Chapter 27
Economics became infinitely more interesting when I used the time in class to replay everything that Cam and I had done after his friends had left and Ollie had gone to bed the night before.
He’d taken me back to his bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him. Nervous energy had built in my stomach as he’d stalked toward me and cupped my cheeks. Since the night on my couch, we’d kissed and touched a lot, but it seemed different in his bedroom, more intimate, with more possibilities.
I tried not to think about actual sex, because I wasn’t sure I could actually go through the act. If it would feel good for me or if it would remind me of what happened. I knew it would hurt, because I was still very much a virgin, but would the pain become something deeper?
He hadn’t wanted more that night and I wondered if by some way, he knew.
Cam had taken my sweater off, but he’d left my bra and jeans on. His shirt had joined my discarded clothes, and when he’d kissed me his hands had tangled in my hair. We’d fallen onto his bed and he’d slid his leg between mine. As his kisses had trailed down my throat and centered over my lace-covered breasts, he’d dropped his hands to my hips, urging me to move against him. He’d drawn my hardened nipple into his mouth as I rocked against him, my head kicked back and mouth clamped shut to keep quiet. He’d brought me to an orgasm like that, no hands on me, through my jeans and panties. And when I slid my hands into his loose sweats, palming the hard, heavy length, he thrust against my hand, very much like I imagined he would inside me.
I had stayed for a while, cuddled up against him. We’d talked about everything and nothing, long into the night. I’d left when he started to doze off and he’d been awake enough to try to coax me back into his bed. He’d gotten up though and had walked me to my apartment door. Cam had given me the sweetest kiss goodnight.
There was a good chance that I’d fallen in love.
Okay. I’d probably already had months ago, but now it seemed more real, it was attainable, and—oh, God—I actually knew what love felt like—bubbly warmth. When I was around him or thought about him, I imagined I felt like the bubbles in champagne did, constantly floating to the top. Did I just think that?
A big goofy smile appeared on my lips.
Brit caught my eye and made a face.
Flushing, I decided I should pay attention for the last ten minutes of class. The professor was talking about gas pump lines in the early eighties. Something to do with supply and demand. I was so going to have to read that chapter.
“God, you have it so bad,” Brit said to me after class, as we walked out of Whitehall. “It’s all over your face.”
I grinned. “I do.”
Brit looped her arm through mine as we stepped outside. Flurries floated to the ground and the clouds were thick. “I’m glad you guys worked it out. You two are so damn cute together it’s almost disgusting.”
“He’s…” I shook my head. “I’m lucky.”
“He’s lucky,” she corrected, nudging me as we trudged up the hill. “So what are you getting him for Valentine’s Day?”
“Valentine’s Day?” I stopped suddenly. Several people behinds us grumbled as they walked around Brit and I. “Oh shit, that’s next week.” I turned to her, eyes wide. “I have no idea.”
Brit giggled as she tugged on my arm. I started walking again. “You should see your face,” she said. “It’s like you just realized that the world is ending next week instead of being a stupid, man-made holiday.”
I ignored that. “I have no idea what to get him.”
“What have you gotten previous boyfriends?”
“Nothing,” I replied, too panicked to care about what I was admitting. “I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
Now it was Brit’s turn to stop and back up traffic. “What? Like never? Holy crap, I knew you were a little, um sheltered, but come on. I think Amish kids have more experience than you.”
I shot her a dirty look. “You’re not helping and I’m seriously freaking out here.”
“Okay. Okay. Make fun of you later. Got it.” She wrinkled up her nose. “We’ll go shopping after class.”
Later that afternoon, the snow was still coming down, but the roads were clear for the drive into Martinsburg. At the mall, I was still seriously at a loss, staring at the little red hearts dangling from the ceiling at the department store.
Brit picked up a pair of black satin boxers with red hearts on them. “Uh…”
“No,” I said. Besides the fact that was the corniest shit I’d ever seen, Cam didn’t always wear underwear.
She pursed her lips. “Well, there’s always the standard gifts. You can get him some cologne, a wallet, a tie, or a shirt.”
“That’s really lame.”
“I didn’t say they were good ideas.”
I pouted as we headed into another store. The trip was a total bust with the exception of Brit trying out every body lotion. By the time we left, she smelled like she worked in a Bath and Body Works sweatshop.
Back at my apartment, I scoured the Internet for a good gift. I wanted it to be special, because with Cam, I felt like I was waking up. I saw things differently, more clearly. I wasn’t sure if it was him or how I was with him or if I was finally changing. Either way, Cam played a role in this and I wanted to get him a gift that mattered.
