mention it until it gets closer or you’ll hear about it ten times a day.”

“Good thinking,” she laughs. “But you should invite your Dad too.”

“I will.”

She stands up and stretches. “Now I have to call Anavrin. I promised she could help plan the wedding, no matter how small.”

“You two can run with it. I know nothing about any of that.”

Giggling, she drops a kiss on my lips and rushes off to call her best friend.

Well, that was a productive ten minutes. I now have an upcoming wedding and a performance to give. I’d better get to rehearsing.