Cohen

“Do you want me to leave?” Quincy asks when I walk into Kenny’s office a few days after our dinner together.

I’ve just had another scan, but he asked me to meet him in his office after, instead of just giving me the results right away. I’m a little surprised to see my girl here too, even though she’s technically my doctor.

“No. If you weren’t here, I’d tell you anyway. Although, you know, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

She comes over from the other side of the desk, taking my hand as we both face our mutual friend. “Go ahead and lay it on me.”

“The new swelling has gone down, but the swelling I was concerned about it still here. I’d hoped it might decrease like the new injury did, but it hasn’t.”

“Okay. I thought we were going to look again in like a month.”

“We were, but Quincy and I are both worried about another random accident happening.”

I turn to her. “You haven’t said anything.”

“I wanted to wait until after your scan.”

“I’ll be careful.”

“Will you? I heard you telling the kids you’d dive for them last night. Your first concussions came from diving boards.”

“I’ll just dive, no stunts.”

“Will you consider wearing a helmet when you’re in or around the pool?” Kenny asks as Quincy squeezes my hand.

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“I told him you’d say that,” she says quietly.

“I’ve already been wearing swim shoes all the time. They have a grip, and I won’t slide again. Plus, the kids are being extra careful about where they leave their stuff.”

“Kids don’t always remember.”

I don’t want to do this, but I will. “I’ll do it for you.”

I’d do anything for her. If that means wearing some weird helmet to protect my brain, I’ll do it. She means more than a little embarrassment.

“I’d rather you did it for you, but I’ll take it. Thank you.”

“If it’s any consolation, Scott Griffin’s offered to design it, and promised to make it look cool.”

“If Scott’s designing it, there’s technology in it.”

“We hadn’t gotten to that, but yes. It will have sensors inside to monitor the swelling and let us know if something’s wrong.”

“In that case, I’m surprised you’re not expecting me to wear it all the time.”

“I told him you wouldn’t.”

Whoa. Neither one of them is laughing, letting me know just how serious this is. I thought I knew, but their frim expressions are telling me it’s worse than I thought it was.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“We’re not sure what will happen if you have another concussion,” Kenny tells me.

“I’ll be careful,” I tell Quincy as she moves her mouth to her hand to contain a sob. “I promise.”

“We have the medical guys on Ainsley’s team looking for ways to safely relieve the pressure on your brain, but it’s going to take time.”

This is bullshit. I’ve had these headaches for years, meaning I can live with whatever swelling there is. I don’t need to wear some stupid helmet thing. I will for Quincy, though. The worry in her eyes slays me, so I’ll do it for her, if not for me.

“Just let me know when you need to get me fitted for this thing.”

“Scott’s waiting in one of the other rooms.”

“Great. Let’s get this over with.”

I kind of storm out of the door, but a firm hand on my shoulder stops me. “Don’t treat this as a punishment, Cohen. And whatever else you do, don’t project your anger over the situation onto Quincy. She cares for you.”

“I wouldn’t be doing this if she wasn’t part of it.”

“You can’t resent her for trying to keep you safe.”

“Logically, I understand what you’re saying.”

He nods. “Emotions aren’t logical, but I’ve learned just how necessary they are. Tread carefully with both of yours.”

“I’m trying to.”

He motions back to his office and I get it; she’s still in there. “I’m on it.”

“We’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Thanks.”

“How mad are you?” she asks when I walk back inside.

Sitting down next to her, I reach out and take her hand in mine. “At you? Not at all. I’m frustrated and wish things were different with my stupid head, but I’m not mad at you.”

“I just want you to be safe.”

“So you can act out some of your favorite book scenes with me?”

“There’s that. I also want to keep getting to know you.”

“You know almost everything.”

She doesn’t know how rich I am, because I haven’t brought it up yet. I don’t think it’s a big deal in general, but because of her ex, I’m holding back. I want to show her it wasn’t the money or privilege that made him the way he is. It helped, but people choose how they’re going to be, money or no money.

“I want to know it all. There’s so much more to you than I first thought, and that’s on me.”

“I’m glad you find me so intriguing.”

“I do,” she tells me, leaning forward to touch her lips to mine.

It’s too brief. I know there are people waiting for us down the hall. I know I need to do what I can to keep myself safe. Right now, though, I wish there was time for more.

* * *

Quincy

Bianca and I get down to the pool early for her lesson today. It’s Cohen’s first day wearing his helmet and I’m not sure if he’ll need—or want—my support, but he’s getting it anyway. The sight of him kneeling in front of Shane with it in his hands melts my heart.

“I have to wear this to keep my head safe, okay?”

“I wear too?”

To my surprise, Cohen reaches into the bag next to him and pulls out a mini helmet for his son. Swoon. Swoon. Swoon.

“It’s not exactly like mine, but it’ll protect your brain.”

“Cool.”

I watch as the man I’m almost willing to admit I’m in love with fastens the silver helmet on his beautiful little boy. Bianca is quiet beside me, watching it all go down. After fastening his own helmet, Cohen must see us out of the corner of his eye, because he smiles and stands up.

“Our favorite ladies are here, buddy.”

“B! Look at my cool helmet.”

“It’s cool,” she says, looking down at her feet.

“What’s wrong?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Nothing.”

It’s definitely not nothing, but I don’t want to cause a scene her. Before I can tell her we’ll talk later, Cohen’s kneeling in front of her with another helmet in his hand.

“I thought you might like to match us.”

There goes my heart. It’s his. All my walls are gone. “I love you.”

He looks as startled as I feel. “I. Um. Okay.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it. No. That’s not right. I said what I mean. You don’t need to see it, or feel the same way. I didn’t say it for that.”

“Jesus.”

He runs his hand through his hair and looks to the sky for answers. It’s too much. Even the kids have gone silent. “You can pretend I didn’t say it if you want. I meant it, but if you need to pretend it never happened, we can do that.”

“Yeah. For now. Yeah.”

It’s not the answer I wanted. Not even close. I offered though, and I need to be okay with it.

“You need to start your lesson. I’ll see you guys later.”

“You’re not staying, Mommy?”

“I will if you want me to. I was planning to start dinner while you had your lesson.”

“You wore your bathing suit.”

Yes, my insightful child, I did. I was going to hang out in a bikini, tempting Cohen. Now, I just want to go hide in my apartment.

“Yes. Well, um. I’ll stay down here and read.”

“Okay.”

She looks wary and places her helmet down on one of the lounge chairs. I want to call her back and tell her to put it on. That I’m okay. But, I’m not and I don’t want to ever lie to my daughter over something like this.

“What’s for dinner, Q?” Shane asks, oblivious to what just happened. Oh, to be two again.

“Pork chops, rice, and some veggies.”

“Cool.”

He runs off to join his friends and I’m left there with his father. The one person I wish I could hide from right now.

“I can handle dinner for the two of us if you’d rather we not come.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Not at all. I may not be able to say those three words yet, Quince, but I told you I was falling. I fucked up here because I was shocked to hear you say them. I know what a gift you’re giving me.”

“Come to dinner.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”