After about an hour, I decided that shopping for a guy sucked.
I racked my brain. If I could get him a lifetime supply of eggs, he’d be down for that.
Groaning in frustration, I got up and peeked out the window. Snow was coming down thick and fast, blanketing the ground and the cars. The news had said there’d be accumulation, but I doubted the campus would close.
Pulling my hair up in a messy ponytail, I headed toward the kitchen when it suddenly struck me. Something that Cam had mentioned a few times.
He’d talked about wanting to catch a D.C. United game.
Squealing, I raced back to my laptop and checked out their website. Clicking on their schedule, I ordered two tickets for an early April game, thinking that the weather would be a lot more stable then.
I closed my laptop, feeling good about my purchase. He could take me or if he wanted to, one of his friends. I was okay with that as long as he was happy with what I got.
Less than an hour later, Cam showed up, damp from the snow. “Pizza night?”
“Sounds good to me.” I kissed his cheek as I took the box from him. “How are the roads?”
“They suck.” He grabbed two cans of sodas out of the fridge. “Which brings me to this brilliant idea I’ve had.”
I grinned. “Your ideas can be a bit scary.”
“My ideas are never scary or bad.”
“Well…”
“Name one,” he challenged.
I didn’t have to think hard. “How about when you tied a string around Raphael’s shell and called it a leash?”
“That was an innovative idea!”
“The poor thing just stood there and put its head in its shell.”
Cam scuffed. “That’s really no different than any other day.”
I laughed. “True.”
“This idea is great.” Slapping slices of pizza on two paper plates, he winked at me. “They’re saying that it’s supposed to snow through tomorrow morning.”
I was caught between glee and annoyance. Snow was great. Walking on campus with snow or ice on the ground was not.
“And I seriously doubt that any of the classes will be cancelled tomorrow,” he continued as we walked into my living room. “But a lot of people will be out and the teachers will expect that.”
“Okay.” I sat on the couch, scooting over for him.
“So I was thinking we should skip tomorrow, stay right here and watch shitty movies all day.”
My first response was to say I couldn’t skip a whole day’s worth of classes, but as I met Cam’s mischievous gaze, I said screw it. “That is a brilliant idea.”
“I know, right?” He tapped his head. “I’m full of great shit.”
“Yeah, you’re definitely full of it…”
“Ha.”
I giggled as I bit into the cheesy goodness. Cam ate half of the pizza and when Ollie stopped by, he finished it off. It amazed me how the two guys could eat so much and be in such drool-worthy shape. I ate two slices and gained an extra ass.
Sitting between the two boys, I dozed off while they watched a mini-marathon of a reality show about moonshining. When I woke up, Ollie was gone and although I was lying against Cam, his body was unnaturally tense.
I sat up, yawning as I pushed my hair out of my face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”
He looked at me, expression unreadable. Unease stirred like a pit of vipers in my stomach. His jaw was so tight that I wondered if he was going to crack his molars.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
Cam exhaled softly as he glanced at the coffee table. “You got a message while you were sleeping.”
My gaze followed his, landing on my cellphone. At first I didn’t see what the big deal was, but then anxiety rose like a fast-moving storm. Wide-awake, I shot forward and grabbed the cellphone. Tapping the screen, my heart jumped.
You’re a lying whore. How can you live with yourself?
I dragged in a breath, but it got stuck. I stared at the message, wishing it would simply vanish from existence.
“It flashed across your screen when it came through,” he said.
Hands shaking, I deleted the message and sat the phone down. Hurt and a wave of irrational anger rolled through me. Those two emotions felt better than the threatening panic. “You looked at the text?”
“It’s not like I did it on purpose.” He leaned forward, hands splayed over his knees. “It was right there, sitting on your screen.”
“But you didn’t have to look!” I accused, backing off the couch.
Cam’s eyes narrowed. “Avery, I wasn’t sneaking through your stuff. The damn text came through. I looked before I could stop myself. Maybe that was wrong.”
“It was wrong!”
“Okay. It was wrong. I’m sorry.” He drew in a deep breath. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I saw that text.”
I was frozen, standing in the middle of my living room. This was pretty damn close to my worst fear coming true. Him finding out what happened held the first spot, but this was a close second and just as horrifying.
“Avery,” he said in a low, careful voice. In that moment, I realized he wasn’t mad at me. Not in the slightest and not even after I yelled at him for looking at the wretched text. Somehow that was worse than him being angry with me. “Why would you get a text like that?”
My heart threw itself against my ribs painfully. “I don’t know.”
A dubious look crossed his face.
