Cohen

Today is the day. The one I’ve been working for all my life, or at least it feels that way. I competed nationally back in the day, but this feels so much more important and real. Maybe because it’s my last chance to prove myself. Or maybe it’s because no one ever believed I could come back from this. Either way, it’s taking everything I have to make sure my nerves don’t show.

Other divers are like sharks, in that they can smell blood in the water—or in this case fear. No, not fear. I’m not afraid. It’s not fear coursing through my veins, but anxiety. I’m anxious about besting every single one of the guys trying to stare me down. Not going to work, my friends. I’m here and I’m doing this.

“Daddy!” Shane yells, running up to me.

“Hey, buddy,” I say, leaning down to hug him.

“Dive good.”

“I will.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

He runs back to his seat and as I follow his progress, I see her. Quincy. She’s here. White as a ghost and swallowing hard, but she’s here.

I fight the urge to run to her, because I need to do this first. I need to dive and prove to her I was right to do this. Not necessarily prove her wrong, because after talking to my mom I remember what it was like to worry. Quincy ran from me to protect herself, just like I ran from my mom. It’s not the same but it’s not exactly different either. Without thinking, I blow her a kiss.

She looks shocked and then she smiles. It’s a smile that lights up her whole face, giving me faith we’ll be okay. “Be careful,” she mouths. I just nod.

“You ready?” Nick asks, coming to stand beside me.

“Yes.”

The next thing I hear is the announcer, talking about me being the hometown favorite. I wave and smile for the crowd, and then it’s time. I climb to the platform, sure in my talent and also in my ability to do this better than I ever have before.

Shaking my limbs loose, I get into place. My back is to the water for this dive. It’s riskier than a front-facing dive would be, but I’ve got this. I keep that sentiment with me as I jump up and down before the dive. Once, twice, and then I’m flipping.

I realize my miscalculation before the back of my head grazes the platform, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I didn’t hit hard enough to cause my brain more damage, but the water’s coming at me too fast as I fall. This is going to hurt.

It’s my last thought as everything goes black. I’m only out for a few seconds as the wind is literally knocked out of me, but I’m floating too slowly to the surface when I’m awake again. I let the water surround me for a moment and then I move, breaking to the surface as I gulp for air.

The crowd is clapping, but I ignore them all to look over at Quincy. Or where Quincy should be. She’s gone. I don’t know if she’s gone for a minute, or gone for good, but she’s gone. And, right now, I don’t blame her one bit.

“Cohen, are you okay?”

“Yeah, Nick. I’m good. Just miscalculated. Give me another chance and I’ll be perfect.”

He eyes me warily as I push out of the pool. “You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Daddy!”

This time when I turn to my son, he looks scared. “I’m okay.”

“You made a big splash. Divers don’t splash. You tolds me that.”

“I know. I made a mistake, but I’m going to do it again, and not splash.”

“I don’t like you doing its again.”

“When you get older, you’re going to fall off a bike the first time you ride it. I’m going to hug you and then put you right back on that bike. Because you’ll want to learn and ride.”

“Okays.”

“Just like you’ll need to get back on that bike, I need to do that dive again.”

“So you can keep doing it?”

“No. This is going to be the last time I dive like that. I might jump from a high dive or dive in, but I won’t flip again.”

“Because you’re scareded?”

“No, because I’m smart. Too smart to do something that might hurt me. I already lost something I can never replace, and I refuse to lose more.”

“Be careful.”

They’re the same words Quincy mouthed to me, and it hurts to hear them coming from my son. It hurts to know I put my pride before my woman and lost her. I shouldn’t have done this. If I’d have hit the platform harder, I might not be awake right now, or walking. This is truly the end for me.

* * *

Quincy

He hit his head. Not everyone may have seen it, but I did. It looked like just a graze, but then he sunk to the bottom of the pool, and didn’t come right back up. He was just floating there, and I should’ve jumped into the pool and helped him. Instead, I ran in the opposite direction, knowing others would save him if he needed it.

If I hadn’t run, I would’ve thrown up. I’m still not sure I won’t, as I sit on the patio at the top of the stairs. I put my head between my knees to stave off the nausea.

“He’s okay,” Matt tells me, rubbing my back. I had no idea he followed me up, but I’m not surprised.

“I know.”

I heard the crowd clapping as I reached the top, so I knew he’d surfaced. It doesn’t matter, because he’d done it. He climbed up there and did what he knew could kill him. I could kill him myself right now.

“Breathe.”

“I’m trying.”

“Are you going to hate me if I tell you I understand why he had to do this?”

“No, because I understand it too. I hate it, and I don’t know if I can ever be with him again because of it, but I understand it.”

“You came here today, so I’d say you want to be with him again.”

“I came because of my daughter,” I tell him, and then realize what I’ve done. “Bianca! Oh God, I just ran.”

I start to stand, but he places a hand on my shoulder. “She’s fine. Rei’s with her. She was a little confused when you ran, but she’s okay.”

“Thank you. I should get back to her.”

“You’re ready for that? To see him?”

“No, but my daughter is more important right now.”

“I told you she’s fine.”

“Fine isn’t good enough. She didn’t deserve for me to run out like that.”

“Cut yourself some slack, Q. We all make mistakes. B’s safe, and okay. Breathe a little longer.”

“I can’t.”

“We can wait a minute,” he tells me, trying to block my way.

I duck under his arm, and suck in a breath at the sight before me. Cohen’s back on the platform, about to dive again.

“No.”

“He had to do it. He couldn’t walk away after what happened. It would’ve haunted him. You get that, right?”

“If I thought this was the end for him, yes, I’d get it. Can you 100% tell me that’s what this is?”

“No,” he says, shaking his head.

I nod to him, and make my way down the stairs. I don’t watch Cohen, because I can’t. When the crowd around me jumps to their feet, I know he was perfect. But while the diver may not be perfect, the man isn’t. I don’t need perfection, but I do need stability.

“Did you see him, Mommy? Coh was perfect!”

“I didn’t see him, B. but I’m glad he did a good job.”

“You were scared, weren’t you? That’s why you ran away.”

“Yes, I was scared. I shouldn’t have left you.”

“It’s okay. It’s hard to see someone you love get hurt. But, he’s okay and now we can be a family.”

“I told you that’s now how it works.”

“It should. Love is stronger than anything. I know it is.”

I wish I knew it, too. I wish I could believe in love and fairytale endings, but I can’t. I have to be practical and strong for my daughter. Stronger than the love she thinks will save us all.