“I don’t know,” I said again, latching onto the lie with everything I had in me. “Every so often I get a text like this, but I don’t know why. I think it’s a wrong number kind of thing.”
Cam stared at me. “You don’t know who that’s from?”
“No.” And that was the truth. “It says unknown caller. You saw that.”
His shoulders tensed at that and then he clenched his knees. Several seconds passed while my pulse pounded.
“I’m sorry for freaking out on you,” I added in a rush. “It just surprised me. I was asleep and I wake up and I could tell something was wrong. Then I thought… I don’t know what I thought, but I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, Avery.” He scooted to the edge of the couch. “I don’t need to hear that you’re sorry. I want you to be honest with me, sweetheart. That’s all I want. If you’re getting messages like that, I need to know about that.”
“Why?”
His dark brows knitted. “Because I’m your boyfriend and I care if someone is calling you a whore!”
I flinched.
Cam looked away, chest rising. “Honestly? It pisses me off, even if it’s an accidental text. No one should be sending you shit like that.” His gaze settled on me again. An eternity stretched out between us. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m not going to judge you or get mad.”
“I know.” My voice sounded small to my own ears and I hated that. I said louder, “I know.”
His eyes met mine. “And you trust me, right?”
“Yes. Of course I do.” I didn’t waver.
Again, there was a pregnant pause that had me assuming the worse. “Shit,” he all but growled, and my heart sunk. Did he know? What was he thinking? The truth—everything—rose to the tip of my tongue, and then he closed his eyes. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”
“What?” That was the last thing I expected him to say.
He rubbed his palm along his jaw. “I tell you that you should trust me and that you can tell me anything, but I’m not doing the same thing. And eventually you’re going to find out.”
Whoa. Forget the text message. Forget saying anything. What the hell was going on? Almost numb, I hurried around the coffee table and sat a few feet away from him on the couch. “What are you talking about, Cam?”
Lifting his head, he pierced me such a tortured stare that it made my chest ache. “You know how I told you we all have done shit in our past we aren’t proud of?”
“Yes.”
“I can say that from firsthand experience. Only a few people know about this,” he said, and I suddenly thought of the day he’d gotten upset with Ollie and then at the party when he’d gone after that guy. There seemed to be something that Jase had been telling him without really saying it. “And it’s the last thing I want to tell you.”
“You can tell me,” I assured him, and yeah, I felt like a twat considering all that I wasn’t telling him. I pushed those thoughts away, focusing on Cam. “Seriously, you can talk to me. Please.”
He hesitated. “I should be graduating this year, along with Ollie, but I’m not.”
“I remember you telling me you had to take some time off.”
Cam nodded. “It was sophomore year. I hadn’t been home a lot during the summer because I was helping coach a soccer camp in Maryland, but whenever I did go home, my sister… she was acting different. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but she was super jumpy and when she was home, she spent all her time in her bedroom. And apparently she was rarely home according to my parents.”
My stomach sunk as I crossed my legs. I hoped I was wrong and I didn’t know where this was heading.
“My sister, she’s always been this bleeding heart, you know. Picking up stray animals and people, especially stray guys. Even when she was a tiny thing, she always buddied up with the most unpopular kid in the class.” His lips quirked up at the corners. “She met this guy. He was a year or two older than her and I guess their relationship was serious—as serious as they can be when you’re sixteen. Met the kid once. Didn’t like him. And it had nothing to do with the fact he was trying to get with my little sister. There was just something about him that rubbed me the wrong way.”
Cam slid his hands downs his cheeks and then dropped them between his knees. “I was home over Thanksgiving break and I was in the kitchen. Teresa was in there and we were messing around. She pushed me and I pushed her back, on her arm. Not even hard and she cried out like I’d seriously hurt her. At first I thought she was just being dumb, but there were tears in her eyes. She played it off and I forgot about it for that night, but on Thanksgiving morning, Mom had walked in on her in a towel and she saw it.”
I held my breath.
“My sister… she was covered in bruises. Up and down her arms, on her legs.” His hands closed into fists. “She said it was from dancing, but we all knew you couldn’t get bruises like that from dancing. It took almost all morning to get the truth out of her.”
“It was her boyfriend?” I remembered the conversation at the table and Cam’s sudden interest in who she was talking to made sense.
A muscle popped in his jaw as he nodded. “The little fuck had been hitting her. He was smart about it, doing it in places that weren’t so easily noticeable. She stayed with him. I didn’t know why at first. Come to find out that she was too scared of him to break up.”
Cam stood suddenly, and my gaze followed him. He went to the window, parting the curtains. “Who knows how long it would’ve continued if Mom hadn’t walked in when she did. Would Teresa have finally told someone? Or would that bastard just kept hitting her one night and killed her?”
Emotion crawled up my throat as I sucked my lower lip between my teeth.
“God, I was so pissed, Avery. I wanted to kill the fuck. He was beating up my sister and my dad wanted to call the police, but what were they really going to do? Both of them were minors. He’d get his hands slapped and get counseling, whatever. And that’s bullshit. I wasn’t okay with that. I left Thanksgiving night and I found him. Didn’t take much, fucking small town and all. I knocked on his door and he came right out. I told him he couldn’t come around my sister anymore and you know what that little punk did?”
“What?” I whispered.
“He got all up in my face, puffing his fucking chest at me. Told me he would do whatever the fuck he wanted.” Cam barked out a quick, harsh laugh. “I lost it. Angry isn’t even the word to use. I was enraged. I hit him and I didn’t stop.” He turned around, but he wasn’t really seeing me. “I didn’t stop hitting him. Not when his parents came out or his mom starting screaming. It took two police officers to get me off him.”
Oh my God, I didn’t know what to say. As I watched him sit in the moon chair, I couldn’t imagine him hitting someone and not stopping. Not even after seeing how angry he’d been at the guy at Jase’s party.
Cam rubbed his cheeks again. “I ended up in jail and he ended up in a coma.”
My mouth dropped open before I could stop my reaction.
He looked away, lowering his chin. “I’d been in fights before—normal shit. But nothing like that. My knuckles were busted wide open and I didn’t even feel it.” He shook his head. “My dad… he worked his magic. I should’ve gone away for a long time for that, but I didn’t. Guess it helped that the kid woke up a few days later.”
With every passing second, my muscles locked up, one after another.
“I got off easy—not even a night in jail.” Cam smiled, but there was no warmth to it. “But I couldn’t leave home for several months while it got worked out. I ended up with a year’s worth of community service at the local boys’ club and then another year’s worth of anger management. That’s what I do every Friday. My last session is in the fall. My family had to pay restitution and you don’t even want to know how much that cost. I had to stop playing soccer because of the community service gig, but… like I said, I got off easy.”
He had gotten off easy.
Just like Blaine had gotten off easy.
No. I stopped myself right there. These were two different situations—Blaine was a rapist and Cam had beaten the guy who’d beat his sister. What Cam had done was wrong. Violence should never be the answer to violence, but the guy had hurt his sister.
“I understand,” I said, and I realized that even though their situation was similar in a way, it was vastly different. And I was shocked myself. The old me—all she would’ve been able to think about was how both had gotten off because of who they were, who their parents were, and money. But I wasn’t her anymore. And sometimes good people did bad things.
His head swung to me. “What?”
“I understand why you did it.”
Cam stood. “Avery—”
“I don’t know what it says about me, but you were defending your sister and beating the crap out someone isn’t the answer, but she’s your sister and…” And if I had a brother and he’d reacted that way after what happened to me? Well, he would have been my hero, as terrible as that was. “There are some people who deserve an ass kicking.”
He stared at me.
I unfolded my legs. “And there are probably some people who don’t even deserve to breathe. It’s a sick and sad thing to say, but it’s true. The guy could’ve killed your sister. Hell, he could have beaten some other girl to death.”
Cam continued to stare at me like I’d sprouted a second nose. “I deserve to be in jail, Avery. I almost killed him.”
“But you didn’t.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Let me ask you a question. Would you do it again?”
Several seconds passed and then he said, “I still would’ve drove to his house and I would’ve hit him. Maybe not as badly, but honestly, I don’t think it would’ve changed anything. The bastard beat my sister.”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t blame you.”
“You’re…”
I shrugged. “Twisted?”
“No.” A real smile broke the tension in his face. “You’re remarkable.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Seriously,” he said, coming to the couch. He sat beside me. “I thought you would be disgusted or angry if you knew.”
I shook my head.
Cam dropped his forehead to mine and he clasped my cheeks gently. His eyes searched mine. “It feels good getting that off my chest. I don’t want there to be secrets between us.”
I smiled as he leaned forward, kissing the corner of my lips, but I barely felt the touch. Cam settled back, pulling me against his chest. I snuggled closer, but coldness still seeped deep into my bones. He’d shared this major secret with me, even though he’d feared I would judge him somehow, and I had remained quiet, keeping my secrets close to my heart. That wasn’t fair, and I couldn’t shake this terrible premonition that it would somehow come back around.
How can you live with yourself?
Cam kissed the top of my head, and my breath caught
I wasn’t sure how I did.
######